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Lindsay Lohan

2Could You Write A Letter for Lindsay?

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Oh my gosh,hey guys! How are you doing? I know you’ve probably been busy with your own lives, right? You’ve probably been doing your own stuff, and that’s cool, it really is, but do you think you could just do this one thing real quick, please? Could you write a letter to Lindsay Lohan‘s judge? If you can’t, that’s totally fine, but if you love her, you’d do it! Ha ha, just kidding. But please.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is DESPERATE to avoid jail time … so much so, she’s enlisted the help of her spiritual advisor to make sure that happens.

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … the actress is asking friends, family and her spiritual guru (yup, some people have those) to write letters on her behalf to the judge hearing her case.  Lindsay believes the letters will help prove jail is not the best option for her.

TMZ broke the story … Lindsay is currently facing up to 245 days in the slammer for her recent probation violation. Or the judge has the option to send her to counseling instead.

We’re told Lindsay is convinced a letter from the spiritual advisor will have the most impact. Specifically because he’s been helping her since 2008 — following her 2nd DUI arrest — and can vouch for the fact that LiLo has benefited from counseling in the past. When she shows up.

As we previously reported, Commissioner Jane Godfrey — who will arraign LiLo – isn’t big on jail regardless and often times chooses counseling over serving time.

A hearing is scheduled for January 25th.

I don’t know, this is weird. I was talking about this with my boyfriend (you know, I ask him about his friends at work, he asks me about Lindsay Lohan), and he was like “I thought if you violated probation, you automatically went back to jail.” And I realized that I thought that was true too, it’s just that I don’t even think about how the law is supposed to work when I think about Lindsay’s legal hijinks. But in my experience of watching people go to jail, once you’ve violated probation, that’s it, you have to go to jail. Is that a state-by-state thing, or is Lindsay just the luckiest crackhead in the world?

December 17, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

0Lindsay Lohan: “I’ll Admit It, I’m F-cked Up.”

photo of lindsay lohan pictures drunk driving pic
From TMZ:

Lindsay’s telling friends, she thought she had turned over a new leaf back in March when she completed the terms of her sentence in the jewelry heist case … and Judge Stephanie Sautner maternally warned, “Stop the nightclubbing and focus on your work.”

Lindsay clearly ignored that advice … and now we’re told she’s inconsolable — repeatedly calling her lawyer Shawn Holley in tears. In classic Lindsay form, she knows her life is out of control, but she’s blaming it on others, saying she has again hooked up with a bad group of people and had run-ins with “opportunists” who have tried to provoke her.

As for drugs and alcohol … Lindsay is still adamant … she doesn’t have a problem. As they say, there is none so blind as those who will not see.

Lindsay believes her real problem is that she never stuck with counseling, but thinks regular appointments with a professional could be her salvation. It’s probably not coincidental that counseling is now the only possible way she can avoid jail for the new crimes and probation violation.

Finally … Lindsay is confessing to friends she has a big problem with impulse control … in other words, she doesn’t think before she acts. She thinks a shrink can help her in that department.

So hey. It’s progress, right? And when we’re dealing with Lindsay Lohan, progress for progress’ sake is probably acceptable. Don’t worry, though—despite the fact that Lindsay is still totally on her way down, she hasn’t forgotten the people who’ve tried to help her on her way back up. Remember how Lindsay never thanked Charlie Sheen for that $100k? After Charlie called her out on her faux pas, and the public decried her behavior as offensive even by Charlie Sheen standards, Lindsay allegedly sent a thank-you note and a bouquet of flowers to Charlie’s house.

Nothing says “I’m an asshole” better than Lindsay sending belated flowers for a free hundred grand check. I mean, Denis Leary might, but Lindsay’s climbing that ladder pretty quick, guys.

December 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

2Flashback: Let’s Just Take a Quick Listen to ‘Lohan Holiday’, OK?

Oh my God, guys, I can’t even. I seriously can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what’s worse—Ali Lohan (who does the majority of the singing on the track) trying to to sound like a lost Bone Thug, Lindsay doing the echoes, runs, and harmonies, or the lyrics themselves. Can’t bring yourself to actually listen to this song? Here’s the lyrics so you can at least have some idea about what I’m busting a gut over:

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

Imagine if you can – a magical Christmas land fictional journey – a vision so real
A place everybody smiles – wont you come for a while
Lets go in a hurry – come with me you’ll see

Imaginations all you really need (lohan holiday)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

Such a magical ride – so come on jump inside
A great destination for everyone to see
The wonders in the air can’t wait to see you there
Magical moments that you have only dreamed
All you have to do is just believe (lohan holiday)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday

A Christmas fantasy that’s meant for you and me
Where everything you’ll ever want is for free just believe (take you there)

Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday
Come let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where – just let your mind escape
I can take you so far away

See, now, I’m picturing all of this snow everywhere, and I don’t think it’s an accident. I think it’s all actually a metaphor for cocaine, because really, what does the Lohan family do super good? They do cocaine super good, friends, and what makes for a whiter Christmas than coke-blown landscapes and good old-fashioned family dysfunction? Nothing, I tell you—not a thing.

Merry Christmas from the Lohans. Yeah, it was a sentiment from 2006, but I like to think that some things just don’t change all that much (probably because they don’t).

December 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Sarah

2Lindsay’s Lips are on the Verge of Exploding

photo of lindsay lohan lips party pictures
But it’s OK, really, because Lindsay‘s wearing that mad sweet eye makeup that tries to detract from the fact that her pupils don’t even exist anymore, so who’s really paying any attention to her lips whatsoever?

Truth be told, I am. It looks like they’re bursting at the seams. It looks like there’s even a part cracking and flaking off up near the corner of her mouth. Truth be told, it looks like Lindsay’s got shit on her lip that’s got shit on its lip. But alas, this is Lindsay Lohan today, and that face seems like it changes on the regular, which is why I feel it’s pretty important to continuously document it for you all to witness the gradual deterioration of a once-beautiful face.

It’s not like there’s anything else to do when it comes to talking about Lindsay Lohan.

December 15, 2012 at 8:00 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

0Lindsay Lohan’s Storage Drama

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Oh hey, guys, remember me? I missed you yesterday because computers are stupid and I spent a solid eight hours trying to fix something that wasn’t even my fault to begin with, and I’m still exhausted from banging my head on my desk and trying to pretend like I know a thing about how computers work, but I’m back. Even though I’m pretty sure I’ll have to go get another computer this evening. Because doesn’t everyone buy three computers in one week?

But anyway, this isn’t about me, it’s about Lindsay Lohan and her newest problem, which is kind of comforting because, you know, while I’m frustrated at my own life right now, at least I’m not Lindsay Lohan.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is on the verge of losing expensive designer clothes, family heirlooms and potentially embarrassing items … because she hasn’t paid her storage bill and as a result the unit is about to go up on the auction block.

Sources close to Lindsay tell us … LiLo has fallen behind on paying her monthly bill … and now owes roughly $16,000 to the storage company.

The account is now delinquent and the locker can’t be opened until the balance is paid in full … and that’s not going to happen because Lindsay doesn’t have the cash. As we reported, her financial situation is so desperate the IRS has frozen her bank accounts because of unpaid back taxes.

So here’s the upshot. If Lindsay doesn’t get a big check for XMAS, her storage unit will be auctioned off this month. We’re told she’s reached out to family and friends to front her the money but so far no one is biting.

Talk about a good “Storage Wars” episode.

Talk about a good “Storage Wars” episode indeed. Can you even imagine how wonderful it would be to go through a storage locker that belonged to Lindsay Lohan? It’d be wonderful, but scary. Who knows what kind of dangers it would hold? How many dirty needles would be tucked into designer clothes? Not to be morbid or anything, but I wouldn’t be way surprised if there were any body parts in there. She could be Frankensteining herself. We don’t know.

But unfortunately – or fortunately, I guess, depending on which side you’re on – some strip club is offering to pay the $16,000 so that Lindsay can keep her stuff in storage. They’re also offering to pay her rent for a few months, since she’s been having trouble. Isn’t that sweet?

But listen, they don’t even want her to strip. They have a web site, and they just want her to do some video chats. Not even nude video chats, just regular old video chats for their site. That’s a great deal, isn’t it? I don’t even think they want her to do anything sexy, they just want her to talk to people. In which case, she is completely insane if she doesn’t agree to do it.

Girl, you just keep on keepin’ on.

December 14, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

12Lindsay Lohan is Pulling Out “Clumps of Hair” and Yelling At Herself

photo of lindsay losing hair pic
Wait … are we sure this is about Lindsay Lohan and not Amanda Bynes? Because Lindsay Lohan really, really understands the price of things today, guys—especially since she can’t afford rent or the monthly payment on her storage unit, and I don’t think she’d be tearing her hair out at the roots if she knew that she’d have to go and replace it in the end.

Anyway, word has it that Lindsay Lohan is really starting to melt down, and the Enquirer (yeah, I know, but still—I never post this shit and I thought it was kind of interesting, so I get a pass this Friday morning) says that her behavior has become increasingly erratic over the past few weeks, so much so that she’s beginning the cycle of self-harming. From the Enquirer:

“Lindsay has been pulling out clumps of her hair and she talks to herself constantly, shouting and cursing when she thinks nobody is around. She wanders around in the dead of night like a zombie, half-awake but in a zoned-out trance. She’s in total denial about her problems, but she clearly needs to check herself into a psych ward for mental help. If it worked for Britney Spears, it can work for Lindsay.”

See, I can believe this about a lot of people, but not about Lindsay, because I don’t think I believe that Lindsay has mental problems. I think Lindsay has drug problems, and I think that Lindsay has emotional problems to a certain extent, but mental problems? A psych ward? No way—Lindsay’s way too bullheaded and meth-focused to let herself completely unravel like that. She’s pretty much let her looks go entirely, and because of that, I don’t think she’s going to allow any pre-existing or new mental issues to creep up on her and full-on ruin all of her hardworking crack scheming and lady-punching.

I call BS on this one.

December 14, 2012 at 5:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan