Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lohan’s Ex Assistant To Testify Against Her

lindsay lohan assistant gavin doyle

Lindsay Lohan is finally having to face up to her consquences. Her former assistant, Gavin Doyle, has been ordered to testify against her in court regarding one of Lohan’s many car crashes.

In June, Lohan crashed on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Or did she? When police showed up, Ms. Lohan denied being the driver and said her assistant, Gavin Doyle, was driving. Then, getting some sense from somewhere, Mr. Doyle told police that Lohan was lying and that she indeed was the one driving. A few months later Doyle picked up Lohan at a police station where she was being held for beating up a psychic (I can’t, I can’t even). The next day Lohan and Doyle had an argument in a car and she kicked him out. Doyle tweeted,

@lindsaylohan after bailing you out last night I HOPE and PRAY you are getting the help you so desperately need. We are ALL rooting for you. xxx

In November Lohan was charged with lying to the police and only now are they moving forward. She could face up to 1 year in prison but probably won’t. Best she’ll get is 1 hour, if that.

Let this be a lesson to all of us: do not get into a car with Lindsay Lohan. Not even once.

Thanks to TMZ for breaking this incredibly important news.

Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Getting Any Money From Pitbull

I hope Lindsay Lohan hasn’t thrown the rolled up dollar bill with Charlie Sheen‘s phone number on it away, because she’s going to need another way to pay for that dress she cut up since her lawsuit against Pitbull for using her name was dismissed. If you remember, Lindsay wasn’t too keen on a certain set of lyrics in “Give Me Everything” which said “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/ I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” Is that verse any good? Well, no. Is it worth getting sued over? A New York judge says definitely not – despite the fact that it’s inaccurate since Lindsay is above the law and has never been “locked up” for more than a couple of weeks.

From TMZ:

Pitbull didn’t just win his legal war with Lindsay Lohan … he ANNIHILATED HER … TMZ has learned.

We broke the story … Lohan sued the rapper in 2011 for using her name in his hit song “Give Me Everything” … when he dropped the line, “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.”

Lohan claimed Pitbull never got permission to use her name … and therefore he had no right to profit off of it.

But today a New York federal judge sided with Pitbull … ruling that Lindsay is dead wrong on the law — because the song is a work of art protected by the 1st amendment PLUS Lindsay’s barely even mentioned in it.

The judge also ruled … Lindsay’s allegations that she suffered emotional distress are also BS.

The case has been dismissed.

I’m sure Lindsay has suffered emotional distress from many things – being raised by abusive, manipulative, cash cow parents, doing enough drugs to run Colombia for a decade, whatever she got implanted in her lips… you get the point. In any case, I’m glad that she couldn’t stop the party for Pitbull. Get it? (I’ll show myself out.)

Lindsay Lohan Borrowed a Dress and Then Destroyed It

When Lindsay Lohan was asked to open the amFAR gala in New York earlier this month, the whole world was like, “Uh, why?” but she did look slightly less cracked out on the red carpet than she has at other recent events, at least. Since it was a special occasion, she needed a special dress and only one designer was willing to play the fool this time around and s/he/they (?) go by the name Theia. The sparkly gown, seen above, costs a hefty $1,500, but since Lindsay’s broke and taking handouts from Charlie Sheen at the moment, she got this one on loan. You can imagine how well that went.

I’ll let US Weekly do the honors:

“She said that the dress had ripped [at a club after the fundraiser] — she couldn’t possibly wear it like that — so her stylist friend went to the club bouncer and requested some scissors to repair the torn part of the dress,” a source tells Us Weekly. “But what bouncer has scissors?”

“She turned it into a mullet! Only a fashiony person would do that! ” the source continues. “She’s out of control and behaving really badly.”

And here’s Lindsay’s handy work:

Damn. That is some shit you do when you’re on a meth binge or something. What in the hell would compel you to take scissors to a dress at all, let alone one you don’t own and surely can’t afford to buy? Drugs are the only answer. Shaking my head at this girl.

Kristen Stewart Is The Least Sexy Hollywood Actress

kristen stewart pics

Sure, Kristen Stewart‘s face constantly looks like she just smelled an old shitty diaper, but I don’t think she’s an unattractive girl at all. However, British men don’t agree with me, as a recent poll run by the website MenKind put her at the top of a list of the least sexy actresses in Hollywood.

The full Top 10 list is as follows:

1. Kristen Stewart
2. Sarah Jessica Parker
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Denise Richards
5. Kirsten Dunst
6. Mischa Barton
7. Hilary Swank
8. Lucy Liu
9. Tilda Swinton
10. Uma Thurman

Alright, you got me on the rest, there – none of them are remotely attractive to me (but as I said earlier this morning – different strokes, different folks). I just would have thought men might like Kristen’s “leave me alone” lip snarl she constantly seems to be doing. Shows what I know about what men like (thank God).

A spokesperson for the MenKind (via MTV News) explained the results of the poll as follows:

“Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men – it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.

“They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

Word – it’s nice to see a move away from unhealthily skinny figures and a celebration of something “far more than appearance”, like, I don’t know, actual substance, intelligence, sense of humour or whatever else. It’s just a shame those didn’t matter more before.

This Is A Lohan Post: Ronson’s Mom Calls Lindsay Psychotic

sam ronson dj lindsay lohan relationship

If you’re sick of Lindsay Lohan posts, scroll on by. If you’re sick of Lindsay Lohan posts but can’t help yourself, read on.

Ann Dexter-Jones, jewelry designer, former wife of Foreigner’s Mick Jones, and mom of Samantha Ronson, is speaking out publicly about her daughter’s relationship with Lohan. Spoiler alert: she’s pissed.

At a party Ms. Ronson DJ’d for, Dexter-Jones describes Lohan’s appalling behavior. From Radar Online:

Suddenly, without any warning, Lindsay flung herself on to the thick carpet and started to roll around screaming like a child…It seemed she was upset that people, including Samantha, were not paying her enough attention…To my mind, it was classic psychotic behaviour. I took Lindsay aside and told her not to make a spectacle of herself. She was clearly out of control and spoiling for a fight.

It was this incident in particular that made up her mind about Lohan.

I told them I could no longer support them as a couple. I no longer approved of them being together and that Lindsay was no longer welcome in my home.

Dexter-Jones even goes so far as to say that, “I was seriously anxious about Samantha’s safety and wellbeing. I feared tragedy.”

Whoa! Hate to say it, but this video in 2009, of Lohan showing up at 5 AM outside of Ronson’s house, crying and shouting, “Where were you???” adds some believability to Dexter-Jones’ concerns. Here’s the video. Got to say, I feel bad for Lohan here, in that it sucks to have this kind of stuff followed by cameras.

 

 

The Canyons Is Coming This Summer

the canyons

We can all let out that collective sigh of relief knowing that Paul Schrader’s film The Canyons written by Bret Easton Ellis and starring James Deen, has been picked up by IFC films this summer. It will “premiere day-and-date and on digital platforms” meaning that you’ll be able to download it (from something like iTunes or OnDemand) the same day it hits theaters. Meaning that I will be having an epic Canyons viewing party in my living room. Meaning that I will be spending a Friday night alone drinking.

via Huffington Post

THE CANYONS, a post-modern story about power and the dark side of Hollywood, centers around a scheming and very wealthy movie producer Christian (Deen) who makes movies to satisfy his father’s demands that he maintain a viable career. Lohan stars as Tara, his girlfriend who’s hiding an affair with an actor from her past. Christian becomes more and more demanding, inviting various sex partners to join him and Tara in his luxurious Malibu Canyon lair. Village Voice lead critic Scott Foundas, recently praised the film saying: “You could almost describe it as a cross between Easton Ellis’s AMERICAN PSYCHO and Schrader’s AMERICAN GIGOLO. These are minor characters on the fringe of the Hollywood scene, all equally desperate and engaging in various forms of psychological and sexual manipulation.”

We’ve all heard so much about the complications involving this film, the cruel things life has thrown in the way of these world-weary actors and filmmaker, whose little film is like “The Little Engine That Could” but with cocaine and boobs. Well, unless something goes horribly wrong, we can all see this masterpiece this summer (at least in the US.)

Oh, and Lindsay Lohan is in the movie too.

Charlie Sheen + Lindsay Lohan = BFFs

lindsay lohan charlie sheen amfar

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen may as well poke string through two empty soup cans like Molly of the American Girls series, because they are apparently best friends forever. Or someting else. Either way, Mr. Sheen (not Martin obviously), is helping Lohan pay her debts AND paid for the gown she wore to the amFAR (The Foundation for AIDS Resarch) event. Really? It cost that much? Lohan’s dress looked like the ones you could get at a vintage store on Ventura boulevard in Sherman Oaks. WHICH IS FINE. Just baffling that she asked someone to go halfies on it, let alone Charlie Sheen. Has homegirl not heard of Rent the Runway?

Sheen apparently offered to help Lohan with her insane debts, to the sum of 200k+ and Lohan reportedly refused. And is allegedly doing other things to cover that debt. Out of all of the men you’re going to refuse, is Charlie Sheen really going to be one of them? I’m not sure whether to be proud or disappointed. Charlie Sheen is the jerk of all jerks, but for whatever reason he wants to help you, and you’re turning that down in favor of letting your mom “help” you and whatever men you’re “dating”?

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR YOU OR CARE ABOUT FOR YOU? I’m out. I’ve checked out. When you hit rock bottom and you refuse help from CHARLIE EFFING SHEEN who has hit the rockiest of bottoms and yet for whatever reason has gotten another chance, it’s time to soldier up and GET A JOB.