Got a Tip? Help us Beet Off!

Lindsay Lohan

4Nobody Even Watched Liz & Dick

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Did you watch Liz & Dick? I didn’t. I know, I know, but I don’t have cable, and it was so cold on Sunday, so I just went to bed. I have seen clips, but I haven’t seen the whole thing yet, so I can’t really pass judgement on it. I can only pass on the facts.

The ratings weren’t too hot on this one. Sorry. Everyone involved with the making of this movie predicted that every single person with access to a television would watch Liz & Dick to see Lindsay‘s big comeback, but yeah, that just wasn’t the case. They got 3.5 million viewers, which certainly isn’t bad, it just isn’t what they expected.

Let’s put this into perspective: Lindsay’s movie was the fourth most-watched Lifetime movie of 2012. It got 3.5 million viewers. Lifetime’s remake of Steel Magnolias had 6.5 million viewers, a movie called Drew Peterson: Untouchable got 5.8 million, and another movie called Abducted: The Carlina White Story got 4.09 million. I can understand why Steel Magnolias did so much better – Queen Latifah, Phylicia Rashad, and Jill Scott, are you serious? – but I don’t get the other two. Are other people really that uninterested in Lindsay Lohan?

November 27, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

17Lindsay Lohan is Actually Not Happy About All This Negativity

photo of lindsay lohan and grant bowler pictures
So most of you disagreed with me when I said that I thought ‘Liz & Dick’ was actually pretty likable, and some of you (well, not *you*, per se, but Twitter people) actually went as far as … well, practically eviscerating Lindsay for trying her … well, for trying really hard in her latest film endeavor. With that in mind, I’ve got some good news for those of you who who are keen on hating on what she does on the premise of who she is: she’s devastated. That’s right, you heard—devastated. A source close to Lindsay had this to say about all of the negative feedback that’s come in over the last twelve hours from the first public viewing of ‘Liz & Dick’:

“Lindsay is devastated by the response to the film. She has got used to all the negative press around her personal life but this is the first time she has experienced it about her work. No matter how bad things were going for her personally, everyone would always agree that she was a great actress. … Lindsay has already read her own press. She knew the script wasn’t strong but thought she would bring the role of Elizabeth to life. This is particularly heartbreaking as her acting was the only thing in her life that she knew was real. Now she is doubting that, too.”

But this “only thing she thought was real” thing? Well. That’s an indicator of someone deluded beyond all belief right there, and also someone so far up their own ass for their own good, to boot—but hopefully, if this all really is the case, it’ll jar girlfriend right out of the self-induced ‘Parent Trap’ reverie she put herself in all those years ago and maybe—just maybe—she can work her way out of it and see what a wreck things really have been all this time (except for ‘Liz & Dick’; it’s the most amount of right that she’s done in a long, long time). Here’s what Michael Lohan had to say about his daughter’s performance:

“Due to the content, I had to step away from a lot of the scenes, but regardless of what some of these so-called critics, who don’t have an ounce of talent in their bones say, Lindsay proved that she is an amazing actress. This was a different role for her at a difficult time of her life. She still has what it takes to be the Lindsay Lohan that is one of Hollywood’s top actresses.”

I know we’ve ragged on Lindsay a lot in the past, and still continue to do so, although more of it’s tongue-in-cheek as of late, but God. Never have we ever said that we hate her or that she’s entirely worthless like so many other media outlets have, because seriously, when all’s said and done, she is still a person, am I right? And no, not at all worthless. Suffice it to say I haven’t forgotten all of the f-ckery that Lindsay’s created in her own life, but damn. Cut a girl a break, maybe. Or, at the very least, help her cut herself a break somehow or another*.

*Preferably with nothing that has anything to do with jewelry heists, former lesbian lovers, or family matters. Let’s be fair, now.

November 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

5Now Lindsay Wants Her Own Sitcom

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

It’s happening. Hollywood’s darling (ha ha) is shooting for the moon. Drunk off the success or whatever from her big Lifetime movie, Lindsay Lohan is interested in prolonging her comeback with her very own television show!

From Radar:

Even though critics raked Lindsay Lohan over the coals for her performance in the Lifetime television movie Liz & Dick, the former child actress is determined to star in her own television sitcom, is exclusively reporting.

“Lindsay has asked her manager and agent to look into getting her her own television sitcom,” a source close to the situation tells exclusively. ”Lindsay feels that the small screen would be a great way for her to revitalize her acting career and that a comedy would be the best bet. Lindsay feels most comfortable doing comedy and it was Charlie Sheen that told her she should do it. Charlie told Lindsay that it was an easy way to make very good money and help her to get her movie career back on track. Lindsay is loving the idea of having her own sitcom and would love to play someone in a story based on her crazy life.”

Oh, and here’s another lovely tidbit from the source:

“Lindsay isn’t fazed at all by the criticism. She thinks everyone is insanely jealous of her, and like it or not, she was trending on Twitter last night. Lindsay hopes that she could get her own television sitcom like Kirstie Alley did with Fat Actress. Lindsay admires what Kirstie did and wants to follow in her footsteps,” the insider says.

Do we really even need to discuss this? This is already in the works, right? Because I want to live in a world where Lindsay Lohan can say “I want a sitcom” and then instantly get a sitcom. I want to live in a world where people care about what I care about, where my wants and needs are taken into account. And I both want and need a Lindsay Lohan sitcom. In order for me to thrive as a human being, I need that.

Can we get a premiere date or something now?

November 26, 2012 at 11:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

17Oh My God, ‘Liz & Dick’

photo of liz & dick pictures
You don’t know how many times I wrote and re-wrote this post in my head, guys, because no matter what I said or how I said it, it was completely unbelievable and preposterous, so I’m just going to come out with it: did you watch ‘Liz & Dick’ last night? Because I did. In its entirety. And short of thinking that the film’s soundtrack was busted ass (it was), and that they completely rushed the ending to fit it into a two-hour block … ugh, here goes I guess—I loved it. I LOVED it. I actually thought it was so, so much better than everyone (including myself) said it was going to be, and I couldn’t turn it off (not that I wanted to, but that’s a moot point).

Here’s some general Twitter feedback about the movie, but you know what? I honestly think a lot of it’s from people who just want something cute and amusing to say in order to get mentioned on blogs and newspapers (well played, crafty ones). I’ll bet you that some of these naysayers actually liked this movie as much as I did:

Gilbert Godfried sound more like Liz Taylor #LizAndDick

Just turned on #LizAndDick after The Walking Dead. The walkers have more charisma and screen presence than Lindsey Lohan.

I want to kill them already???? #lizanddick

Somewhere, there is an actress who didn’t get cast in this thing and is thanking her lucky stars. #LizAndDick

Holy God in heaven… #LizandDick is pure torture.

Watched 3 minutes of Liz&Dick and had to turn it off. This coming from the white girl who sat thru the entirety of Norbit, sober #lizanddick

Come on. Come on! It wasn’t that bad! You know, I recorded it on my DV-R last night, just in case it was so bad that I had to take it in two doses, but now I’m glad I went and decided to do that, because yes, I will absof-ckinglutely be watching it again. It was compelling in a weird, suprising, not-at-all-awful sort of way.

As for the technical aspects of the movie, the wardrobe was pretty killer. The scenery … well, it wasn’t all that bad. The only thing that I wasn’t fond of was the fact that it was written as if you knew Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s life story as it were, and frankly, some people just don’t (shocking, I know). Honestly, that’s my only gripe. I really, really enjoyed the movie, and there’s something a bit proud (?) inside of me for Lindsay Lohan somewhere, too.

November 26, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

4Charlie Sheen Gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000

A photo of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan

You know what they say: give a crackhead a fish and you’ll feed her for a day, but teach a crackhead to fish and she’ll probably fall off the boat and then you’ll have to deal with a bunch of lawsuits. Ha ha, but seriously. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan aren’t two peas in a pod, but two jackasses in a crack den, so when they came together to work on Scary Movie 5, it makes sense that they would have gotten close.

Ok, now let’s review an old story: Lindsay Lohan never pays her taxes. When she does manage to get a job, she spends all the money on meth or purses or whatever. And even now, right in the middle of her big comeback, she can’t manage to pay her taxes. So she owes the IRS a good amount of money: around $234,000.

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen is a crackhead with a heart of gold and an unfathomable amount of money. So, as you might have gathered from the headline, he just gave Lindsay $100,000. Apparently she told him all about her financial problems while they were on set, and he just wrote up a check and sent it to her management team. Charming, right?

So here’s what I want to know: is Lindsay going to be Charlie’s next goddess? Do you just give women you meet on movie sets that much money? When is the sex tape going to be released, do you think? Important questions!

November 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily

9Tonight’s The Night!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

After what’s felt like years of waiting, the big day is finally here. Tonight we will finally be able to see Lindsay Lohan‘s big comeback: Liz & Dick, the Lifetime movie that we’ve always dreamed of. We’ll be able to sit down with our families and friends, or we’ll just watch it at the gym because we don’t have cable, and we’ll all be better for it.

We all remember that first review of the movie, and sadly, it wasn’t all that positive. But since more time has passed, a lot more people have reviewed it. So why don’t we see if anyone has anything nice to say, all right?

Here’s what Entertainment Weekly had to say:

“‘Liz & Dick’ is a very peculiar TV movie indeed. The opening seconds flash a ”based on a true story” message across the screen. But the ‘story’ — that is, the life that Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton shared mostly during the 1960s, after meeting while making Cleopatra (1963) — was much richer in reality than it is in this dinky, tin-eared production. Instead, the primary interest in watching ‘Liz & Dick’ is to behold Lindsay Lohan trying, with varying, wobbly degrees of effort, to make her own career comeback.”

That’s nice, right?  Lindsay is trying with “varying, wobbly degrees of effort.”  That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

Now let’s see what the San Francisco Chronicle thought about it:

The film, starring Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler and airing Sunday night, is terrible. It could have been terrible in a fun way, but is, alas, terrible in the other way: It’s so terrible, you’ll need to ice your face when it’s over to ease the pain of wincing for two hours.

And this:

The performances range from barely adequate to terrible. That would be Bowler in the “barely adequate” slot and Lohan, well, in the other one.

But let’s hear from The Wrap!

Her idol, Marilyn Monroe, continued to study acting well into her stardom, and turned in some very good performances as a result. Lohan might want to imitate Monroe’s interest in her craft, rather than just dressing like her for magazine spreads.

Every review says the same thing, just with different levels of cattiness. Lindsay is terrible, her costar is kind of ok, and the whole entire movie is a big huge mess. From the acting to the direction to the editing to the script, it’s all awful. That’s what everyone keeps saying.

But we’re going to find out for ourselves, right?

November 25, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan