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Nigella Lawson

Is Nigella Lawson Moving to Los Angeles?

nigella lawson

Watch out, LA – the Queen of Food Porn (or whatever the hell title she was given, according to her Wikipedia page), Nigella Lawson, is apparently considering moving to Los Angeles following her split from her wrinkled ballsack of a husband, Charles Saatchi. In case you forgot (which I know you didn’t), the old asshole choked her repeatedly in public before claiming it was “all in good fun” and finally accepted a police caution (ONLY A CAUTION), but just to get it done and over with, not because he actually did anything wrong. Ugh, get out of my face.

In any case, Nigella apparently wants to take her kids and hightail it Stateside, which I don’t think any of us would be against, right?

From The Daily Star:

Friends say Nigella may now bring forward her plans to fly to LA to record a new series of ABC-TV’s cookery show The Taste.

Nigella is relatively unknown in the US, where the series, co-starring chef Anthony Bourdain, 56, has done little to boost her fame.

But it has been recommissioned and filming of the second series starts soon with auditions for contestants in LA, New York, Nashville and Chicago.

A source said: “Going to America may give Nigella space to help find a way to repairing the damage.

“After all that has happened in the past couple of weeks, the States may be her best way of finding the privacy she needs.”

The Domestic Goddess left her £14m Chelsea home with her two children last week and has since moved into a £10,000-a-week flat.

She has refused to make any comment on the situation but has been photographed in the street without her wedding ring.

The cookery presenter is thought not to have spoken to her husband since the shocking photographs were first published on June 16.

I hope she never speaks to the piece of shit again, frankly, unless it’s to say “fuck you“, of course. Also, to be honest, I hadn’t even heard of The Taste, and that’s coming from a fan of Nigella and Anthony Bourdain. Something tells me their respective personalities would be a bit stunted on an ABC show, but whatever. Maybe I’ll torrent it when it comes on again.

Nigella Lawson Is Getting Ready to Divorce Charles Saatchi

nigella lawson

Get out your confetti and streamers, because it looks like Nigella Lawson is drawing up paperwork to divorce her crusty ballsack of a husband, Charles Saatchi. I mean, he accepted a caution for choking her in public just to get it over with, but Nigella’s not having it and she’s not going back. Surprise, surprise, he’s not interested in marital counseling (or abusive asshole treatment, either) and she thinks the relationship is over, so… let’s do this thing.

From The Sunday People:

If she takes him back her ­flourishing career in the US could suffer if Nigella is viewed as a woman prepared to put up with domestic violence.

The aide, who has been in regular contact with her since the incident 10 days ago, said: “Her heart is bleeding right now. She wants out.

“Neither she nor Charles are ­interested in counselling or trying to save the marriage. It seems they’re done and she is broken and desolate.”

The aide is among a group of friends who have spoken anonymously to the Sunday People.

Nigella’s heartache was clear when she was seen out and about on Friday with no sign of her wedding ring. According to those close to her it was a sign that her intention to divorce Saatchi is all too real.

A legal adviser with links to the couple has told the Sunday People a separation agreement is expected to be drawn up shortly and a divorce ­finalised in two years.

The adviser said: “It should be done confidentially and quietly and in a dignified manner.”

But should the divorce turn ­acrimonious Nigella may face losing a chunk of her £20million fortune as most of her fame and earnings have come while married to him.

Uh, first of all, why would she have to pay a single cent to him when he has like 5x more money than she does? It doesn’t make sense. Also, the marriage is ending because HE IS ABUSIVE. Fuck off with all of this. Get out, Nigella – do yourself that favour. (And on a more superficial note: do the world a favour because HOO BOY, you’re hot.)

Nigella’s Dirtbag Husband Accepts Police Caution Really Just To Get It Over With

charles saatchi

I swear I’ll stop writing about this story soon (when someone chokes THIS asshole out), but Charles Saatchi has received an official caution for assaulting his wife, Nigella Lawson. But wait just a second, wasn’t this whole incident totally all in good fun? Of course it was! He didn’t accept the caution because he’s GUILTY (even though that’s exactly what accepting it means), but rather just so get it done and over with so he can continue his life as a rich, wife-abusing dickhead.

