Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s sister Ali wants to be the next Dolly Parton

ali lohan dina lohan

Please try not to throw up in your morning coffee, but Lindsay Lohan‘s “younger” sister, Ali Lohan, apparently wants to become a country singer now. She’s done the modeling thing (and the 5,000 cosmetic surgeries that come with it, apparently?) and now she’s ready to move on to music.

From TMZ:

We’re told Ali — who was last seen trying to launch a career as a NYC fashion model — has been writing songs and working with a singing coach.

We’re told Ali and mom Dina, went to Nashville last month to meet with producers and soak up the hillbilly vibe. She’s also learning to play different musical instruments.

Ali is not without success … she’s already snagged a $120K contract offer from one label — which also includes business roles for Dina … and Ali’s dad, Michael.   Couldn’t see that coming, right?

But Ali’s not committing … she thinks she can do even better so she’s meeting with other music execs.

Uh, what’s label’s this with, Crack Pipe Records? I’m sorry, but I just can’t with anyone in this family. Have Dina and Michael realized that the well has run dry with the older daughter, who will smoke and snort every penny she earns (if she ever even earns it), so they’ve had to move on to pimping out the younger one? Fuck off.

Also, Dolly Parton looks younger than Ali Lohan. Just saying.

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Lindsay Lohan “never wanted to be a celebrity”

Front Row: Day 2 -  London Collections: Men SS15

Lindsay Lohan is desperate for fame, fortune and attention from any direction she can get it. She’s so keen on being “back on set” that she continues to shit all over anyone who is actually dumb enough to give her a 3,985th chance. She’s “willing to work”, sure, but that’s what it’s all about – the work. She never actually wanted to be a celebrity, according to her.

From BBC News:

“People have certain perceptions of me. For a long time, people looked at me as kind of a celebrity, which is something I never wanted. That’s not what I got into this industry for.”

“I’ve been doing this since I was 3 years old and I’ve been on set since I was 6. People kind of forgot that, and I think now is a good time. And what better than to do it with the great people that I’m working with on stage in London … so that people can focus on the fact that I’m in this industry because I’m an actress and an artist and not just someone you take photos of?”

Lindsay also claimed that she’s constantly paranoid now and that her friends think she’s neurotic because she’s so jumpy. You know, because that’s not all the cocaine or anything.

“My friends think I’m neurotic,” she said, “but I will hear a flash of an iPhone camera, I will hear the shutter from a mile across the room. I will feel it.”

The star added social media was allowing her to regain control of her image.

When a US tabloid published a picture of her with cuts and scratches on her leg last week, she posted a similar image on Instagram, explaining she had fallen off a bike.

“[They said] that I’d cut myself purposefully, which was dark,” she said. “I have siblings. People see that. Producers see that and I don’t need people having that perception of me.

“The benefit of something like Instagram is I can use that to my advantage and I can say ‘look, this is what happened’ and make light of the situation because it was actually kind of funny.

“If I give the shot first, then there’s no shot to get.”

LOL, okay. “Producers see that.” Uh, no producers are paying attention to you, anymore, girl. You blew that shit years ago. And as for you trying to set the record straight, so to speak, via your Instagram account, no one’s buying that, either. God, the levels of delusion here are unrivaled.

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Lindsay Lohan Says She’s “Willing To Work”


Lindsay Lohan was rumored to be missing rehearsals and/or showing up late to the London production of Speed-the-Plow. But she swears that’s not true and what’s more, she’s not going to miss any performances, because she’s “willing to work.” From Broadway World:

When asked if she would be missing shows or rehearsals, Lohan stated, “That’s not going to happen. That’s not on the cards. It’s not. I’m at a place in my life where I like the commitment. I’m looking forward to that part of it.”


She hopes her West End appearance will rehabilitate her public image.

She stated, “I want to be known for my talents and my work that I create, rather than a tabloid sensation. However long it does take, I’m willing to do it. I’m willing to work for it.”

In any other profession if you told someone you’re “willing to work” they would say, “Well, yeah, duh.” But because she’s Lindsay Lohan and she’s a troubled actress, her being “willing to work” is news. Cracks me up. Way to go, Lohan. Hope this is what you dreamed of.

BTW the site also posted this graphic — I don’t know if it’s the play’s official poster or just a pic for the article, but either way, it’s pretty bad:


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Lindsay Lohan “late and unprepared” for London play rehearsals

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No surprises here! For some reason, some sucker in London’s West End decided to take a chance on (take pity on?) Lindsay Lohan for a role in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow, and while LiLo was apparently so thrilled to be ~back on set~ (in a sense), that hasn’t stopped her from resorting to the same old antics right from the very beginning. You know, the usual: turning up late, being completely unprepared and generally a total nightmare to work with…

From Radar Online:

As exclusively reported last month, the troubled actress is attempting to re-launch her stifled career across the pond, but according to the new issue of Star, the 28-year-old is already behaving badly on the set of her new theater gig, David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow.

Sources tell the magazine that an off-the-wagon Lohan has been clubbing all night, then arriving to rehearsals late and unprepared, and sometimes not showing up at all.

“The cast is already really annoyed,” an insider says. “The director told her that, basically, it’s a one-strike deal; if she misses one more practice or comes in late again, she’s done.”

Apparently all her late night partying is continuing to get the best of her and she just won’t get out of bed to get shit done. Lindsay Lohan does not want a career, she wants the perks that come with it. She’s not invested in acting or getting her life together – she’s invested in destroying what life she’s got left, and I think she’ll end up getting her wish, unfortunately.

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Lindsay Lohan is actually serious with this ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ lawsuit

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Late last year, Lindsay Lohan got high enough that she actually thought a character in Grand Theft Auto V was based off her likeness and she considered suing Rockstar Games over it. You know how it goes – cash starts running short and you have to get creative about how to get it flowing again.

Fast forward nearly 8 months and Lindsay, who actually made it to her 28th birthday earlier this week, has actually decided that this lawsuit is a good idea and that she’s got a leg to stand on. She claims that Lacey Jones, the character in question, is an “unequivocal” reference to herself.

From Forbes:

“The portraits of the Plaintiff (Lohan) incorporated her image, likeness, clothing, outfits, Plaintiff’s clothing line products, ensemble in the form of hats, hair style, sunglasses, jean shorts worn by the Plaintiff that were for sale to the public at least two years” the suit claims.

Suing over a parody strikes me as a bad idea, no matter how desperate one’s situation. Whether Lohan is seeking extra publicity or a cash out on the best-selling video game of all time, it’s more than a little sad that she’d acknowledge that the character Lacey Jonas is a portrayal of herself.

According to the Digital Media Law Project: “As a general matter, you will not be held liable for using someone’s name or likeness in a creative, entertaining, or artistic work that is transformative, meaning that you add some substantial creative element over and above the mere depiction of the person. In other words, the First Amendment ordinarily protects you if you use someone’s name or likeness to create something new that is recognizably your own, rather than something that just evokes and exploits the person’s identity.”

I’m not a legal expert, but Rockstar seems to fall well within this guideline. The character in question was not specifically Lohan, and engages in entirely fictional activities that are designed to parody a certain type of celebrity. I sincerely doubt that this case has legs.

Hilariously, Forbes also points out that Lindsay actually left a $46,000 tab at the Chateau Marmont hotel (which Lacey visits in the game) and that she had to be banned from the premises for non-payment at the end of it. Yes, in real life.

She has no chance here, but nice try, girl.

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Lindsay Lohan actually made it to her 28th birthday

lindsay lohan

If ever there was a cause for celebration, it’s now. Lindsay Lohan turned 28 yesterday, which I think we can all agree is a miracle. She came back to New York City for the occasion – meaning she’s left us in peace in the UK, at least for a while. She’s looking a bit too thin, which is worrisome considering her history with eating disorders, and she’s got some strange scratches/bruises (druuuuuuuuugs!) but other than that, she looks good. A lot better than she has on previous birthdays, anyway.

Happy (belated) birthday, Lindsay!

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Lindsay Lohan actually landed an acting gig

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Lindsay Lohan has been traipsing around London lately, claiming that she was looking for work and to escape America, which as a whole is apparently out to get her. While she was dropping hints about joining the theatre world, everyone figured she was just talking shit… but apparently she was telling the truth, and she’s headed to the legendary stages of the West End!

From TMZ:

LiLo will actually be live on stage nightly, doing David Mamet‘s infamous play, “Speed-the-Plow.” Beginning in September, Lohan will play the role of the secretary (there are only three roles in the whole play) a part that was played by Madonna in the original run back in 1988.

This particular play has a recent history of turmoil … it’s the same play Jeremy Piven bowed out of midway through its run … claiming he got sick from eating too much sushi.

It’s a big deal for Lindsay … the only work she’s been getting lately has been to host parties.

Well, sounds like a real exclusive gig, there.

To be honest, we probably should give Lindsay a bit of credit here. The fact that anyone at all is willing to take a chance on hiring her irresponsible, unreliable, drunk ass is kind of a miracle. Surely she won’t fuck this one up, right? Uh… right? (Countdown to disaster starts… now. Something tells me she won’t even make it to her opening night.)

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