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Lindsay Lohan

0Lindsay Lohan’s Storage Drama

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Oh hey, guys, remember me? I missed you yesterday because computers are stupid and I spent a solid eight hours trying to fix something that wasn’t even my fault to begin with, and I’m still exhausted from banging my head on my desk and trying to pretend like I know a thing about how computers work, but I’m back. Even though I’m pretty sure I’ll have to go get another computer this evening. Because doesn’t everyone buy three computers in one week?

But anyway, this isn’t about me, it’s about Lindsay Lohan and her newest problem, which is kind of comforting because, you know, while I’m frustrated at my own life right now, at least I’m not Lindsay Lohan.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is on the verge of losing expensive designer clothes, family heirlooms and potentially embarrassing items … because she hasn’t paid her storage bill and as a result the unit is about to go up on the auction block.

Sources close to Lindsay tell us … LiLo has fallen behind on paying her monthly bill … and now owes roughly $16,000 to the storage company.

The account is now delinquent and the locker can’t be opened until the balance is paid in full … and that’s not going to happen because Lindsay doesn’t have the cash. As we reported, her financial situation is so desperate the IRS has frozen her bank accounts because of unpaid back taxes.

So here’s the upshot. If Lindsay doesn’t get a big check for XMAS, her storage unit will be auctioned off this month. We’re told she’s reached out to family and friends to front her the money but so far no one is biting.

Talk about a good “Storage Wars” episode.

Talk about a good “Storage Wars” episode indeed. Can you even imagine how wonderful it would be to go through a storage locker that belonged to Lindsay Lohan? It’d be wonderful, but scary. Who knows what kind of dangers it would hold? How many dirty needles would be tucked into designer clothes? Not to be morbid or anything, but I wouldn’t be way surprised if there were any body parts in there. She could be Frankensteining herself. We don’t know.

But unfortunately – or fortunately, I guess, depending on which side you’re on – some strip club is offering to pay the $16,000 so that Lindsay can keep her stuff in storage. They’re also offering to pay her rent for a few months, since she’s been having trouble. Isn’t that sweet?

But listen, they don’t even want her to strip. They have a web site, and they just want her to do some video chats. Not even nude video chats, just regular old video chats for their site. That’s a great deal, isn’t it? I don’t even think they want her to do anything sexy, they just want her to talk to people. In which case, she is completely insane if she doesn’t agree to do it.

Girl, you just keep on keepin’ on.

December 14, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

12Lindsay Lohan is Pulling Out “Clumps of Hair” and Yelling At Herself

photo of lindsay losing hair pic
Wait … are we sure this is about Lindsay Lohan and not Amanda Bynes? Because Lindsay Lohan really, really understands the price of things today, guys—especially since she can’t afford rent or the monthly payment on her storage unit, and I don’t think she’d be tearing her hair out at the roots if she knew that she’d have to go and replace it in the end.

Anyway, word has it that Lindsay Lohan is really starting to melt down, and the Enquirer (yeah, I know, but still—I never post this shit and I thought it was kind of interesting, so I get a pass this Friday morning) says that her behavior has become increasingly erratic over the past few weeks, so much so that she’s beginning the cycle of self-harming. From the Enquirer:

“Lindsay has been pulling out clumps of her hair and she talks to herself constantly, shouting and cursing when she thinks nobody is around. She wanders around in the dead of night like a zombie, half-awake but in a zoned-out trance. She’s in total denial about her problems, but she clearly needs to check herself into a psych ward for mental help. If it worked for Britney Spears, it can work for Lindsay.”

See, I can believe this about a lot of people, but not about Lindsay, because I don’t think I believe that Lindsay has mental problems. I think Lindsay has drug problems, and I think that Lindsay has emotional problems to a certain extent, but mental problems? A psych ward? No way—Lindsay’s way too bullheaded and meth-focused to let herself completely unravel like that. She’s pretty much let her looks go entirely, and because of that, I don’t think she’s going to allow any pre-existing or new mental issues to creep up on her and full-on ruin all of her hardworking crack scheming and lady-punching.

I call BS on this one.

December 14, 2012 at 5:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

2Now Lindsay Might Not Even Go to Jail

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Can I be frank here? Because this blows. This absolutely blows. We’ve spent the past few weeks believing that, after all this time, Lindsay Lohan might finally be held accountable for her actions. That she might get in trouble for punching someone in the head and for lying to police, and that she’d at least get into trouble for not being super good after she stole that necklace.

But no, probably not. Because Lindsay’s judge “is not a big jail person.” Ugh.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan may have done it again … dodged a jail bullet by the luck of the judicial draw.

We broke the story … Lindsay will be arraigned today on 3 criminal charges — including lying to cops — in connection with her car accident on Pacific Coast Highway last June.  We know the judge who will arraign her – Commissioner Jane Godfrey — will formally revoke her probation during the hearing.  As you know, she’s on probation for the jewelry heist case.

The Commissioner will order a formal hearing, and if the evidence shows it’s more likely than not that LiLo committed a crime, the Commish could send her to jail for as long as 245 days.

Now the good news for Lindsay.  One source very familiar with the Commish tells TMZ … “Godfrey is not a big jail person.”