From The Evening Standard:

He said he voluntarily attended a police station where he was questioned for four hours yesterday about pictures which showed him grabbing his wife Nigella Lawson around the throat during an argument outside a Mayfair restaurant.

He told the Standard today: “Although Nigella made no complaint I volunteered to go to Charing Cross station and take a police caution after a discussion with my lawyer because I thought it was better than the alternative of this hanging over all of us for months.”

So far, Ms Lawson, one of Britain’s favourite cookery writers and the host of a number of cookery TV shows, has refused to comment on the incident.

Her spokesman has confirmed only that she and her children have left the family home but would not say whether this was permanent.

However, friends say the couple appeared relaxed and normal in the days following the argument at Scott’s restaurant, even holding two dinner parties for family and friends at their London home.

They said the couple were known to have occasional arguments but there was nothing in their relationship to suggest anything more serious.

I love that he felt the need to point out that Nigella hadn’t lodged a complaint. You know, because that’s super easy for all abused women to do – especially when they’re in the public eye and probably have partners who threaten them should they go to the police. Also, I hope that it hangs over you for the rest of your fucking life, you piece of shit. It’ll certainly hang over hers – you don’t forget being hurt by ANYONE, let alone someone who’s supposed to love you. I’m sure his past two wives would have something to say on the subject, because he didn’t start hitting women this late in life, that’s for sure.

As for the dipshits who said they “appeared normal”… uh, how do you think abusive relationships are sustained? Certainly not because the signs are everywhere that domestic violence is happening. I mean, I hate to go all Mugatu here, but I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!!

Nigella, girl, do not go back to that asshole. You can do so much better for yourself. You can even come stay with me, if you’d like. I’m on a diet but I’d eat your Everyday Brownies if you felt like making a batch to cheer us up.

Charles Saatchi Says Choking Wife Nigella Lawson Was All In Good Fun

nigella lawson charles saatchi

Charles Saatchi, the nasty, wrinkled nutsack that somehow brainwashed Nigella Lawson into marrying him 10 years ago, was finally caught out (well, caught out AGAIN) as the total piece of shit he is when he was photographed repeatedly choking her at a London restaurant. Nigella left in tears and later is thought to have taken her 17-year-old son and moved out of the family house and Scotland Yard are investigating. But wait just a second, Charles has something to say. This whole thing is one big misunderstanding – he was just playing around and having fun!!!

From The Evening Standard:

A spokesperson for Scott’s said: “The staff and management at Scott’s are aware of the reports in the media and would like to make it clear that they did not see the alleged incident nor were they alerted to it at the time.”

Today Mr Saatchi, the former advertising mogul, multi-millionaire art collector and columnist for this newspaper said: “About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point.

“There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.

“We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.”

Ms Lawson has no immediate plans to return home. Her agent declined to comment this morning.

Uh, okay. It’s totally fun to choke your wife when trying to make a point! What a barrel of laughs, LOL! It’s even funnier when the person you apparently love and just choked (in a public restaurant, no less) leaves in tears and then moves out of your family home because she’s most likely terrified of what the hell you’ll do next and embarrassed as hell that you did such a thing to her. TOTALLY HILARIOUS, MAN!!! She looks like she’s having a great time here:


Fuck this guy, seriously. I’d like to choke him, and there’d be nothing playful about it.

Nigella Lawson’s Husband Is An Abusive Asshole Who Chokes Her In Public


We usually only publish five stories a day on the weekend, but this story warranted a sixth. Nigella Lawson – everyone’s favourite effervescent, stunningly gorgeous TV chef who has never made a dish that wasn’t delectable – was literally choked by her husband, the billionaire art collector Charles Saatchi. This incident happened IN BROAD DAYLIGHT outside a London restaurant, where photographers snapped plenty of photos and lots of people witnessed the incident… and not a goddamn one of them intervened. Lovely.

The Sunday People published the original photos and the following story:

Fellow diners and passers-by at Scott’s in Mayfair were shocked to see the ­advertising ­multimillionaire reduce his celebrity wife to tears.

Saatchi launched a tirade of angry words. Four times he grasped her around the neck with Nigella, 53, looking powerless and petrified.

At first he used only his left hand, then both. At one stage he tweaked her nose then pushed both hands in her face. Twice Nigella jerked her head backwards as if in fear.

Several times she nodded ­intently while the conversation became more and more heated.

By the end of the meal she was clearly distraught and in tears.

A couple on the adjacent table, who briefly chatted with Nigella earlier, turned round and gasped in alarm as they saw her in distress.

She dabbed her eyes on a linen napkin as Saatchi tapped his ­cigarettes impatiently on the table.

Nigella then downed her glass of red wine in one gulp and began to talk, her voice trembling.

She seemed to be trying to pacify her husband, placing a hand on his left wrist as it lay on the table.

At that moment she leaned over and kissed his right cheek.

“It was utterly shocking to watch,” said one onlooker. “I have no doubt she was scared. It was horrific, ­really. She was very tearful and was ­constantly dabbing her eyes.

“Nigella was very, very upset. She had a real look of fear on her face. No man should do that to a woman. She raised her voice and got angry but at the same time was trying to calm him down, almost like you would try to calm down a child.

“The kiss was a strange thing. He was being ­intimidating, ­threatening.

“And yet she kissed him. She ­appeared to be a woman who loves him but was clearly unable to stop him being abusive, ­frightening and ­disrespectful to her.”

This is disgusting. It’s also disgusting that these asshole “onlookers” could speak well enough to give a story to a fucking paper but not enough to stand up and ask if she was okay. What did they think, Saatchi was going to stand up and shoot them or something? Give me a break. A woman gets attacked – by her own husband, no less – in broad daylight and amidst plenty of people and NO ONE HELPED HER. Nice, people.

I seriously have no faith in the world, sometimes.

What’s awful about this story is that this won’t be the first time Nigella’s been abused by this asshole, and the fact that she tried to placate him shows that she’s scared of him and has been through this before. Girl, no. You need to divorce his ass and be your beautiful self WITHOUT a dude who thinks it’s totally fine to put his hands on you. Fuck that. Fuck this whole story. I hope she can get out soon. :(

Oh wait – this is DEFINITELY not the first time this shit has happened. Here there are in December 2012 at the same restaurant, discussing Saatchi’s book where he tries to get her to be quiet (the whole story and more pics are at The Daily Mail):

nigella december 2012

What the hell? Also, some reports have said that Nigella’s 17-year-old son was seen taking suitcases out to a waiting taxi, so maybe this was enough of  a wake-up call to get her out (even if it was just out of embarrassment). Scotland Yard are said to be investigating the incident, which, uh… doesn’t really need investigation considering the proof is in black and white. Ugh, THIS WORLD.

Nigella Lawson’s Refrigerator Is An Homage To Missy Elliott

Nigella Lawson is amazing: she’s beautiful, she makes amazing food, she’s English… what more is there to talk about? For someone who makes her living cooking diabolically delicious dishes, the fact that her refrigerator at home is absolutely massive should come as no surprise. What does come as a surprise, however, is that her kitchen equipment was inspired… by Missy Elliott?

From People:

“I saw Missy Elliott had the world’s biggest fridge, and I thought, ‘One day I’ve got to have that fridge!’ ” says Lawson, as she gestures toward the 7-ft.-tall Sub-Zero appliance at one end of her expansive London kitchen.

“So it’s called the Missy Elliott Memorial Fridge. It is so huge, but I love it.”

The Missy Elliott Memorial Fridge! How good is that? It’s a simultaneous burn because she’s not dead, but her career seems to be. (Shut up in the comments, I’m a massive hip hop fan and know she’s featured on a few records, just leave me be.) Also, here’s a tid-bit that’ll blow your mind grapes: Nigella is 53!!! Say what?

One more thing: her Everyday Brownies are diabolically good, and you should make some immediately.