But what else is new, right?

Following the success of Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant, MTV has just ordered a reality pilot titled Married Young, which features (hold ya breath) young folks getting married! Why not continue to make a spectacle of young people making life-ruining decisions, right?

It’s not that I think marriage doesn’t work out any more or that monogamy and making it work through thick and thin is impossible or outdated. In fact, I think I’m one of my only friends who doesn’t seem to feel that way, but anyone, especially a young couple, broadcasting their wedding and first year of marriage on television is bound to screw themselves over. I feel like this is pretty much a proven fact at this point and Jessica & Nick, Carmen & Dave and Shanna & Travis can attest to that. At least when they were making these kinds of shows with celebrities, they had some semblance of an abnormal lifestyle and a shitload of money to fall back on.

MTV, I love you so much sometimes. Please just do something normal and less life ruin-y with your programming.

1) The girl on the phone at the beginning relaying to a friend back home that Las Vegas is beautiful. She has to be a moron. Las Vegas is exciting, fun and interesting, but it’s not beautiful. Especially not the freakin’ Hard Rock. It’s a den of sin and filth.

2) They are still working the same “discovering my bi-sexuality while shitfaced” bit that was a common theme in the first Vegas season. I doubt that sloppy girl-on-girl make outs don’t even bring in the same kind of ratings they did back in the day. I can find that on any channel.

3) Speaking of sex, why do all the roommates insist on taking it to the bone zone now? It took all the way until the 8th season of The Real World for a couple to emerge. Colin and Amaya from Hawaii. In all of the seasons since, people in the house have been open to starting these live-in flings that almost always turn into total nightmares. Longtime fans of the show always say this, but why can’t they all just get jobs together and try to overcome some adversity or something? Good clean fun.

4) That girl Heather looks like a girl I went to high school with who had really big puppy dog eyes and straight blond hair that would hang around her face when she tilted her head down. She’d chew on her finger and stare at you longingly, and she was the biggest bitch I knew. She was judgmental and mad rude and used her adorable exterior to hide that. I also went to college with a girl who looked like that, and she was the same way, but worse. I’m assuming that Heather’s going to be secretly the worst person there the whole time but it wont come out until somewhere toward the end. I hate people like that. Ugh.

5) I’m gathering that Heather and Dustin hook up and then Heather Googles him and it turns out that he made a sex tape once (I’m guessing. Normally they like, at least hint at one of the season’s major plot lines in these previews so that you don’t feel like a used condom after watching it, but they didn’t do that this year.) She looks all disturbed and judgmental (I told you!) but what did she expect? She’s on The Real World, a show that went from having future doctors and underground rappers as housemates to basically a cesspool of the lowest forms of human. Of course there’s going to be a porn star in the house! And some tacky girls who think it’s fun to kiss while boys are watching AND a meat brain who punches a framed photo off of a wall!

MTV, please don’t do this to us again. Set next season in a college town and get some salt of the earth types. I bet you.

Hey, Harry Potter Brains (is that what Harry Potter fans call themseves? Like Twihards? I’m not sure, that’s just my guess.) Have you seen this gem floating around your Internets yet?

MTV news interviewed all of those adorable Harry Potter kids (they’ll always be children to me, you can suck it) and asked them to read some “American” phrases (stuff like “The Olive Garden” and “Boo-yah!” and other stupid shit that makes people in our country sound dumb and frivolous) to test their ability to do our accent. Emma Watson’s American accent was shockingly bad, while Rupert Grint’s was pretty impressive. Daniel Radcliff’s could have used some work, too.

Who did you think was the most convincing?

After seeing paparazzi shots of Jeff and Snook on the Jersey boardwalk, the source who spoke to RadarOnline said, “I’ve known Jeff for a long time and the guy is a player. This whole Guido thing is something totally new. He’s become a gym rat and hooked-up with Snooki to get popularity and fame. Let’s face it, the guy wants to be a star.” Now there’s a statement that sounds like it’s either totally true or that “the source” is totally his jealous ex-girlfriend who wants him to burn.

As for what Jeff thinks about his new lady, he updated his Facebook page with the following message over the weekend:

“People no more Snookie talk. Her name is Nicole by the way. All I’m saying is we had a great time together. She is an amazing girl and couldn’t ask for any more or less. I am not making any further comments about Nicole and myself. When the time is right you will be updated.”

Hmm. Again, this could go either way. It could read like Jeff’s being respectful, and it could also read like, “Who the hell are you to be making public statements of this nature about anything?”

Jury’s out on Jeff. We’re going to have to see how this one plays out before we make a final judgment on whether or not we’re going to hate him.

From Pop Crunch:
“The others are all aggravated by him,” a spy squealed to The New York Post’s PageSix Column this morning. “They can’t bear his ego and that he’s earning so much from deals outside the show. They feared the new season would end up being ‘The Situation Show,’ so they are relieved they’ve all signed again. Expect fireworks, because he thinks he’s invincible. Some of the cast are secretly hoping they can force him to walk out like Angelina Pivarnick did on the first season.”

Yuck. That’s the worst thing about these shows. For every Bethenny is Getting Married? there’s twenty reality stars with a failed pilot. When someone like The Situation comes up on an ensemble cast, they normally don’t too well away from the ensemble cast. At least not for much more than a gag show. I guess his options here are one season of a Flavor of Love-style dating show or to come back down to earth and realize that Sitch without J-WOWW is like Bert without Ernie.

For four years we’ve watched The Hills grow from a Laguna Beach spin-off to one of the highest rated shows on cable to a nearly unwatchable faux-reality snoozefest and last night it all came to an end. And it honestly was one of the best finale’s I’ve seen in a minute.

