Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Meg Ryan

Meg Ryan’s Engaged to John Cougar Mellencamp?!

Former America’s Sweetheart and current Frankenface Meg Ryan was photographed leaving her beau John Cougar Mellencamp’s recent show in Toronto with a thick gold band on a certain special finger. The actress and the musician have been quietly dating for a couple of months now.

What do I think of these two together? I think they’re perfect for each other. Neither one of them is the huge star that they used to be, but they were both at one time considered to be one of the best in their respective fields. It seems like they’re in really similar places in their lives and like they’d get along just great.

But just one thing: Doesn’t that ring on Meg’s finger look a lot more like a wedding band then an engagement ring? Is it remotely possible that these two are already hitched? Both of their reps are refusing to comment on this story and maybe that’s because they have something way bigger to hide than a measly engagement.

Good Face Gone Bad: Meg Ryan

Awww, Meg Ryan, what did you do to that beautiful mug of yours? It’s hard to believe that the lady on the right side of the above photo used the be the lady on the left side of the above photo, huh? But I guess that’s what endless amounts of botox and other facial fillers will do to a gal. And look, she’s got the same droopy lip as Nicole Kidman, another actress known for loving her non-surgical beauty enhancement procedures.

Click through to see how America’s Sweetheart transformed into America’s Swamp Thing over the three decades we’ve known her and please, feel free to discuss what a tragedy all of this is in the comments…

John Mellencamp and Meg Ryan Might Be Hooking Up, If, You Know, You Care

photo of meg ryan plastic surgery pictures

Just days after John Mellencamp announced his divorce with his partner of twenty or so years, confirmations from mutual friends claim that Mellencamp and Meg Ryan are massively in love – so much in love that they’re already like the old married couple that Ryan may or may not have had a hand in breaking up.

I don’t know, really, if anyone under the age of 60 is really going to care about this union (no disrespect to our old heads), but I will say about this – Meg Ryan, John Mellencamp? Really? Meg Ryan? Good old sweetheart fucking-wrecked-her-face of the eighties? Ryan stopped being cool and cute when her head started resembling Melanie Griffiths’ greasy, massive, and pulsating lips. And that was even before she tried – however unsuccessfully – to be an A-lister-by-association again with her random banging of Russell Crowe.

If it’s love, it’s love, John. They say love is blind, and I’ve known it to be true in the past, but I didn’t know it was deaf and dumb to famesuckers, too.

Who's getting the shitty end of the stick on this one?
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Meg Ryan’s Nipples Are Staring Me Down, Man.

I’ve always been a fan of Meg Ryan and all of her cheesy, rom-com movies, so I’m most displeased to say that the purpose of this entire post is to make fun of her lazy nipples.

Girlfriend was photographed out and about in NYC this past weekend looking a little worse for the wear. Even though she was said to have undergone some really bad plastic surgery, she’s not looking, say, as bad as Jocelyn Wildenstein or worse, Heidi Montag. She’s an aging Hollywood actress that probably feels past her prime but is handling it in the best way she can — using her wandering nipples to detract from her face.

So, in short, Meg, all of that money that you dumped into your face would have been better directed a little bit lower … they do have these things called “breast lifts,” you know. Or even better yet, “bras.”

Rachel Zoe Was Born In 1971? Prove It.

Are these bangs going to be some new trend?  Because I hate them.  Like, I didn’t care when Jessica Alba got them because she’s mean and deserves ugly hair.  But Selena Gomez is just a cute and innocent kid despite that thing on her head.  Where were her parents when this haircut was happening?  Aren’t there laws to protect minors from this kind of thing? 

Speaking of devastating, I also came across some pictures of Rachel Zoe who was at the 2008 CNN Heroes with Selena event last night.  And I wikied her.  She’s 37 years old?  I will give a free Dr. Pepper to the first person who can prove that she is actually at least eight years older.  Because if I have to live with the fact that she’s only 11 months older than I am, I’m not sure I can go on.  For real.

Also there:  Lucy Liu looking pregnant, Cameron Diaz looking orange, and Ricki Lake looking like she could have made so much more effort.  Dude, you lost like, a hundred pounds.  Wear something flattering.

When I page through all the pictures that were taken at an event, there are lots of snapshots of each celebrity in different poses or scenarios.  Drinking wine, posing on the red carpet, accepting an award.  Meg Ryan’s face, in every single picture, was exactly the same.  No other facial nuance was recorded at any time.