After a pregnancy was speculated for a good long while, it’s finally been confirmed that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are indeed having a child together. An exclusive was given to RadarOnline saying that the couple “want to keep the pregnancy quiet as long as they can,” but that “they’re both very excited and very happy.”
This is going to be a brilliant adventure, you guys. If Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get remarried every year, what are they going to do with a child? They’ll probably be those crazy parents who throw their kid a birthday party every month – my aunt and uncle did that with my cousin, and that little girl did not turn out well-adjusted at all. Bitch tried to open my presents at Christmas and on my birthday, but I’m 10 years older than her and I never had no qualms about shoving a toddler. Kids gotta learn.
Girl pulled out of rehearsals for a movie she was slated to perform in, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf. While that, in itself, isn’t enough to confirm that Carey’s carrying the spawn of Nick Cannon, recent rumors regarding her weight gain and “fertility treatments” add to the fervor surrounding the idea that there could be a really hot-looking baby strutting its stuff in a few months. Or so.
Carey was said to withdraw from the production late yesterday, and her rep did nothing to quash the rumors that something, ah, “big” is brewing in the chanteuse-turned-actress’s personal life:
“I’m not at liberty to discuss her personal life at this time,” Carey’s spokeswoman Cindi Berger says, declining to give a reason for Carey’s withdrawal.
Rumors are swirling lately over Mariah Carey’s sudden weight gain and many are claiming that she’s either a) pregnant, or b) taking on fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. I’m just thinking that she’s gotten fat, me.
The National Enquirer states that Carey’s blown up because she and husband, Nicky Cannon, are trying to have a child, but her 41 year-old body isn’t responding well to traditional methods:
MARIAH CAREY has secretly resumed fertility treatments in a desperate bid to become a mom, The ENQUIRER has learned. AND that’s the REAL reason the Grammy-winning diva’s weight has soared!
“She’s packed on a lot of weight, but it’s related to the fertility drugs she’s taking,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER. “In fact, she may already be pregnant.”
The 41-year-old singer was beaming after visiting the Southern California Reproductive Center, a top fertility clinic in Beverly Hills, on Mother’s Day with hubby Nick Cannon, 29. Mariah had unsuccessfully sought in vitro treatment at the clinic last year, the source says.
“She’s going to be able to have a baby.”
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not hating on the girl because she’s gained some weight (’cause she so totally has). She looks pretty damned good for her age, but recent photos of Jennifer Aniston, who’s around the same age, would say otherwise. So, okay. She’d look pretty damned good for her age if she were my cousin Selma. ‘Cause Selma’s 41, too, and looks nothing like Mariah Carey.
More photos of Mariah Carey’s yo-yoing weight in the gallery below.
While waiting to go on stage at a concert in Egypt last night, Mariah Carey spotted a fire. Thinking quickly, as Mariah is no doubt apt to do, she took it upon herself to extinguish the fire. She even documented this feat on Twitter:
In Egypt getting ready to go on stage and suddenly there was a surge of power and an electrical fire started under my feet! Wtf?!
Naturally,my emergency instincts kicked in and I put out the flames w/a towel. Lol(yet true)
The funny thing about this ish is an ol’skool radio station in the other room started playing “aww freak out!”@that exact moment!
I bet Nick Cannon is so proud of his gravy train.
And he just can’t stop singing her praises. According to Mimi’s husband, Nick Cannon, she does everything with a flair for the talented: singing, dressing, designing really fucking awful perfumes and now, cooking.
Cannon, who is to appear on Rachael Ray’s show today, boasts that his wife is not only a dynamic business woman that happens to have seventy-five different octaves to her singing register, she cooked a turkey “the size of New Jersey” for their latest Thanksgiving feast:
“She cooks! People are always so surprised to see she cooks, but she’s a great cook …”
Nick, hon, I wouldn’t be trying too hard. I mean, it’s great and all that you say you love your wife and renew your vows every fucking year, but if you’re worried about the cash cow leaving you behind in the barn, I hardly think you need to. She’s never going to leave you — she probably thinks that she can’t do any better for some inane reason. You’re in for a nice little lavish life, though, at any rate. Y’all can sit around in your sweatpants and eat chocolates until wifey’s fat enough to wheel around the house in a chair and then you can take her for jaunts around your topiary. One day you’ll go and take a phone call and you’ll hear “Nick! NICKY!” and come running … Miss Mimoo will be on her side like a chocolate-stained bloated Elvis looking for help off of the toilet, looking up at you and there’ll be a glimmer — some kind of reminder — of who the lady, the woman, Mariah Carey used to be. Or maybe it’s just hunger. Or gas.
But at any rate, that’ll make it all worthwhile, now, won’t it?
Boy, this little kid’s turning out to be a real pain in the ass. Maybe one day, he’ll actually receive notoriety kind of like that of Johnny Knoxville or something and then his dumb quips might be considered appropriate. At least in certain circles.
Bieber takes his latest pre-pre-pubescent angst out on Her Highness, Mariah Carey, and compares her to a basketball player past his time — old and irrelevant. When interviewed this past week about current pop stars like Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Beyonce, the ever-present Mimi came up in conversation. Little Bieber had more than a mouthful to say about the pop star’s fame:
“I don’t love her new music, it’s not the same … It’s like Michael Jordan coming back to the NBA. She is past her best.”
Now, I’m not saying that I disagree with the kid … and I normally wouldn’t stick up for someone like Mariah Carey, but then again, I grew up in the eighties and nineties and I know what Mariah’s best actually was. Subjectively. See, we ladies of the eighties have to stick together over stuff like this. Disses coming from a child who looks like he was born in the year 2000 are kind of inappropriate, as was the dig on Michael Jordan.
I blasted Ke$ha earlier in the week for calling out Baby Bieber, but she might just have something. The kid’s a tool-in-training and the only thing I know him for is being an over-exposed child star who thinks he’s got Michael Jackson-type caliber for the future.
Fail, Baby Beebs, fail.
Things get a little dicey in this batch.
Vera Farmiga (above) may have had the worst dress of the night. The giant maroon doilies sewn together look like the fabric embodiment of this site’s namesake (an evil beet) ingested someone’s grandmother.
Zoe Saldana wasn’t faring much better. She either crawled inside one of last month’s Mardi Gras floats or got in a fight with an ostrich in a Peeps factory… and lost.
Anna Kedrick’s gown was an utterly gorgeous concoction of flowing, diaphanous pale pink, and Pussyfoot (Amanda Seyfried) was stunning in a roll of quilted Charmin.
Miley Cyrus also managed to look really pretty, but since she had the unenviable task of standing next to Seyfried while presenting, wound up looking a little unkempt by comparison.
Also in this group: Deborah Ann Woll, Demi Moore, Diane Kruger, Kathy Ireland, and Mariah Carey.