Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Melissa Etheridge

Melissa Etheridge and girlfriend Linda Wallem got married!

melissa etheridge linda wallem

Melissa Etheridge had been friends with Nurse Jackie creator Linda Wallem for a decade before they started dating in 2010, and they’ve now taken their relationship to the next level by getting married! The ladies had a lovely ceremony at the San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito, California on Saturday night, and plenty of stars were in attendance, including Rosie O’Donnell, Chelsea Handler, Whitney Cummings and Jane Lynch. All four of Melissa’s kids were part of the ceremony, as well. Cute!

From People:

“They were so happy,” says a guest. “It was really beautiful.”

In the course of the intimate outdoor ceremony, Etheridge sang Wallem a new song she wrote especially for her and which Etheridge had never performed before – not even to Wallem.

“It was such a magical moment,” says the guest, who added that Etheridge wore a grey suit, while Wallem was in a white dress.

“The ceremony was such a beautiful start to the night,” says the guest. “The setting was perfect. It was something Melissa and Linda wanted early on. It was as perfect as they envisioned.”

Sunday morning, the newlyweds will leave directly for their honeymoon. Working closely with a personal vacation advisor, Etheridge planned to surprise Wallem at a secret location.

I’m not one for weddings, as you know, but I’m a softy for happy lesbians – what can I say? Congrats to the happy couple!

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How Melissa Etheridge Ruined Christmas

A photo of Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels

You remember that awful custody battle between Melissa Etheridge and her ex, Tammy Lynn Michaels? Tammy keeps writing bad poetry about it on her blog, and Melissa doesn’t really talk about it all that much? The last we heard, Melissa was giving Tammy $23,000 a month in child support. But now we’re hearing that that’s not nearly enough, and now Tammy can’t afford to buy their kids any Christmas presents. SAD.

Here’s the deal, according to Tammy:

fascinating you know— secrets, they are. People, places, things and accounts, houses, waived rights AND relationships, money —-secrets are sick—a sign of an illness within—disease—playing games with money—phoney baloney—hide and seek—can you find the ball under the clam shell? —christmas is coming—chase the check—chase the check —chase the check—can’t —catch it—oh watch the girl go—empty stockings and tiny boxes—-don’t worry– —i’ll teach them what’s important—nothing close to —what i have to chase in the stupid mail box—but rather—what is in the heart—which could never–never never ever be found in a mail box anyway…………… millionaires in their mansions—-tricking with trusts—-hiding money from Paul behind Peter—–just to steal from the minor in the end—-integrity is a mystery in—-the town of gold dust—-pyrite—fool’s gold —-at times i do feel——as narcissistic as this sounds—that i might be the only —one—with a moral compass —-this side of the Indiana State Line. —tell me it’s not true—-no—-show me—-show me—-someone show me it’s not true…………

If you can’t make sense of that, the deal is that while Melissa is sending Tammy checks, the checks are slow to arrive. Which I guess means that $23,000 is so little to Tammy that she goes through it all in a month, and now that it’s December she doesn’t have any extra to get Christmas presents. That’s what I’m gathering, at least. And that’s so preposterous.

Despite the fact that gifts are obviously not what the holiday season is about (my 12-year-old niece asked me for a laptop, and I sort of laughed in her face, then cried inside a little, and then told her she was getting books instead), I still find it so hard to believe Tammy here. Unless when she talks about the checks being late she means that they’re several months late, then I really don’t want to hear about it. If money is that hard on $23,000 a month, then maybe you need to reevaluate your life. Maybe move somewhere less expensive, maybe review your expenses. I don’t even know, maybe just pray about it. This is the silliest thing in the whole world.

Melissa Etheridge Still Has A Crazy Ex

A photo of Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels

Ok, so the last time we talked about Melissa Etheridge and her former wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels, was back in 2010, so yeah, it’s been a while. If you weren’t around then or don’t remember, here’s a real quick rundown: Melissa and Tammy broke up, and they had a really, really ugly divorce. Melissa seemed to be pretty collected about everything, but Tammy Lynn wrote a series of bizarre poems on her blog ranting about what an awful person Melissa is. We only covered one of those here, but I read tons more, and a quick peek at her blog shows that she hasn’t slowed down.

Are we all up to date now? Good, let’s check out the details of Tammy’s latest crazy fit, courtesy of TMZ:

Melissa Etheridge’s ex-GF Tammy Lynn Michaels claims she’s barely scraping by on the $23,000 a month Melissa currently pays her in partner and child support — and now, she wants a massive raise … this according to new court docs obtained by TMZ.

Tammy just filed the papers in the couple’s infamously bitter separation claiming Melissa makes roughly $177,882.00 PER MONTH … and got Tammy accustomed to an extravagant lifestyle while they were together … so the $23k is incredibly unfair.

Tammy — a former actress — also claims she has “virtually no savings” and would need “extensive retraining” if she were to rejoin the workforce.

Tammy claims Melissa is also brainwashing the kids — training them to be emotionally distant and rude to Tammy … and now they won’t even give her a hug.

Tammy also accuses Melissa of cursing around the children — including one instance … when she told Tammy to “get the f**k off my back” in front of the kids. According to Tammy, Melissa also refuses to let the kids get vaccinated.

As for the reason behind the mudslinging — Tammy and Melissa are headed into a settlement conference in May to determine support and custody issues … so it’s important for Tammy to demonstrate she’s the better mom.

On top of increased support, Tammy also wants Melissa to pay her $120,000 legal bill. Calls to Melissa were not returned.

Now, of course it’s awful if Melissa is talking negatively about Tammy to their children, and if she’s talking to her like that in front of the kids, then that’s not ok either. I think we can all agree on that, so I don’t want to discuss that part. I want to discuss the money part.

This woman can’t live on $23,000 a month, seriously? I’m sure that the cost of living here in Tennessee is much less than it is wherever Tammy lives (probably L.A.), but I could do so incredibly well on $23,000 a year. I could provide wonderfully for my boyfriend and our four pets, we could afford an adorable, roomy house easily, and there would be absolutely zero financial stress. I’m not trying to make this into a “poor me” issue at all, but listen, Tammy, shut up.

This is one of my least favorite things, when a celebrity gets with a less famous or not famous person, they break up, and then the celebrity has to pay exorbitant amounts of money because their ex got “accustomed to an extravagant lifestyle.” You can get unaccustomed real quick if you have to. No one needs the amount of extravagance that is in most celebrity’s lives, right? You can survive without manicures and tons of designer clothing and unnecessarily huge homes and flashy cars. You don’t need it. Take care of your kids, and if you want all those fancy things, then get you a job and work.

Does anyone actually understand that “extravagant lifestyle” argument, or am I right here?

Quotables: Melissa Etheridge Says “All is Fair in Love and War”

“Well, all is fair in love and war. A woman is always entitled to speak her mind, and that’s the way she speaks her mind. It’s always one person’s perspective, and one person’s perspective through hurt and fear, and anger. You’re going to get a pretty dark picture. We’re working things out, how about that? Have I jumped into dating? Suffice it to say, I am a very happy woman. Yes.”

- Melissa Etheridge responds to her ex-wife’s public complaints that she’s left her and the kids high and dry.

I kind of love that this is Melissa’s take on things, although I can see someone with this much clarity being somewhat of a manipulative psycho to deal with behind closed doors. I think that most people would probably freak out and give an equally unbalanced reaction back. Sure, her calmness freaks me out, but

Tammy Lynn Michaels is Getting Screwed Over By Melissa Etheridge

Tammy Lynn Michaels and Melissa Etheridge have been broken up for some time now, but their bitter divorce continues.

This weekend, Tammy posted a Rosie-esque blog entry, in which she paints her ex-wife to be a manipulative and cruel person who doesn’t seem to care about the well-being of the mother of her children.

Here’s the post:

just a cornucopia of thoughts.

“pays all the bills”
not entirely true

“pays all the bills she chooses to pay”
“pays all the bills her people thinks
are important enough to pay”
is more accurate

when i went to get cash
just last week
for the three of us to eat
nothing

today i was shopping for birthday decor
4th next sunday!
little cash for lunch?
nope- not enough funds
no food

“pays all her bills”
not entirely true

my medical bills?
yes- insurance covers it all
for a small monthly fee
the house? i didn’t pick it out
they did
the kids’ education?
she chose the private schooling
i’m fine if they’re in public

using my kids as pawns? in boston?
never
i had a choice to come to LA
-see so many thing were bleeding
and i took the choice
her lawyer lies about
me using the kids as pawns -
he should have looked at the schedule
before we left LA- Boston was tentative-
and the silence from her regarding my actions
breaks me, as she lets the world think
(again) something else is true
than what is and was.

she plays the games with her lawyer now
by being quiet.

i sit here quietly watching her people
launch campaigns against me on the ‘net
smudgin’ and sludgin’
but they don’t know nothin’
what i came into the relationship with
commercial cash and television stashes
working here and there in the marriage

and now some sit in tiny judgement
not knowing how much is fact
how far it goes back
how much is fiction
and how much is opinion.

but i can tell you i’ve turned from that machine hungry hungry too many times now– and i might never trust another soul again.

and i don’t think i know what love is, or a promise. and romance? smoke and mirrors, ladies!!! smoke and mirrors! don’t fall for it! it’s all a line up for bull that’ll leave you with saggy boobs and stretch marks in the end.

and to be honest?

what the fuck is marriage all about anyway? i thought i did everything i was supposed to do. support support support. love family, be there, love, right? all for naught or have i still everything to learn about love? and that was nothing? or the letting go of this is THEE LESSON of loving. argh.

someone told me that chemotherapy just messes with a brain chemistry, changes the brain, the person, and makes them just in general different. they might b meaner, or illogical, often imbalanced, or whatever. but they just don’t come out the same. hardly ever, i am told. and they can’t help it. it just is.

and i think about that alot too.
posted by Tammy, midwestern girl/Mom

It’s difficult to tell who’s right and who’s wrong in a situation where you’re only hearing one side of things, but this post makes me feel for Tammy. At one point the two seemed so happy together, and I’m sure they both feel like they, at one point, made promises they weren’t able to keep. Still, if Melissa is really communicating to the mother of her children through her lawyers… that ain’t right.

Quotables

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don’t mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We’re gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that’s not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won’t have to pay their taxes either.

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

…Really?

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision someone reading that legislation “eliminates the right” and then clicking yes. What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening commercial where the little girl comes home and says, “Hi mom, we learned about gays in class today” and then the mother gets that awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say “I believe you do not deserve the same rights as me”? Do they think that their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and working side by side with all the citizens of California?

I got news for them, someday your child is going to come home and ask you what a gay person is. Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away.

I know when I grew up gay was a bad word. Homo, lezzie, faggot, dyke. Ignorance and fear ruled the day. There were so many “thems” back then. The blacks, the poor … you know, “them”. Then there was the immigrants. “Them.” Now the them is me.

I tell myself to take a breath, okay take another one, one of the thems made it to the top. Obama has been elected president. This crazy fearful insanity will end soon. This great state and this great country of ours will finally come to the understanding that there is no “them”. We are one. We are united. What you do to someone else you do to yourself. That “judge not, lest ye yourself be judged” are truthful words and not Christian rhetoric.

Today the gay citizenry of this state will pick themselves up and dust themselves off and do what we have been doing for years. We will get back into it. We love this state, we love this country and we are not going to leave it. Even though we could be married in Mass. or Conn, Canada, Holland, Spain and a handful of other countries, this is our home. This is where we work and play and raise our families. We will not rest until we have the full rights of any other citizen. It is that simple, no fearful vote will ever stop us, that is not the American way.

Come to think of it, I should get a federal tax break too…

Melissa Etheridge, in a special piece for the Daily Beast.

It’s Twins for Melissa Etheridge and Wife


Congratulations to Melissa Etheridge and wife Tammy Etheridge (nee Michaels)! Last Tuesday, October 17, Tammy gave birth to twins — a boy and a girl — named Miller Steven and Johnnie Rose.

Hm. “Miller” and “Johnnie.” Can you guess which one is the girl?

No?

That’s okay, neither can any reasonable person.

FYI, Johnnie Rose is the girl. Is it possible they’re pronouncing it like “Joni?” I can’t tell. Actually, “Johnnie,” (pronounced Jah-nee) is kind of a hot name for a girl, but it’s really gonna suck for both of them when Tammy and Melissa are all like, “These are our twins, Johnnie and Miller,” and people just stare, awkwardly, trying to figure out which name to apply to which child.

This is the first child for Tammy. Melissa has two children with ex-girlfriend Julie Cypher, Bailey (9) and Beckett (7), whose biological father is David Crosby. Miller and Johnnie’s father is an anonymous donor. Mother and children are doing well.