Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Luciana Barroso

There’s Another Damon Baby in The World!

A photo of Luciana and Matt Damon

On Wednesday, Luciana gave birth to the latest Damon spawn, a healthy little girl they named Stella Zavala (that’s cute, isn’t it?  I mean, I can never hear the name Stella without imagining it screamed by a wasted Marlon Brando, but it’s still a nice name).  On top of the birth of this brand new baby, Matt’s movie, Hereafter, was released in theatres on Friday and brought in a pretty solid $12 million.

I think it must be amazing to be Matt Damon.  And yeah, it would probably be awesome to be virtually any rich person, but Matt just seems like a fun, classy rich person who also happens to be married to a rather attractive person.  Plus, wouldn’t it be fun to be able to call Ben Affleck up every once in a while and be like “hey Ben, remember Gigli? What the fuck was that?”

Matt Damon’s Expecting Another Daughter

Matt Damon and Wife Expecting Third Daughter

I still haven’t gotten over the fact that the woman Matt Damon keeps impregnating is not me, but whatever. I have to deliver this news to you. It’s my job.

Matt Damon and his wife Luciana Barrosa are expecting their third daughter. The couple already has Isabella (age 4) and Gia (age 2), as well as Luciana’s 11-year old daughter from a previous relationship. The couple are supposedly “thrilled.”

The news that his wifey is preggo may be one of the reasons that Matt won’t be appearing in the next Bourne flick, or, you know, maybe there’s someone in this town who knows how to throw in the towel when it’s appropriate (I’M TALKING TO YOU, DEPP.)

There Could Be a Human Being Emerging from Luciana Barroso’s Vagina Right This Instant

Matt Damon’s wife is currently at a Florida hospital preparing to give birth.

Matt has been spotted pacing the halls in scrubs.

The couple currently have a 2-year-old daughter together, and this baby is expected to be a girl, too.

Good luck and congratulations to the happy parents!

Update: The little girl, Gia Zavala, has been born and everyone is doing well! Congrats!