Apparently Nick Jonas can still draw a crowd – his recent performance at a Microsoft store had tons and tons of squeeing, swooning young women, and what trendy trendsetter would be complete without his very own rendition of a popular Lady Gaga song?

What do you guys think?

Looks like Nick (the youngest Jonas I think?) has latched onto some seriously hot vadge. Delta Goodrem, who I had to Google, is an Australian performer who most famously dated some dude from some band called ‘Westlife.’ She’s apparently pretty big in Australia, and she’s really, really hot.  Anyway, these two guys are dating, and even though Nick is not even 19 yet and Delta is 26, they seem to have a whole lot in common (mainly that whole ‘pretty’ thing). You go, Nick!

I don’t know a whole lot about the Jonas brothers except that they were all on Camp Rock, which, incidentally, I LOVED, and one of them was close to Demi Lovato for a point in time, but … Wait. You say he’s NOT who everyone thought was the gay one? There’s one worse than him at trying to hide their true feelings? … Oh I have GOT to see this.

I am not going to pretend for a second that I don’t care about this. Not for one hot second.

Last night I was getting pretty deep into Twitter (I’m snowed in back east at my parents’ house, OK?) and I noticed that the Bieliebers were Tweeting something about how Nick Jonas unfollowed Jasmine V. (Bieber’s ex) and then Jasmine unfollowed Selena and then Selena unfollowed Justin and then Justin unfollowed both Selena AND Jasmine (take a minute to let all that sink in if you need to).

Basically, something hella craycray went down with that whole circle of teen royalty and I’m dying to know what it is. I’ve consulted with my friends and we’re thinking it has something to do with the rumors about Justin hooking up with Miley Cyrus, but who knows? There’s so much room for deliciously inappropriate speculation here.

For those of you who’ve had better things to do than worry about this shit, Justin and Selena are almost probably definitely an item. I’m guessing that this massive unfollow party has something to do with them breaking up. One site tried to claim that the unfollows were an attempt to calm the relationship rumors, but all parties involved must have known that unfollowing is way more dramatic and eye-catching to die hard fans than just leaving things the way they are.

The comments, you guys. I know you’ve got things to say about all of this in the comments.

Kristen Stewart is currently talking to some producers and directors about the possibility of doing some theatre on London’s West End after her whole Twilight business is wrapped up.  She hasn’t decided what play she wants to be in yet, but the producers have given her some plays to peruse.  I had trepidations about this whole affair, but then I read this illuminating quote she made to Vogue:

“Unlike movie acting, you have to deliver the whole performance there and then. You live it every night.”

And now I’m completely disgusted.

This is the same issue I had with that Jonas Brother in Les Mis. I don’t care if someone started doing theatre when he was in the fucking womb and spent his infant years doing small regional theatre gigs before being the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway at the tender age of five, the minute you become someone who makes hoards of preteens obsess over you, stay out of theatre*.  You’re just going to make people who actually want to see a play pissed off because a large portion of the audience would scream when you try try to heart-wrenchingly sing “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables,” Nick Jonas.

But Kristen Stewart in a play is so much worse than Nick Jonas in a play.  Because I know that Kristen Stewart can’t act.  Not even a little bit.

*By the way, it was cool when Daniel Radcliffe did this in Equus because there weren’t tons of parents willing to take their impressionable young daughters to see some dude getting all naked and horny over a horse.

Sorry about all the theatre updates (both of them), but this is preposterous.  Nick Jonas is going to be Marius in Les Miserables on the West End.  And if those specifics don’t mean anything to you and therefore don’t make you laugh hysterically like I did, then I’ll just say a Jonas brother is doing a musical and leave it at that, and hopefully you can have a giggle.

I’m not a big fan of the JoBros, I don’t know if you could tell.  But I am a huge fan of Les Miserables, and if I got a ticket to see this show and some stalkerish preteen fangirls were all screaming for Nick Jonas while he’s trying to sing his beautiful Marius songs in Act II, I would not be pleased.  I get pissed when people text during shows, but if there were Jonas Brothers crazies next to me?  I just shudder to think, I really do.

Keep it on the Disney channel, Nick Jonas.  Keep your shit contained.

… And with his ever-present purity ring, would you expect it any other way?

Yeah. Anyway. Joe Jonas claims that he’s going to release a solo album, so it looks like the days of the JoBros are quickly coming to a close:

“There’s nothing to hide. We’re just waiting for the right timing. There’s a lot of Jonas stuff going on this year, so once there’s a place for that record, we’ll release it. You’ll hear a lot of new music from us.”

