3Charles Saatchi Says Choking Wife Nigella Lawson Was All In Good Fun

Charles Saatchi, the nasty, wrinkled nutsack that somehow brainwashed Nigella Lawson into marrying him 10 years ago, was finally caught out (well, caught out AGAIN) as the total piece of shit he is when he was photographed repeatedly choking her at a London restaurant. Nigella left in tears and later is thought to have taken her 17-year-old son and moved out of the family house and Scotland Yard are investigating. But wait just a second, Charles has something to say. This whole thing is one big misunderstanding – he was just playing around and having fun!!!

From The Evening Standard:

A spokesperson for Scott’s said: “The staff and management at Scott’s are aware of the reports in the media and would like to make it clear that they did not see the alleged incident nor were they alerted to it at the time.”

Today Mr Saatchi, the former advertising mogul, multi-millionaire art collector and columnist for this newspaper said: “About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point.

“There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.

“We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.”

Ms Lawson has no immediate plans to return home. Her agent declined to comment this morning.

Uh, okay. It’s totally fun to choke your wife when trying to make a point! What a barrel of laughs, LOL! It’s even funnier when the person you apparently love and just choked (in a public restaurant, no less) leaves in tears and then moves out of your family home because she’s most likely terrified of what the hell you’ll do next and embarrassed as hell that you did such a thing to her. TOTALLY HILARIOUS, MAN!!! She looks like she’s having a great time here:

Fuck this guy, seriously. I’d like to choke him, and there’d be nothing playful about it.

June 17, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

9Nigella Lawson’s Husband Is An Abusive Asshole Who Chokes Her In Public

We usually only publish five stories a day on the weekend, but this story warranted a sixth. Nigella Lawson – everyone’s favourite effervescent, stunningly gorgeous TV chef who has never made a dish that wasn’t delectable – was literally choked by her husband, the billionaire art collector Charles Saatchi. This incident happened IN BROAD DAYLIGHT outside a London restaurant, where photographers snapped plenty of photos and lots of people witnessed the incident… and not a goddamn one of them intervened. Lovely.

The Sunday People published the original photos and the following story:

Fellow diners and passers-by at Scott’s in Mayfair were shocked to see the ­advertising ­multimillionaire reduce his celebrity wife to tears.

Saatchi launched a tirade of angry words. Four times he grasped her around the neck with Nigella, 53, looking powerless and petrified.

At first he used only his left hand, then both. At one stage he tweaked her nose then pushed both hands in her face. Twice Nigella jerked her head backwards as if in fear.

Several times she nodded ­intently while the conversation became more and more heated.

By the end of the meal she was clearly distraught and in tears.

A couple on the adjacent table, who briefly chatted with Nigella earlier, turned round and gasped in alarm as they saw her in distress.

She dabbed her eyes on a linen napkin as Saatchi tapped his ­cigarettes impatiently on the table.

Nigella then downed her glass of red wine in one gulp and began to talk, her voice trembling.

She seemed to be trying to pacify her husband, placing a hand on his left wrist as it lay on the table.

At that moment she leaned over and kissed his right cheek.

“It was utterly shocking to watch,” said one onlooker. “I have no doubt she was scared. It was horrific, ­really. She was very tearful and was ­constantly dabbing her eyes.

“Nigella was very, very upset. She had a real look of fear on her face. No man should do that to a woman. She raised her voice and got angry but at the same time was trying to calm him down, almost like you would try to calm down a child.

“The kiss was a strange thing. He was being ­intimidating, ­threatening.

“And yet she kissed him. She ­appeared to be a woman who loves him but was clearly unable to stop him being abusive, ­frightening and ­disrespectful to her.”

This is disgusting. It’s also disgusting that these asshole “onlookers” could speak well enough to give a story to a fucking paper but not enough to stand up and ask if she was okay. What did they think, Saatchi was going to stand up and shoot them or something? Give me a break. A woman gets attacked – by her own husband, no less – in broad daylight and amidst plenty of people and NO ONE HELPED HER. Nice, people.

I seriously have no faith in the world, sometimes.

What’s awful about this story is that this won’t be the first time Nigella’s been abused by this asshole, and the fact that she tried to placate him shows that she’s scared of him and has been through this before. Girl, no. You need to divorce his ass and be your beautiful self WITHOUT a dude who thinks it’s totally fine to put his hands on you. Fuck that. Fuck this whole story. I hope she can get out soon. :(

Oh wait – this is DEFINITELY not the first time this shit has happened. Here there are in December 2012 at the same restaurant, discussing Saatchi’s book where he tries to get her to be quiet (the whole story and more pics are at The Daily Mail):

What the hell? Also, some reports have said that Nigella’s 17-year-old son was seen taking suitcases out to a waiting taxi, so maybe this was enough of  a wake-up call to get her out (even if it was just out of embarrassment). Scotland Yard are said to be investigating the incident, which, uh… doesn’t really need investigation considering the proof is in black and white. Ugh, THIS WORLD.

June 16, 2013 at 10:57 am by Jennifer

9Nigella Lawson’s Refrigerator Is An Homage To Missy Elliott

Nigella Lawson is amazing: she’s beautiful, she makes amazing food, she’s English… what more is there to talk about? For someone who makes her living cooking diabolically delicious dishes, the fact that her refrigerator at home is absolutely massive should come as no surprise. What does come as a surprise, however, is that her kitchen equipment was inspired… by Missy Elliott?

From People:

“I saw Missy Elliott had the world’s biggest fridge, and I thought, ‘One day I’ve got to have that fridge!’ ” says Lawson, as she gestures toward the 7-ft.-tall Sub-Zero appliance at one end of her expansive London kitchen.

“So it’s called the Missy Elliott Memorial Fridge. It is so huge, but I love it.”

The Missy Elliott Memorial Fridge! How good is that? It’s a simultaneous burn because she’s not dead, but her career seems to be. (Shut up in the comments, I’m a massive hip hop fan and know she’s featured on a few records, just leave me be.) Also, here’s a tid-bit that’ll blow your mind grapes: Nigella is 53!!! Say what?

One more thing: her Everyday Brownies are diabolically good, and you should make some immediately.

February 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm by Jennifer