Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Megan Fox

Quotables: Megan Fox Thought Edward Cullen Knocked Her Up for Reals

photo of megan fox pregnant pictures

I was about two months pregnant. I was really sick. I was very nauseous. I had really bad morning sickness. It was so bad for me. I was convinced that I was, like, maybe birthing a vampire baby like the one in Twilight… you know what happens to Bella, where she’s in cold sweats all the time… and I felt like that was happening because I had no vitamins and nutrients and I was just nauseous. Something not human was happening. The first trimester was really rough and then I got to about 12 weeks and then it was fine. It was really a perfect pregnancy after that. I thought I was going to be tough and the nurses would be like, ‘She’s a warrior princess! She doesn’t need an epidural! She’s amazing! We’re such big fans! As soon as I got out of the car I was already crying for an epidural. I was asking the security guard for an epidural!’

Megan Fox on what it was like to birth a vampire baby by the name of Renesmee, and if all of that comparison is not silly enough for you, the comment about “something not human was happening” just might be. Because I mean, really, what? Getting pregnant is not human? OK, well yeah, maybe if you’re one of those aliens like in ‘The Faculty’ who are really just big, lumping bowls of gelatinous reptile ooze, but didn’t she realize that when a human penis spits at a human vagina, sometimes something biochemical happens and the result nests itself in the lady’s midsection? Or was she too busy putting her lip gloss on in health class that day?

Man. Just when I was starting to think she wasn’t a total twit, she had to go ahead and remind us about all of the dumb-ass things she used to say all the time before she got pregnant and dropped off the radar. Way to go, girl. Way to be.

OK Fine, We’ll Talk About Megan Fox—Happy Now?

photo of megan fox hot pictures
So after all of the previous discussion about seeing Megan Fox everywhere (because every chick in Hollywood thinks it’s prudent for their career to look like her, not because I’m actually seeing Megan Fox everywhere, unfortunately), I just had to go and stir up the pot, thus bringing Megan Fox to the surface to see just what she’s been up to lately.

And guys? I’m afraid I’ve got some pretty bad news for you: Megan Fox … she, well … she’s not going to be doing any sexy pictorials anymore, and that stockpile of awesome bikinis she had? They’re totally history, and it’s because she doesn’t want her son, Noah, to have to endure too many MILF jokes as he grows up. OK? Can it all be over now?

To the UK’s Mirror, Megan talks about how she’s going to quash her sensuality:

“It changes your perspective about being overly sexual in a film when you have a baby. I’m going to be more cautious about choosing films because I’m already thinking about when he’s in school and his friends are going to be showing him my photo shoots with me in a bikini and he’s going to be horrified. So that will deter me from making some of the choices I made before.”

Megan also discussed why she chose to name her son the biblically-based name of Noah, and the role that religion plays in her life these days:

“I went through a stage in my early 20s when I was very rebellious against how I was raised and I wasn’t worried about faith or religion but now, maybe because of getting married and wanting to have a family, I’ve come back full circle.”

Here’s Megan on post-baby weight loss, because apparently it’s still a thing that people have to defend themselves over:

“I only gained 23 pounds when I was pregnant and I’m still 10 pounds heavier than I was but I don’t want to kill myself trying to get back into shape because it’s not a priority right now. I’m too in love with Noah and I don’t want to be away from him. I don’t want to be at the gym, I just want to be home.”

You know what, though? This is actually really great and really sweet, and after hearing about all of the changes in Megan’s life, I really kind of expect her to completely drop off the face of the earth and forget about the fact that she was once a celebrity altogether—that is, if Brian Austin Green lets her. Word on the street has it that he’d do pretty much anything to stay relevant these days, and how can you remain in the spotlight if your wife’s going to go all Mennonite on your ass?

As if to prelude her next move, Megan had this to say about her career and where it’s headed:

“It’s scary because unfortunately women in the film industry don’t seem to hold their value as they get older so it’s scary for all of us. I relate it to being like a basketball player who is only 33 or 34 but people say he is geriatric because you top-out young. It’s the same thing for actresses. I’m 26 but already time is a tickin’ I’ve only got a few years left being so good but I’m thankful for having the marriage that I have and having a best friend and partner because that makes me feel safe and comforted in knowing that he’s going to grow old with me and love me no matter what and value me no matter how old I get.”

Guess that about sums it up, huh? Pack your bags, Brian … you’re moving to North Dakota or somewhere.

This is What Megan Fox Looks Like These Days

photo of megan fox hot pictures
Megan Fox hasn’t really showed us what she looks like since she gave birth sometime back in September (maybe?), let alone gave us a peek a that sure-to-be-adorable baby, but here she is out in public, going to dinner with Brian Austin Green and some chick. That’s basically what Megan Fox has been doing lately, other than starting to promote that ‘Friends With Kids’ movie that she did a zillion years ago with Jon Hamm. Here’s a clip:

And wow. Yeah. We’re looking at one genetically blessed lady here, folks, and you’d probably do well not to forget that, you know?

Megan Fox Had That Baby

A photo of Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green

Yeah, that stealth baby that Megan Fox has been carrying around for the last little while. You remember. Or you might not, since it was so very secretive. Either way, the news is the same: Megan Fox is now someone’s mother.

Here’s the statement from Megan’s Facebook:

We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do. I gave birth to our son Noah Shannon Green on September 27th. He is healthy, happy, and perfect.

We are humbled to have the opportunity to call ourselves the parents of this beautiful soul and I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to know this kind of boundless, immaculate love.

Thanks to those of you who wish to send your positive energy and well wishes. May God bless you and your families abundantly.

That’s sweet, isn’t it? And Noah Shannon seems like a pretty solid name, although I still get a little confused every time I hear about a dude named Shannon (sorry, male Shannons). Noah, however, is one of my very favorite biblical names, along with Elijah. Oh, and Mahershalalhashbaz. All very solid names.

But onto the important stuff: is this baby going to be way adorable or what?

Whoa! Megan Fox! Where’d Your Baby Bump Go?

photo of megan fox pictures pregnancy bump photo
PSYCH! Here’s Megan‘s baby bump, fashionably camouflaged underneath a dress that only Megan Fox’s most hardcore fans could appreciate:

photo of megan fox baby bump pictures
Seriously, though, staying true to form, Megan Fox is probably the most perfect pregnant woman on the face of the earth, jokeless. But honestly, what else would you expect?

What I want to know, though, is when will this baby be born? I feel like Megan’s been pregnant for ages, but it’s really only since June that we’ve had some iron-clad evidence that Megan’s carrying (a fetus, guys, not a weapon), but she’s got to be way further along than just three or four months, right? The pregnancy rumors really began to plague Megan way back in March, so that would make her, what, five or so months along? That could be about right, right?

One way or the other, God. Doesn’t she just look amazing?

Images courtesy of Socialite Life

Blind Items, Revealed!

Today is a magical day. Or, well, yesterday was a magical day, but Sarah and I were busy celebrating America’s birthday, so we’re just getting to the magic today. See, yesterday CDAN revealed tons and tons of blind items. Let’s stop with the preamble and get right to those, all right?

This A list celebrity and former singer who seems to always wear sunglasses was out over the weekend when she stopped to watch a woman on the street singing for money. The celebrity said, “You are better than I ever was. Honestly, so is everyone.” She then actually laughed and dropped $500 into the bucket.

Who could that be? Any guesses? You don’t have to guess, because we already know it was Victoria Beckham! See how fun this is? It’s only just beginning!

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What Happened to Megan Fox?

[Image removed on request]

Hey, guys, let me drop a bomb on you: I think Megan Fox might be pregnant. I know, it’s been a rumor for a while now, and I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because she could just be getting fat, but I think there’s a baby in there.

Ok, y’all guys know I’m just joshing you here, but I can’t help it. Quite a few celebrity ladies – Jessica Simpson and Drew Barrymore, for instance – have done this thing where they’re obviously pregnant but refuse to acknowledge it. They’re all “a baby? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and I love it. I’ll respect your privacy, ladies, as long as you respect my right to make lame jokes at your expense.