Last night, George Clooney cobbled together a phone bank whose average adjusted gross income was higher than Haiti’s combined gross national product in all of the 90′s. The celebrity-manned phone lines and musical performances by Madonna, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift, Chris Martin, Bono, Jay-Z, Rihanna and more,  pulled in over $16 Million dollars.

Did any of you dial-a-celeb and phone in a donation? If you missed your chance, you can still contribute by preordering  any of the songs performed last night  on iTunes.

I applaud the stars’ desire to contribute to a good cause, but groaned when Beyonce inserted “Haiti” into her song “Halo.” I can’t stand it when artists insert words from current events willy-nilly into already established hit songs for the purposes of “tribute”. Bastardizing one of your already established hit singles just seems like such a lazy way out. I cringed when Elton John did it with “Candle in the Wind”, and Beyonce sure as shit ain’t no Elton John.

More telethon clips featuring Robert Pattinson and his facial hair, Madonna, JT, Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, and Xtina after the jump.

Editor’s Note: As of this morning, the news services have upgraded the amount of money raised by the telethon to an estimated $57 Million!!

(more…)

And not a moment too late!

Madonna’s been out of the spotlight for what now, like, forty-five seconds so natch, she has to pull this kind of stunt in order to gain some relevant credibility.

She and ex-husband Sean Penn were spotted yesterday on a three-and-a-half hour siesta that involved eating and drinking and God knows what else.   Madonna split with Guy Ritchie last year and Penn’s on-again, off-again divorce was filed this past summer from fellow actress Robin Wright so … do the math. I guess that means it’s high time for another crazy, drug- and alcohol-fueled display of obsessive affection, don’t you?

Brothers Rocco and David Ritchie arrived in London, England this morning to spend the holidays with their father, director Guy Ritchie. David seemed to have something to say to the photographers who were snapping his picture as the family made their way to the car. Perhaps he thought spending sometime with his dad, who is decidedly more low-key than his mother, would be a chance to get away from all the cameras?

“There was this really earnest college student with his backpack on who wanted to do his first film, and then Madonna wanted to produce it.  I was like, ‘Madonna? I don’t think this is her film. I remember this one producer told me that he had found Precious—and it was going to be Brandy. Excuse me? I literally almost hung up on him.”

Sapphire, the author of Precious, in an Entertainment Weekly interview.  Apparently, I’m not the only one who wants to disconnect with people who think Brandy has acting talent or the ability to properly affix false eyelashes.

Aaaaand this is how you know you’re too famous.

The paps followed Madonna all the way to her NYC gynecologist today. At least that’s what they claim. But then they say they had Lourdes hail her a cab before she’d leave the building. Ummmm, why was Lourdes with her at the gynecologist? Or were they both at the gynecologist for Lourdes’ appointment? Or what if they were in the building for a different and less funny reason? SO MANY QUESTIONS! But I will tell you this: I would rather have my vagina surgically removed than have my mother come to my gynecologist appointment with me. Just saying.

Madonna and her daughter Lourdes were n Malawi today for the groundbreaking ceremony at the site where Madonna is building a school she’s raised over fifteen million dollars for. The scene looked very hopeful and exciting for all involved, with the exception of Lourdes, who looked bored and maybe even a little embarrassed, hope that the girl might actually just be a normal teenager with an abnormal mother. I mean, doesn’t Lola look like her mom is dragging her along to a luncheon at the country club when she’d rather be at the mall with her girlfriends? There’s something refreshing about that teenage angst, I’ll tell ya.