Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Maria Sharapova

Look! It’s the Fake Breasty ESPY Awards!

Carmen Electra and Kendra Wilkinson at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos

The ESPY awards were held today at the Kodak Theater. I don’t know who won. I don’t know who was nominated. I don’t even know what types of awards are given, but I certainly hope Kendra Wilkinson’s breasts warranted at least an honorable mention. Is there an award for Most Basketball-Like Body Feature?

Danica Patrick was there, and it’s cool to get to run pictures of her, because, if you hadn’t noticed, I don’t know shit about sports, and I know less about racecar driving, but I do know that Danica Patrick has taken a man’s world by storm while still managing to look fabulous, and that’s always award-worthy in my book.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler dropped by, and I have no idea why. I’d guess she was fucking a football player or something, but I’m pretty sure she’s still with Scott Sartiano, so I don’t know why she needed to show up at this. I certainly hope it wasn’t to show off that dress, because that would have been an enormous error in judgment. Unless she can tell me whether Tony Soprano got shot in that diner, she’s of no use to me anymore.

And Maria Sharapova, because I know a lot of you like to masturbate to her.

Danica Patrick at the ESPY Awards, Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos Danica Patrick at the ESPY Awards, Red Carpet, Photos, Pictures, Images Jamie-Lynn Sigler at the ESPY Awards, Pictures and Photos Maria Sharapova at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos Maria Sharapova at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos