Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Melissa McCarthy

Caption This: This Week’s Photo

Hello, beeters! It’s that time again – a new photo, a new chance to caption for some awesome Evil Beet prizes. Remember, the only sure thing about luck is that it will change! Therefore, take a look at the photo above and give us your funniest, most unique captions below, then check back next week to find out if you’ve won.

As for last week’s Mike Tyson photo, here’s the winner below:

Winner: Jocelyn with “When you hold Mike Tyson to your ear, you can hear the WINNING!”

Runners-up: nicole peach with “You is ear-isistable, Chuckles my man!”

xyz with “Still hungry after all these ears”

So come on guys, get captioning on this week’s photo!

Update: Rex Reed Defends Hateful Melissa McCarthy Comments

You might think that raging asshole Rex Reed would apologise for his hateful comments against Melissa McCarthy - you know, calling her a “female hippo”, “tractor-sized” etc. – once he finished his course at Rude Dude University and went back to life in the real world, right? That a human being couldn’t be that overtly awful, be continuously called out for it and not realise the error of his ways, yeah?

No, instead The Man Named After a Dinosaur stands by his bullshit, claiming that his comments were based more on health reasons than being a bastard – after all, Melissa McCarthy’s entire career is based on her abhorent fatness rather than the fact that she’s actually a hilarious comedy actress with a solid background in improv who has probably developed a defense mechanism against a society that has an attitude of disgust and vitriol towards overweight people. You know, laugh about it yourself so that it doesn’t bother you so much when other people are doing it.

Sigh, whatever. From an interview on WOR-AM (via DigitalSpy):

“I object to using health issues like obesity as comedy talking points. That’s what this girl does, this Melissa. I have too many friends that have died of obesity-related illnesses, heart problems and diabetes… I don’t find this to be the subject of a lot of humor.”

He added: “Don’t make me a villain, [McCarthy] is crying all the way to the bank.”

He also said that McCarthy has remained “completely classy” for staying silent on the incident.

First of all, what kind of backhanded compliment is it to applaud someone for sitting there and taking a massive dose of verbal abuse from anyone, let alone some bigoted journalist who himself looks like he’s about an “I’ll take the stairs” away from a heart attack himself? Melissa McCarthy is completely classy for plenty of reasons – and yes, ignoring your stupid ass rather than sinking to your level is one of those – but she certainly doesn’t need validation from the likes of you.

Melissa McCarthy Gets Called a “Female Hippo” by Rex Reed: A Story in .Gifs

melissa mccarthy pics

Listen, Identity Thief seems like a pretty sub-par comedy despite its genius stars, Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. The script is weak and the plotline is corny, but thankfully the actors save it from being a total disaster by being masters of gesture, delivery and physical comedy.

While it might seem natural to criticise a shitty movie for the above shortcomings, Rex Reed – the Grumpy Old Man in human form film critic for The New York Observer – did nothing of the sort. Instead, he concentrated on insulting McCarthy about her weight while giving Bateman glowing reviews for being… thin and attractive?



“Melissa McCarthy is a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success. Poor Jason Bateman. How did an actor so charming, talented, attractive and versatile get stuck in so much dreck.”

Other choice words Reed dedicated to McCarthy:

- “tractor-sized”
- “a female hippo”
- “humungous creep”
- “cacophonous”



Melissa McCarthy is fantastic has always been frank in discussions surrounding her weight – which of course there have been many of, because that’s the way this stupid world works – and has admitted that she still struggles with her body image on a daily basis but tries to master the urge to, oh, hate herself, because she would never want to pass such behaviour down to her own daughters. But here’s the thing: what on God’s green earth does McCarthy’s weight have to do with whether or not a movie is funny? The great thing about so many of her roles – for instance, her part of Sookie on Gilmore Girls – is the fact that it illustrated that – surprise, surprise! – fat people’s lives don’t revolve around being fat! Fat people fall in love, fat people hang out with their friends and have jobs and even (gasp!) eat salads and work out! It’s a miracle!



On another note, if we want to get personal, Rex Reed needs to take a look in the mirror before he starts picking on someone else’s appearance.



Maybe he was a stud in his heyday, but the caterpillar eyebrows, Rudolph nose and his choice of accessories (yellow silk, bro? Really?) leave a bit to be desired. And by “a bit”, I mean this asshole – who is rather portly himself – is no prize piece.



As a final side note, Bridesmaid director and total sweetie Paul Feig took to Twitter to respond to Reed’s hateful diatribe, writing:

“For his catty and school bully name-calling of the supremely talented Melissa McCarthy, I cordially invite Mr. Rex Reed to go f**k himself.”

We agree.



Melissa McCarthy Deserves An Oscar More Than Anyone

When Jenn announced the Oscar nominations here yesterday, she, along with you lovely commenters, pretty much voiced every prominent feeling I had. There was the sadface felt ’round the world when we learned that Ryan Gosling failed to receive a single nomination, and there was the horrible injustice I felt when I learned that the Academy failed to recognize the unbelievable talent of Tilda Swinton. Although I was so, so happy that Christopher Plummer got a nomination for Beginners. Did you see Beginners? You should.

But there’s one nomination that I want to discuss in further detail. If you read the headline and looked at the picture and have a lick of sense, you’d know that I’m talking about Melissa McCarthy.

You know that I love her with all my heart, and it fills me with such joy that she’s up for Best Supporting Actress. It also makes me happy that although Bridesmaids didn’t get that Best Picture nomination, it was nominated for Best Screenplay. You know what else makes me happy? Melissa McCarthy’s adorable reaction to this whole thing:

“When they said my name I was like, ‘What show is this? This must be some other show,’” McCarthy said. “I kept saying that, but when my picture came up I just kind of crumpled and my husband said, ‘You just got nominated for an Academy Award.’” (FYI: Her hubby is Ben Falcone, who played Air Marshall Jon in Bridesmaids.)

While it may be too soon to have thought about a dress, McCarthy will be reaching out to longtime friend, celebrity shoe designer Brian Atwood. “We used to sit in his room and cut out Vogue patterns in high school,” McCarthy said. “I’m going to call him and say, ‘What do I do?’”

But today is also like every other day for McCarthy. She’ll be taping her sitcom, Mike & Molly. “I’m going to be bouncing off the walls,” she said. “I feel bad because I am going to be so spastic and don’t know if I’ll get any of my lines right.”

Melissa is also super excited about the prospect of meeting Glenn Close:

“I hope I can figure out something else to say to Glenn Close other than ‘Holy shit, you’re Glenn Close,’ ” McCarthy told PEOPLE after getting her Oscar news Tuesday morning. “I just think she makes beautiful, smart, perfect decisions in her characters and roles she plays. She looms very large to me.”

The Bridesmaids star, who won an Emmy earlier this year for Mike & Molly, admits she was flustered when she first encountered Close at the Golden Globes but is planning ahead for Oscar night.

“If I get to re-meet her,” said McCarthy, “I hope I say something that’s not as jackass-y.”

Have I mentioned lately how much I adore this lady?

Watch This: Melissa McCarthy Used to Rock Some Serious Kate Gosselin Hair

In this clip, Melissa McCarthy visits Anderson Cooper‘s talk show Anderson, whereupon Anderson busts out some of McCarthy’s high school photos.

And you are not going to believe this: “Missy” McCarthy was the senior voted Most Punk.

McCarthy explains that she had been totally preppy, in that very 1980s way—you know, cheerleading, student council, tennis—until the fateful year she returned from summer vacation with blue Kate Gosselin hair. She also wore turtleneck sweaters safety-pinned together as pants (“My mom loved it! And so did the nuns”).

I filched this video from the Hairpin, and I really recommend taking a look at the lively comments section there—especially if you wore JNCO jeans in the 1990s.

Melissa McCarthy Is Still Sassy And Fabulous

A photo of Melissa McCarthy

As if there were ever any doubt, right? Melissa McCarthy is always sassy and fabulous: that’s sort of her job.

Just in case you needed recent proof of awesomeness though, here are a few quotes from an interview she did with Entertainment Weekly:

On comedy: “Comedy to me is all about the bumps and bruises and weird tics,” says McCarthy. “It’s everything you find out about somebody when you fall in love with them that on paper is really creepy but you find adorable.”

On her teenage years: “There was a three-year chunk as a teen where I should have been tranquilized and put in a cage.”

On embarrassing her daughters: If her daughters ever try to pull some of the crap she did in high school, she has a plan. “I will embarrass my kids to their core. I will threaten to show up in hot pants and a tube top. Their dad will drive me. And he’ll let me and my friend Lisa get pretty drunk in the backseat and we will come into that party and just rip it up.”

On her body image: “Do I sometimes hope I wake up in the morning and people are like, ‘What’s wrong with her? She looks emaciated,’?” she says. “Of course I would love that. I’m such a clothes whore I would love the opportunity to be a hanger. But I think I’m more confident than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

God, I just love this lady, don’t you? You do, right? If you don’t, may I ask what your problem is?