Brothers Rocco and David Ritchie arrived in London, England this morning to spend the holidays with their father, director Guy Ritchie. David seemed to have something to say to the photographers who were snapping his picture as the family made their way to the car. Perhaps he thought spending sometime with his dad, who is decidedly more low-key than his mother, would be a chance to get away from all the cameras?

“There was this really earnest college student with his backpack on who wanted to do his first film, and then Madonna wanted to produce it.  I was like, ‘Madonna? I don’t think this is her film. I remember this one producer told me that he had found Precious—and it was going to be Brandy. Excuse me? I literally almost hung up on him.”

Sapphire, the author of Precious, in an Entertainment Weekly interview.  Apparently, I’m not the only one who wants to disconnect with people who think Brandy has acting talent or the ability to properly affix false eyelashes.

Aaaaand this is how you know you’re too famous.

The paps followed Madonna all the way to her NYC gynecologist today. At least that’s what they claim. But then they say they had Lourdes hail her a cab before she’d leave the building. Ummmm, why was Lourdes with her at the gynecologist? Or were they both at the gynecologist for Lourdes’ appointment? Or what if they were in the building for a different and less funny reason? SO MANY QUESTIONS! But I will tell you this: I would rather have my vagina surgically removed than have my mother come to my gynecologist appointment with me. Just saying.

Madonna and her daughter Lourdes were n Malawi today for the groundbreaking ceremony at the site where Madonna is building a school she’s raised over fifteen million dollars for. The scene looked very hopeful and exciting for all involved, with the exception of Lourdes, who looked bored and maybe even a little embarrassed, hope that the girl might actually just be a normal teenager with an abnormal mother. I mean, doesn’t Lola look like her mom is dragging her along to a luncheon at the country club when she’d rather be at the mall with her girlfriends? There’s something refreshing about that teenage angst, I’ll tell ya.

Madonna’s neighbor is suing her for playing her music too loudly and shaking the walls of the building with dancing. The building’s board has already threatened to evict Madge over the noise complaints.

At first I thought these neighbors should just pull the sticks out of their asses. If Madonna was my neighbor and she was throwing a party, I’d just make a nice deal with her that I get to show up and pound wheat grass kabbalahtinis with famous people in exchange for putting up with all the noise. “Accidentally” tossing half-digested wheat grass all over Jesus Luz would totally be worth the hassle.

But it turns out the noise isn’t coming from parties, but from rehearsal sessions. She’s been using her apartment as a rehearsal studio for at least 3 hours a day, which means that the loud music is of the start, stop, and repeat variety, and the shaking walls the result of hairless doods with sculpted thighs not landing their grand jetés properly.

Did I mention that the neighbor filing the lawsuit lives upstairs from Madge? That’s  some serious man-quad induced seismic activity.

“And, of course, here you go: I still love her.  But she’s retarded, too.”

Guy Ritchie in an Esquire magazine interview talking about — who else? — his matronly ex, Madonna.

Can you imagine how angry Madge was after reading that?  I can’t confirm this, but I hear she was so outraged that she ate an entire carrot stick chased down by not one, but two bottles of Kabbalah water.