Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Kristen Stewart Is The Least Sexy Hollywood Actress

kristen stewart pics

Sure, Kristen Stewart‘s face constantly looks like she just smelled an old shitty diaper, but I don’t think she’s an unattractive girl at all. However, British men don’t agree with me, as a recent poll run by the website MenKind put her at the top of a list of the least sexy actresses in Hollywood.

The full Top 10 list is as follows:

1. Kristen Stewart
2. Sarah Jessica Parker
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Denise Richards
5. Kirsten Dunst
6. Mischa Barton
7. Hilary Swank
8. Lucy Liu
9. Tilda Swinton
10. Uma Thurman

Alright, you got me on the rest, there – none of them are remotely attractive to me (but as I said earlier this morning – different strokes, different folks). I just would have thought men might like Kristen’s “leave me alone” lip snarl she constantly seems to be doing. Shows what I know about what men like (thank God).

A spokesperson for the MenKind (via MTV News) explained the results of the poll as follows:

“Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men – it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.

“They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

Word – it’s nice to see a move away from unhealthily skinny figures and a celebration of something “far more than appearance”, like, I don’t know, actual substance, intelligence, sense of humour or whatever else. It’s just a shame those didn’t matter more before.

This Is A Lohan Post: Ronson’s Mom Calls Lindsay Psychotic

sam ronson dj lindsay lohan relationship

If you’re sick of Lindsay Lohan posts, scroll on by. If you’re sick of Lindsay Lohan posts but can’t help yourself, read on.

Ann Dexter-Jones, jewelry designer, former wife of Foreigner’s Mick Jones, and mom of Samantha Ronson, is speaking out publicly about her daughter’s relationship with Lohan. Spoiler alert: she’s pissed.

At a party Ms. Ronson DJ’d for, Dexter-Jones describes Lohan’s appalling behavior. From Radar Online:

Suddenly, without any warning, Lindsay flung herself on to the thick carpet and started to roll around screaming like a child…It seemed she was upset that people, including Samantha, were not paying her enough attention…To my mind, it was classic psychotic behaviour. I took Lindsay aside and told her not to make a spectacle of herself. She was clearly out of control and spoiling for a fight.

It was this incident in particular that made up her mind about Lohan.

I told them I could no longer support them as a couple. I no longer approved of them being together and that Lindsay was no longer welcome in my home.

Dexter-Jones even goes so far as to say that, “I was seriously anxious about Samantha’s safety and wellbeing. I feared tragedy.”

Whoa! Hate to say it, but this video in 2009, of Lohan showing up at 5 AM outside of Ronson’s house, crying and shouting, “Where were you???” adds some believability to Dexter-Jones’ concerns. Here’s the video. Got to say, I feel bad for Lohan here, in that it sucks to have this kind of stuff followed by cameras.

 

 

The Canyons Is Coming This Summer

the canyons

We can all let out that collective sigh of relief knowing that Paul Schrader’s film The Canyons written by Bret Easton Ellis and starring James Deen, has been picked up by IFC films this summer. It will “premiere day-and-date and on digital platforms” meaning that you’ll be able to download it (from something like iTunes or OnDemand) the same day it hits theaters. Meaning that I will be having an epic Canyons viewing party in my living room. Meaning that I will be spending a Friday night alone drinking.

via Huffington Post

THE CANYONS, a post-modern story about power and the dark side of Hollywood, centers around a scheming and very wealthy movie producer Christian (Deen) who makes movies to satisfy his father’s demands that he maintain a viable career. Lohan stars as Tara, his girlfriend who’s hiding an affair with an actor from her past. Christian becomes more and more demanding, inviting various sex partners to join him and Tara in his luxurious Malibu Canyon lair. Village Voice lead critic Scott Foundas, recently praised the film saying: “You could almost describe it as a cross between Easton Ellis’s AMERICAN PSYCHO and Schrader’s AMERICAN GIGOLO. These are minor characters on the fringe of the Hollywood scene, all equally desperate and engaging in various forms of psychological and sexual manipulation.”

We’ve all heard so much about the complications involving this film, the cruel things life has thrown in the way of these world-weary actors and filmmaker, whose little film is like “The Little Engine That Could” but with cocaine and boobs. Well, unless something goes horribly wrong, we can all see this masterpiece this summer (at least in the US.)

Oh, and Lindsay Lohan is in the movie too.

Charlie Sheen + Lindsay Lohan = BFFs

lindsay lohan charlie sheen amfar

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen may as well poke string through two empty soup cans like Molly of the American Girls series, because they are apparently best friends forever. Or someting else. Either way, Mr. Sheen (not Martin obviously), is helping Lohan pay her debts AND paid for the gown she wore to the amFAR (The Foundation for AIDS Resarch) event. Really? It cost that much? Lohan’s dress looked like the ones you could get at a vintage store on Ventura boulevard in Sherman Oaks. WHICH IS FINE. Just baffling that she asked someone to go halfies on it, let alone Charlie Sheen. Has homegirl not heard of Rent the Runway?

