3Megan Fox: Possibly Pregnant, Definitely Dumb

I was so worried, you guys. I was really scared that Megan Fox was going to stop being so stupid and start being kind of likable. It was weighing heavy on my heart, friends, it truly was. But here’s the good news: I don’t have to worry anymore, because Megan went and said something dumb in an interview! Hooray!

From Us Weekly:

Megan Fox is undoubtedly pretty, but humble? Not so much.

In an interview with April issue of France’s Jalouse magazine, the 25-year-old Friends With Kids star says she’s happy to be seen as one of the sexiest women in Hollywood. “I live well with my image. I cannot complain. I would not trade my place with an unattractive girl.”

Despite her good looks, the actress, who’s been married to Beverly Hills, 90210 alum BrianAustinGreen, 38, since 2010, says she hates participating in photo shoots.

“I hate taking pictures. I never look at them, otherwise I would have to change everything,” Fox explains. “I prefer not to see any and trust the photographer, who knows his job.”

“I live well with my image. I cannot complain. I would not trade my place with an unattractive girl.” That’s the part I want to talk about. Because, ugh, Megan Fox, just shut up. But ok, I get it. No one’s sitting around thinking “man, I sure wish I could be less attractive.” And if you’re Megan Fox pretty, then of course it would make sense for you to be happy with your looks. But why would you even say that? That’s just a shitty thing to say, and I can’t be all that surprised, considering the source, but come on now. There has to be at least a few moments when Megan is talking that internally she realizes that she shouldn’t be, right?

And hey, what’s with the big jump between “I live well with my image,” considering yourself attractive, and “I hate taking pictures”? It sounds like she’s saying that she doesn’t like looking at herself in photos, doesn’t it? Like she’s trying to pull a “oh, I look so awful, please!” when obviously she knows that she looks like a doll. It just seems disingenuous and annoying, and I’m over it. You’re pretty, Megan, we get it. Of course you wouldn’t trade your place with an unattractive girl, but what about a smart girl or a talented girl or a girl with any evident substance at all?

Now that we’ve discussed Megan’s words, let’s go ahead and look at her pictures from the magazine’s photo shoot, all right? You can see her startling inability to make facial expressions and how someone tried to paint mascara tears on her face to give her the appearance of having emotions. It’s pretty crazy to watch.

If she actually is pregnant, then I hope she can just stay inside and be a mom for a while, because I’m getting sick of her again. It’s not that I think she’s a bad person, I just think she should shut her mouth is all. What about you?

March 29, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily

8Breaking: Megan Fox is Pregnant

From Radar Online:

The 25-year-old brunette beauty and her hubby of nearly two years, Brian Austin Green, are expecting their first child together and couldn’t be more excited. … “They just found out and are incredibly excited,” [said] a source close to the couple. … “It’s still early, so they are only telling close friends and family members. Megan has become a great stepmom, and Brian knows she’ll be wonderful with the baby. [She] has really grown in the past couple of years. Megan used to only be concerned with her career, but now family comes first.”

So Megan‘s going to be a mom, huh? Guess that dashes the fantasies of many a Michael Bay-loving teenager who obsess over Megan night and day.

The couple hasn’t announced anything officially, but it’s probably going to come out now sooner or later. I just hope they don’t wait until Megan’s six months along, sweating profusely, big as a prize-winning hog at a country fair, and eating her way across the United States via roadside BBQ stands.

Story developing!

March 28, 2012 at 7:36 am by Sarah

3Guess What Megan Fox is Afraid Of. … It’s Banana Men.

I know; I really should have given you more of a fighting chance to guess what it could be other than banana men (a day without Botox, her Marilyn Monroe tattoo never going away, never being cast in another decent movie again), but I just couldn’t resist. It was too, too good not to give away myself, and guys, I just love to give. I give and I give and I give, and when it comes to Megan Fox, I don’t even want anything back. Seriously. Keep it all.

Anyway, as I revealed to you, Megan is afraid of men dressed up as bananas, and she discussed the whats and the whys on the Ellen show. Are you ready for the video? It’s good. The story’s entertaining, and the surprise visitor at the end really makes the whole thing worthwhile. Go ahead, watch it:

Priceless, right? Did you see her face when the banana jumped out at her? Oh, hilarious! I thought – just for a second – that we actually saw a real facial expression there, but it was probably pain. I hear that so much Botox eventually hardens in one’s face and if the patient makes an abrupt face (pardon me – tries to make an abrupt face), it can crack and inflict major pain resulting in internal bleeding.

I mean, I’m not a doctor, I just play one on television.

March 8, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

2Megan Fox Wants to Get All Fat and Bloaty Now

Am I the only one completely tickled to death that it says – right next to Megan‘s flawless visage – ‘What he wants to SEE during sex’? I mean, come on! Duh! This is a no-brainer! Megan Fox would be the answer to that question, but the editors of Cosmo wanted to be all sly about it and test your sensibilities. Did you pass or did you fail?

In her latest interview, Megan’s not talking about international geography thankfully, but she’s talking about something that’s considered maybe even more scintillating: getting pregnant. More specifically, Megan Fox getting pregnant.

Check out these few excerpts from Meg’s interview with Cosmo!

Megan on having kids – and probably soon:

“I want at least two, probably three [kids]. I’ve always been maternal…. I’m a homebody.”

Megan on the whole not giving a f-ck thing and how misunderstood she is:

“It’s because I have tattoos and I say curse words, and apparently, that’s crazy. I think maybe I give off this energy of seeming like I don’t give a f#$%, and that’s misinterpreted. But I’m not wild.”

Megan on *finally* removing that God-awful Marilyn Monroe tattoo:

“It’s dramatic and it’s incredibly painful. They can’t numb it enough to make the pain go away. .. [It's like] your skin explodes.”

On first meeting her true love and soul mate, Brian Austin Green, and how they’ve managed to stay together despite … well, pretty much everything that was designed to tear them apart or whatever:

“I didn’t know who he was, since I was too young for ‘Beverly Hills 90210.’ But the first time I saw him, I got butterflies. And the first time he casually touched me? There was so much electricity. … We’ve had obstacles, and we’ve overcome them. I truly feel like he’s my soul mate. I don’t want to sound corny or cliché, but I do believe we are destined to live this part of our lives together.”

See? She’s totally not the vapid princess type that you all probably pegged her to be. I mean, she wants kids. She’s getting rid of the dumb tattoos. She curses like a trooper, but hey. She’s not wild, do you hear? Finally, she doesn’t think she’s all that pretty to begin with. If this isn’t the catch of the decade, I don’t know what is. Congratulations, Brian Austin Green – you must have one of the  most addictive penises of all time, dude. I bow to your superiority.

Considering all things like, you know, how a penis is a penis no matter what.

February 28, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

2Megan Fox in a Bikini! And Megan Fox News!

Want to know why Megan Fox is one of my latest favorite ladies? Because that stupid Marilyn Monroe tattoo is getting fainter and fainter as the days go by. Seriously. It’s practically almost gone. Plus, she looks so hot these days. The Botox is all but gone and her hip bones are no longer protruding like she’s trying to use them as weapons to recreate some kind of weird Tomb Raider vibe.

All good news for Megan Fox and her fans, right? Well, no, not so much. Turns out that role she was going for against Lindsay Lohan – you know, the Elizabeth Taylor Lifetime movie role? Sources are saying it went to Lindsay because there’s apparently a market for blowjobs guaranteed with STDs for whatever reason. From Access Hollywood:

Lindsay Lohan has more than just her upcoming hosting gig on “Saturday Night Live” to celebrate – she’s scored the role of Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime TV movie, “Liz and Dick,” a source tells Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush.

But, there is one legal-related caveat: Lindsay needs to stay on the right side of court.

According to the source, if Lohan continues to stick to the judge’s orders, as she has been doing, she will be playing the “Cleopatra” beauty in the Lifetime made-for-TV film about the late actress.

TMZ also has a story that Lindsay’s taking this role appointment very seriously, and would probably chew off her own arm if it meant keeping the role and getting whatever Lifetime movie awards that might happen to exist somewhere out there on the D-list:

Lindsay is telling friends, she’s taking her new gig extremely seriously — “obsessing over getting the part right” for the film.

According to sources, Lindsay is doing nothing but watching old Liz Taylor movies to help her recreate the Hollywood icon’s posture, speech, and every other little detail.

We’re told Lindsay has also been watching old Liz interviews online and reading a bunch of Liz biographies.

Oh … My God! What went wrong, Megs? You’ve got the look, the acting chops (for a Lifetime movie, anyway), and the lack of cracked-out behavioral history. How did Lindsay manage to get her scruffy little hands on a part that you so deserved?

I’m baffled, friends. And I’m sure Megan is, too, just judging by the vacant ‘What the f-ck just happened’ look on her face in most of the gallery photos. Check them out, and do yourself a favor – cheer up. It’s still Megan Fox in a bikini, after all.

February 22, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah

0Megan Fox and Mike Tyson Did a Commercial Together and Yes, It’s as Awkward as You Probably Thought

No, it’s actually kind of cute, really, if you can get past the fact that Megan doesn’t want anything to do with non-English-speaking men.

The commercial is for CCAA, which is a Brazilian-based language school that is trying to implement a country-wide campaign to push for a universal education of the English language. In short, two young men are shipwrecked (plane-wrecked?) on “Megan Fox Island,” and upon finding out that the men aren’t bilingual, Megan captures them in a net and ships them off to – you guessed it – “Mike Tyson Island.”

I’ll admit, the island names aren’t really all that creative, and the idea of being turned off because someone speaks a different language is kind of questionable, but you can’t deny that Megan Fox is still so, so hot, and Mike Tyson, though he only speaks five words, can deliver his lines and be funny at the same time.

What else has Megan Fox been up to, though, you ask? Well … this commercial here, this is pretty much it. And the only thing she’s really got on the horizon is that possibility of yanking Lindsay Lohan‘s Liz Taylor role in that Lifetime movie that’s supposed to be made.

Megan also recently visited Turkey to film a Doritos commercial (!), and did a few amusing interviews, one of which where she admitted to not knowing that Istanbul is not some small town in Turkey. Mind the translation, as the interview excerpt came from a Turkish newspaper:

SABA TÜMER: Hi Megan, how are you? It’s your first time in Turkey, you just arrived yesterday? What did you know about Turkey prior to your visit? What did you expected and what have you seen so far here?

MEGAN FOX: I knew a few things about Turkey. Like you have the most ancient temple on earth … and it is not far from where we are right now.

SABA TÜMER: And you made this research before or after the offer for the [Doritos] ad was made?

MEGAN FOX: I knew this already, because I’ve watched a show called ”Ancient Aliens”. It sounds silly, but it is about ancient temples and pyramids. I watched the special episode about this temple. I can’t pronounce it correctly right now, but it is a ‘Göbekli Tepe’.

(more…)

January 23, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah