Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Nancy Grace

Which Celebrity Would You Like to Have as A Neighbor?

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Me, I picked Courtney Stodden. Not only is she a true American, as you can see in the classy photo above, but we could trade makeup tips, she could show me where to get cool and stylish arm bands, and I could figure out the best, most tactful way to tell her that none of her shoes fit and it looks gross. Yes, Courtney Stodden would make a fine, fine neighbor.

But you know what? Apparently this real estate blog called Zillow does this survey every year in which they ask people which celebrity they would most like to have as a neighbor and which celebrity would be the absolute worst neighbor. And you know who was named the most desirable neighbor? The person who most people would want to have next door? Tim Tebow. Ugh, can you imagine? How boring. I’d be like “Tim, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, if you’re going to kneel and pray again, do it in your own damn yard.”

Still, good ol’ Tebow managed to bring in 11% of votes. Brad and Angelina weren’t far behind though: they got 10%. Following Brangelina was Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at 9%, Jennifer Lopez with 6%, Beyonce and Jay-Z with 5%, and for whatever reason, Nancy Grace and Kim Kardashian tied with 4% of the votes. The remainder of the vote was split between “other” and “none of the above,” though I can’t figure out why the survey would have both of those choices.

But what about the survey for the least desirable neighbor? How would that vote turn out? For me, my neighbors in real life have had loud screaming matches that I can hear every word of from my apartment (it’s two couples living in a two bedroom apartment, and one of the dudes has a lady on the side that his lady in the apartment has a pretty good idea about), they do laundry for 40 hours straight (I counted), and they left dog feces wrapped in a napkin in front of our window, and that was just this week! So I can’t really think of any celebrity worse than that, so … wait. Courtney Love sets things on fire in her home. That might be worse.

According to America, however, the cast of Jersey Shore win the highest honors with 28% of voters naming them the worst neighbors. Next is Charlie Sheen with 21%, Lindsay Lohan with 14%, Kim Kardashian with 13%, Nancy Grace and Brad and Angelina are tied at 3%, Anthony Weiner had 2% of votes, and the rest, again, were either “other” or “none of the above.”

But what about you, friends? Is there any celebrity that you think would be a delight to have as a neighbor, or any that would be absolutely horrible? Are you still trying to figure out why any number of people would want to live next to Jennifer Lopez? Because I’m there too. We don’t have to be alone in this.

Nancy Grace’s Gas Has a Buyer!

Photo: Nancy Grace on September 23, 2011

How carefully have you been following the Nancy Grace saga on Dancing with the Stars? That lady has awful luck. First her bosom flagrantly burst from her corset-style top; of course Ms. Grace insisted that viewers had only seen a pastie, rather than a nipple. But we all know the truth.

Next, myriad fans claim to have heard Nancy Grace ‘let ‘er rip’ on the October 3 episode of the dance competition. You be the judge! (For my own part, I think it sounds like a slightly gaseous tummy rumble, but TMZ’s audio is definitely clearer than the original opinion-forming video I first watched.)

Oh, Nancy. Deny, deny, deny.

Now, a group of flatulophilliacs—that is, a ‘farting fetish’ fan club—is asking Ms. Grace for licensing rights to the three-second clip of Grace’s toot. And they sent her a letter, too. The letter concluded,

Passing gas is as natural as breathing, and our members are waiting with baited [sic] breath.

Here are some Very Important Fart Facts (link possibly NSFW):

- Why do farts smell so awful? Hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans combine to produce the distinct odor of sulfur (AKA rotting eggs; brimstone). Meat and cauliflower will make your ‘bottom burps’ all the more colorful. Also, “the longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of inert nitrogen it contains.” Look out!

- Most gas directly results from “swallowed air.”

- Supposedly—although I suddenly can’t find any real substantiation for this—every human emits the same amount of gas daily. Which means that, if you are the type who carefully holds her gas in all day at work, you very likely poot in your sleep. Oh, no!

Quotables: Nancy Grace Says It Wasn’t Her Nipple

photo of nancy grace nipslip twitter pictures wardrobe malfunction photo

“Evidence re my alleged ‘wardrobe malfunction’ which I vehemently deny: Breast Petals & industrial strength bra.”

She later said to Radar Online:

“I am in full nip denial. Breast petals and an industrial strength bra…plus a sewn-in corset. The fabulous DWTS wardrobe crew is extremely proactive and would never let an accident happen!”

Right, Nancy. Jeez, it’s just a nipple. And anyone who’s seen the photos (don’t worry, they’re here if you haven’t seen them already) KNOWS it’s a nipple, too. Don’t get so bent out of shape. It was a nipple. And a nice nipple at that. Way to spice up Dancing With the Stars, girl.

Decide for yourself: nipslip or nipple petals?

Jump below for the up-close shot of Nancy’s nip.

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Quotables: Nancy Grace Talks Dancing With the Stars

photo of nancy grace dancing with the stars pictures photos pics

“I’ve inadvertently lost 10 lbs. on the I’m-too-tired-to-eat diet. By the time I get the children [3-year-old twins Lucy and John David] ready for school, then practice and then come home, I’m like exhausted. … If you would have told me five to seven hours of dance practice was fun, I would have never believed you, but it is. There are a lot of women out there who are like me – they work all day and take care of their children. And if they are like me, you don’t always have the best self image or are in work mode all the time. I would like to send the message to them that they can follow their dream and believe, which is hard sometimes.”

Nancy Grace, on the trials of going from a cushy news analyst position to a position that forces her to bend in all sorts of awkward positions.

I don’t know about you guys, but I just adore Nancy Grace. I remember the first time I really caught wind of who she was, during the early beginnings of the Casey Anthony case: my mother-in-law, who’s obsessed with HLN, called me on the phone to say, “Girl, you need to check this woman out. This is a woman to watch. She’s intelligent, witty, driven, and above all, she’s a Southerner.” And my MIL was right. After watching a full five minutes of Grace in action on her show, I immediately fell in love and the affair’s been going strong since then.

Do you guys just love Nancy Grace or, I don’t know, not love Nancy Grace?

The New Dancing With the Stars Cast Has Been Leaked. Yay?

photo of dancing with the stars 2011 pictures cast photos

I don’t know, guys. I was never really into Dancing With the Stars, and I was even more aghast when they asked Kate Gosselin to star on it for a season, so I’m sort of torn as to how I continuously feel about the show. I know it’s not going away anytime soon, and I’ve made my peace with that, but it seems like the execs over there at ABC are trying really, really hard to lure in the under-fifty crowd by including people like Bristol Palin, Kendra Wilkinson, and the majority of the new season’s cast. Who, you’re wondering? Try these names out for size:

Nancy Grace. Just when you thought her career wouldn’t extend past the Casey Anthony trial.

photo of nancy grace dancing with the stars cast pictures photos

Kristin Cavallari. Because she’s just been dumped by someone who wasn’t even good enough to be considered for the sportsman position on DWTS, I guess.

photo of kristin cavalarri pictures dancing with the stars pics

Ricki Lake. Why not? It’s not like she’s done anything recently except play poker or something.

photo of ricki lake pictures dancing with the stars photos pics

Chynna Phillips. Sure hope this one doesn’t lose the weight that most contestants do. SHE CAN’T AFFORD IT.

photo of chynna phillips dancing with the stars pictures photos

Hope Solo. This one’s going to be fun to watch. I saw an interview after all of the women’s soccer hubbub earlier this summer where she was asked about the possibility of joining the cast, and Hope claimed that, even though she’s mad athletic and coordinated on the field, she can’t dance for crap. I like this girl, so good times.

photo of soccer star hope solo on dancing with the stars pictures photos

Jump in for the rest of *the list:

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