Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Maria Shriver

Maria Shriver Doesn’t Want That Floozy, Taylor Swift, Coming Near Her Son

A photo of Taylor Swift

“I don’t want that slutty whore touching my baby boy! Tell her to keep her filthy whore hands to her filthy whore self, because if she comes nosin’ around my house, I got a shotgun that’ll nose right back! She ain’t nothin’ but trash, and I won’t have that, not for my son. If she wants a new man, she can go to the STREET CORNER or the DUMP, not my neighborhood. I’m ain’t havin’ it.”

- Maria Shriver on why she doesn’t want Taylor Swift dating her son, Patrick Schwarzenegger*.

But yeah, remember how Taylor spent her Fourth of July with little Patrick? We weren’t sure if they were dating or if they were just hanging out, but whatever it was then, it looks like it’s getting a little more serious now. Serious enough for Maria Shriver to tell her to move along.

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Maria Shriver doesn’t want Taylor Swift singing any love songs to her hunk son Patrick Schwarzenegger — and she’s told the country supersar to take a hike. Maria fears Taylor will chew him up, spit him out and then write a song about him as she’s done with previous famous boyfriends.

“Maria got word to Taylor and warned her not to get any ideas about datingPatrick,” revealed an insider. “She basically told Taylor to ‘back off.’”

The singer was photographed cozying up to recent high school grad Patrick at an Independence Day gathering at the Kennedys’ Hyannis Port, Mass., compound.

Taylor is a longtime Kennedy family friend, and an excited Patrick tweeted that the festivities were “the best 4th of July I could ask for.”

Said the insider: “Maria is worried that Taylor will lead Patrick on and then leave his heart shattered in a million pieces, like she’s done with other guys.”

While Maria thinks Taylor is a sweet girl, “she’s 100 percent opposed to Patrick dating her,” said the insider. “He’s entering the University of Southern California in the fall and she doesn’t want anything distracting him.”

Poor Taylor Swift. One way or another, it seems like she’s always looking for love in all the wrong places. But that’s an interesting theory that Maria has in that story up there: do you think Taylor Swift gets her heart broken with every relationship she has, as her music would have us believe, or do you think that she’s really just one of those psychotic girlfriends who destroys all the guys she dates, just so she’ll have material for her songs?

That kind of thought almost makes me feel sorry for John Mayer. Almost.

*This isn’t a direct quote**.

**I don’t think.

Arnold’s Marriage Is Officially About to Be Terminated

Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger at the premiere of 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'

I am so, so sorry about the headline. What am I supposed to do? My hands are tied, here.

Other movie titles I ought to have been able to contort into an ill-worded, trying-too-hard Schwarzenegger Divorce Joke:

- End of Days
- Collateral Damage
- Eraser
- True Lies
- The Expendables (he has a cameo)
- Raw Deal
- Junior (OH, NO)

Anyway. What took so long? Maria Shriver finally, officially filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger yesterday. The Associated Press reports:

The former television journalist and Kennedy family heiress cited irreconcilable differences but offered no additional details about the breakup.

Haha. Um?

According to reports, Shriver actually signed all the paperwork two weeks ago. I wonder why her reluctance to file. Me, I like to think I’d’ve been out of there by Batman and Robin.

Does Arnold Schwarzenegger Have a Harem of Hos, Too?

photo of gigi goyette and arnold schwarzenegger affair pictures photos

It’s like Tiger 2.0 up in this bitch apparently, and mistresses from all over the country are coming out of a Schwarzenegger dong-haze in order to nail his cheating heart to the wall (which I find funny, since these same women didn’t give a rat’s fetid ass when they were boning him).

The latest? An actress from Little House on the Prairie by the name of Gigi Goyette. The very same Gigi Goyette who’s actually just lawyered up with Gloria Allred, so apparently there’s business to be had here, now, isn’t there.

Goyette claims that she and Arnold had a torrid affair extending through two decades, where oral sex was a favorite, and ‘weird’ sex was in vogue. According to Hollywood Life:

For those who have recently eaten, please do not read on. “I’d made love before, but never with anyone like Arnold,” Gigi said. “He was a perfect Adonis — he had the most amazing body I’d ever seen in my life!” I gave Arnold a massage, and then we had oral sex,” Gigi says of the then three years married actor. “Arnold explained that we couldn’t have full intercourse — just what he called outercourse.” And they say chivalry is dead!

The affair then continued on for several years, with Gigi even meeting Maria Shriver and her family on one trip to the super fun Fitness weekend. Maria and Arnold were drinking with a group in the bar and after Maria left Arnold commanded Gigi to go to her room. “Arnold took me in his arms and neither of us could deny our strong attraction. He stayed with me for an hour and we had the most amazing sex session. Then he went back to Maria,” she says. She does not, however, explain if this course was inny or outty.

Gigi also claims that there were a variety of other women involved, and throws a number like ’13′ out there, stating that Arnold had to have every hot woman he laid his eyes on.

I’m sorry. All of this infidel BS is just wrong, and Arnold has ALWAYS grossed me out anyway. ALWAYS. It’s just a shame that innocent people (like Maria Shriver) have to get wrapped up in this kind of trash, especially when they’re totally unassuming about it.

Ugh. Get yourself tested, girls.