Get this.  Commissioner Godfrey presides over Drug Court, in which she hears case after case involving people with serious drug cases.  Godfrey strongly favors counseling over jail, to the point she has a graduation ceremony for people who complete the program and digs into her own pocket to buy little gifts for the graduates … like Starbucks cards.

And the Commish presides over Homeless Court … where she deals with homeless people who have committed crimes and gets them help to rehabilitate them, instead of throwing them in jail.

Ok, look. I think this judge sounds like a really good judge. I think it’s important to help people, and it’s admirable that she favors counseling over jail. Some people who commit crimes really need guidance, and others just don’t give a f-ck. I think we know which category Lindsay falls into.

It’s just that some people learn differently than others. It’s like teachers: there are going to be some kids who feel challenged by an aggressive, slightly mean teacher, and there are going to be some kids who can’t handle that kind of attitude. I know I completely shut down when someone’s trying to teach me something and they don’t do it the right way. I need to be spoken to softly, and I need smiles and reassurance. Or, ok, I don’t need it, but if someone starts coming down on me too hard I’m going to be too busy freaking out about how this one moment of failure completely ruined my whole entire life to focus.

But Lindsay needs to be scared straight. She’s been to rehab several times, she’s had therapy sessions and meds and all those things, but obviously it didn’t turn out so well. I think it’s ok to be a little more tough with her this time around, that’s all.

UPDATE: Lindsay’s probation has officially been revoked. Lindsay’s due in court on January 15th to decide her sentence. Shit’s getting real.

December 12, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

3Guess Who’s Skipping Court to Play With Her Boyfriend!

photo of lindsay lohan partying with max the wanted pictures photos
That’s right, it’s Lindsay! And want to hear one even better than that? Her new boyfriend, Max, had this to say in a recent interview about Lindsay essentially skipping her court date to go and gallivant in London with a band who’s secretly referring to her as the Yoko Ono of The Wanted:

“I think we’ve proved to ourselves, if we can stay out of trouble and keep her out of trouble this week, then we’re obviously outstanding citizens of the community, and we’ve managed to do both, so I’m quite proud of that.”

Yes oh yes. Any young man who’s daring and gallant enough to get near enough to Lindsay’s toxic cooter deserves a medal of honor and an outstanding citizen award. Keeping her out of trouble? Not for nothing, never happen (Lindsay’s forever macking).

And you guys—what do you guys think? Is Lindsay going to go to jail for real this time, or do you think she’ll just go to, I don’t know, Whole Foods on Santa Monica Boulevard?

December 11, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

6Even Charlie Sheen Thinks Lindsay Lohan Sucks Now

photo of lindsay lohan and charlie sheen pictures
Of course, Lindsay Lohan is a pretty thankless little bitch, but did you guys expect her to go this far? Wait, what? You can’t even imagine what Lindsay Lohan could have done to be called a thankless little bitch by her very biggest sympathizer? Well then OH BOY do I have some news for you.

Remember how Charlie Sheen gave Lindsay Lohan that $100k for tax relief purposes? Because, you know, Lindsay’s broke ass can’t pay for the roof she’s got over her head, let alone all those back taxes from mini film projects of years gone by. Well, he did, and she took it, but she apparently never even said thank you. Isn’t that just so, so nice?

Lindsay? Girl, if you’re reading this, Charlie has a message for you. It goes kind of like this:

“I’m still waiting for a text to say ‘thank you’. Anything, you know?”

Jesus wept.

December 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah

8Lindsay Lohan Is So Dumb She Can’t Even Pay Her Rent

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Oh guys, I know. I really do. It’s Lindsay. Again. We hear something about this girl every single day, and sometimes it gets tiresome. I get it. But we wouldn’t keep talking about it if she didn’t keep doing it.

But ok, about that rent thing. I’m not saying that you’re dumb if you can’t pay your rent. That would be silly and insensitive of me. I’m just saying that Lindsay Lohan is stupid because she can’t pay her rent.

Here, let’s just get the full story first:

Lindsay Lohan’s financial situation is so dire, she is struggling each month to pay the rent on her Beverly Hills mansion … TMZ has learned.

According to our sources, Lindsay has been scraping together the money to pay her $8,000 rent. We’re told Lindsay signed the lease on the home back in February … when her career was on the upswing and the money seemed to be rolling in.

But according to our sources, when Lindsay’s finances took a turn for the worse (like when the IRS seized her bank accounts) she began doing whatever she could to make rent each month, often hitting up friends for money.

Lindsay tried to get out of the lease and move out early, but we’re told the owners of the home told LiLo the penalty for breaking the lease was MASSIVE.

So Lindsay is making it work until the lease is over in February and LiLo is telling friends she’ll then look for a place in New York.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. This is a girl who has had to spend way more than she earns in court fees for literal years. This is a girl who owes hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes. This is also a girl who went out and found an $8,000 a month mansion to rent the second she got decent work.

I know that if Lindsay had the ability to really think about this, to consider the fact that she’s sort of a trainwreck and any sort of success will inevitably be fleeting because she can’t stay away from booze and infamy, then she probably wouldn’t be in this whole mess in the first place. But man. So, so dumb.

December 10, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan