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Michael Lohan

33Lindsay Lohan Will Have to Share Her Toys with Her New Stepmom

Michael Lohan announced today that he’s engaged to his 24-year-old girlfriend, Erin Muller.

And, as long as people are paying attention to him, he has a few more things he’d like to get off his chest. Specifically, some ranting about Samantha Ronson:

“I’m not happy,” he says. “Ever since [Lindsay] got out of rehab and all these people came back into her life, things haven’t been right … People like Samantha Ronson don’t need to be around Lindsay. She shouldn’t be dragging Lindsay around nightclubs. Who was Samantha Ronson before Lindsay Lohan? She was nobody. She is using her for her own gain. All these people have inserted themselves into her life like parasites, and it’s not right. I’m done with them.”

Uh, Michael? Ever since you got out of Lindsay’s life and Samantha got in, Lindsay’s been out of the headlines. In fact, you’ve been the most scandalous Lohan family member for nearly the entirety of this year. So, ya know, shut up.

August 26, 2008 at 12:57 pm by Evil Beet

12Quotables

“I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

Michael “Bad Person” Lohan, on rumors that Sam and Lindsay might be tying the knot.

August 5, 2008 at 9:52 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Michael Lohan

9Michael Lohan’s Not Getting a Paternity Test Just Yet

So I guess the company that Michael Lohan asked to do his paternity test to determine whether that Ashley chick is his daughter says that they can’t process the request without a court order.

“I got a letter saying I need something from the court before they’ll process anything,” said Lohan. “And I didn’t get that before. So, now I have to go back to my attorney.”

This seems fishy to me. I don’t think you need a court order to do a paternity test. I’m sure they don’t get court orders for all those episodes of Montel titled “You’re My Baby Daddy! And I’ll Prove It!”

Michael still wants to act like he’s not this little girl’s father.

“The timing is just off,” Lohan said in a previous interview. “If she’s mine, I’ll take responsibility. But I wasn’t with her nine months before Ashley was born.”

But he’s totally full of shit. We don’t even need a DNA test. Apparently the video of little Ashley soon-to-be Lohan on ET has been yanked from YouTube, but the girl looked freakin’ identical to Michael. She’s totally his kid.

July 17, 2008 at 9:17 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Michael Lohan

7Quotables

lindsay_shopping.jpg

“I just wish that he wouldn’t go and talk to the media. It’s not attractive to me, it really upsets me and I wish he would stop. … I love my father. I just don’t know why he’s doing what he’s doing. It’s a weird situation, very odd.”

Lindsay Lohan, on the Billy Bush Show.

Amen, sister!

Maybe this is what it takes to get that man to shut up.

April 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm by Evil Beet

18Explain to Me Why I Care About Michael Lohan’s Girlfriend

Michael Lohan, Lindsay’s Dad, and Girlfriend Erin, Pictures, Photos

I’m engaging in my typical afternoon activity — flipping through paparazzi pics while eating Honey Nut Cheerios — and I come across these shots of Papa Lohan and his girlfriend Erin and I’m like, “Ooh! New pics of Erin! Yay!” And then I’m like, “Oh, God, did I really just think that?” This girl is like three steps removed from genuine celebrity. And yet, somehow, I care. I guess that’s why this is my job, right?

Little is known about the elusive Erin — she’s an insurance agent and a licensed esthetician (fancy-speak for “manicurist”), and the two met at a Long Island coffee bar, where they were both talking to the same pastor. Wow. Maybe that’s how I need to land a guy: talk to more pastors in coffee bars.

People like to talk a lot of shit about how Erin looks really young and looks just like Lindsay, but I call bullshit on all that. She looks much older than 21, and she doesn’t look a thing like Lindsay.

Okay. Back to my exciting life of Honey Nut Cheerios.

Michael Lohan, Lindsay’s Dad, and Girlfriend Erin, Pictures, Photos

March 11, 2008 at 5:40 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Michael Lohan

4Look Who’s Helping!

Michael Lohan Feeds the Homeless

Michael Lohan helps feed the homeless to help kick off 2007 Thanksgiving Week in New York.

Why the hell were photographers there?

Fame. Whore.

Lindsay is in NYC, too, to spend time with her family for the holiday. She’s still staying out of the spotlight, though. Wish we could say the same about her father.

November 19, 2007 at 11:33 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Michael Lohan