See, when I was a much younger girl, I loved Hanson. I mean, I fucking loved Hanson. I was one of those pathetic little fangirls that’d get all crazy when I saw televised appearances of the flaxen-haired singing trio and I’d cry if I’d see them in person (which I did, many, many times). I was sick; it was a sickness. I went to their concerts, made scrapbooks of news articles that I had clipped from magazines and played their music, like, incessantly. It was bad, and it’s embarrassing now, but I can really feel for the girls who are so wrapped on the Jonas thing — it’d be like Isaac (yeah, my totally favorite dorky-assed Hanson that I so would have married at the age of thirteen) announcing that he was leaving the band back in 1995 or whatever. I’d have been devastated, so I totally feel you kids of today’s world. I feel you.

This is a horrible way to start my day with you, dear readers. I hate to tell you this, but Selena Gomez and Nick Jonas AKA Sick AKA Nelena are no longer an item. According to a source who spoke to People, anyway. Has this been the hardest news week ever or what?

The source says that the 17-year olds split because of their hectic work schedules. With Selena in Europe all summer making a film and the JoBros sweeping the globe with another one of their hard-hitting and non-stop tours, there just wont be time for the two to spend time together. They went on to tell the magazine, “it’s evident to everyone that they will always have a super strong connection.” Obviously.

If Selena and Nick can’t stay together because of work, does the same fate await Jemi? Is this The Summer of Death Part 2, The Remix?

P.S. If you guys like to wallow in the sadness of a break up the way I do, click here and just do you for two. It’s OK to cry. Let it out, girl.

…while filming a scene for their television in Malibu! Uh! Got you guys! LOL! You really thought they found a dead body on the beach and I waited until roughly 2:30 in the afternoon to post about it? Please, homegirl has SOME journalistic integrity. I know that the JoBros fumbling around with a dead body on the beach would be a way bigger story than the Vicki Gunvalson adulterous make-out story. Jeez! Anyway! Check out these photos. Kevin looks like a dork.

Selena Gomez, as far as young female starlets go, does not offend me in the slightest. She seems really sweet and she’s a UNICEF ambassador and then last night she went and covered a song by the original Selena during her show at the San Antonio Rodeo. The real Selena, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez, is one of my favorite people ever. For Selena Gomez to pay homage to her and bring her music to the attention of a new generation of possible fans is very cool. Also, ummm… is that her on-again boyfriend Nick Jonas holding it down on the side of the stage?

Nick Jonas has been performing shows with his band The Administration in my neighborhood all week. In fact, if I climb on my bathroom counter and stick my head out the window and turn my head left, I can kind of see the venue where he was performing last night. As you can imagine, my street has been flooded with little girls and tweens all week waiting to catch a glimpse of the youngest JoBro, and so I can’t help but wonder “What is the hype with this dude?” Nick Jonas is not attractive. He’s not “sexy”. He’s not interesting musically. On paper, there’s no real reason little chiquitas should be flipping their shit over this kid. Then I saw this video from his show this week and I realized: Girls love weird-looking teenage boys. It totally doesn’t matter if celebrities are actually cute or just some version of cute when you’re 13. Yeah, I think Nick Jonas kind of looks like a Pound Puppy in the face, but I was in love with Taylor Hanson, so who the hell am I to talk? Do you remember how many girls had the hots for Howie from Backstreet Boys?!? Howie!?!

That’s why we have to love our tweens, man. They love so purely. They see Nick Jonas, and they don’t even know what to do with themselves. An old broad like me needs James Franco waved in front of her face to show signs of a pulse. That’s a shame. Let’s celebrate the spirit of tweens today! I love you!

“I’m not going to lie about it. I carry a satchel too. It’s like a man purse. It’s a whole thing.”

- Nick Jonas, after admitting he gets pedicures, also admits to carrying a murse (man purse just feels like a mouthful) on the just-cancelled It’s On with Alexa Chung.

Yes! He’s finally out and open about his feminine side. OK, perfect. Now all we’re waiting on for him to finally admit is that he’s actually a Jonas Sister and he used to go by the name Nicole. We’re so close you guys! I bet this is what it felt like right before we landed on the moon.

I can’t stop giggling about this. Ready? OK. So, Nick Jonas is temporarily breaking off from his brothers to do a solo album/tour. And when they’re on that tour the band is going to go by the name “The Administraton”. So Nick Jonas is going on a “Nick Jonas and The Administration” solo tour. That’s funny, right? I’m not crazy am I?

Also, check the name of his solo album in the photo above. “Who I Am”. Oh man, that’s rich, right? You know who you are Nick? Are you confident in your being and now you’re ready to step out of the band with your brothers and just “do you”? That’s fucking awesome. Please let me know how you figured that out. I’d pay the price of a concert ticket to find out the answers to my life’s questions, and this kid apparently has it all figured out. I should just be listening to more Nick Jonas. Solo. With the the Bros he’s not himself.