So here are some new photos of Mickey Rourke’s latest plastic surgery endeavor, which are still alleged to be necessary because of “boxing accidents” that happened over two decades ago. The last time Mickey publicly addressed his multiple plastic surgeries (aside from, you know, this whole show-everyone-your-fresh-incisions thing he’s got going on today), he had this to say in order to explain away going under the knife so many times:
“Most of it was to mend the mess of my face because of the boxing, but I went to the wrong guy to put my face back together. I had my nose broken twice. I had five operations on my nose and one on a smashed cheekbone. I had to have cartilage taken from my ear to rebuild my nose and a couple of operations to scrape out the cartilage because the scar tissue wasn’t healing properly.”
I mean, honestly. Are we still seriously trying to repair the damage of years gone by, or do you think we have a plastic surgery addict on our hands here, guys? Because truly, the last time we saw Mickey, yeah, he was looking pretty busted, but it didn’t look like anything wasn’t healing correctly or anything, you know?
Can’t help but do it once more, folks—this is what Mickey Rourke USED to look like:
Images courtesy of Radar Online
If you guessed a sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser trying to look forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result, you’re absolutely right. However, that’s not exactly what I meant. What I meant was, “Who, precisely, is this sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser, stuck on looking forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result.”
If you guessed Kris Jenner, you’d be half-right. This is going to be Kris Jenner in five years, and I’m actually looking forward to that. Now, though, this happens to be Mickey Rourke. It’s Mickey Rourke, who used to look like this:
But who now looks like this:
Poor Mickey Rourke. He’s had a pretty rough life. His skin’s elasticity is all shot to shit and sagging like Lindsay Lohan’s flat-tire ass, and while I realize that plastic surgery is probably a slippery slope, and I’m also aware that his first surgeries were to correct a broken nose due to boxing, I’m also pretty convinced, that had he never made that second, and third, and … whatever decision to continue trying to fix his face, that he’d look like a relatively normal almost-sixty-year-old, and it’s a SHAME, because he used to be SO HOT.
I hope you’re all getting into some debauchery tonight. Like I said earlier, it’s the one night of the year when you can dress like a slut, a freak, or a creep, and people won’t think you’re insane or hold you accountable. It’s just like living in Hollywood.
Celebs are taking advantage of the same opportunity. Katie Couric was spotted sporting this year’s ubiquitous Kate Gosselin costume while the hosts of the Today Show went the Luke & Leia route. Fashion designer Michael Kors dressed in a detailed hippie costume while designer Valentino (above) dressed up as an Oompah Loompah. Oh wait… that’s not a costume.
Would someone please tell me what the hell Martha Stewart and Mickey Rourke are supposed to be? I tried to figure out their costumes, but the best I could come up with was “tree trunk” and “Mickey Rourke.”