I’m not sure why this strikes me as so utterly bizarre, but it does: Orange is the New Black actress Natasha Lyonne and Saturday Night Live alum Fred Armisen are apparently a thing. I don’t know how this came to be or why, and I suppose stranger things have happened, but there ya go.
The new couple spent the events leading up the 2014 Emmy Awards side-by-side as well as TV’s biggest night together.
The couple attended the Variety and Women in Film Emmy Nominee Celebration on Aug. 23 and were spotted having a super intimate conversation with one another and “were very flirty and talking very closely,” an eyewitness tells Us.
On Monday, Aug. 25, the duo attended the Emmys together. Hitting up fetes like the Governors Ball, AMC/IFC/Sundance Channel’s afterparty and Netflix’s afterparty. Lyonne, 35, and Armisen, 47, walked around the Netflix bash “chuckling” with their “arms linked,” another observer adds.
That’s some deep reporting there, by the way. “Arms linked”, “chuckling” and “talking very closely”? Dear God, I almost feel like I know too much!
Anyhoo, I guess this is whatever. I don’t think it’ll last very long, but hopefully they’ll have fun while it does. Fred was previously married to Elisabeth Moss (also a weird couple) and I always forget Natasha Lyonne isn’t actually a giant lesbo in real life given her NUMEROUS roles in lesbian films/TV series. She was last with some guy called Andrew Zipern, whoever that is.
Check out this clip of recovering meth-head/former child star Natasha Lyonne watching herself as a child on the Pee Wee Herman Show. Honestly, you just have to watch the whole thing. It’s so fucking funny. She’s like “Too bad I was a damn dirty hippie,” responding to the way they dressed her on the show. And she says — and I can’t tell if she’s joking or not — that she and Paul Reubens once kinda-sorta fucked doggy style.
PS — Sorry for all the downtime on Friday, and the lack of posting. We’re still having technical issues, and, I promise, we’re still working on them. We’re even going to HIRE someone to work on them! Look, Ma! I have an IT department!
About show business: â€œI was kind of put into this business by my family, by my mother. To be fair, I think she thought it was the right thing, and I definitely responded to it. I was an outgoing child. But I donâ€™t know if it was something I would have done by choice.â€
About her drug use: â€œI took it about as far as I could. And I didnâ€™t die, so I decided to live, basically. Obviously itâ€™s complicated, but itâ€™s also very simple. I wasnâ€™t dead at 27, so I might as well be 30. Youâ€™re already in it. You may as well be in a rocking chair some day eating a lobster club.â€
There’s a stint in rehab there, and some previous missed court appearances, blah blah blah, but am I the only one who’s noticed that none of that matters? Because this is the most hilarious court case in the history of the world (seriously, I ran a LexisNexis search, and this is it).
The complaint was originally filed by Lyonne’s former roommate, who claimed that Natasha trashed their apartment, then banged on a neighbor’s door, rushed into the apartment and picked up the neighbor’s dog, speaking the words: “I’m going to sexually molest your dog.”
Oh my God this makes my head spin. So many unanswered questions!
Why is this complaint being filed by her roommate, and not the owner of the nearly violated canine? What did Natasha have against the neighbor? Or the roommate? Or the dog?
Does Natasha Lyonne often have sex with dogs?
What on earth set in motion a series of events that would lead a person to speak, in earnest, the words “I am going to sexually molest your dog”?
I know, I know.
Still. Funny shit.
Way to work that ninth step, ‘Tash. Keep coming back. Just leave the dogs alone.