Dude, when Miley Cyrus turns 18, I’m throwing a party. Food and liquor is on me. I will fund it with the money I will make from the naked pictures of her that are sure to be all over the Internet within a month of her 18th birthday.

But until that happy day, Miley is selling tickets to her 16th birthday party — at $250 a pop!

The bash will take place at Disneyland in late November, and tickets go on sale August 30.

Doesn’t a ticket to Disneyland cost $250 anyway these days?

Did someone bring homemade brownies to the office today? Did you eat like five of them? Are you feeling really disgusting and guilty about it right now, but just can’t bring yourself to go to the bathroom and put your finger down your throat?

Good news!

You don’t have to induce your own vomit today.

Miley Cyrus and BFF Mandy Jiroux are here to do it for you, with their new environmentally friendly YouTube video, instructing the youth of America all about how to go green.

Green with nausea?

Done and done!

The Jonas Brothers added fuel to the Selena-vs-Miley feud this weekend, as eldest bro Kevin left his NYC hotel wearing a “Team Demi and Selena” t-shirt.

God, I looooooooooove this feud!

It’s breathing new life into gossip.

TEAM MILEY ALL THE WAY, BEYOTCHES!!!

Seriously are they selling these shirts at Kitson yet OR WHAT?

I NEED ONE!

After years of denials, Miley Cyrus has finally admitted that she did, in fact, date Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers.

“We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met,” Miley says in the September issue of Seventeen Magazine. “He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, ‘I think you’re beautiful and I really like you.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.’”

“Nick and I loved each other,” she says now. “We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn’t fun.”

After they broke up at the end of 2007, she says, “At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don’t want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I’ve got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am … Maybe he’ll be my best friend for the rest of my life or maybe I’ll end up marrying Nick Jonas!”

You know, I have to be honest, this is a fairly mature, brave and articulate expression of the termination of a long-term relationship. I remember dying my hair brown because the guy I was dating preferred brunettes, and, the minute we broke up, I ran to my hairstylist like “Blonde! BLONDE BLONDE BLONDE! RIGHT NOW!” So, although it’s kind of frustrating that my behavior in my mid-20s is the same as the behavior of a 15-year-old, I still felt a sense of kinship reading this.

Nick’s currently carrying on with Selena Gomez, but I have a feeling this drama is not yet complete.

From the same source as last time.

You know, if this is the worst of it, I actually have to give Miley some credit for keeping her pants and some manner of shirt on at all times.

Are there worse pics hanging out these somewhere? I don’t think anyone could technically sell completely nude pics of Miley, since she’s underage. Maybe they could sell them to someone overseas? I dunno. I still couldn’t run them.

Anyway.

Enjoy.

It seems all the racy photo shoots — professional or not — have done little to hinder Miley Cyrus’s burgeoning career as the next teen queen. Her debut solo album (as Miley Cyrus and not Hannah Montana) is #1 on the charts this week, selling 371,000. It’s the second-best week for a female artist so far this year (Mariah Carey’s E=MC2 did relatively better with 463,000 copies).

So congratulations, Miley. I couldn’t be more pleased to have you and your unapologetic YouTube cattiness on the scene.

I would, however, like to have a discussion about what the fuck is on your jeans in this album cover. And in your hair. Did you go swimming in Spaghetti-Os?