After wrapping up all of the story lines and addressing that pretty much everyone in the cast is ready to move on to a life without The Hills crew following them, the series ended with the above montage. Natasha Bedingfield sings a slow jammy version of the show’s theme over the cast members doing “moving on” type things, like hugging their boyfriends and looking happy and secure. We’re prepared to let them go knowing that they’re all about to go off and live life. Then they cut to the last thing we’ll ever see: Brody Jenner standing in front of the Hollywood sign, watching his ex-girlfriend Kristin leave for the airport. And then the background starts moving and a studio backlot is revealed. Kristin hops out of the car and she and Brody high-five as the camera lifts off of them and into one of those aerial shots that made up like, a third of the show.  Yo, they were in on their own bit.

The Hills started the week I moved to Los Angeles, and last week I celebrated my four year anniversary in this town. This show, lame as it is to say, has been a part of my life and experience here. I cried when Lauren and Heidi stopped being friends, guys. It was like that. So it meant a lot to me that the show ended this thoughtfully. I don’t think that when cameras first started rolling on the project that they ever knew it would take them to where it did, but that’s kind of the way things work here.

These guys are far from my type (except for that one time when I was very, very seriously dating The Situation), but they are somebody’s type…. and most of those somebodies are gay men. Always quick to cash in on their “natural gifts” the Jersey boys stripped down and participated in a shoot for the cover of the Village Voice’s Queer Issue. Check out the guidolicious photos in the gallery…

I have been calling Tom Cruise crazy for years. It’s like my favorite thing to do. Pre-Oprah couch-jumping, I was really into learning about Scientology and that’s what really got me on the “Tom Cruise is mental” train. And then you know how sometimes you think that someone’s mental for so long that you forget that they’re talented? And when you’re watching them in movies you’re like, “Yeah, cool story, Banana Brains. I seen you jumping on couches and you ruined that girl from Dawson’s”? And so you know when you’re there with someone and you think you’re never going to go back and then they put something out there that blows your mind and you’re just like, “Fuck your craziness! Actually, I want to marry your craziness! I’d get crazy with your talented ass for days, boy!”

That’s how I feel about Tom Cruise playing his alter ego, Les Grossman, in these MTV Promos. I talked about it yesterday, but this new Risky Business one is what helped me work through these feelings and come out on the other side with a whole thought.

I got lost in his crazy, guys. That’s all. It’s fine if he believes in aliens and won’t let his wife talk during birth and he’s basically at the head of a pyramid scheme that’s ruined hundreds of thousands of lives. So the fuck what? I can still laugh!

The MTV Movie Awards are coming up and promos for the show are just starting to come out. This one starring Tom Cruise and Taylor Lautner is pretty fucking hilarious and if this is any indication of how funny the show (hosted by Aziz Ansari) will be, then welllllllll… it won’t be another Wayans Brothers at the VMAs incident.

Tom Cruise has a history of doing funny things for the Movie Awards. You all probably remember this great bit he did with Ben Stiller back in the Mission: Impossible days. For a crazy person, the guy’s pretty on point.

Kelis loves fur and she’s not trying to hide it, either, by saying that it’s fake or leftovers of a Britney weave haircut or something.

While plenty of other celebrities are looking to stomp for the cause, Kelis is clearly not one of them, claiming that the organization is judgmental, hypocritical and kind of pointless — at least based on the way she claims they run. Kelis states that she’s a “complete carnivore” and would have “fur walls” if she could.

Put that in your furless vegan pipe and smoke it, PETA.

I’ve got bad news for all you Jersey Shore enthusiasts out there, and no, it’s not that we still haven’t found any more Snooki nudes. You guys, at the rate things are going, there might not be a second season of that sweet, fist-pumping goodness.

MTV has been planning to shoot the second season of Jersey Shore in another location (because it turns out that the Jersey Shore is significantly less interesting than the orange-colored booze-guzzling mosters that take over its rental homes during the summer), but the city they picked, Miami, wants nothing to do with the cast. A source spoke to RadarOnline and said, “A lot of places in South Beach aren’t letting them in. They’re not welcome at many spots, and they’re getting refused all over the place.” Not just that, but the cast can’t go anywhere without full-security and a police escort. Reality, indeed.

The main issue that the cast is having is that no bar owner wants to invite in a group of people that are known for having televised bar fights. Not only is it bad for business, but these folks are a liability. I have to say that I’m a little shocked that MTV wasn’t aware that this would be a problem. Hell, The Real World kids get mouthed off to and kicked out of clubs in every city they film in, so if you bring a sextuplet of infamous juice heads and hooker-looking people to a party city like Miami, there’s no way they’re not going to have a hard time.

So who out there can help J-Woww, The Sitch and the rest of the gang get their second season? Anyone want to volunteer their city to be taken over by the Shore kids? C’mon… How bad could it really be?

Even though Jersey Shore was an outrage to the Italian American community, an Italian network has just picked up the first season of the series. It will start airing on March 22, so get ready to find out that Snooki was found floating in some river on March 23rd. Maybe the 24th. Who can be sure?

The show was so offensive to Italians in the US that the New Jersey Italian and Italian American Heritage Commission wrote to Viacom (MTV’s parent company) asking them to pull the plug on the “reality series” that follows self-proclaimed “guidos” and “guidettes”. They cited the show as being both “offensive” and “inaccurate”.

Personally, I think the level of idiocy that the cast displayed made it clear that they were not representatives of any community except maybe the lowest common denominator. If anyone should be offended by Jersey Shore, it’s the color orange.