This is dear Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and her boyfriend, Jionni (oh, and just in case you don’t have the sense of mind to follow Snooki on Twitter, let me just tell you that Jionni is definitely little Snookers’ one true love), and this is the Valentine’s Day card that they’re sending to all their nearest and dearest.
Do people actually do this? Have I been wrong all these years in not sending out pictures of me with whatever dude I hung out with in February? Should I be seriously offended if Valentine’s Day comes and goes without receiving a photo of my best friend and her boyfriend drinking champagne on a bear skin rug? Fill a sister in, you guys.
Image courtesy of TMZ
February 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm by Emily
For instance, did you hear that the fourth season of the show is going to be filmed in Italy? Can you even begin to imagine the sort of hijinks these kids will get into over there? I can, and it involves many trips to the U.S. Embassy, several offended Italians, an average of 27 hilarious issues from language barriers per episode, and the destruction of at least one priceless artifact.
As if this wasn’t enough evidence of Jersey Shore thinking outside the box, there’s also the glorious news about a JWoww/Snooki spin-off. Here’s the rundown:
The storyline — Snooks is finally moving out of her parents’ house and into a place with Jwoww — but, (surprise!!!) she’s totally unprepared to deal with actual real-life problems.
For example … the two have their sights set on a $1.5 million pad, but they don’t know what a mortgage is … or how to write a check … and they keep getting distracted by the “hot” mortgage broker.
But conflict erupts — so say the docs — because during their cohabitation, Snooki … gasp … “made a mess of the bathroom and didn’t change the toilet paper.” She also “ate a ton of Jwoww’s food” … and anyone who’s ever had a roommate knows that crap don’t fly.
January 26, 2011 at 11:30 am by Emily
Oh Snookers. You try, you try, and you try again. And this time, girlfriend, it was so close. Really. It was thisclose. But the big honking Blackberry, the ankle booties that make your legs look like large, voluptuous hams, and the big brass hoop earrings that scream ‘AQUA NET!’ and ‘EIGHTIES ROLLER SKATING RINK TRASH’ kind of put the kibosh on classing it up. Points for the hair, and points for the dress, but the rest kind of brought your C+ average down to a D-, girl. Sorry.
January 24, 2011 at 9:00 am by Sarah
“I miss my real name. I miss people calling me Nicole.”
Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi on what Jersey Shore fame has done to her given name. But it can’t be all bad, could it girlfriend? I mean, you’ve gotten so much out of this whole MTV deal as it is – a domestic abuse case, a domestic disturbance case, a bunch of guido juicehead morons on your case, and yup, probably a mad case of the herp, too, huh?
All is not lost, Snookers. Snookerson. SNOOKISNOOKISNOOKI.
January 13, 2011 at 9:00 am by Sarah
Just when I thought that the last of the Wizard of Oz munchkins had gained their last iota of under-deserved fame, Nicole Polizzi, affectionately known as ‘Snooki’ in dirty New Jersey clubs that stink of stale sweat, Axe body spray, and that funk-fungus stink that you get when you lay in a tanning bed for more than the prescribed max of fifteen minutes, has gone and snatched another fifteen minutes of fame by writing a book and dressing like Liza Minelli in drag in drag in drag. In drag.
And man. Are those her legs, or am I having another one of those crazy ham deficiency attacks again where all I’m seeing is luscious hocks of swine everywhere I look?
GET THE HOT HONEY MUSTARD OUT … NOM NOM NOM BITCHES.
January 11, 2011 at 9:00 am by Sarah
Yo, that’s crazy. That’s like Charlie Sheen sponsoring his local police department, or Lindsay Lohan endorsing Promises. You’d think it’d go together like peanut butter and Nutella, but when paired, it actually results in quite a nasty fucking sticky mess.
Here we see Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (of Jersey Shore, but I’m sure I don’t really need to specify that any longer) plugging BL Body Activewear in NYC earlier in the week.
Hey, girl? If you put down the cigarettes and push your drinking start time from 10 AM to at least 10 PM, you might actually get healthy and the exercise’ll do you some good.