Gwyneth Paltrow gets lady wood for very few things in this life – organic and macrobiotic beet grass shavings and $875 Egyptian silk sheets being roughly half of them – but it turns out, Miranda Kerr does it for her, too. Why is that, exactly? Could it be that Miranda’s Achilles tendon is more defined than hers? Does her skin lie flatter against her ribcage than Gwyneth’s? This is just weird.

From Entertainment Weekly:

Who was the Iron Man 3 actress’s pick for best dressed? Ask Paltrow who the belle of the ball was, and she’s quick to answer…

Miranda Kerr.

“She was wearing a black Michael Kors dress that was sort of like a sparkling bandeau, and her whole stomach was showing,” says Paltrow, who was also in NYC to promote her new GOOP City Guides app with an appearance today at the Apple Store in SoHo. “It was really beautiful. It was a little punk-y. She’s just so pretty, it’s abnormal.”

Kerr, a former Victoria’s Secret model who is married to actor Orlando Bloom, seemed to take it all in stride, according to Paltrow. “I was like, ‘Is it weird to be that pretty?’” the actress recalls, laughing. “And she was like, ‘No.’”

Obviously as women, we notice other attractive women and there’s nothing wrong with calling attention to that, obviously. It just strikes me as kind of creepy the way she talks about how her “whole stomach was showing” – like it’s something mystical and entrancing or something and she feels like if she could just eat 600 calories per day instead of 700, she too might be able to wear a dress that has her “whole stomach” on display.

I’m maybe thinking about this a little too deeply. Anyway.

Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Dannii Minogue, Miranda Kerr, Eric Bana and Lleyton Hewitt have been turned into wax nightmares. Get your “Nicole Kidman already looks wax” jokes ready!

So why did Madame Tussaud’s Sydney they put all of these horrifying wax figures together, outside, along the harbor? It was to celebrate the museum’s 1st birthday. And to give us nightmares. I mean really, I still don’t quite understand this. But here’s more from News.com.au:

MADAME Tussauds Sydney has celebrated its first birthday with the help of an array of A-list wax figures at an exclusive celebration by the Harbour.

Surrounded by the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Sydney Opera House, figures of Aussie stars including Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Dannii Minogue, Miranda Kerr, Eric Bana and Lleyton Hewitt, were all in attendance

Madame Tussauds revealed its most requested figures are pop-sensation boy band One Direction, while Johnny Depp holds the honour of most kissed.

US President Barrack Obama tied with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as the most photographed figures.

“The Australian public has welcomed the attraction to their shores with open arms and for that we are truly grateful. We have some exciting plans for the year ahead and can only hope that the public will like all the new faces that will grace the exhibition in the coming months,” said Madame Tussauds Sydney spokesperson Kristy Enright.

I don’t think these belong outside. Maybe that’s what’s so weird.

The Emma Watson one wasn’t nearly this scary.

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, KEITH URBAN.

Miranda Kerr, Victoria’s Secret Angel, was in a car accident on the freeway on Monday. As a result, she is now in a neck brace. But she is mobile. TMZ posted a photo of her out and about in LA in yesterday.

Details of the crash are still coming in, but The LA Times has some info:

Kerr, 29, was spotted Tuesday wearing the medical collar, which she attempted to conceal with a patterned scarf. A driver reportedly smashed into her car on a L.A. freeway, TMZ reported. Her husband, actor Orlando Bloom, and their 2-year-old son, Flynn, were not with her during the accident, but Kerr was believed to have been riding with her assistant at the time.

“She is in a lot of pain, but really we are just glad it was not more serious,” her representative told Australia’s 9 News. “[Orlando is] taking very good care of her. He’s an amazing husband. Luckily, Flynn wasn’t in the car.”

That’s right, I totally forgot that she’s married to Orlando “Boring Pirate” Bloom.

There are rumors that the driver who hit her was drunk.

This one time I was driving on the 101 and my car suddenly slowed down and then stopped completely and it wouldn’t move. Scariest moment of my life. Thankfully one of those LA Freeway tow trucks spotted me and towed me to safety. I don’t mind spending my tax dollars on those things.

Here’s Miranda on her healthy and pure and all-natural lifestyle:

“I live by the philosophy that beauty starts from within and I make a conscious effort to fill my body with nutrients through the food I eat. Becoming a mother has made me even more aware and more passionate about nutrition and wellness. So much so that I am now a certified health coach practitioner. I love when we are all together as a family and I can cook really healthy, delicious meals for them. Most of my childhood was spent outdoors climbing trees, swimming in the river, riding dirt bikes and horses and I would like Flynn to experience all of those things.”

On working out:

“Yoga is at the core of my health and wellness routine, even if it’s only for 10 to 15 minutes I find it helps me to re-center and to focus as well as improve my overall core strength. Then I’ll do a few extra squats for my butt and thighs.”

On her own, personal definition of ‘spirituality’:

“I find the practice of yoga very spiritual and taking the time to just be and to reflect through meditation and chanting helps me to connect to a higher energy. I also discovered a spiritual strength in affirmations when I was very young which was the inspiration for my book Treasure Yourself.”

OK, so I guess she doesn’t sound *all bad*, right? I mean, with the obvious exception of shilling herself through plugging her book, ‘Treasure Yourself’, and shilling herself through promotion of the fact that she’s now a “Certified Health Coach Practitioner,” she’s not as awful as we all thought. I mean, the book’s probably just filled with bad poems and the “Certified Health Coach Practitioner” thing? Well. That’s probably like that thing where you can be ordained online as a minister for $19.95 for the year or whatever. Let’s give the girl a little pity, shall we? I mean, she’s trying.

Anyway. The photos are after the jump, and I’m warning you that they’re extremely NSFW in the way that you see Miranda Kerr from practically every angle save for a full-on vadge shot. Check ‘em out. And I don’t want to hear any bitching about them older than her son or anything, because who’s going to turn down free boobs? Plus, they’re new to our site. Alright?

Both Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom have been spotted without their wedding rings, sparking rumours their marriage is in trouble.

29-year-old Miranda was snapped without hers in New York last week, and a friend of the couple told Famous magazine that their relationship could be on the rocks.

“[Miranda and Orlando's marriage] might be in trouble,” they said.

“She’s not wearing her ring, and she’s had a lot on her plate — it could be that somewhere along the way her relationship with Orlando may have slipped between the cracks,” said the friend.

But Miranda’s new rep, Annie Kelly, has denied the claims. “There is absolutely no truth in the headline or story,” she said.

First, these days, I don’t even know why these celebrities’ reps decide to issue statements. It’s like, you either are or you aren’t splitting up, but one thing is for certain—reps lie. They constantly tell tall tales for the sake of damage control and kids, and they’re absolutely, indubitably not to be trusted.

Second? This wouldn’t surprise me at all. When Orlando started dating Miranda after his long-term relationship with the relatively-down-to-earth Kate Bosworth, I was kind of surprised. Miranda was, of course, a Victoria’s Secret model with enough glamorous pamper-my-ass baggage to sink a ship, and I didn’t think Orlando really got down with high-maintenance chicks like that (but what the hell do I know). Yeah, they built a sweet little family, but Miranda‘s always running her pretentious little mouth as to how people should live, and honestly, is starting to come across a little bit like our favorite good-living guru, Gwyneth Paltrow.

I’m hearing lately that she’s always talking about “natural” childbirth, “natural” living, “natural” gardening, “natural” everything, and while there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever, it’s all in the way you’re perceived, and word on the street is that Miranda can be a condescending, judgey little bitch who acts all entitled to everything wonderful and pure and clean and non-pedestrian.

I wonder what’s up with all of this, huh?

Slots ten through six included Candice Swanepoel, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, and Emma Stone. Candice I just didn’t get – though she’s a Victoria’s Secret Angel, she’s quite average-looking if you ask me. As for Rihanna and Kim Kardashian, ugh. Those two are so played out that it’s hard to even decide if they’re still hot after all of the BS that they’ve pulled over the past few years. Scarlett Johansson has been a staple on this sort of list for years now, and there’s no doubt that Emma Stone is one hot-bitch-on-the-rise who probably deserves to be higher than the number six spot. Or, you know, not. Depending on who you ask. Because the top five were almost complete head-scratchers, with the exception of number one. Let’s review, shall we?

#5 – Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. What? Higher-ranked than Scarlett Johansson? What’s the world coming to? Apparently many of today’s men can appreciate plastic appendages, because Minaj is one of the biggest offenders – no pun intended. Why AskMen chose Nicki:

“… It’s not often you find a female emcee whose looks are as infectious as her rhymes.”

#4 – Miranda Kerr. So this one makes some sense. She’s pretty, she bounced right back after having her baby last year, and she’s married to Orlando Bloom. I mean, I know some perfectly hetero men who have a man-crush on Orlando Bloom, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure I have a lady-crush on Miranda, so it all works out. Why AskMen chose Miranda:

“This elegant Aussie has dimples we could get lost in and never want to come out of.”

#3 – Rooney Mara. This one I just do not get. Rooney Mara is pretty and sweet and soft-looking (when she’s not rocking bondage and facial piercings and bangs trauma), and she’s tons prettier than her sister, Kate, but number three? Who’d the girl with the dragon tattoo pay to get in that slot? Why AskMen chose Rooney:

“… Punks everywhere officially found their new pin-up girl.”

#2 – Kate Upton. It’s really not surprising, having the obligatory busty Sports Illustrated blonde in the top five. I think it’s somewhere in the contractual wording when these kinds of lists get churned out. This year it’s Kate Upton, who has big boobs. And who did the Dougie in 2011. Why AskMen chose Kate:

“Upton’s classically curvy body and face full of girlish charm make her an easy choice as a breakout model.”

#1 – Sofia Vergara. This one’s an easy choice. She’s hot, she’s funny, and she’s – above all – likable. Plus, she’s not cookie-cutter nineteen-year-old Hollywood, and that probably appealed to a lot of the editors over at AskMen. Why AskMen chose Sofia:

“Vergara shows off the best cleavage on network TV, and we’ve never been more jealous of Ed O’Neill. But despite her obvious assets, Vergara’s also one very funny woman, lampooning stereotypes with her perfect timing.”

Do you guys think this top five is THE top five of 2012? I’ll admit – most of it’s got me wondering who the hell compiled this list.

Here’re the 5 Best Celebrities Without Makeup of 2011:

#5 – Sammi Giancola

So, right, I realize that she’s not technically without makeup, but compared to what she *usually* looks like, this is as bare-faced as it gets, guys.

#4 – Miranda Kerr

This one is kind of a given, because if you’re a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, you’re contractually obligated to look like this. OF COURSE she’s going to show up on the “good” side of this list somewhere.

#3 – Khloe Kardashian

Some of you probably think that it’s a joke, or a mistake, that Khloe ended up on this side of the post, but compared to her older drama queen sisters, Khloe-sans-makeup is refreshing enough to make you forget that she doesn’t look all that great in comparison to what she looks like with makeup. So in the paradox world of the Kardashians, that makes her look AMAZING in the real world.

#2 – Kirstie Alley

Here’s another one that might have you scratching at your head, but Kirstie here is included on the ‘Best’ list because she looks her AGE. And she goes out in public not really giving a f-ck about what people think about her face, and that’s probably more attractive than most of the plasticky people we talk about overall.

#1 – Jennifer Love Hewitt

Bitch please. Did you think you were going to escape 2011 without at least one more “I LOVE JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT” post?

Jump in for the worst!

#5 – Anne Hathaway

Lots of you are probably thinking, “What?!” but Anne’s on the bottom of this list because she kind of looks ill without makeup. And who knows, in this photo, maybe she is. But then again, I look ill when I wear no makeup (which is most of the time), so hey. Who am I to judge anyway, right?

#4 – Courtney Stodden

Alright, now, don’t get me wrong – Courtney Stodden looks so much better without makeup than she does with it. However. The reason girlfriend here is on this list is not because she particularly looks bad without makeup, it’s because she looks HER AGE without it. She looks SO YOUNG without it. She looks like a high school freshman when she’s not wearing sixteen layers of it, and that makes her marriage to Doug Hutchison so, so much worse. Keep the makeup on if you want your marriage to last, Courtney – it’s probably the only thing keeping child services away from your creepy husband.

#3 – Vanessa Paradis

I’m sorry, but when you’re the domestic partner of one of the most legendary hot actors of modern Hollywood, it’s probably not OK to look like a homeless lady that’s been exposed to all sorts of outdoor elements (including acid rain). At least according to vapid, superficial biotches that this kind of stuff matters to, anyway.

#2 – Cameron Diaz

Stop the presses! Yeah, I never really understood what a lot of people (like Justin Timberlake) saw in this woman, because she seems to have the personality of sawdust and glue, but after being spotted without makeup, I’m convinced it’s got to be the cooch. She’s got to have a gold-lined, diamond-encrusted, wish-granting gitch sitting somewhere in her pants. That’s a wrap.

#1 – Terri Seymour

So, this woman is a walking, talking PSA for sunscreen. Use it, guys, or you’re going to look like a beat-up old fake leather suitcase that shriveled and puckered in the sun instead of gracefully aging like fine Italian leather. You know, kind of like Donatella Versace.

Did I say “luminous”? I actually meant “unbelievably gorgeous,” “amazing,” and “OHMYGOD.” Also, there’s absolutely no question as to who the father of that baby is. Flynn looks just like his daddy.

Was there ever a luckier woman? I mean, with the obvious exception of Lindsay Lohan?

In case you guys didn’t know, Miranda Kerr, who was impregnated by the revered seed of holy hotness Orlando Bloom, gave birth to a sweet, large baby boy on January 6th. Baby Flynn Bloom tipped the scales at almost ten pounds, which is just craziness, because Miranda was rumored to have delivered him vaginally. With no painkillers. OUCH. I mean, it’s not like Miranda is all that buxom and Orlando all that burly.

Looks like all that organic eating makes all the difference, guys.

Congrats to the little family to the birth of Flynn. I think he’s a keeper!

Like, recently. While she’s pregnant. Girlfriend lets it all hang out, and I’m not talking a la Demi Moore or Britney Spears – she has put those fine, fine ladies’ preggo photos to shame.

Kerr, if you’ll remember, is the Victoria’s Secret Angel that’s married to Orlando Bloom, and carrying his child. Miranda is six and-a-half months along with the couple’s first child.

Anyway, that picture – I’m not allowed to post it here on the front page, but you can meander on over to W‘s site where you can see the NSFW image. And by ‘NSFW,’ I mean ‘if you don’t work for W magazine, it’s probably not cool to be ogling Miranda Kerr’s nipples at your workstation.’

I know that I did a suck job at a little black box, but hey. Give me some credit – it’s not as if I spend my day drawing penises and ejaculation over celebrity photos all day long; I’m not used to all this drawing, guys.

Yup. The cutest pregnant woman of all time, and one of the hottest male actors in history. You can’t tell me that this child won’t be genetically blessed with looks, talent and sophistication.  Because if you do?  You’re just talking out your ass.

Miranda was photographed yesterday in NYC with husband Orlando Bloom (and a Balenciaga bag, thanks), who looked every bit the doting dad already. I’m just a bucket of blubbering, quivering emotion over here at the sight of Bloom reaching his hand out to guide his heavy-with-child goddess of a wife up over the nasty old cracked curb, the love in Miranda’s eyes apparent as she silently gloats that this fine piece of man is all hers.

I mean, fuck. Wouldn’t you*?

*The answer is yes. It isn’t a trick question — in fact, there is no other answer.