Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Sucks And She May Go To Jail

lindsay lohan new mugshot

Lindsay Lohan might be really, really screwed. Her lawyer, Mark Heller, sucks so badly that he lied to her and bungled her plea deal. Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in a lockdown rehab facility, meaning she had to get treatment for 90 days straight, in rehab, with no day-passes or permission to leave for any reason until treatment was done.

But there’s a slight hitch in this plan. This lockdown facility doesn’t exist. At least not for people like Ms. Lohan. Lockdown rehab facilities are only available to felons, and Ms. Lindsay “Just My Luck Indeed” Lohan is not a felon. Her lawyer promised something that can’t be done. TMZ explains,

Everyone we spoke with says …there is only 1 rehab facility in New York that is truly lockdown, where patients cannot get out and guards keep them in – Willard Drug Treatment Campus, operated by NY’s Dept. of Correctional Services in collaboration with the Division of Parole.  In order to qualify for admission, the patient MUST have aprior felony.  Lindsay has never been convicted of a felony, so she doesn’t qualify — and this is according to Linda Foglia, the spokesperson for the NY State Dept. of Correctional Services.  Short story …. contrary to what Mark Heller told prosecutors, Lindsay cannot do lockdown rehab in New York.

Worst. Lawyer. Ever. I still don’t think though that she’ll wind up in jail.

BTW enjoy that new angle of Ms. Lohan’s latest mugshot. So Vogue.

Lindsay’s 6th Mugshot Is Out And It’s Her Fiercest One Yet!

lindsay lohan mugshot

Lindsay Lohan has a brand new mugshot to add to her collection. She had to submit to booking as part of her plea deal.

At one point, having so many mugshots was sad, but now it’s funny again, especially her expression in this one. She is WORKING IT. Her skin looks flawless, her lips don’t look as wacky botoxy as usual, and I love what she did with her eye makeup. IDK WTF she’s wearing, and the hair is messy, though the color is FAB, so overall I give this a 9/10. I’ve seen Facebook photos that weren’t as good.

This is her sixth mugshot, but fifth if you count the ones that were publicly released. Seven if you count the fake one from her film Just My Luck.

Thanks to EOnline for the photo.


Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Mark Heller May Be Guilty of Witness Tampering

[images removed on request]

Lindsay Lohan is dodgier than 2 cars meeting behind a high school at 2am during a snow storm, so it’s no surprise that her lawyer, Mark Heller, would fall right in line. We know she finally took the plea deal at the eleventh hour and is going to rehab for 90 days (ha, let’s see how long that lasts!) but did you also know that Heller tried to get Lindsay’s former assistant to lie on the stand, if it came to that?

From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the Santa Monica City Attorney will be launching an investigation and will interview Lohan’s ex-assistant Gavin Doyle tomorrow in the presence of police.

We’re told … prosecutors believe Heller may have approached Gavin and tried to get him to admit that he was the one driving the vehicle when Lohan’s Porsche crashed into a big rig on Pacific Coast Highway last summer.

TMZ has learned Gavin has told multiple people about the alleged witness tampering … including an officer of the court.

As for Heller, he has strongly stated that any accusation of witness tampering on his part is “crazy.”

Huh, if by “crazy” you mean “something I would totally do for my drug-addicted client who is paying me with checks with Charlie Sheen’s name on them”, then yes, it’s really crazy! Considering Lindsay barely even made it to court at all and when she did, she looked like she’d been up for three days smoking meth, I don’t doubt at all that Heller realised the reality of the situation was pretty dire.

Some photos of Lindsay in court and Heller giving his press conference outside after the ruling are below…


Details of Lohan Plea Deal, Plus Lohan Laughs When Judge Suggests “Don’t Drive”

lindsay lohan court

Lindsay Lohan will not be going to jail — sorry, everyone! She took the plea deal. Although she was sentenced to 5 days in jail, it looks like that will be combined with her 90 day lockdown in a rehab facility. And let’s be real, even if that wasn’t the case, she’d likely spend 3 hours in jail, tops.

Here are the details of the plea, straight from the judge. Lohan must comply with all of this or she will get 180 days in jail.

24 months on probation. 5 days in jail plus $150 fine plus penalty assessments…a $240 restitution fine…$30 criminal conviction assesment fee…30 days community labor, it may be done in new york…18 months of psychological counseling…my understanding is she’s already begun that? (“That’s correct.”)…90 day residential treatment program. No day-passes, you can’t leave, you must stay in program…she needs proof of enrollment and a progress report on counseling, and a signed letter “with letterhead” confirming that she did community service.

Lohan sounded very, very tired and hoarse. More than usual. All she said was, “Yes sir.” Although she did chuckle twice. Once when she said “Yes” to the judge making clear that she gave up her right for trial. Not sure what was so funny there. The second time she let out a sort of sad, agreeable, tired chuckle was when the judge said,

A suggestion: don’t drive.

She is legally allowed to drive under certain conditions:

You are not to drive with any measure of alcohol or drugs in your system [Note: UH, DUH?]…you are not to drive without valid license and insurance…you are not to use or posses any narcotics…exept for prescriptions…do not assosiate with [drug dealers] or users except in an authorized counseling program…you are to obey all laws and order of court…stay out of trouble.

He then warned,

This is it. you violate your probation…we’re just going to impose the sentence and be done with it. Please take this seriously. You need to comply.

He also added on a,

Search and seizure condition…as part of the plea, she must submit her personal property to search and seizure [to police or parole workers] under probable cause or reasonable suspicion.

If Lohan does all of this without screwing up, she won’t face any jail time and her record will be expunged. It will be like having a “clean slate” as they say. Her probation begins today. In a press conference immediately after the hearing, her lawyer Mark Heller said,

I think that justice was certainly served. I am very confident that you won’t see Lindsay Lohan in any criminal courts any time in the future.

After Heller left, Michael Lohan then got up to the microphones and freaked out saying that Heller screwed Lindsay over and pressured her into a deal. And that he owes him $16,000. Uh…okay? He added, “Get away from the cameras and stop using Lindsay to make a name for yourself.”

OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Yup, he totally is.)

Thanks to TMZ for providing the live footage that made me feel like I was right in the courtroom with them.

Lindsay Lohan Skips Pre-Court Date Flight to Go See A Band Play But Now She’s Taken a Plea Deal

lindsay lohan

Oh, Lindsay, never change. Or, you know, change before you’re in jail for life or dead or something. Apparently Our Lady of Zero Consequences (bringing it back!) was due to fly from New York to Los Angeles on Saturday night ahead of her mandatory court appearance today (Monday). The only problem? She decided not to take it and instead stayed in NYC to see some shitty band play at a nightclub.

Then shit got doubly crazy as she re-booked a flight for Sunday night which she GOT OFF just moments before take-off. The flight was an hour late to depart or something because of a gas issue and all the cocaine made her too paranoid to stay aboard and instead, she managed to get some idiot corporation (???) to donate their private jet for the Camp Clueless cause.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan will absolutely, positively be LATE for her trial TMZ has learned … and the judge could issue a bench warrant for her arrest on her first day of trial.

We’ve learned … the private jet that is carrying the infamous defendant is scheduled to land at 8:11 AM in Van Nuys, 20 miles from the courthouse.  That means at the time of touchdown — assuming she lands on time — she will have 19 minutes to get to the courthouse in the middle of rush hour traffic.  Translation:  No way in hell.

Sources tell us … the jet was delayed at JFK in NYC and didn’t go wheels up until 6 AM EDT.

There are 2 SUVs waiting at Van Nuys airport to take Lindsay and her entourage to court.

One more complication …. Lindsay left all of her luggage on her original commercial flight.  Someone has already retrieved the bags at LAX and has taken them to the Van Nuys Airport.  Lindsay will change clothes in the car.

One final thing … Guess how much the private jet costs?  $50,000.  Lindsay didn’t pay — The generous folks at Mr. Pink energy drink covered the tab.

Lindsay finally turned up for court this morning 45 minutes late and while I thought she would try anything to come up with another bullshit excuse to try and get out of trouble yet again, it seems like I’m wrong because just as I’ve been updating this story for the 900th time, she’s apparently accepted a plea deal just moments before the trial was going to begin. From TMZ yet again:

11:04 AM PT — It appears Lindsay has struck a plea deal with prosecutors, which is shocking because up until now … Lindsay has REFUSED to accept any punishment.

Our clue … Mark Heller’s co-counsel just grabbed a “plea form” from a desk and took it into chambers with him.

Well, okay. I have to ask, though – what in the hell is this girl wearing? Someone took her Liz Taylor role to heart…

lindsay arrives at court

Lindsay Lohan Won’t Be Getting a Plea Deal, After All

lindsay lohan court

Lindsay Lohan lied to cops about driving drunk and – surprise! – they’re sort of trying to hold her responsible for it. Kind of. She was offered a plea deal in the case, which, if accepted, would probably mean she’d spend some time on house arrest. But Our Lady of Zero Consequences wasn’t too fond of that and wanted, well, no punishment at all. She obviously hasn’t considered that her other alternative is actually going to jail or she just doesn’t care, because after refusing the deal, prosecutors have now taken it off the table. You snooze, you lose, lady.

From TMZ:

Prosecutors have ended plea negotiations with Lindsay Lohan and are preparing for a trial Monday … this according to law enforcement sources.

We’re told negotiations broke down because Lindsay won’t accept ANY punishment for lying to cops in connection with her car accident last June.  As we reported, Lindsay told police she was NOT driving the Porsche that crashed into a truck on Pacific Coast Highway — she was.

Fact is … negotiations were doomed from the get-go, because Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller, did not have his client on board when he tried cutting a deal.

There’s one other chance of avoiding trial.  Everyone must be in court Monday, and Lindsay’s lawyer could try and enter a plea, but given Lindsay’s state of mind … it’s highly unlikely.

Trial will start Monday.  In addition to the lying-to-cops crime, Lindsay could face months in jail for violating her probation in her jewelry heist case — part of the probation was to obey all laws.

Will Lindsay end up in jail? Most likely not, as the California court system seems to think she’s too good for it for some unknown reason. Seriously,  I know the prison system is overcrowded, but a few months in a locked cell could do this girl worlds of good in so many senses. I’m not suggesting we throw away the key or anything just yet, but we’ll see how things go.

Justin Bieber And Lindsay Lohan Are Totally Not Friends

lindsay lohan justin bieber

Justin Bieber – of all people – made fun of Lindsay Lohan on Instagram. Apparently this was one stop he had to make on his Justin Bieber Destroys Himself Tour. In a caption on his account, he wrote, “… to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)”

justin bieber instagram(In case you can’t read this, it’s Beebsey going on and on about how awesome he is and “I don’t care if you believe in me” and ending with “I think I’m going pretty damn good. And to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)”

I think we can all agree that the winky face is the most offensive thing here. Apparently, he quickly deleted it but that did nothing.

TMZ reports that Lindsayyyyy was not pleased.

Lindsay is telling friends … it’s too little, too late … and “karma” will bite him in the ass.

We’re told Lindsay feels Bieber’s comments were “senseless and mean” — she’s never had beef with him … and has no idea why he chose to single her out, bullying her on an international platform.


The Beebs offered a super speedy Beeby apology. Via TMZ:

My post was only up for a few minutes but I realized right away that what I said at the end was wrong and distracted from what I was trying to say. I immediately deleted it and rewrote it so it would show what I was really feeling and those words are up now.

By “rewrote it” what me means is that he took out all Lohan references.

Justin: don’t apologize. Lindsay: do your taxes. Now everybody go home and get some sleep.