Sadly, no one told her all night.  Every rack picture of Nicole Richie at The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala is the same.  Exposed cutlets.  In the photo gallery, there is another picture of Richie with Milla Jovovich that can only be interpreted as  “You’re pregnant?  Congratulations!”  So when Nicole and Joel make their announcement, remember you heard it here first.

I have a dress fetish.  I think I’ve mentioned it before.  There are probably sixty dresses in my closet that have never seen the light of day.  I have kids that throw tater tots at me for target practice; fleece is my life.  Yet I still accumulate these dresses in the hopes that I may someday have a reason to wear fabric made from materials that are actually found in nature.  Until that time comes, I fixate on gowns worn by the famous and work through my addiction by crafting obscenely large photo galleries here on Evil Beet.

Speaking of (kind of) famous, my phone rang last week and it was Patricia Arquette.  She was like “zOMG, can I please, please, please borrow your junior prom dress?  I want to wear it to the The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala next week!“  I eventually relented but told her that she’d have to find her own inappropriate, clunky platform pumps.  Sadly, she obeyed.

Also, is anyone planning on seeing Trudie Styler any time soon?  If you are, could you please ask to see her license?  And then show her the date on said license.  Inform her that she’s approaching sixty.  If ever there was a time to abandon sequin miniskirts, sixty would be that time.  She can keep the tantric fucking…the skirt has to go.

And since I’m secretly convinced that Richie is knocked up, Kate Bosworth is my new focus.  I know she has a fast metabolism, but when your forehead is looking too skinny to the point that your cranium veins are showing, it’s time to stop smiling at your dinner plate and start eating what’s on it.

Finally, a simple question that I need answers to:  What the hell happened to Shannen Doherty?

I haven’t even had caffeine yet today; I told you dresses excite me.  They are, like, my Red Bull and methamphetamine cocktail.

At the Patrick Demarchelier exhibition party in Paris, with director Paul Anderson, her long-time boyfriend and baby daddy.

Inexplicably, I kind of love it. This is probably because there is something very, very wrong with me today. I just don’t know what. But clearly one of the symptoms is poor fashion sense. Someone alert Dr. House and his team.

Katy Perry looks absolutely edible at the Dior show at Paris fashion week.

Honestly I feel like if I licked her she would taste like candy.

Also there: Lily Allen, Dita Von Teese, Milla Jovovich and Travis McCoy.

Christina Aguilera does a little drinkin’ herself. [Perez Hilton]

I’ve lost track of how many times Snoop Dogg’s been arrested this year. But add one. [TMZ]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler take a break from hating one another to get dinner at Mr. Chow’s. [Pop on the Pop]

Milla Jovovich? Still hot. [CelebSlam]

Gasp! One of the Gotti kids got arrested. [DListed]

Cameron Diaz can’t marry Justin Timberlake because she’s “commitment-phobic.” And certainly not because he hasn’t proposed. [HollyScoop]

Lindsay Lohan is in movies? Huh. [Pajiba]

Just for the record, I was into Regina Spektor before anybody. This song was on my MySpace page like a hundred years ago. Just so everyone knows. [BWE]