Sheen apparently offered to help Lohan with her insane debts, to the sum of 200k+ and Lohan reportedly refused. And is allegedly doing other things to cover that debt. Out of all of the men you’re going to refuse, is Charlie Sheen really going to be one of them? I’m not sure whether to be proud or disappointed. Charlie Sheen is the jerk of all jerks, but for whatever reason he wants to help you, and you’re turning that down in favor of letting your mom “help” you and whatever men you’re “dating”?

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR YOU OR CARE ABOUT FOR YOU? I’m out. I’ve checked out. When you hit rock bottom and you refuse help from CHARLIE EFFING SHEEN who has hit the rockiest of bottoms and yet for whatever reason has gotten another chance, it’s time to soldier up and GET A JOB.

Helena Bohnam Carter To Play Liz Taylor; Suck It, Lohan

helena bohnam carter with award

Helena Bohnam Carter, despite looking nothing like Elizabeth Taylor (to quote Bohnam, “I look nothing like her”) but is totally stunning and beautiful in a different way, is going to play her in a film for the BBC. Suck it, Lohan! Titled Burton and Taylor, with Dominic West as Richard Burton, this television film will mainly focus on their relationship in the ’80s. In 1983 Burton and Taylor, 7 years divorced (for the second time), starred in the Broadway play Private LivesLiz & Dick focused more on their relationship in the ’60s and ’70s and spent about 2 minutes on his death, giving us the amazing scene of Lindsay in a full-on Liz Taylor-White-Diamonds-Commercial-look mourning Burton’s grave.

lindsay lohan elizabeth taylor liz dick screencap

(This is what I'm talking about. Is this not glorious?)

Look, as bad as that film was, it was also enjoyable. Grant Bowler did a good job of playing the dramatic and hammy Richard Burton, and Lindsay had one really great moment where she delivered a line really well while actually sounding and laughing like Elizabeth Taylor. The costumes were enchanting and Creed from The Office was in it. So the whole thing wasn’t a total waste.

I think we can all agree without question though that Ms. Helena Bee Cee will do a far better job, because of, you know, the ability to act. Perhaps the most shocking thing about this film is that Tim Burton isn’t working on it. The film will air sometime in the fall.

Lindsay Lohan’s Parents Are Each Writing Memoirs

lindsay lohan dina lohan 2013

Image via NY Daily News

Lindsay Lohan’s parents have to be competing in some sort of “worst parent ever” contest. Mother Dina is working on a memoir that reveals how awful her husband, Michael Lohan/Lindsay’s father is. And Michael is writing a memoir about how awful Dina is. And Lindsay is stuck in the middle getting Botox.

Though it seemed like Dina told all when she appeared in a, shall we say, unfocused state on Dr. Phil’s show in September of 2012, she apparently has more to tell. She’s accused her ex husband of physical, mental and sexual abuse. Michael is saying that Dina is lying, and he’ll be sure to tell us all about it in his book tentatively titled, I Am Not Daddy Dearest…If I Can Turn It All Around, So Can You!. Brought to you by The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Seriously though, that really is the title of the book. I can only assume Dina’s will be titled Life Struggles with Dina “I’m Not A Regular Mom I’m A Cool Mom” Lohan.

This has to be embarrassing for Lindsay, but then again, if Lindsay isn’t going to do any work on paying off her insane debts, somebody’s got to make money somehow. Ha, just kidding, these books aren’t going to sell.

Do you think either book is going to be popular? Is there anything they could say that we don’t know already? And how do you feel about Lindsay stuck in all of this?

Lindsay Lohan Is A Big Sister Again!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Big day for Michael Lohan … his daughter escaped jail … and his fiancee just gave birth to a BOUNCING BABY BOY!!!

While Lindsay was sweatin’ it out in court, Kate Major went into labor at a Florida hospital.

We’re told Kate gave birth to a son — Landon Major Lohan — at 11:39 AM PT.

The baby weighed in at 19 3/4 inches, 7 lbs 5 oz … and is already wanted in 3 states (kidding!).

We’re told Michael was with Kate the entire time … and even cut the umbilical cord.

A rep for the family tells us baby, Michael and Kate are all doing great.

Congratulations, everybody! And by “congratulations,” of course I mean “someone please get that poor darling baby as far away from all these people as possible.” Michael Lohan probably didn’t need to be raising any kids in the first place, but I feel like now that his crazy asshole tendencies have really set in, this kid is in even more trouble than he would have been if he was part of the original Lohan brood. I mean, in a few years this kid can Google his dad and read all about the time that he kicked his mom in the vagina. That just has bad news written all over it.