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Michael Lohan

32There Are No Words to Describe How Fucking Insane Michael Lohan Is

lohan_jesus_christ_dude

A select few of us lucky gossip bloggers received this email tonight. It was from Michael Lohan, announcing the launch of his new blog, Mike Lohan Online. This blog is a fantastic idea, because now Michael Lohan can just skip the middleman of the New York Post or InTouch and just publicly talk shit about his daughter whenever he feels the urge. Evil has gone digital! This is an excerpt from his first post:

Today, on TMZ, my darling daughter Lindsay was asked for a comment in response to me saying, “Samantha is on drugs!”

Lindsay’s only response was, “look at him!”

WOW! Linds, how forthright! Let me ask you; was it me who was actually pictured in the train station with a bag full of prescription drugs? Do you see me out partying with Lindsay, my other children or having raging wars with her? Was it me who jumped out of a DJ booth and punched Lindsay when she was with Calum Best? Did I drive Lindsay around for hours in LA until she fell asleep and before I ran low on gas only to call the paps and sell pictures to them? Uh uh!

As a matter of fact, I was the one who tried to keep those kinds of parasites away from Lindsay. Like the psycho stalker “AJ’s,” the parasite publicist, the wanna be manager(s), the backstabbing bodyguards, and the not so helpful assistants and the in-laws from hell who spend their time getting high and robbing the victims of the 911 disaster relief fund.

No, not me, nor my family!

Sure, I made mistakes, but I righted the wrongs. I continue to hold myself accountable for everything I did and continue to do! I speak the truth! I love God and I love people who speak and know the truth!

NONE of us are perfect, but we should strive to be as perfect as we can. Don’t use people, don’t lie about people, don’t bare false witness, don’t be envious or jealous and certainly don’t LIE!

Remember, God is the TRUTH (John 14:6) and the devil is a liar (John 8:44). So you have two choices, represent God (the Truth) or the devil (a liar).

I pray pray pray for Lindsay’s sake that this shit is a joke that someone is playing on her. I pray that this is not actually her fucking father doing this to her. Because if this is the man who was supposed to be her fucking male role model, I am impressed, Lindsay, that you turned out as well as you did. You have a lot to be proud of, young lady.

And, Dad? I love you, and thank you thank you thank you for not really knowing how to use a computer, let alone start a blog to talk shit about me, and then notify all the major gossip columnists about its existence.

This is utter insanity. How could he do this to his own flesh and blood? It’s unthinkable. It’s classless. It’s cruel. It’s embarrassing. Lindsay, hang in there, baby. Every time he pulls this shit, we root for you a little harder.

December 26, 2008 at 11:39 pm by Evil Beet

22Lindsay Lohan Can Talk Shit About Her Father, But You Can’t

Here’s a little (unsourced) quote from the ever-reliable (not!) Starpulse, where Lindsay weighs in on her obnoxious father and his constant shit-talking about Samantha Ronson:

“I would love to say it’s surprising, but it’s not. It doesn’t bother me as much as embarrass and hurt me. And put a knife in my back. And it’s hard because I was flipping through channels and someone on E! called him a loser. And that’s my fucking father! He’s not a bad guy. He’s just making bad choices.”

Does anyone know where and when she said that?

Because, like, Jesus, Lindsay, you can’t say something like that on the record and not expect the entire universe to be all like “THE APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE, BITCH.”

November 24, 2008 at 4:58 pm by Evil Beet

41Crazy, Interrupted

Michael Lohan has responded to Lindsay’s assertions that he “needs to be on medication” with a flurry of vowels and consonants that vaguely resemble English words.

I want to add that this statement was sent exclusively to X17, and that they themselves added all the [sic]s. I don’t know why I find that laugh-out-loud funny, but I do. Like, have they read their own blog? It’s not exactly winning any national spelling bees. You’re a paparazzi agency, guys, not the New York Times. Also: you missed some.

Oh, and, look, I’m usually pretty good about not using photos I haven’t purchased, but y’all are gonna have to send a cease and desist if you wanna stop me from using this photo. It’s just too perfect.

“BEING THAT THIS STATEMENT WAS MOST LIKELY, made by Lindsay’s pubicist [sic], Leslie Sloane, I , as should everyone, take it with a grain of salt since and realize that what Leslie says is laced with lies. tell me, do picutres [sic] lie? Are all the eye witness accounts, the text message and the recordings I have false? Just look at the most recent reports of Lindsay and Samantha in In Touch, The Star and even as late as last night (Sept 25th) in LA. Mind you, this was after the articles in Page Six! So tell me, who is out of control? Who is on and needs medication? And who needs retraining [sic] orders from who? If anyone, Lindsay needs restraining orders from Samantha, the people enabling her and leading her down this dark path who are destoying [sic] her life , her career and causing her harm. I was in LA for 2 weeks and never even tried to see Lindsay other than to call her lawyer and send her “positive words” of advice.If anyone needs to be concerned , it’s me! The comments made by Lindsay’s advisors are ridiculous. But mark my words, things will NOT get better for Lindsay until she rids herself of the people around her who have come back in her life, since her release from Cirque Lodge. People need to stop sucking up to her to stay on her good side, and do what’s right for her well being, NOT their own.Until then, I am going to sit back and let GOD do His work.”


Thanks Emily!

September 27, 2008 at 1:27 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Michael Lohan

24Lindsay Thinks Her Father Needs to Be Medicated, and I Agree

In response to her father’s endless ramblings about how Samantha Ronson is the devil:

My father obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods. He is out of line and his words show how much anger he has, and it’s dangerous and scary as it reminds me of how he treated my mother and I my whole childhood. He needs to be stopped. This is yet another reason why we aren’t speaking.

I am in a great place in life. I have overcome a lot and have been able to learn how to enjoy and appreciate my life in every way possible. I’m proud of myself for being able to make a change in the past year and a half.

My past is behind me, and that’s final. There’s nothing more to be said. All the false accusations that people try to make are simply because there’s no story when things are calm and good.

But they might as well let it go because their lies don’t affect me anymore. Samantha is not evil, I care for her very much and she’s a wonderful girl.

She loves me, as I do her.

I’ll say a few things here.

One: Good for you, Lindsay.

Two: You and Samantha are adorable, and I don’t think she’s evil, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Three: I don’t believe your past is behind you. I think it’s just a matter of time. Again, I like Samantha, and I like the two of you together, but it’s obvious to anyone who’s watching that you’ve replaced your addiction to drugs and alcohol with an addiction to Samantha. You two are never apart. She visits you on all your sets. Always. You travel with her when she DJs. On the outside, this seems cute, but you guys are totally codependent. It’s an addiction as much as it is a relationship. When something about this cracks — and it will — you’ll be right back where you started. I’m just saying. Your father is an evil psychopath, but he’s correct in that you still haven’t really dealt with the underlying issues.

September 24, 2008 at 11:56 am by Evil Beet

43Michael Lohan Would Like You to Pay Attention to Him Today

FUCK the Emmys!

FUCK this plane crash bullshit and the dead and seriously injured.

Michael Lohan has SHIT TO TALK, DAMMIT.

From an email he sent this weekend to X17:

After spending a week in LA, doing charity work and meeting people who want to make positive difference in other peoples lives, only to hear what some of these very people have to say about Samantha Ronson I was sickened. But, then to read the recent article in In Touch magazine, which only corroborated what I heard, I am compelled to state my concerns about the effect Samantha is having on my daughter.

First of all, I don’t believe that the recent blogs posted by “Lindsay” were written by her. As far as the comments themselves, I think that we can all see that anyone with something negative to say about Samantha, is attacked by the “person” writing the blog ( probably Samantha herself) !!!

First, it was me for speaking out against Samantha after I was in a deep conversation with Lindsay, only to have Samantha in the background enticing Lindsay to get off the phone with me.. Then my own ex wife expressed such sincere concern that I felt we had to intervene. Now, Joe Francis is attacked for speaking out about Samantha, when he too cares about Lindsay and is concerned about Samantha’s effect on Lindsay.

Joe Francis is a good person and even a better businessman. He wasn’t a bad guy when he flew Lindsay around on his jet, opened the doors top his home or tried to help, was he? Of course not, because Samantha wasn’t around. Sounds familiar with regard to me as well !!!!

There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye! Not that what we see is soooo pleasing anyway!I I mean, what’s with this ….”person”??? Look at the way she “dresses”? Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words! Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity!

Have you ever seen her apartment? For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand).

I heard and know more about Samantha than you can imagine. Yet, while I haven’t exposed her, I know that God will. He will weed her out of Lindsay’s life and at that time, you will finally see Lindsay back in the place in her heart and mind that God wants and she belongs. Hopefully, without Samantha causing more damage than she already has.

Lindsay should not doing independent films, guest starring on TV shows, being a guest judge on a reality TV show or making appearances at Samantha’s DJ gigs. Is this the Lindsay we all knew and loved before Samantha came into her life? No!!! When she got out of Cirque Lodge everything looked good until Samantha came on the “scene”.

As I have said time and time again, Lindsay is my daughter. I am her father first and not a friend or an enabler. I love her, I believe in her and I forgive her as I hope she forgives me. But after the death of my dad, ( her grandfather) and all the things I continue to hear and see, I am compelled to speak out about the people , like Samantha, who are destroying Lindsay is far too many ways.

If Lindsay could show care for Samantha’s friends, who thank God, survived their plane crash, and if she can follow Samantha all over the world. The least she could do, is show respect for her own grandfather and family. The Lindsay I knew, never would have missed his wake or funeral. But since being around Samantha, she has become a different person!

If Samantha or “anyone” wants to blog me or has anything to say, let them, to my face. Otherwise, if they want to be the sneaky, lying, parasites they are, I am ready to really spill the beans, and I won’t stop until this dark, evil nemesis is out of Lindsay’s life.

THE END

OMG.

I would DIE if this man were my father. I would just DIE. What an utterly sick fuck. Sick, sick, sick. God, I have so much sympathy for Lindsay knowing that she was raised with this horrible, twisted, mentally ill person in her life. Dad, I’m so sorry for yelling at you as a teenager for making cheesy jokes in front of my friends and embarrassing me. That was not embarrassing at all. You were being cute, and sweet and genuinely loving. This is embarrassing. Lindsay’s father is a fucking PSYCHOPATHIC evil monster from hell. I’m so grateful for you, Dad.

Lindsay has been doing SO MUCH BETTER since she and Samantha have been a public couple. Samantha has helped Lindsay to heal herself in ways that you couldn’t even begin to approach, Michael. You are just making an ass of yourself. Nobody believes you. Fuck off and go overdose and die — that’s the best way you can help Lindsay right now.

Thanks Emily!

September 21, 2008 at 11:46 pm by Evil Beet

19OMG, Michael Lohan Is the Lowest Form of Human Life

Hi guys! I’m back from vacay! Which was wonderful! But you know how awful it is when you get the most relaxing massage ever and then get in your car to head home and hit terrible traffic? And you’re like “Fuckin’ a, this shit just un-did all my relaxation?”

Michael Lohan is my traffic jam.

What kind of parasitic slime uses the death of his own father to diss his ex-wife, lie about his daughter and satiate his sick need for fame?

Oh, yes. Michael Lohan.

So Michael’s father (Lindsay’s grandfather) died, he issued this statement to OK! magazine:

“My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina’s attorney. Let’s see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors! Thus, not even a call. But that’s par for the course with Dina! She didn’t even send a card or visit when he was sick.”

OMG! Does he even realize how fucking insane this sounds? Allow me to explain:

Michael Lohan’s To-Do List After Death of Father:

1) Call Michael Jr.
2) Call Lindsay
3) Call Ali
4) Call Cody
5) Call OK! magazine
6) Photograph dead father from several angles in case anyone’s interested in buying the pics

This man is SICK SICK SICK.

And then he sells this bullshit to E!:

“I was holding him, laying in bed with him, when he died. Lindsay did reach out to me. She sent me a message this morning. She said, ‘Now papa has found peace and maybe we can find peace in our lives, too.’ “

This comes just a day after Lindsay publicly begged her father to keep the media out of her life.

So Lindsay’s taking to her MySpace blog to fight back. Today, she writes:

just going to put it out there, i have had no contact with my father.
and i hope he uses this time to keep mourn the loss of his father, rather than taking the time to talk to the media about me or anyone in my life.
better he just keeps his mouth shut.

on another note-
im having fun on the set of Ugly Betty, the cast is great, the crew is great, and it’s nice to be at work, doing what i love to do!

xoxox

Listen, Lindsay, some free advice: Have your publicist contact every major tabloid publication out there: OK!, People, E!, News of the World, InTouch, everyone. Tell them that anyone who runs a quote from or story about Michael Lohan will never, ever, at any point in the future, receive a quote, an interview or any manner of exclusive with you. You’re the one who’s actually famous here, sweetie. Take back control.

August 29, 2008 at 9:24 pm by Evil Beet