You know why? Because Mel Gibson‘s divorce from his wife of 28 years, Robyn, was just finalized on Friday. That means that Robyn gets half of everything Mel has. And Mel has a lot:

Among Gibson’s estimated assets: more than $600 million grossed by The Passion of the Christ alone; $100-plus million in real estate investments worldwide (he bought an island in Fiji for $15 million in 2005); and $75 million for film and TV projects for which Gibson, 55, executive produced.

It appears some of his wealth has already been transferred to Robyn, in particular two Malibu homes worth a combined $22.5 million. As for film residuals, Robyn is entitled to half of every future check Gibson receives for the rest of his life.

I would go on about how much Robyn deserves this and how completely unimaginable it would be to be married to Mel Gibson for nearly 30 years, but I just can’t. I’ve slept like four hours in the past two days and I just got all these student loan bills in the mail, which is always depressing, and on top of all that I have to explain to my little guinea pig that his first Christmas is over and he probably won’t get to open presents like that until his birthday in June. I just can’t think about being married to Mel Gibson or how some people have 800 million dollars.

But maybe you guys can! Which would you rather have: a few decades with Mel Gibson for a lover or about $400 million?

Robert Downey Jr. is one magical dude. We all know that. He’s been through a lot, he overcame, and now he’s Mr. Peanut. Could you even ask for a more inspiring tale?

Well, it looks like RDJ himself is asking for one, because he’s saying that the time has come to forgive Mel Gibson for all his wrongdoings. And what a fairy tale that would be!

Robert Downey Jr. created what could become a turning point in Mel Gibson’s public rehab last night, by heaping praise on Mel, telling a large crowd of celebrities that Mel deserved forgiveness.

Downey was being honored for his life work in Beverly Hills, when Mel took the stage and recalled how he had helped Downey when he was down and out, reflecting that people had warned him of Robert’s bad ways, but all Mel could see was a good guy. Then Mel made fun of himself, cautioning the crowd to remember who was making the assessment.

Then it was Downey’s turn. The two had worked together in “Air America,” bur more significantly, Mel had posted an insurance bond for Downey when all the movie companies refused because he was such a high risk.

Downey used a metaphor that he and Mel shared, telling the crowd, “When I couldn’t get sober, Mel helped me” … by giving him food and shelter. Downey said Mel told him to find faith and accept responsibility — Mel called it “hugging the cactus.”

Then Downey told the Crowd … Mel hugged the cactus long enough, and the place erupted in applause.

Yeah, I’m not so sure about that. Mel Gibson did a lot of bad things, like an unbelievable amount of bad things. But then again, RDJ isn’t asking that we go on a date with the guy, or let him join our book club or anything. He’s just asking that Mel gets the chance to act again. And maybe that’s ok.

What do you think? Should Mel continue to be shunned, or is it acceptable to let him make movies again?

The idea of Mel Gibson looking like this and getting behind the wheel of his car is really frigging frightening. But perhaps even more frightening (if that’s at all possible) is the gnarly zombie hand that he’s got going on in most of these photos. What is that? Is he in the process of suffering a stroke? Is that why he’s lurching about, eager to get into the car? So that he can drive himself to the nearest hospital to seek immediate medical attention?

No, he’s just leaving a bar. Late, late at night. That always ends well. The zombie hand though? Totally can’t explain that one, sorry.

“It’s one terribly awful moment in time, said to one person in the span of one day, and doesn’t represent what I truly believe or how I’ve treated people my entire life. If I could make that choice again, I’d make a different choice. … I’ve never treated anyone badly or in a discriminatory way based on their gender, race, religion or sexuality – period. I don’t blame some people for thinking that though, from the garbage they heard on those leaked tapes, which have been edited. You have to put it all in the proper context of being in an irrationally, heated discussion at the height of a breakdown, trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship. [As for acting], I could easily not act again. It’s not a problem. I’m going to do something now because I want to do it and because it’s fun. I’ve already pulled another job and it’s going to be fun. I don’t know if it’s going to get off the ground, but I’m going to go work for [Best Picture Oscar winner Braveheart's screenwriter] Randy Wallace again. He’s got this script and he’s had it for years. He wrote some book and he’s adapted it to a script. And it’s almost like Alexander Dumas — like that swashbuckler kind of stuff.”

I still think that a lot of what Mel was recorded saying on those audio tapes – edited or not – were a cacophony of just shit-awful things that will always be floating out there, waiting to bite him in one way or another, but I can understand where he’s coming from when he talks about trying to get out of a bad relationship, things getting all heated up in the moment. If you’ve lived past the age of seventeen, you’ve probably had a bad experience with a relationship, and if you haven’t, well good for you. Your time will probably come, too.  I’m not saying Mel is a reformed person with an entirely different outlook on other people and their feelings, but what I am saying is that everyone makes mistakes – even fucking swollen, nasty epic ones – at certain points in their lives.

That being said, I do hope he returns to acting, because he is quite talented, but he’s right – it’s gotta be on his terms, doing what he wants to do to be happy. Aren’t we all entitled to our own happiness, mistakes in the past or not?

What a great month for violence against women in the media, right? It’s like we’re trippin’ over the stuff!

Mel Gibson plead no contest after he was charged with misdemeanor battery for allegedly hitting at his ex-lady Oksana Grigorieva on March 11th, and yesterday he was in and out of the El Segundo Police Department in a half hour while he had his mugshot (above) and fingerprints taken.  He was sentenced to three years probation and counseling, because apparently that’s the most punishment they can dish out to an anti-Semitic woman-beater who drinks too much and also happens to be famous these days.

I feel like I have to point out how ass-backwards it is that Lindsay Lohan has spent more time in the slammer for harm she’s caused only to herself than Mel and Charlie Sheen have spent ever. Both Mel and Charlie are repeat offenders who show a much greater threat to society than Lindsay, who seems to be a favor shoplifting a cocaine to physical abuse. Why are these guys repeatedly getting a slap on the wrist from the justice system (and in Sheen’s case, being glorified in the media as some Tiger Blood-drinking superhero,) while Lindsay MAYBE stole a dumb necklace and will probably serve a small sentence for it.

Perhaps it’s obvious to cry sexism here, but it’s not so obvious that anyone’s doing anything to change things.

“He’s so incredibly loving and sensitive, he really is. He is the most loved actor I have ever worked with on a movie. And he’s not saintly, and he’s got a big mouth, and he’ll do gross things your nephew would do. But I knew the minute I met him that I would love him the rest of my life. I know him in a very complex way. He’s a real person; he’s not a cardboard cutout. I know that he has troubles, and when you love somebody you don’t just walk away from them when they are struggling.”

- Jodie Foster defending her BFF Mel again.

Have you ever spoken with someone who’s been abused?  Isn’t that kind of what Jodie sounds like, all “no, you just don’t know him like I do, he’s really a great guy, he’s just got some issues”?  I think it’s important to stand by loved ones in tough times too, but there’s a difference between doing that and talking up a guy that likes to beat his girlfriend.  I know you’re just trying to promote The Beaver, Jodie, but maybe try a different angle.

Remember that time that Mel Gibson was a psychotic abusive asshole and his girlfriend recorded all those tapes to prove it? Yeah, he’s been in court for that, and surprise!  Mel got a deal – he’ll plead no contest to simple battery in court on Friday, and the court will be like “ok, just don’t do it again.”  Well, all right, he’ll have to go to counseling as well, but does that even count as a sentence for a crime?  I thought it fell more under the category of a painfully obvious necessity at this point. Apparently the plea deal was a tough decision for Mel because, according to TMZ, he “believed he could win the case — he struck the deal to protect his loved ones.”  Oh, right, because that’s what Mel Gibson’s all about, protecting his loved ones. Solid move, court.

Note to all the douchebags out there:  it’s totally cool to knock around your girl and scream and pant at her 24/7, trying to get her to blow you.  That’s absolutely fine, you won’t get in trouble at all.  As long as you do Braveheart first.

I don’t know about your guys, but breaking my teeth is one of my biggest fears. Break my nose, break my EYEBALLS, but don’t go anywhere near my teeth, you know? They’re just a mad sensitive part of the human body.

That being said, I am revolted by this dentist photo of Oksana Grigorieva that was published on RadarOnline. Apparently this was taken the day after she got into an altercation with Mel. Can you even imagine looking in the mirror and seeing all your teeth broken up and looking crazy?

Mel’s legal team is claiming that because the front teeth were veneers and not her real teeth, so it’s not as bad as she’s claiming it to be. Because we’re all hung up on whether or not the teeth that were beaten out of her head are real, right guys?

Mel Gibson is the biggest loser of the decade. Hands down.

“I remember, like, fifteen years ago, I was at one of those big Hollywood parties. And he [Mel Gibson] was really drunk. I was with my friend, who’s gay. He made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He said something about ‘oven dodgers,’ but I didn’t get it. I’d never heard that before. It was just this weird, weird moment. I was like, ‘He’s anti-Semitic and he’s homophobic.’ No one believed me!”

- Winona Ryder, telling GQ all about it.

I know that this man has said some horrible things, but for some reason, the image of Mel Gibson calling Little Women era Winona an “oven dodger” just stabs straight into my heart like an icicle.  I specify the icicle because I used to think icicles were so neat and pretty, much like Mel Gibson in The Patriot, but now they’re just nuisances and little implements of death.

Yep, The Beaver is coming, everybody, and there’s a trailer to prove it.  I think it looks like the kind of movie I’d be into – the trailer made me think of Visioneers (have you guys seen Visioneers? It’s Zach Galifianakis’ best movie.  It’s on Netflix. Please just go watch Visioneers.) – but I’m not sure about it. Mel Gibson’s crazy is throwing me off.  On one hand, Mel is a fantastic actor and I’d probably love this movie, but on the other hand, Mel is a pretty fucked up dude, and I’m not sure I want to be donating any money, no matter how small an amount, to him.  Are you guys with me?

We only have until the spring to decide, so let’s go ahead and start making the decision now.

This morning I read that Mel Gibson has “donated” $9.6 million to his Holy Family Church, bringing the church’s net worth to $60 million. Who cares if the bigoted woman-hater wants to throw some money into his weird-ass cult? Well, probably like, the State of California and the government and everyone who benefits from taxes because, dude… Mel’s donation to his own church is tax deductible.

Obviously there’s nothing that can be done because once you start infringing on some people’s rights to make tax-free donations to their places of worship, it becomes like, a whole thing where we’re all throwing down like Northern Ireland on the regular… But still, y’all. Mel’s mad shady. With a congregation of about 100 people. What’s all that money going toward?

It’s not the greatest time for Mel to be making large donations, either. Homebro is getting sued by his former lover and baby mama for not handing over mere 20k in child support and his ex-wife Robin, who was always listed as a member of his church’s board in their yearly filings, was left off this year.

What a shady man.

Mel Gibson won’t be allowed to spend his daughter’s first birthday with her as ordered by the judge. Tomorrow’s is Lucia’s big day, and since Mel has her today and the nanny responsible for transporting her to and from her mother’s house is sick. Mel saw that as the perfect opportunity to spend more time with his little girl, but when he asked the judge, he was shut down. Apparently there’s more nanny where that sick one came from and Mel really has no reason to keep his daughter away from Oksana on her birthday.

Pssh. Good. The dude doesn’t deserve to see his daughter at all, let alone have extra (important) days tacked on to his visitation. Most couples out there have to do the awkward “picking up the kids” thing face-to-face, but he’s allowed to avoid that by using a nanny and then using that nanny’s illness as a way to swindle more QT with his baby out of the judge.

One year ago tomorrow, that baby came out of Oksana’s vagina. She deserves to be with her mother.