Today's Evil Beet Gossip
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In Other News …

Oh, John Mayer. Are you ever going to realize that you’re just. not. funny? [Celebslam]

Jason Bateman’s still talking about his iPhone debacle, because it’s his only claim to fame as of late. [popbytes]

OMFG, I just pissed myself: Stephen King’s It and Pet Sematary are gonna be remade. [Dies] [Pajiba]

M. Night Shyamalan should stick to his creepy movies, ’cause I just fucking knew Airbender was going to suck big alien balls. [Celebitchy]

Khloe Kardashian’s married to the Candyman. Remember that creepy fucker? [Amy Grindhouse]

What’s up with the fascination of Justin Bieber … farting? [CityRag]

Ha! This is the chick that’s bringing bang allegations against Al “Save the Planet” Gore? [Pop on the Pop]

Lots of rape and assault in this week’s True Blood. Is it getting kind of old for you, too? [Zelda Lily]

LOL — Liza Minelli has a fashion line. Who’s next, Lady Gaga? [OMGBlog]

The most expensive celebrity divorce ever: Elin Nordegren v. Tiger Woods. You go, girl. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Megan Fox wants to “bring back” the corset. Excuse me while I go snort myself into oblivion. [Betty Confidential]

In Other News …

Ellen Pompeo is much, much hotter than I ever thought. [Celebslam]

Courtney Love is TwitPic crazy. Or just a twit. [popbytes]

Wow. I haven’t seen this guy since Red Eye. [Pajiba]

Mel Gibson hits Oksana, Oksana hits child. Makes sense, right? [Celebitchy]

Aww! Amy Winehouse gets some good press! [Zelda Lily]

Alicia Keys is going to be the ultimate MILF, right? Queen Milf, if you will. [Allie is Wired]

Rihanna and Matt Kemp check out new iPhones. Wonder if Kemp punched his way to the front of the line … oh, wait. Wrong celebrity and wrong boyfriend. My bad. [Amy Grindhouse]

Miley’s boyfriend is jealous. That, and I’m apparently Santa Claus. [Betty Confidential]

The Scissor Sisters do Kylie Minogue. [OMGBlog]

I can’t stand The Bachelorette. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

In Other News …

Move the fuck over, Kim Kardashian … A new raven-haired exotic is on her way up. [Celebslam]

Kate Gosselin is disgusting. And so is her plastic surgeon, er, I’m sorry, “aesthetician.” [popbytes]

Check out the Grown Ups review. I think it looks pretty funny. [Pajiba]

Fergie going to quit the Black Eyed Peas ’cause is a diva bitch. [Celebitchy]

Miley Cyrus thinks crotch-shots are OK. [Amy Grindhouse]

If Justin Bieber’s mother poses for Playboy, I’m probably going to kill myself. I’m just sayin’. [Betty Confidential]

Aww, Kesha has cute nipples! Now I want to go and strangle cuddle a puppy. [Cityrag]

Alicia Keys has the most adorable baby bump in history. [Pop on the Pop]

Northern Exposure‘s Janine Turner (… do you even remember that show?) goes all political on our asses. Fuck it. She’s still hot. [Zelda Lily]

The Scissor Sisters are officially back. [OMGBlog]

Please, please don’t tell me that Britney’s getting back together with Adnan Ghalib. I haven’t even had dinner yet. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

In Other News …

Mischa Barton’s car was towed again … and this time, she wasn’t passed out in the backseat with Cheetos and joints scattered everywhere. [Celebslam]

Is anyone else completely fucking sicked out by Shauna Sand’s appearance aside from me? I mean, come on. I’m all for flaunting prettiness and what not, but this woman looks like a bag of smashed assholes. [popbytes]

Is Bradley Cooper’s career over? Moreover, does Renee have anything to do with it? IDGAF. He’s still hot. [Pajiba]

Did Megan Fox get implants, too? [Celebitchy]

A Biggest Loser finalist claims that the show gave her an eating disorder. [Zelda Lily]

Katy Perry bans straight men from the filming of her latest video. Um … why? I thought the uber-conservative religious didn’t like gays. I’m confused. [Allie is Wired]

Holy crap, Miley Cyrus appears in public without her weave! What, did Billy Ray run out of TP or something? [Amy Grindhouse]

I guess I’m not the only one who thinks Tom Brady’s new hair is totally ghey. [Betty Confidential]

James Franco … is he or isn’t he? [OMGBlog]

Warren Beatty’s daughter wants a sex change, and her parents are freaking out about it. Great. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

In Other News …

Chris Klein is still fugly, and got arrested this morning for a DUI. Sweet. [Celebslam]

Am I the only one who’s grossed out by Cristiano Ronaldo? Am I also the only one who doesn’t have World Cup fever? [popbytes]

New Star Wars movie? Oh, dear Lord, pleasepleaseplease. [Pajiba]

Is Kate Middleton — gasp — pregnant?! [Celebitchy]

Perez Hilton is not-so sorry over the Miley upskirt shot, and with a face that looks like the undercooked backside of a ham, how the fuck could you tell anyway? [Amy Grindhouse]

Bisexual celebrities abound! [CityRag]

Sasquatch Kardashian — uh, sorry, to clarify, I do mean “Khloe” — dishes on why Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t make a good Celebrity Apprentice. [Pop on the Pop]

What celebrity face would you put on a condom? [Zelda Lily]

Check out this summer’s 10 Hottest Female Celebrity Beach Bodies — they’re smokin’. [Betty Confidential]

Betty White sex tape? Betty White topless? Christ on ice. [OMGBlog]

Did you happen to see Robert Pattinson on the Tonight Show? Nah, me either. [Celebrity Smack Blog]