Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan actually made it to her 28th birthday

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If ever there was a cause for celebration, it’s now. Lindsay Lohan turned 28 yesterday, which I think we can all agree is a miracle. She came back to New York City for the occasion – meaning she’s left us in peace in the UK, at least for a while. She’s looking a bit too thin, which is worrisome considering her history with eating disorders, and she’s got some strange scratches/bruises (druuuuuuuuugs!) but other than that, she looks good. A lot better than she has on previous birthdays, anyway.

Happy (belated) birthday, Lindsay!

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Lindsay Lohan actually landed an acting gig

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Lindsay Lohan has been traipsing around London lately, claiming that she was looking for work and to escape America, which as a whole is apparently out to get her. While she was dropping hints about joining the theatre world, everyone figured she was just talking shit… but apparently she was telling the truth, and she’s headed to the legendary stages of the West End!

From TMZ:

LiLo will actually be live on stage nightly, doing David Mamet‘s infamous play, “Speed-the-Plow.” Beginning in September, Lohan will play the role of the secretary (there are only three roles in the whole play) a part that was played by Madonna in the original run back in 1988.

This particular play has a recent history of turmoil … it’s the same play Jeremy Piven bowed out of midway through its run … claiming he got sick from eating too much sushi.

It’s a big deal for Lindsay … the only work she’s been getting lately has been to host parties.

Well, sounds like a real exclusive gig, there.

To be honest, we probably should give Lindsay a bit of credit here. The fact that anyone at all is willing to take a chance on hiring her irresponsible, unreliable, drunk ass is kind of a miracle. Surely she won’t fuck this one up, right? Uh… right? (Countdown to disaster starts… now. Something tells me she won’t even make it to her opening night.)

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Adam Levine denies having “sexual intercourse” with Lindsay Lohan

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Aw, bless. We all remember Lindsay Lohan‘s infamous “sex list”, which was apparently “leaked” by a “friend” and was only made as part of Lindsay’s “recovery” the last time she was in rehab. Well, plenty of the men on that list aren’t too pleased to be there and are speaking out to insist that they never slept with her. James Franco already denied that shit (and then wrote a “fictional” short story about it), and Adam Levine is the latest to set the record straight during an interview with Howard Stern.

Here’s the scoop (via Radar Online):

The Private Parts star asked the Maroon 5 frontman, “By the way, you were listed on Lindsay Lohan’s sex list, that you had sex with her, I didn’t know this …

“That’s not true,” he said. “I did not have sexual intercourse with Lindsay Lohan …”

When Stern pressed him, noting Franco’s denial, the radio host pointed out that no one on the list has confessed to actually belonging on it.

“That’s because I think we’re being truthful about that very specific thing,” Levine said. “I can f*cking see it on the paper, I’m getting much better at this!”

Stern asked, “Did anybody have sex with Lindsay Lohan?” to which Levine replied, “A lot of people probably did, I don’t know.”

To be honest, I’m not sure who I believe here. The one time I met Adam Levine (we’re going about, oh… 6-7 years back now), he was a complete douchebag who was arrogant, pretentious and completely up himself. He loved to brag about everything he was doing and how great he was – so why wouldn’t Lindsay be a great conquest in her prime? I don’t know why, but I kinda think she was telling the truth on this one…

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Lindsay Lohan fought with Kate Moss at a London nightclub

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Lindsay Lohan clearly decided to follow me to the UK, because she’s been terrorizing London for the past several months and plans to move over here full time soon (thankfully, I am not in London). While she’s apparently working on booking jobs over here so she can be “back on set” (her catchphrase from her reality series), she’s also spent a LOT of time back to her partying ways and apparently she got a little too wasted recently and got herself into a fight with none other than Kate Moss at the Chiltern Firehouse.

From The Sun (via Radar Online):

“The argument went on for a while, and Kate seemed extremely annoyed with Lindsay,” an onlooker told the paper of the incident, which allegedly occurred earlier this month. “People around them noticed it was going on.”

Apparently, the 27-year-old contacted Moss’ husband, Kills rocker Jamie Hince, 45, upon arriving in the UK several weeks ago.

Moss “was ranting about it to fellow diners at the restaurant,” adds the eyewitness.

First of all, Lindsay needs to recognize that Kate Moss is NOT the one. She may be small, but she will cut you (and without ever using a knife). Second of all, what’s with Lindsay and her desperation for married men lately?

Seriously, though – Lindsay needs to back off Kate Moss or she will rue the day.

kate moss

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Lindsay Lohan Wants To Get Her Freckles Removed

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Lindsay Lohan burst onto the scene as a freckly redheaded adorable girl in The Parent Trap and it seems like she’s doing her darndest to remove herself as far from her past as possible. She’s been getting into trouble left and right, is looking to move to London, and now reports from Radar state that she wants to permanently change her behavior, just kidding, her face. Personally, I think she’s already made lots of changes to her face with injections (forehead, lips), but that’s apparently not enough — she wants to get rid of her signature freckles. She already appears to cover them with heavy makeup, but she wants to make it permanent.

From Radar:

“Lindsay is known for trying new things, but she’s shocked friends and family members by suddenly getting irate over her freckles,” a source said.

“She’s always loved her freckles – well, pretended to, anyway – but now she’s decided it’s time to get rid of them and she’s looking into having them either bleached or lasered away,” the source added.

[...]  The source said that strangely, the Freaky Friday actress’ freckle-free move could be related to her partying: “It’s bizarre, but it’s exactly what happens when Lindsay starts going off the rails again – she wants more surgery or a total makeover because she’s so miserable. But everyone’s hoping she leaves her freckles alone as they’re a trademark for her and she looks beautiful with them.”

I think this is a bad move, and I also think she’ll totally go through with it. She’s looking to fix her inner problems by “fixing” her outer “problems.” It’s textbook. Don’t fix your face, fix your behavior. And your face doesn’t need fixing anyway.

What do you think? Should she keep the freckles or get rid of them?

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Lindsay Lohan thinks everyone in America is out to get her

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Lindsay Lohan has been spending a lot of time over here in the UK recently, and has been apparently considering a move to London full-time, which is hilarious and also confusing because I didn’t realize it would be easy for convicted criminals to country hop like that – especially broke criminals.

Anyhow, apparently this move is pretty much certain to happen because Lindsay thinks it’s all America’s fault that she’s in so much trouble because you guys are such meanies and you’re always “out to get her”.

From Radar Online:

“Lindsay’s convinced everyone in America is out to get her, but she’s had the opposite experience in London,” a source said. “She loves British culture and says people have treated her with respect for the first time in years. Now she’s looking into the immigration process and planning a full-time relocation.”

But Lohan’s behavior in London has so far seemed to be just as troublesome as in her home country.

As Radar exclusively reported, Lohan, 27, was recently seen out partying ‘til the wee hours of the British morning and a source said she has “fallen of the wagon” again—while convincing those around her she’s still clean and sober.

Lohan hit up London’s top hotspots in June, and a source close to her told Radar that sobriety is a daily struggle – at which she hasn’t always been successful.

In addition, back in America the scandal-plagued actress has tax and money problems “coming out of her ears,” said the source, “while in London, she’s had a bunch of business meetings about modeling and TV gigs and for the first time in months things are looking up.”

LOL, I can’t with this girl. She honestly thinks she’s going to get her career back and booming the way it was before she went completely off the rails with drugs and alcohol, and she’s going to do it while… still drunk and high all the time? You’ve got to be kidding me. Also, surprise! The US government will still pursue your ass for tax and money issues when you owe thousands/millions like she probably does. Moving to another country won’t fix your problems, especially if you ever plan on setting foot back in the US again.

She’ll never learn.

James Franco wrote a short story about Lindsay Lohan and published it

lindsay lohan james franco

I don’t even have words for the fact that James Franco – the same one who denied having any sexual relationship/encounter with Lindsay Lohan and called her mental for suggesting such a thing – wrote a short story about Lindsay that he then published on Vice’s website. WHY?

It’s written as “fiction” though in a first-person voice suggesting this could be totally true, and it’s called “Bungalow 89″. It’s awful, and in case you want to take my advice and not read the entire thing, here are a few choice selections:

There was a Hollywood girl staying at Chateau Marmont. She had gotten a key to my room from the manager. I heard her put the key into my front door and turn it, but I had slid the dead bolt and that thing—I don’t know what you call it; it’s like a chain but made of two bars—that kept the door from opening.

She said, “James, open the door.”

Across the room was a picture of a boy dressed as a sailor with a red sailor cap, and except for his blondish hair (closer to my brother’s color) he looked like me.

She said, “Open the door, you bookworm punk blogger faggot.”

and

My phone rang. She let it ring until I answered.

“You’re not going to let me sleep, are you?”

“Do you think this is me? Lindsay Lohan. Say it. Say it, like you have ownership. It’s not my name anymore.”

Lindsay Lo-han.”

“I just want to sleep on your couch. I’m lonely.”

“We’re not going to have sex. If you want to come in, I’ll read you a story.”

“A bedtime story?”

“It’s called ‘A Perfect Day for Bananafish.’”

Do you think I’ve created this? This dragon girl, lion girl, Hollywood hellion, terror of Sunset Boulevard, minor in the clubs, Chateau Demon? Do you think this is me?

I mean, I can’t even go on from there, because it’s just so, so bad. What a crock of shit. This whole thing will probably send Lindsay into another downward spiral, of course, as well. Egads.

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