Remember that time that Lindsay Lohan hit someone with her car? No, not the time that she clipped a baby in a stroller, I’m talking about the time that she hit a dude while she was leaving a club (completely sober, I’m sure). We haven’t heard anything about it for a hot minute, but it looks like that was just because the police were trying to figure out how to proceed, if it all. They finally made the decision to hand the case over to the D.A. Awesome.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is about to go back to familiar territory — the L.A. County D.A. — because we’ve learned cops are sending the case involving an alleged hit-and-run by the actress to prosecutors.

The manager of the Hookah Lounge on Hollywood Boulevard claims Lindsay was leaving a nearby club March 14 when her car struck him … and he claims she took off without leaving any info.  Lindsay says the guy is making it all up and her car never came near the guy.

The manager’s story is hinky to say the least … lots of holes.  Nevertheless, we’re told the LAPD has completed its investigation and will send the file to the D.A. for review.

Sources close to the investigation tell us, after looking at videos and conducting interviews, there isn’t enough evidence to prove a crime, but the D.A. will have the final say.

Based on what we know … no way will Lindsay be prosecuted … for this one at least.

By the way, we’ve often heard that TMZ tends to be a Lindsay apologist, but the facts are there: “cops are sending the case involving an alleged hit-and-run by the actress to prosecutors.” And I think this could just possibly be another courtroom adventure for our dear Lindsay. Is the world ready for this?

After missing her flight to Washington on Friday afternoon because she “just couldn’t pull it together,” Lindsay managed to borrow a friend’s private jet that night in order to arrive in the capital. And guess what: she made it!

So far, there aren’t any stories out there about how Lindsay swigged on a bottle of champagne all night or about how she and Kim Kardashian made out to try and get the president’s attention and Kris Jenner started the paperwork to officially adopt Lindsay or about how she spent the rest of the night after the dinner at the Lincoln memorial, sitting in Abraham’s lap and crying. But I have faith that they will come.

And since that photo up there of Lindsay in her ill-fitting black dress is a little small, here’s a close-up, just for you:

Lookin’ good, girlfriend!

Not because anyone rethought the invite or anything. No, Lindsay might not make it to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner because bitch missed her flight.

From TMZ:

Some things just never change. Lindsay Lohan was a no-show at LAX for her scheduled 1 PM flight to the nation’s capital for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

We know Lindsay was supposed to be on the flight, along with her lawyer, Shawn Holley. Shawn made the flight, as did another passenger named George Clooney, who will also be at the dinner.

As for why Lindsay missed the flight … we’re told she just couldn’t pull it together. She PLANS on taking a later flight.

There are reports Lindsay was out late last night — although we have not confirmed it.

Funny … we asked Shawn Holley who was a more difficult client — Lindsay or OJ Simpson (Shawn worked for Johnnie Cochran during the OJ trial). Her answer: “I have no difficult clients.”

Really?

“She just couldn’t pull it together.” Is that seriously the best excuse someone could come up with? The last time Lindsay missed an important flight, it was from Hawaii back to L.A. for a court date. The given reason? Someone stole her purse. That was at least feasible, wasn’t it? But “she just couldn’t pull it together” sounds more like an excuse I would have given in college. I’d be like “listen, I know I was late for this meeting, but there was this party last night and I had a few too many drinks and I ended up with my bra on my head and I fell asleep on the porch and I just couldn’t pull it together.” That, I think, is a lot more understandable than Lindsay’s “I know I missed out on this chance to go to this really important event with the president of the country, but I was smoking meth/getting trashed/banging Terry Richardson and I just couldn’t pull it together.”

In light of Lindsay’s probable absence at the White House tomorrow evening, let’s take a moment to review Greta Van Susteren’s sad reason for inviting her:

Greta Van Susteren from Fox News Channel could have invited anyone she wanted to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, but she chose Lindsay Lohan because she’s rooting for her.

Greta has been mum on her dinner guest, but she told Harvey (because she’s known him for 100 years), “I love comebacks, and I’d like her to succeed.”

Greta thinks Lindsay is on the rebound, “She’s got a new movie and I’m hoping things work out for her.”

We hope things work out for her too, Greta. But I just don’t know if it’s going to happen this weekend.

From E! Online:

Sources on set have given us exclusive details of Lindsay’s guest appearance yesterday, including that the troubled actress was indeed “incredibly late,” and production had to send a car to the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood to pick her up and bring her to set.

So what does Lindsay’s rep have to say? …

“Lindsay was a total nightmare yesterday,” says one (clearly less than thrilled) source on the Glee set. “She was three hours late in the morning, and when she did finally arrive, she just didn’t want to be there. She did not want to work. She had not memorized her lines, and she kept disappearing so no one could find her.”

A highly placed Glee source tell us that Lindsay’s lengthy scene last week went “really great, she was so professional and it looked like everything was going to go so well.”

Yesterday, however, although she didn’t have many lines, L.L.’s tardiness did irk some members of the cast and crew, who showed up at least three hours prior. We are told that some staffers on set were so less than thrilled by Lindsay’s antics, they have given her the nickname “That Girl,” adding, “She has rubbed them all up the wrong way by being so disrespectful of everyone else’s schedule.”

Ha! A “highly-placed” ‘Glee’ source. Right. I’m assuming, by that, E! means “Michael Lohan.” Rumor has it, though, that Lindsay’s behavior was much better the following day of shooting. The next day, Lindsay was “much-improved”:

E! News has learned that Lohan texted her rep right after work, telling him that she was so ahead of schedule today, she finished her shoots at 1 p.m.—three hours early!

And since Lohan was said to be a true professional last week, and yesterday’s tardiness didn’t hold up production, it sounds as if the ultimate result from the comebacking actress’s guest appearance is going to be music to fans’ ears.

Um, right. LOL! Lindsay Lohan doing anything that’s “music” to her fans’ ears. Sure. Also, funny how the tone of the stories change from one day to another. Downright suspicious if you ask me.

A: BECAUSE SHE WAS INVITED. Oh, I could just die.

Apparently Lindsay was invited to this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which’ll be held at the Washington Hilton, Fishbowl DC confirms. From the FB:

Fox News’s Greta Van Susteren and her husband, John Coale, have something of a tradition landing unusual, blockbuster guests for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. One year it was Ozzy Osbourne, the next it was Kim Kardashian and last year it was former V.P. hopeful and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

This year they seem to have outdone themselves. They’re bringing Trouble, otherwise known as actress Lindsay Lohan, to the dinner as well as to socialite Tammy Haddad‘s and Hilary Rosen‘s infamous garden brunch on Saturday afternoon.

The notorious party girl will have her pick of festivities this weekend. For the media’s sake, we sure hope they keep Lohan on a loose leash!

OK, first, this is just stupid. It’s not like there’s really any true marketability in inviting Lindsay to the f-cking White House, just like there was none when it was Kim Kardashian. This is just really dumb. I mean, what is she going to talk about with these people? Getting Michael Lohan into some kind of political office? Legalizing meth labs, perhaps? Enforcing strict Botox laws like clinics who administer shots have to give their services a lifetime guarantee?

Incidentally, have you ever heard of the “curse” that’s plagued the dinner in recent years? Rumor has it that there’s always a big, disastrous event that occurs in the days leading up to the dinner. In 1993, it was the Siege in Waco, Texas. In 1995, the Oklahoma City Bombing. In 1999, it was the Columbine Shootings. In 2007, it was the Virginia Tech Massacre. 2010 brought the bomb-attempt in Times Square, and last year’s dinner was held right after the worst tornado outbreak in almost a century. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME IT’S SAFE TO INVITE LINDSAY LOHAN TO THIS YEAR’S EVENT? Who plans this stuff?

All I know is that maybe if I started eating crack cocaine right off the spoon and stuffing my vagina with red beanbags full of radioactive matter, I might be invited to a White House Correspondents’ dinner. I know I’m not a journalist who covers White House happenings, and I know that I have to have some kind of political (?) pull to get an invite, but I don’t live all that far from DC. It could work. I could be considered part of the extended metro area. I’ve been writing these people for three years now to secure a seat, and what do I get? I get an annual Christmas card from the White House. I’m apparently doing something wrong.

The dinner’s going to be this Saturday. You know. If the world doesn’t f-cking blow up before then.

Poor Lindsay. The girl is out there, doing her best, trying to make the whole movie star thing happen again, and people just love to throw them stones. And no, I can’t tell if that’s sarcasm or not either. See, Lindsay did all this to herself, and she’s still doing it to herself, but at the same time, it seems that in her warped, meth-addled brain, she’s really trying. And then someone like Rosie O’Donnell, someone that Lindsay thought was on her side, goes and talks some smack about her. That does have to sting a little, right?

For the record, here’s what Rosie had to say about Lindsay:

Rosie was on the “Today” show with Matt Lauer and Donny Deutsch … when it was announced that Lohan will play Taylor in the upcoming Lifetime movie, “Liz and Dick.”

O’Donnell instantly made her feelings known — “I feel very sorry for her … I think she needs a lot of time away … She’s had a lot of trouble doing every single movie, including SNL. She was out and not in rehearsal. I think she’s not in a place to work.”

When Deutsch suggested, “She’s our generation’s Elizabeth Taylor” … O’Donnell lost it.

“You’re out of your mind! You’re a crackhead! The last thing she did good she was sixteen.”

Rosie continued, “I don’t think she’s right for the role and I don’t think she’s capable at this point to portray that character.”

And here’s the report about Lindsay’s hurt feelings:

Lindsay Lohan is in utter shock after Rosie O’Donnell bashed her on live television yesterday — telling friends, she’s always had a great relationship with Rosie … or so she thought.

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ, there was never any bad blood between the two actresses — in fact, Lindsay and Rosie were always on great terms … Lindsay would even say hello to Rosie whenever she saw her at various events. Rosie was always nice to her.

According to sources, Lindsay always had a special fondness for Rosie — because one of Lindsay’s first ever talk show appearances was on Rosie’s old show back in 1998 … when a 12-year-old Lindsay was promoting “The Parent Trap.”

But even though she’s surprised … Lindsay isn’t upset — because Rosie’s not the only person who doubts Lindsay’s comeback … starting with her upcoming Liz Taylor role.

As far as Lindsay’s concerned — Rosie’s just another hater she’s gotta prove wrong.

So yeah, Rosie didn’t really say anything that bad, but if they really have the kind of relationship that Lindsay thought they did, I could see where people could be upset.

But here’s the real story: you see that picture above, the one of Lindsay and Ali out shopping? I used it instead of my new favorite picture of Ol’ Flop Lip because I went shopping yesterday too, and I wanted to mention it because it made me so happy. I got some skirts and tops and all that, but I also got a bra fitting, and it was insane. Apparently the bras I’ve been wearing are a way different size than the ones I should be wearing, and apparently I can’t find the bras I should be wearing at any of the places I’ve bought bras in the past. I managed to buy a few though, but also – wait for it – I bought a coat for next winter. And listen. It’s a purple knee-length pea coat. And it has unicorns on the buttons. Unicorns. And my purple unicorn coat and titty holsters are far more important than Lindsay Lohan’s feelings*.

*Not really**.

**Well, ok, maybe.