Those are some pretty strong words there. Calling the President out for having no balls? That’s some hardcore shit. What do you guys think – do you agree with Matty, here, or do you think the President’s done an OK job so far with the bum Congress he was dealt?

Are you guys as insanely excited about that We Bought A Zoo movie as I am? Because I am too insanely excited, mostly because I can’t pass up a good animal movie. I went to see Zookeeper in theaters, ok? Plus the movie features my favorite animal that exists in reality, the bear! As if these things weren’t enough to convince me to go see this film, I now have the added image of Scarlett Johansson mercilessly mocking poor little Matt Damon about his fear of snakes:

For the actress [Scarlett], the scariest moment on the film “was watching Matt Damon cry like a baby and rock back and forth when the snakes were spread all over the set.”

Johansson grew up with reptiles, cats and horses, and had a degree of comfort around the working animals, but Damon wore his fear on his sleeve – and his face.

“He was pretty terrified,” Johansson told PEOPLE at the movie’s New York premiere Monday night.

“He was definitely sweating a bit, and maybe the sweat formed in the corner of his eye. I said, ‘Matt, these kids are practically juggling the snakes. Hold it together.’”

“I’m afraid of snakes,” Damon admitted. “And I got bullied into interacting with them by Scarlett and the kids.”

Oh, Matt Damon, it’s ok! You’re perfect just the way you are! Don’t let mean old Scarlett make you feel ashamed to be afraid! It’s ok to cry!

Katy Perry teamed with Andy Samberg (and Matt Damon! And Val Kilmer! And even Abraham Lincoln!) for last night’s awesome SNL “Digital Short.” I didn’t LOL or anything, but Katy Perry’s facial expressions slay me. And! Val Kilmer, singing! How I’ve missed you, Val.

Anyway. The song is about meth addiction and time-travel, and I love it. Then again, I almost always laugh at jokes about meth. I think drug references are hilarious. That isn’t weird, though, right? Everybody loves those Harold and Kumar movies.

And I’m barely exaggerating when I say “all the celebrities.” There’s Ben Stiller, Matt Damon, Sean Penn, Kristen Wiig, Ted Danson, Mary Steenburgen, Jack Black, and Kevin Spacey. Did I miss anyone? Oh, Bill Clinton. Goodness

Basically it always tickles me when so many celebrities get together for a good cause, so I figured you guys might enjoy this as well. Also, who doesn’t love it when Jack Black sings?

Michael Douglas has signed to star in a biopic about Liberace! And boy, can I see it. At first I couldn’t, but then I put that little photo of Liberace (inset) on top of a photo of Michael Douglas (outset), and then I was like, Oh. A spray tan and a wig, and Douglas is totally ready for Vegas.

Details are sparse so far, but we do know the Steven Soderbergh-directed flick will be based on Scott Thorson’s salacious, tabloidy 1988 tell-all, Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace. And co-starring as jilted lover Scott Thorson? That would be Matt Damon! (Which sure brings new meaning to… well, never mind.)

Liberace—the pianist and showman whose campy opulence overshadowed his technical ability—fought rumors of homosexuality right up until his death in 1987. For five years Scott Thorson had been employed as Liberace’s personal bodyguard and driver, though if Thorson is to be believed, he was so much more. After the couple’s alleged (and tempestuous) breakup in 1982, Thorson famously filed a $113 million “palimony” lawsuit. They settled out of court.

The subject matter seems a little weird for a Soderbergh movie, but I have faith. Soderbergh has been working on this project for four years, and shopping it for two; HBO was evidently the only taker.

On a sadder note, the Liberace Museum closed its hallowed doors exactly one year ago, leaving a mountain of fur coats and diamonds orphaned.

So, to recap, Anna Paquin plays a teenager (which is so crazy; this woman is going to be thirty and she still shows no signs of aging) who accidentally helps cause a bus accident that kills a pedestrian. Mark Ruffalo is the equally-young-looking bus driver who has a family to support, Matt Damon (who looks about twelve in this flick – when the hell was this actually filmed, 1999?) is a teacher who hooks up with Anna’s character, and Ferris Bueller makes a cameo appearance where he reads poetry a la ‘Margaret.’

If you can get past the inappropriate-because-a-woman-is-dead coming-of-age music halfway through the trailer and put yourself in the place of the characters instead of watching it through a third party’s eyes, this movie could be really interesting. Not, you know, interesting enough to see in a theater, but interesting enough to stick in your Netflix queue after you’ve had two glasses of wine and you’re through watching the second season of Dexter or whatever.

I’ve never been one of Those People who think that Matt Damon is the most amazing/adorable/beautiful person. Like, I’ve never even seen Good Will Hunting, that’s how indifferent I am. Or I suppose, how indifferent I was. I mean, I haven’t seen that film in the two seconds since I typed that last statement, but this past year, I’ve been developing a solid appreciation for Matt and all he does, and all this little interview of him at the Save Our Schools March does is make me appreciate him so much more.

Go tell it on the mountain, brother.

“I never thought I would get to kiss Michael Douglas. I kind of think of it in algebra terms, back to my high-school days. It’s like the transitive property – by kissing Michael Douglas, I am making out with Catherine.”

- Matt Damon shows off his math skills in a sexy, sexy way.

In case you didn’t know, Matt Damon is referring to the upcoming Liberace biopic in which Michael Douglas plays that well-loved pianist.  Matt, if you couldn’t piece it together, plays Liberace’s boyfriend.  Can you even wait for this movie?

The ICG Publicist Awards were last night, and I don’t know what that’s all about, but it’s an award show, and Matt Damon wore his pajamas.  He showed up to this legit award show (I included a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his suit for comparison) in a flannel robe and pants, slippers, disheveled hair, and the greatest “I just don’t give a fuck” look I’ve ever seen.  Seriously, Matt Damon walked the carpet, took some pictures, and presented an award in his fucking pajamas, and I just think that’s the greatest thing.

Let’s dedicate the next week to living like Matt Damon, ok? Can we make that pledge?  I’ll start by wearing the pajamas I’m in right now through the end of the month and writing an Academy Award-winning screenplay, you guys can follow your own hearts.

“I think a large part of that space is occupied by pretenders, which is not to say there aren’t people out there who are genuinely touched in some way …
Had I found a good one I would have. What I was worried about was that it was just going to take me down this rabbit hole of charlatans.

Matt Damon on filming his latest movie, Hereafter, while researching the psychic world as fodder for his role in the flick.

Have you guys ever been to a psychic?  The only one I’ve gone to was down in New Orleans, but I went to the same guy three times in a five-year period. Without having anything or anyone to compare him to, this guy was good. He knew, somehow, things about me that even some of my closest friends didn’t. He told me a very specific chain of events that would occur, and on each and every big milestone that I’ve experienced since I made the pilgrimage to visit him, he was right.  For real, guys.  Like Matt Damon, I’m pretty skeptical about anyone who claims to read cards and have gold teeth (which is probably the reason for my general disgust at and  mistrust of Ke$ha), but this guy was spot on.

Have you guys ever had any eerie predictions or stories told to you by fortune tellers or psychics?

On Wednesday, Luciana gave birth to the latest Damon spawn, a healthy little girl they named Stella Zavala (that’s cute, isn’t it?  I mean, I can never hear the name Stella without imagining it screamed by a wasted Marlon Brando, but it’s still a nice name).  On top of the birth of this brand new baby, Matt’s movie, Hereafter, was released in theatres on Friday and brought in a pretty solid $12 million.

I think it must be amazing to be Matt Damon.  And yeah, it would probably be awesome to be virtually any rich person, but Matt just seems like a fun, classy rich person who also happens to be married to a rather attractive person.  Plus, wouldn’t it be fun to be able to call Ben Affleck up every once in a while and be like “hey Ben, remember Gigli? What the fuck was that?”

I still haven’t gotten over the fact that the woman Matt Damon keeps impregnating is not me, but whatever. I have to deliver this news to you. It’s my job.

Matt Damon and his wife Luciana Barrosa are expecting their third daughter. The couple already has Isabella (age 4) and Gia (age 2), as well as Luciana’s 11-year old daughter from a previous relationship. The couple are supposedly “thrilled.”

The news that his wifey is preggo may be one of the reasons that Matt won’t be appearing in the next Bourne flick, or, you know, maybe there’s someone in this town who knows how to throw in the towel when it’s appropriate (I’M TALKING TO YOU, DEPP.)