If you’re like a lot of people, you probably went out and celebrated Thanksgiving Eve with a night of debauchery and libations, hoping vaguely through muddy thoughts that you’re not too hungover the next day for the big eats and won’t puke on your plateful of Aunt Josie’s giblet stuffing which, ironically, looks much like your vomit. If you did, you weren’t alone. Some of my more … interesting memories have occurred on Thanksgiving Eve, and most of them I will probably never live down.

Kind of like our girl Tila Tequila. Tila, who is normally pretty demure, took her antics up a notch this past Wednesday evening at the House of Blues in LA, where she grinded and gyrated on top of Michael Lohan’s on-again, off-again girlfriend, Kate Major, who is apparently a good friend. And yes, we have the photos to prove it.

The evening was held in celebration to honor Kate’s birthday, along with Joslyn James’ and Gina Rodriguez’s. James, if you’ll remember, was one of the porn stars that got chummy with Tiger Woods’ pork sword, and Gina Rodriguez was the woman who allegedly had the affair with married Bones star, David Boreanaz.

And just when you thought the evening could get no trashier – Michael Lohan was also in attendance.

So if you’re still stuffed from yesterday, and the old finger-down-the-throat trick isn’t working to clear your gorge, just check out the photo featuring Tila whipping her greasy-assed hair around and that should just about do it.

Hell has officially frozen over, guys, ’cause the devil himself is ascending to a vessel where he’ll be better represented – Lindsay Lohan has welcomed her formerly-estranged father, Michael, back into her life.

Sources close to Lindsay claim that the ordeal was ‘emotional,’ and that there were ‘hugs, kisses, and a few tears’ when the father and daughter were reunited this past weekend at the Betty Ford clinic where Lindsay is currently undergoing inpatient (sort of) rehabilitation.

Lindsay’s rep naturally had no comment on behalf of the actress, but Foghorn Leghorn Lohan did:

“I have pledged not to comment about anything relating to my daughter. However, what I will say is that I am an incredibly proud father tonight. My daughter is progressing extraordinarily well.”

So, yeah, by ‘no comment,’ we all know by now that Michael Lohan means ‘CommentCOMMENTcomment!’. But anyway, hey. I’m not going to judge too much – I know that the general consensus says that Michael Lohan’s kind of a douche, but the douche is her father, and who would I be to judge the nuances of a father-daughter relationship – albeit, an obviously dysfunctional one?

Here’s to the reunited family members, and hope that this move is in the best interest for both of them. Or, at least for Lindsay, anyway.  Lord knows she doesn’t need any more bad ideas right now.

It was just a few days ago that poor Michael’s plan to get belligerently drunk to show Lindsay how much he loves her was foiled by the arrival of Lindsay’s mother, Dina, at Betty Ford (because of the restraining order, you know).  Now it looks like this bronco’s been broken, because he’s declared that he’s done talking to the media:

“I want to make a public statement that I will not be commenting on ANYTHING relating to my daughter Lindsay, or ANYTHING my ex-wife Dina, or any ‘sources’ related to her, might say. NO MATTER what accusations, lies or conjecture are disseminated to the public about me, for the sake of the ones I love and with hope of creating peace, I WILL NOT respond, in ANY way, to what is said or done, to me. For the sake of those I offended, I apologize and ask their forgiveness … So please refrain from calling or contacting me.”

Do you hear that, world?  Michael is done, he’s totally over you.  So don’t ever call him again, ok?  In fact, don’t even think about him, because he sure as hell won’t be thinking about you.

Lindsay Lohan has been at Betty Ford for a couple of weeks now, and, as usual, she’s not taking visits from her father, Michael.  So Michael, crafty man that he is, has devised a foolproof plan to win back Lindsay’s love and attention.  And really, he can’t fail.

From TMZ:

Michael Lohan is telling people he’s going to intentionally fall off the wagon and check himself into the Betty Ford clinic to be near Lindsay Lohan — and stage his own arrest if necessary to get his daughter’s attention.

We’re told Michael is going to show up at Betty Ford and demand admission.  He will stage his own arrest — to show everyone how much he cares about his daughter.

Michael is saying he’ll make one more trip to Betty Ford to attempt to see Lindsay.  If she won’t let him in, he’s going to get all drunk and then go back and make a scene.

I can’t see this as anything other than brilliant.  ”Fall off the wagon,” “stage his own arrest,” and “get all drunk and then go back and make a scene” are all phrases that are clearly indicative of that healthy, nurturing, all-encompassing love that a parent has for a child. I would like to take this moment to officially announce my support for Michael’s plan.  I believe that if Michael succeeds in getting arrested, it can obviously do nothing but good for Lindsay.

Uh, if you guessed Lindsay, you’d be right. But you’d also be of, like, super-investigator caliber, because this woman looks just like Lindsay.

Now that the engagement is clearly off between Kate Major and Michael Lohan, he’s taken the liberty of moving along to another faux-blonde in New York (and what the fuck are these people thinking, shacking up with Michael Lohan, anyway?!) and was photographed swapping spit (ew, ew, ew) with her just this past weekend.

OK. I guess we’ll read about the new chick in a few weeks, or a few months. Arm yourself with a protective cup and a mouth guard … this shit could get ugly.

Or are you the “friend” behind this recording? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

TMZ has learned that Michael Lohan penned a heartwarming love song for his very own lawbreaker junior, Lindsay. As far as I can tell from the refrain, the title of the song is “A Father’s Love Will Never Die.” But it could also be “I Love You So Much,” or “My Love For You is Alive,” or maybe even “Always Daddy’s Little Girl.” Oh, or “I Miss You So Much.” Any one of them would work, really — they’re all so classically beautiful and … poignant.

You can listen to it here, and weigh in on the masterpiece that is clearly this song.

… Oh God. How horribly cheesy, embarrassing, and self-righteous. Precisely what you’d expect from Michael Lohan himself. Great job on staying true to yourself, guy. Do what you do best.