These guys are far from my type (except for that one time when I was very, very seriously dating The Situation), but they are somebody’s type…. and most of those somebodies are gay men. Always quick to cash in on their “natural gifts” the Jersey boys stripped down and participated in a shoot for the cover of the Village Voice’s Queer Issue. Check out the guidolicious photos in the gallery…

I have been calling Tom Cruise crazy for years. It’s like my favorite thing to do. Pre-Oprah couch-jumping, I was really into learning about Scientology and that’s what really got me on the “Tom Cruise is mental” train. And then you know how sometimes you think that someone’s mental for so long that you forget that they’re talented? And when you’re watching them in movies you’re like, “Yeah, cool story, Banana Brains. I seen you jumping on couches and you ruined that girl from Dawson’s”? And so you know when you’re there with someone and you think you’re never going to go back and then they put something out there that blows your mind and you’re just like, “Fuck your craziness! Actually, I want to marry your craziness! I’d get crazy with your talented ass for days, boy!”

That’s how I feel about Tom Cruise playing his alter ego, Les Grossman, in these MTV Promos. I talked about it yesterday, but this new Risky Business one is what helped me work through these feelings and come out on the other side with a whole thought.

I got lost in his crazy, guys. That’s all. It’s fine if he believes in aliens and won’t let his wife talk during birth and he’s basically at the head of a pyramid scheme that’s ruined hundreds of thousands of lives. So the fuck what? I can still laugh!

The MTV Movie Awards are coming up and promos for the show are just starting to come out. This one starring Tom Cruise and Taylor Lautner is pretty fucking hilarious and if this is any indication of how funny the show (hosted by Aziz Ansari) will be, then welllllllll… it won’t be another Wayans Brothers at the VMAs incident.

Tom Cruise has a history of doing funny things for the Movie Awards. You all probably remember this great bit he did with Ben Stiller back in the Mission: Impossible days. For a crazy person, the guy’s pretty on point.

Kelis loves fur and she’s not trying to hide it, either, by saying that it’s fake or leftovers of a Britney weave haircut or something.

While plenty of other celebrities are looking to stomp for the cause, Kelis is clearly not one of them, claiming that the organization is judgmental, hypocritical and kind of pointless — at least based on the way she claims they run. Kelis states that she’s a “complete carnivore” and would have “fur walls” if she could.

Put that in your furless vegan pipe and smoke it, PETA.

I’ve got bad news for all you Jersey Shore enthusiasts out there, and no, it’s not that we still haven’t found any more Snooki nudes. You guys, at the rate things are going, there might not be a second season of that sweet, fist-pumping goodness.

MTV has been planning to shoot the second season of Jersey Shore in another location (because it turns out that the Jersey Shore is significantly less interesting than the orange-colored booze-guzzling mosters that take over its rental homes during the summer), but the city they picked, Miami, wants nothing to do with the cast. A source spoke to RadarOnline and said, “A lot of places in South Beach aren’t letting them in. They’re not welcome at many spots, and they’re getting refused all over the place.” Not just that, but the cast can’t go anywhere without full-security and a police escort. Reality, indeed.

The main issue that the cast is having is that no bar owner wants to invite in a group of people that are known for having televised bar fights. Not only is it bad for business, but these folks are a liability. I have to say that I’m a little shocked that MTV wasn’t aware that this would be a problem. Hell, The Real World kids get mouthed off to and kicked out of clubs in every city they film in, so if you bring a sextuplet of infamous juice heads and hooker-looking people to a party city like Miami, there’s no way they’re not going to have a hard time.

So who out there can help J-Woww, The Sitch and the rest of the gang get their second season? Anyone want to volunteer their city to be taken over by the Shore kids? C’mon… How bad could it really be?

Even though Jersey Shore was an outrage to the Italian American community, an Italian network has just picked up the first season of the series. It will start airing on March 22, so get ready to find out that Snooki was found floating in some river on March 23rd. Maybe the 24th. Who can be sure?

The show was so offensive to Italians in the US that the New Jersey Italian and Italian American Heritage Commission wrote to Viacom (MTV’s parent company) asking them to pull the plug on the “reality series” that follows self-proclaimed “guidos” and “guidettes”. They cited the show as being both “offensive” and “inaccurate”.

Personally, I think the level of idiocy that the cast displayed made it clear that they were not representatives of any community except maybe the lowest common denominator. If anyone should be offended by Jersey Shore, it’s the color orange.