Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Snooki and JWoww Take Miami

I just love basically any candids of Snooki doing anything anywhere. The newly single Snooks is in Miami, stirring up drama for season two of Jersey Shore (OMG IS EVERYBODY SO EXCITED??). She and JWoww were enjoying some cocktails when apparently the folks at a nearby table had some unkind words to share, and Snooki got in an argument with them. THAT SNOOKI. I can’t wait until she gets her own show. Speaking of which, I watched Kendra Wilkinson’s show for basically the first time today, and it’s pretty amazing. I can’t believe I never watched it until now. And then I saw that they’re giving Holly her own show? Boo. That shit’ll be a snoozefest. I can only watch Holly Madison decorate cookies and claw at the remains of her youth for so long before I feel the need to put on a pair of sensible shoes and clip my nails. But whatever, anything’s better than that Crystal Meth chick Hef keeps going on and on about on his Twitter. OK. Here are lots of pics of Snooki and JWoww.

The One in Which J-Woww Doesn’t Look Like a Complete Ho

Lady luck found us some lovely photos of Jersey Shore‘s Jenni Farley yesterday, otherwise known in the seedy bar scene as “JWoww.”

Woww rocked an orange-y sun dress kind of thing while in Miami earlier this week.  Her wardrobe choice kind of honestly surprised me. Woww normally follows a strict regimen in the way she chooses clothing ensembles: Does it have a low-cut dip-to-my-bellybutton slit? Check. If I bend over far enough, will you be able to see what I ate for yesterday’s breakfast? Check! Does this shade of [fill in the blank] clash amazingly with my perma-tan? Fuck, check again!

Nah, Farley.  You don’t look awful in these photo.  But also, that’s not a nursing pad stuffed into the left tit of your dress, is it? I mean, damn, woman. I know some dudes think lactating women are hot, but who’s watching the kid? The Sitch and his mega-moobs?

Snooki Dumps Her Juice-Head Via Facebook

What is this? This is the epitome of class. These are the standards that we hold Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi up to and we are never, I repeat — never — disappointed.

You’ll remember Snookers’ only latest boyfriend: Emilio Masella. They got together between seasons of Jersey Shore and looked like a match made in Ed Hardy-sponsored Oompa-Loompa heaven.

Well, the two dated for, like, an all-time record high of a few months, which in Jersey Shore time, calculates to be about four seasons of the “hit” MTV show.

However, Snooki felt that her star was going to be compromised when her man, Masella, decided to try out for the latest season of MTV’s The Real World. Snook decided that Masella was only using her for her “fame” and decided to kick his tanned hide to the curb. Through Facebook. And just in time for the new season of the Shore.

TMZ reached out to the broken-hearted Emilio to find out what the hell happened and Masella stated:

“All i kno is she was upset i tried out fornreal world nd left me a message sayin im single. Next i kno i wake up [Monday] morning and facebook says im single.”

And that, ladies and gents, is how you break up — Jersey Shore-style. Welcome to the jungle.

Yyyeah … ‘Cause What the World Needs Now Is These Two Pregnant.

This comes from Star magazine, so the source obviously isn’t as credible as, say, US Weekly or whatever, so take it with a grain of salt. Or don’t. Either way, what fun.

According to “sources,” MTV’s executive producers are pushing for Snooki and J-Woww to get pregnant during this season’s filming. That just has greasy, over-tanned greatness all over it, right? Again, supposedly, the producers are offering $500k bonuses with the promise of a follow-up reality show produced — obviously — by MTV. Star reports:

“Star has learned exclusively that producers are trying to entice one of the female stars [of Jersey Shore]… to get pregnant this time around.

‘They’re offering a big bonus for a baby,’ a source reveals to Star. In fact, the source says producers are prepared to cough up a half million dollars and a spin off series for the female cast member who agrees to get knocked up. And it looks like Snooki, 22, might be up for the challenge.

‘I want twins,’ the tiny Guidette… squealed in an exclusive NYC interview with Star. Along with her new boyfriend, a hunky bodybuilder named Emilio Masella who works as a personal trainer at Gold’s Gym in Connecticut, Snooki confessed, ‘We want a boy and a girl, fraternal twins. I think our kids will be so cute! But I don’t want to get married or anything until I’m like 26 or 27.”

I hope to God that these rumors aren’t true and that Star is making bullshit headlines once again, ’cause damn … I don’t know if I could live in a world where Snooki’s bump-it has to be removed because it might cause pregnancy complications or watching J-Woww go through the DT’s because she’s got “that baby-kind of thing” in her “tummy.”

The One in Which I Actually Sort of Feel Bad For Snooki

Evidently, she was kinda responsible for the drunk-driving death of a friend way back in 2004 when she, herself, was a minor.  Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi had a basement party, which during said party, a friend by the name of MichaelTruncali, drank himself into oblivion and decided to take the old road home.

Unfortunately for Michael and his family, he didn’t make it home.  The Marlboro High School senior’s blood alcohol level was .18 — more than twice the legal limit in New York — and had rolled his car in the early hours of Thanksgiving morning after “drinking heavily” at Snooki’s house party.

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was charged with Prohibited Sale of Alcoholic Beverages – Snooki had evidently been charging per cup — and she reportedly did her community service, paid her fine and ate the charges. Polizzi’s mother, who was apparently at home during the party, was questioned regarding the incident and although she was the adult in attendance, she received no warnings and no lawful repercussions.

I do kind of feel bad for Snooki.  Naturally, I feel worse for the crash victim’s family, but he obviously did that himself.  On one side, Snooki’s got to live with this knowledge for the rest of her life and that can’t be easy, but yet she continuously glorifies binge drinking on the set of the Jersey Shore … Her actions are kind of speaking a little bit louder than her words; it’s awfully hard to hear the scream of the trees in the forest while you’re cutting them down, am I right?

Debunker: Eminem’s Ex-Wife, Drew’s Engagement, and Snooki’s Nudes

There are so many rumors that need debunking this weekend, I’m just going to put them all in one post.

Eminem and ex wife Kim Mathers are not getting back together, and most definitely are not planning to have another child together, as was claimed by a rumor that made the rounds earlier in the week. Domestic violence charities rejoice.

Drew Barrymore and longtime boyfriend Justin Long are not getting engaged in spite of a Facebook update that suggested otherwise. According to Drew’s rep, the Facebook account that reported the engagement is actually a fake. As is the one with that picture of me sucking spilled beer off the floor of the Campus Pub. Yeah.

Finally, Jersey Shore Cast member Snooki took to her Twitter account to deny rumors that there are nude photos and videos of her being shopped around. So if you want to see an Oompa Loompa naked, you’re just going to have to go back to 4chan.

Domino’s Pizza Doesn’t ::Heart:: Snooki


Jersey Shore is really the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. Whenever I’m all like, “I wish there were an interesting story to write about today,” the Shore delivers.

Up now: Snooki’s war with Domino’s Pizza. Hey, you guys, remember back in April when those Domino’s employees posted a video of themselves doing gross things to your pizza? (The video’s been removed from YouTube due to a copyright claim by Kristy Hammonds, one of the people doing gross things to the pizza in the video. That is actually fairly brilliant maneuvering. Hat tip, Kristy.) Domino’s is one of several sponsors who pulled their ads from MTV’s Jersey Shore earlier this year as a result of the backlash from the show’s characterization of Italian-Americans. (Other pulled sponsors: American Family Insurance, Dell and UNICO.)

Snooki, who is amazing, had some choice words about that: “Fuck you! If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch. Just shut the hell up! I’m serious … Fuck you!”

Now, from E!:

A rep for Domino’s says his first thought was to decline commenting to avoid giving Snooki extra publicity. But unlike Dell, he went ahead and gave us a lengthy comment anyway…

“Our first response was, ‘What a classy young lady—her parents must be so proud,’” the rep told us today. “There’s no need to get into a war with this young girl, because tick-tock, her fifteen minutes are almost up.”

First off: Ouch, E! Good luck the next time you need a quote from that PR firm.

Second: I hope Snooki is famous forever and ever. Or at least for long enough to be on Celebrity Rehab.

Third: Is Bump-It advertising on Jersey Shore yet? If not, they should be. Like, a lot. I want the show to open with the words “Jersey Shore, brought to you by the good folks at Bump-It.”