Mariah Carey, in a diabolical feathered gown, sang her face off last night in the season finale of American Idol — or DID she? A lot of people are freaking out, pointing fingers, saying she was actually lip synching her Mariah’s greatest hits medley. Maybe she did, considering she and everyone else on the judging panel got fired, and this is her way of saying, “Thanks, bye.” Like maybe she doesn’t even care. Or maybe she actually was singing. I can’t tell. It looks like she’s singing but there’s something very smooth about it. But maybe that’s because she’s a professional who has been singing since she was but a wee child in a diabolical feathered gown.

Watch it and tell us what you think.

Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, Randy Jackson, and…who is the other one? Ah, Keith Urban. Yeah all of them are fired and won’t be coming back for the next season of American Idol. And Jennifer Lopez isn’t coming back either. Or Nigel Lythgoe. That’s what they’re saying. So spin it away, boys! Here’s most of the report. It contains the delicious quote “No more big checks for big divas.”

From The Wrap:

“All four are gone,” [an] insider told TheWrap. “They feel they’ve lost their core audience and they want it back.”

A Fox spokesperson declined to comment for this story.

All four judges have options to return for another season, but Fox won’t be picking them up, according to the knowledgeable individual, who said: “No more big checks for divas.”

The network has resolved to stop paying the huge salaries it has been shoveling out for its big name talent, i.e. Carey’s reported $18 million package, Minaj’s $12 million salary and former judge Jennifer Lopez’s $15 million.

The show’s format will also change. Its look will be redesigned and the dated tribute nights will be a thing of the past. But the show’s trademark audition episodes will continue.

Behind the scenes, Fox Broadcasting chairman Kevin Reilly is charged with “fixing Idol.” And one of the first changes will occur at the top of the food chain: Longtime executive producer Lythgoe is expected to be replaced. What that means for the show’s producers, FremantleMedia, remains to be seen.

Fox’s meltdown has everything to do with the talent competition’s declining viewership. Its ratings are already down 22 percent this season and it hit a series low for ratings last Thursday, when it attracted only 11 million viewers and a 2.4 rating/7 share in the ad-coveted 18-49 demographic. The ratings slide is especially problematic during May Sweeps, where ratings numbers are used to dictate advertising rates.

Viewing has been in decline for several seasons now. At its height during Season 6, “Idol” attracted about 30 million viewers an episode.

So, why not just cancel the show?

“Idol” is still a huge revenue generator for Fox, bringing in $836.4 million in ad revenue last year, according to Kantar Media. Plus, it has nothing to replace it. Simon Cowell’s “The X Factor” is far from being “Idol’s” heir apparent after failing to meet ratings expectations over its first two seasons. It, too, is undergoing another round of changes for Season 3, with pop star Britney Spears and record executive L.A. Reid not returning.

“Idol’s” problems are compounded by the success of NBC’s “The Voice.” Currently airing its fourth season, the show recently crossed a milestone when it beat “Idol” (and everyone else on the small screen for that matter) in both total viewers and the advertiser-coveted 18-49 demographic. Additionally, “The Voice” took “Idol’s” spot in the Emmy race last year, replacing it among the nominees in the Outstanding Reality Competition category.

I haven’t watched American Idol in years. It got boring as hell. And it really wasn’t the same after Simon left. Remember when they tried Ellen? And Steven Tyler? They had no idea what they were doing and neither did the audience. I’m surprised it still generates so much ad revenue.

Anyway, EFF YEAH, because it is EFFING RIDICULOUS to give people that much money to essentially cohost a talent contest. I guess they’re keeping Seacrest though.

Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj don’t get along, in case you hadn’t noticed – though chances are you have, since they seem to always be at each other’s throats during every American Idol broadcast and Nicki won’t stop trying to fan non-existent flames on Twitter. Turns out, that’s sorta the producers’ fault, as they really egg the bickering on – this according to Mariah’s husband Nick Cannon.

Nick stopped by The Talk on Monday, where he was of course asked about his wife, since no one cares about what he’s doing.

“It’s kind of unfortunate. I ain’t got time for that … When you see someone like my wife, who tries to remain classy and tries to take the high road, it feels like everybody else around it — including the network and the producers — feed into this whole sound bite drama. It feels like it lacks substance.

“You can’t even blame Nicki Minaj or her team. I feel like they fed into that. They wanted to see the drama. I think America in general is tired of seeing the mean judges and people be mean to people. They’re over it … In the book of Mariah Carey, American Idol will be a footnote.”

That’s true enough – American Idol is going to be a footnote in pretty much everyone’s lives, except for like, Kelly Clarkson and probably Simon Cowell. Why can’t this show just die already?

As for the “feud”, I’ve aired my thoughts before. Nicki needs to sit the hell down and know her place and Mariah just needs to get off this sinking ship. (I seriously typed “sinking shit” accidentally, at first.)

Guys, listen. I think you should sit down because I have something really important and extremely shocking to tell you. Are you ready? Okay, well… Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey don’t get along. You see, sometimes in Hollywood, celebrities get massive egos and think that in order to prove their own greatness, they need to try to start fights with other celebrities who have had success beyond the troublemaker’s wildest dreams even though no one really cares. It’s all very stupid, as you can see.

Okay, in all seriousness, let me just say this. Mariah Carey is a fucking legend. Music Box was the first cassette tape I ever owned as a 7-year-old, the MTV Unplugged session was like, my lifeblood and there’s not a single person who doesn’t STILL count ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ as the absolute best Christmas song written in the history of the world. The same can’t be said for Nicki Minaj, who bragged her way to the top of the rap game and then… stopped rapping. Somehow, I can’t see any Gen Y’ers sitting around with their teenage kids in 15 years to reminisce about ‘Super Bass’.

All of this is neither here nor there, though. Mariah’s probably a total bitch just like Nicki, but there’s one slight difference: Mariah’s earned it. People need to check themselves before they wreck themselves – an important message Nicki obviously missed out on since she tried to pick another on-air fight with Mariah on Wednesday and Thursday night’s episodes of American Idol. When Perez Hilton wrote one of his bullshit stories about the incident (which I won’t even bother to link because I can’t stand him that much), claiming that Mariah had “burned” Nicki by saying she had more #1s or something, Nicki took to Twitter to respond:

Right, I get that you’re proud of your rap roots, Nicki (though I would hardly call whatever it is you do anymore rapping), but what’s your point about being a black female. Mariah Carey is a half black female. Isn’t her accomplishment just as valid? It makes it mighty hard to even like Nicki Minaj on a basic level anymore when she starts talking utter garbage like this (and this is from someone who loved the Beam Me Up Scotty mixtape).

Anyway, Nicki also had a dig at the rumours that Idol producers wanted to replace Mariah with J.Lo mid-season (not realising, of course, that her place at the judges’ table doesn’t exist past this season, either).

Mariah Carey was a big get for American Idol, a dying show that no one really cares about anymore. By all measures, her presence on the judges’ panel should have made the ratings skyrocket – especially given her “feud” with Nicki Minaj, which has been far less exciting than we’d all hoped. In any case, higher ratings have been elusive and apparently, Idol producers considered getting rid of Mariah in favour of bringing back former judge Jennifer Lopez. Oh, snap!

Team Mariah caught wind of this, apparently, and threatened to sue the show, which threw a wrench in the whole operation. Of course, Nigel Lythgoe over at Idol has denied this was ever in the works, but I think we all know better.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

“This is just another ridiculous Idol judge rumor, likely started by talks of Jennifer performing on the finale,” a Fox spokeswoman tells THR in a statement. Producer Fremantle NorthAmerica declines to comment. A rep for Carey denies these allegations. Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe tells THR: “I have not been included in any conversation regarding replacing Mariah with Jen this season.”

American Idol kicked off its 12th season on solid enough footing. Earning a 6.0 rating with adults 18-49 and 17.9 million total viewers in its January return, the 17 percent dip was less precipitous than some of the bigger drops in recent years. But the months since have been less kind. The Wednesday performance show is currently averaging a 4.3 rating with adults 18-49, its worst performance since its inaugural season in 2001. And it is dropping nearly every week.

Well, obviously it’s dropping every week – no one gives a shit about American Idol. It’s a dated format now that produces very few stars anymore and people aren’t watching because of it. Obviously shows like The Voice are doing well (though they don’t fare well with producing real-life stars at all and never have) because it’s a shake-up of the traditional talent show genre, but whatever.

Apparently Idol producers want to gut the entire panel for next season, which begs the question: WHY IS THERE GOING TO BE ANOTHER SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL? Christ almighty, let it die.

Nick Cannon, actor/rapper and Mariah‘s husband, is really psyched about spanking his kids. As he told US Weekly,

I got my belt out already! It’s ready.

Chill out dude. Their twins, daughter Monroe and son Moroccan, turn two the 30th of April. Mr. Cannon shared more of his parenting techniques with the magazine:

On who’s the tougher parent: “Who do you think? Me! I don’t play that!”

On when his kids can listen to his music: “When they can go to the club!”

On when they can start dating: “Oh, no, my son can date at, like, 3 if he wants, but my daughter, never.”

Ahhhh gotta love those double-standards. Ugh.

Do you spank your kids? Were you spanked growing up?

Oz the Great and Powerful is probably going to be really good in a way that’s completely disconnected from the original Wizard of Oz and that’s okay. I mean, come on – admitted professional deep-throater James Franco as the Wizard? Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis and Rachel Weisz? I’m going to see it (or download it), for sure.

One thing that will definitely not be great about it is that Mariah Carey is doing the theme song. It’s a new track called ‘Almost Home’ that sounds like a demo she would have recorded in 1987 before getting a deal and a decent producer. While the full thing won’t be out until tomorrow, you can listen to a 30 second preview below:

Note the fine monogrammed towels. I would expect nothing less.

And then, hilariously, like a Saved By The Bell caper, her wacky dog jumped right in!

It's funny, because dogs don't take baths!

Uh, Mariah, who is taking these pictures?

Then, Mr. Nick Cannon brought Mariah a wall of balloons.

"Wow, thanks, this is really--oOOHH BUTTERFLIES!"

Naturally, a horse-drawn carriage ride was in order.

Mariah, again, who is taking these pictures??

Of course, no Valentine’s Day would be complete without a blurry photo from the POV of someone stalking Mariah Carey.

Dream lover come rescue me. S.O.S.

I’m  just glad Twitter exists for this very reason. I hope they had a lovely evening and were home at a reasonable hour to spend rest of the cherished holiday with their one-year-old twins, Moroccan and Monroe. And Jill E Beans the dog, that rascal!

What did everyone here do (or not do) yesterday? It’s possible one of us here was listening to the 1996 classic album, Falling Into You by Celine Dion. Who can say?

Via NY Daily News.

Jennifer Hudson took a break from updating her thinspiration tumblr and trying to shrink her head down to match her body size this week to let the world what she thinks of the new panel of American Idol judges. My guess (because it’s my own opinion) is that she loves Mariah Carey, who’s a legend, thinks Nicki Minaj is clinically insane/really annoying and couldn’t give two shits about Keith Urban because all she knows is that he’s Nicole Kidman‘s husband and used to be an alcoholic.

Well, what do you say – am I right? Do I win the special prize?

Via The Daily Mail:

When it comes to the new judges on American Idol, the show’s most famous daughter, Jennifer Hudson, isn’t going overboard with praise.

‘It’s taken a bit to get used to the new judges. I come from American Idol, so I’m used to seeing Simon, Paula and Randy,’ she explained about the latest season during an interview on Live with Kelly & Michael on Friday morning.

‘So now it’s new faces, and to me, [Cowell, Abdul and Jackson] represented the show. It’s kind of awkward for me to see it with new judges.’

They’re ‘awkward’: Jennifer Hudson isn’t keen on the new American Idol judging panel, save for Mariah Carey, she told Kelly and Michael on Friday. But she did have some kind words for diva of divas, Mariah Carey.

‘Well, I’m happy that [Mariah Carey]‘s there because she’s a singer, so she knows what to expect, how to judge, even the position that the kids are in when they’re auditioning,’ she said.

But when asked about Keith Urban and Nicki Minaj – both successful artists, both singers – she could only respond with a vague, ‘Ummmm, yes.’

Listen, Idol has been dead in the water for at least the past three seasons and throwing the biggest stars in the world on that panel is not going to save it. Let it die, Fox. Mariah’s head is soon going to inflate too big to fit in the door, Nicki is going to go full-blown schizophrenic and Keith will be driven to return to drink. I don’t know what the hell Randy Jackson is going to do. Probably end up homeless on the corner, begging for “food, dawg“.

You guys might have noticed that I’m usually a pretty cheery, lighthearted person, but Christmas, my very favorite holiday, just makes me ecstatic. And it’s so close, so I’m barely able to function. But in all my Christmas cheer, I have to stop and talk to you guys about what Mariah Carey wore yesterday. And it brings deep sadness to my heart.

Because, ok, what the actual f-ck? Why? What is that thing she’s wearing around her waist? I mean, I know it’s completely stupid, but what’s the actual function of it? Is she gaining weight again? Her face looks a little fuller. If she is, that’s cool, I don’t hate, but might that, along with the giant corseted mess around her midsection, mean that she’s undergoing fertility treatments again? Perhaps most importantly, would there be any such explanation for her hair situation?

Ok, let’s do some critical thinking here. Mariah Carey is one of the biggest divas out there. Mariah Carey thinks that Mariah Carey is the greatest thing ever. And Nick Cannon, being Mariah’s loving husband, agrees with her on that. So what do they jam to?

They listen to Mariah’s music, natch! Specifically the song above: Nick said that “Hero” was his favorite sexy time song. Can you even imagine? Seriously, can you? Because my brain is being a sweetheart and it won’t let me envision this scenario. I think it’s trying to protect me from any kind of trauma, which would almost certainly occur if I were to Mariah doing her trademark high-pitched squealing while getting banged by Nick.

Oh god, I just imagined it.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why I’m seriously dedicating a whole post to some massage that Mariah Carey got, and I understand that. It does seem like a particularly boring subject, but guys. You have to trust me on this one. Because this story is awesome.

From Us Weekly:

The American Idol diva arranged an eight-hour rub-down while she got shut-eye at her L.A. mansion September 29.

“The masseuse made $1,500,” a source tells Us Weekly. On top of that, Carey had a seriously kooky request.

“She insisted [Sacha Baron Cohen's] Bruno play on repeat,” the insider adds. “It looped the entire time!”

This is what rich people do. They get massages for eight hours while watching Bruno over and over and napping. I’m having trouble even comprehending that. I thought about getting a massage one time, but then I figured I’d probably just pay my water bill or whatever. Or go shopping. Because no joke, I think I’m developing a moderate addiction to shopping. The other day I was out and I just bought two pairs of jeans on a whim, and when I got home I was like “I don’t even like these,” so I took them back and got different clothes. And then last week I got some whey protein because I’ve been getting into fitness and all, and I made a drink and it was so gross and I felt sick, so I asked my boyfriend if it had any sort of dairy in it (I’m lactose intolerant), and he just looked at me and I was like “oh, right.”

Did I just get incredibly off topic? It’s because Mariah Carey’s massage just completely blew my mind.