Before I say a bunch of really petty stuff about Lisa Loeb, allow me to say that she totally killed it on the Reality Bites soundtrack in 1994 and that I think I owned a CD of hers when I was in sixth grade. Fine, I know I owned a CD of hers. Also, I feel really badly that she dated Ethan Hawke back in the day because I feel like she’s a really sensitive lady and he’s probably a major satchel of dicks. OK? We square? I got the nice shit out of the way?

ALRIGHT!

You guys, when I saw today that the chronically bespectacled Lisa Loeb is releasing a new line of eyewear and then cross referenced a calendar and realized that it’s definitely, 100% 2011, I laughed my ass off. Did someone wake this chick up from a coma and tell her about endorsement deals or something? Why wasn’t she on this like, 15 years ago when she had a drop of relevancy?

The only thing that’s funnier than the idea that anyone would actually purchase these glasses is the mission statement on the line’s website:

The Lisa Loeb Eyewear Collection offers comfortable frame styles for every look and occasion. The collection includes classic pieces in black and tortoise shell, as well as embellished options accentuated with rhinestones and etchings. Colors range from neutral tones to eloquent bursts of rich turquoise, lavender, lemon ice and cherry red. Each frame is named after one of Lisa’s songs and some delicious colors are inspired by Lisa’s love of food. All frames include a designer hard case and custom Lisa Loeb cleaning cloth.

Her love of food? A Lisa Loeb cleaning cloth? You’ll have to excuse me, I think I’m having a seizure.

In all seriousness, though, I do need a new pair of glasses and I don’t totally hate her designs. I’ll be willing to try them on at the optometrists office as long as I can think of a way to cover my ass if anyone ever asks me who designed my second set of eyes.

Wanna see pictures of the glasses? They’re after the jump, my honey babies…

In college I used to do this thing where I’d make a bunch of that melty nacho cheese stuff from a jar and then get stoned with my friends and pass out watching Degrassi: The Next Generation on The N. It probably sounds like there’s a lot of problems with that scenario, but really the only thing that ever got to me was that I’d often wake up around the time that The N turned back in to Noggin and I’d be stuck to my chair watching those Lisa Loeb music videos she made for babies like the one above. I would sit there all, “Lisa Loeb doesn’t even have kids. What’s wrong with her? Why would she be writing music like this?” And then I’d fall back asleep until it was time to go to a theology class or something.

Today when it was announced that Lisa Loeb is expecting with her muisc supervisor hubby, I got all excited. Finally! Finally Lisa has an excuse to sing about cows saying “moo” and brushing your teeth before bed! Finally the day has come! Lisa and Roey Hershkovitz will be greeting their baby for the first time at some point this winter. Congratulations, you crazy kids.

People has reported that Lisa Loeb wed boyfriend Roey Hershkovitz in a traditional Jewish Ceremony last night. Loeb and Hershkovitz dated for roughly two years before getting engaged in November of ’08. Congrats to the happy couple!

 I think I still have Tails, her debut CD, floating around somewhere. I played it for some 3 months straight when I first got it.

I’m really torn on this issue, and I want to hear opinions from you guys.

Lisa Loeb is wearing the same dorky glasses she wore at the beginning of her career.

At left: Lisa Loeb, on Sunday, at the NYC premiere of Turn the River.

At right: Lisa Loeb, at the 1993 Grammy awards.

On one hand, in a world where celebrities seem obsessed with constantly reinventing themselves, it’s kind of refreshing to see someone sticking to the same schtick for 15 years.

On the other hand, Jesus fucking Christ, is anyone else soooo sick of those glasses?

For all you closet Lisa Loeb fans out there, check out her performance of “Snow Day” on Conan last night. Max Weinberg sat in on drums.

God, I love her so much.