4Charlie Sheen Gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000

You know what they say: give a crackhead a fish and you’ll feed her for a day, but teach a crackhead to fish and she’ll probably fall off the boat and then you’ll have to deal with a bunch of lawsuits. Ha ha, but seriously. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan aren’t two peas in a pod, but two jackasses in a crack den, so when they came together to work on Scary Movie 5, it makes sense that they would have gotten close.

Ok, now let’s review an old story: Lindsay Lohan never pays her taxes. When she does manage to get a job, she spends all the money on meth or purses or whatever. And even now, right in the middle of her big comeback, she can’t manage to pay her taxes. So she owes the IRS a good amount of money: around $234,000.

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen is a crackhead with a heart of gold and an unfathomable amount of money. So, as you might have gathered from the headline, he just gave Lindsay $100,000. Apparently she told him all about her financial problems while they were on set, and he just wrote up a check and sent it to her management team. Charming, right?

So here’s what I want to know: is Lindsay going to be Charlie’s next goddess? Do you just give women you meet on movie sets that much money? When is the sex tape going to be released, do you think? Important questions!

November 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily

9Tonight’s The Night!

After what’s felt like years of waiting, the big day is finally here. Tonight we will finally be able to see Lindsay Lohan‘s big comeback: Liz & Dick, the Lifetime movie that we’ve always dreamed of. We’ll be able to sit down with our families and friends, or we’ll just watch it at the gym because we don’t have cable, and we’ll all be better for it.

We all remember that first review of the movie, and sadly, it wasn’t all that positive. But since more time has passed, a lot more people have reviewed it. So why don’t we see if anyone has anything nice to say, all right?

Here’s what Entertainment Weekly had to say:

“‘Liz & Dick’ is a very peculiar TV movie indeed. The opening seconds flash a ”based on a true story” message across the screen. But the ‘story’ — that is, the life that Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton shared mostly during the 1960s, after meeting while making Cleopatra (1963) — was much richer in reality than it is in this dinky, tin-eared production. Instead, the primary interest in watching ‘Liz & Dick’ is to behold Lindsay Lohan trying, with varying, wobbly degrees of effort, to make her own career comeback.”

That’s nice, right?  Lindsay is trying with “varying, wobbly degrees of effort.”  That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

Now let’s see what the San Francisco Chronicle thought about it:

The film, starring Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler and airing Sunday night, is terrible. It could have been terrible in a fun way, but is, alas, terrible in the other way: It’s so terrible, you’ll need to ice your face when it’s over to ease the pain of wincing for two hours.

And this:

The performances range from barely adequate to terrible. That would be Bowler in the “barely adequate” slot and Lohan, well, in the other one.

But let’s hear from The Wrap!

Her idol, Marilyn Monroe, continued to study acting well into her stardom, and turned in some very good performances as a result. Lohan might want to imitate Monroe’s interest in her craft, rather than just dressing like her for magazine spreads.

Every review says the same thing, just with different levels of cattiness. Lindsay is terrible, her costar is kind of ok, and the whole entire movie is a big huge mess. From the acting to the direction to the editing to the script, it’s all awful. That’s what everyone keeps saying.

But we’re going to find out for ourselves, right?

November 25, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily

21Lindsay Lohan Is Talking Too Much

Lindsay is doing way too many interviews. Way, way too many. And I appreciate it, I really do, but I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for her. Like, she keeps saying all these silly things, and that’s not going to help her get an Oscar. Which, by they way, she’s still talking about.

Here’s her latest interview, from Us Weekly via Celebitchy:

On love: “I’m not focused on that yet. I want to do a ton of movies first. After I win an Oscar, I can start thinking about love. I think there are a lot of directors and producers who know I’m a good actress. I just want them to get past the misconception that I’m not reliable, because I am. I’m going to make them believe in me again.”

On kids: “I want to adopt a son.”

No regrets: “[I regret] nothing, because then I wouldn’t have been able to cry in scenes at the drop of a hat. I have it tattooed: LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS. I’m not saying I wanted to go to a jail cell, but I’ve drawn from all of it.”

She’s better than Elizabeth Taylor: “Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I’ve never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law.”

On Marilyn Monroe: “Marilyn Monroe went to an institution and said, ‘I may not belong here like the world thinks I do, but I might as well take what I can get here and use it and help other people.’ I think that’s what everyone should take from those experiences.”

On being famous: “Since I was a kid, I’ve loved being on camera. Don’t misconstrue that: I didn’t strive to have flashbulbs at dinner or people who don’t know me calling TMZ. And 99% of the time, it’s not true. I feel bullied. Even when I colored my hair, tabloids said I was going crazy. I wanted a different hair color! I can’t think of any actor who has been subjected to such extreme publicity who hasn’t, like, committed suicide.”

On being a mess: “I was a teenager and everything I did was on the news. I would have been in college then. I’m not defending it because I chose to be in the public eye. But it got exhausting. I still don’t think it was a bad thing that I was going out a lot. When I got in trouble, I owned up to it.”

On being a kid: “Kids go through ups and downs, try cigarettes, drugs and drinking. It’s human nature. It took a while but it’s like, What was I thinking? Why did I allow so many sycophants and bad influences to be around me? I was lonely and I didn’t realize it. That’s why I came back home to New York. I never feel lonely there. I can see my family and I have really good people in my life.”

On her time in jail: “I’m not going to go there because people might take my answer in different ways. But a punishment is a punishment and I take responsibility for my actions when I’m wrong. I was raised that way by my mom. I turned myself in. A lot of that decision had to do with the public because they’re not going to stop until they see me behind bars.”

There are just so many things to comment on, and I can’t do it all myself. I’ll do a couple though. One, it’s not that the public “won’t stop” until they see you in jail, it’s that people get frustrated when someone so blatantly breaks the law and doesn’t get any punishment for it whatsoever. Two, you didn’t “go through ups and downs” like every kid, you broke several laws over the course of several years. Three, stop talking about that Oscar, because it’s just sad. Four, never adopt a son.

Ok, if you guys could take over now, that’d be great.

November 24, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Emily

5Quotables: Lindsay Lohan Talks About Love, More

I need to love myself first before I could be with anyone else, and I was going through a lot. Two toxic people cannot be together. End of story. We’re friends now. That’s how it started so I think that’s how it was meant to be. Yeah, I like a girl. And? That’s not fair. And what am I left with? Heartbreak. That was three years ago. It was my last serious relationship.

—Lindsay Lohan on the state of her love life, former and current, and what the fall-out was like when she dated Samantha Ronson (who was her last serious relationship as noted above). As you can probably tell, Lindsay’s putting out all the feelers now to see who’s interested in a possible relationship with her, because she’s getting lonely.

Should we feel bad for her? Does Lindsay Lohan also create all of her own relationship drama, like she does in the rest of her life? Would you give her an shot and date her, or do you think the craziness and crackiness would just be too much for you, too?

November 23, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

13Love It or Leave It: Holy Crap, This is What Lindsay Lohan Wore to the ‘Liz & Dick’ Premiere

So. Yeah. This is what she wore to her first ‘Liz & Dick’ premiere event, and I guess the word “classy” would probably sum it all up nicely, right? Well, no, not quite, because Lindsay looks like a … well, she looks similar to … alright, well she looks nothing like Liz Taylor, and that includes words like “classy,” “elegant,” and any variation on the word “lovely.” No, I’m thinking the adjectives “rode hard,” “strung out,” and “sad” probably hit the nail on the head just about right. I’m *almost* starting to feel something similar to shame for all of the ragging that I do on Lindsay, because it’s apparent that she’s so far gone that she doesn’t even realize it. What a damn mess all around.

Here’s a clip from last night’s ‘Leno’ on which Lindsay appeared as guest. It’s colossally bad. This poor bitch can’t even string more than four or five words in a row together anymore without making us all uncomfortable:

On a final note, you guys do realize that Lindsay is twenty-six years old and not thirty-six or forty-six, right? Because honestly, if she lives that long, can you imagine the state she’ll be in in a decade? Or worse, two?

November 21, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah

6Today in Indisputable Things: Lindsay Lohan is Back on the Crack

Because seriously, you cannot look at this new photo here and tell me that she’s not on some kind of insanely potent, mind-altering substance. Bitch is off her rocker stoned here. And she wonders why she’s never found “real” love. … Oh, what’s that? You didn’t hear? Oh. Well, apparently Lindsay is sad because she’s never found real, true love. No, I’m not kidding.

From Contact Music:

The 26-year-old actress – who previously had a long-term relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson and has been linked to James Franco – would relish the opportunity to fall in love, but has not found it has happened for her yet.

She said: ”I love being in love, and I want to be in love like that, too. I haven’t had that true love that, yes, is so scary, but you go through all those wonderful experiences. I’m looking forward to that.”

Instead, Lindsay relies heavily on her mother Dina Lohan – with who she has had fallings out in the past, and once accused of being on cocaine – and enjoys the relationship they have.

She added to Hello! magazine: ”My mother’s the strongest person I know. There’s a certain bond that a mother and daughter create when there’s not a fatherly figure in your life and my mother and I have that.”

I especially like that bit about her mother and how she’s strong and how they have this certain bond—and I’m betting that the bond (and the age-old argument between mother and daughter) is all over cocaine. Yep. You heard it right. Cocaine.

That part about the relationship, though? I totally believe it. I mean, honestly, aside from the Samantha Ronson thing, have you ever really heard about Lindsay-girl being in a serious, committed relationship? Because she hasn’t. And it’s probably due to two reasons: one, she’s just way too f-cking selfish to ever care for another person on this earth, let alone a person that can’t benefit her professionally. Two? She cares way too much about partying and booze and drugs and purses and cigarettes to even be bothered that someone might actually take a genuine liking to her.

Get it, girl!

November 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah