Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Won’t Be Getting a Plea Deal, After All

lindsay lohan court

Lindsay Lohan lied to cops about driving drunk and – surprise! – they’re sort of trying to hold her responsible for it. Kind of. She was offered a plea deal in the case, which, if accepted, would probably mean she’d spend some time on house arrest. But Our Lady of Zero Consequences wasn’t too fond of that and wanted, well, no punishment at all. She obviously hasn’t considered that her other alternative is actually going to jail or she just doesn’t care, because after refusing the deal, prosecutors have now taken it off the table. You snooze, you lose, lady.

From TMZ:

Prosecutors have ended plea negotiations with Lindsay Lohan and are preparing for a trial Monday … this according to law enforcement sources.

We’re told negotiations broke down because Lindsay won’t accept ANY punishment for lying to cops in connection with her car accident last June.  As we reported, Lindsay told police she was NOT driving the Porsche that crashed into a truck on Pacific Coast Highway — she was.

Fact is … negotiations were doomed from the get-go, because Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller, did not have his client on board when he tried cutting a deal.

There’s one other chance of avoiding trial.  Everyone must be in court Monday, and Lindsay’s lawyer could try and enter a plea, but given Lindsay’s state of mind … it’s highly unlikely.

Trial will start Monday.  In addition to the lying-to-cops crime, Lindsay could face months in jail for violating her probation in her jewelry heist case — part of the probation was to obey all laws.

Will Lindsay end up in jail? Most likely not, as the California court system seems to think she’s too good for it for some unknown reason. Seriously,  I know the prison system is overcrowded, but a few months in a locked cell could do this girl worlds of good in so many senses. I’m not suggesting we throw away the key or anything just yet, but we’ll see how things go.

Justin Bieber And Lindsay Lohan Are Totally Not Friends

lindsay lohan justin bieber

Justin Bieber – of all people – made fun of Lindsay Lohan on Instagram. Apparently this was one stop he had to make on his Justin Bieber Destroys Himself Tour. In a caption on his account, he wrote, “… to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)”

justin bieber instagram(In case you can’t read this, it’s Beebsey going on and on about how awesome he is and “I don’t care if you believe in me” and ending with “I think I’m going pretty damn good. And to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)”

I think we can all agree that the winky face is the most offensive thing here. Apparently, he quickly deleted it but that did nothing.

TMZ reports that Lindsayyyyy was not pleased.

Lindsay is telling friends … it’s too little, too late … and “karma” will bite him in the ass.

We’re told Lindsay feels Bieber’s comments were “senseless and mean” — she’s never had beef with him … and has no idea why he chose to single her out, bullying her on an international platform.


The Beebs offered a super speedy Beeby apology. Via TMZ:

My post was only up for a few minutes but I realized right away that what I said at the end was wrong and distracted from what I was trying to say. I immediately deleted it and rewrote it so it would show what I was really feeling and those words are up now.

By “rewrote it” what me means is that he took out all Lohan references.

Justin: don’t apologize. Lindsay: do your taxes. Now everybody go home and get some sleep.

Shamwow Guy Made Movie Starring Lohan And Adrien Brody; Crime Against Humanity Achieved

lindsay lohan marilyn monroe

The Shamwow guy AKA the Slapchop guy aka Vince Offer, directed a film starring Adrien Brody, Michelle Rodriguez, Rob Schneider, and Lindsay Lohan and the trailer is out and it’s just as bad as you think it is. If you don’t want to watch it, I’ll sum it up for you.

    - That Adrien Brody is in this film is a testament to the fact that he is impossible to work with and that no one wants to deal with his bullshit even after winning an Academy Award.

    - The only funny moment in the trailer is when the music turns into sweeping dramatic music and the announcer says, “And Oscar Winner Adrien Brody” while panning over a slow motion shot of his face.

    - The rest of the trailer is a hot mess of stupid offensive jokes, only offensive because of how stupid they are.

    - The title of the film is InAPPropriate Comedy, so believe me, I get that it’s supposed to be “inappropriate” (I have no idea why they have the weird capitalization, am I missing something?) but there’s a fine line between satire and a desperate attempt at satire, and this is so desperate that we need a new word for desperate.

    - Speaking of desperate, Lindsay Lohan being in this movie shows that she’s fallen harder and faster than King Kong from the Empire State Building. This isn’t new information, I know. But at least The Canyons has a shot at being something other than…whatever the hell this is supposed to be.

    - I have no idea what the plot is. I think it’s a movie about making a movie. The trailer is choppy. There’s a scene of Lindsay Lohan dressed as Marilyn Monroe gunning down paprazzi. I don’t know.

    - Someone gave the Shamwow guy money to make this.

    - Someone gave the Slapchop guy money to make this.

    Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to film? Is it really a crime against humanity? Of course not. But wow. Shamf-ckingwow.

    It’s been shelved for a while (NO WAY, REALLY?) but it’s finally coming out on March 22nd.

    Lindsay Lohan Won’t Accept House Arrest; Prefers Zero Punishment

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    Lindsay Lohan is really counting on continuing to get away with stuff without repercussion, because why not? Her latest legal headache to everyone who has to deal with this is the Lindsay lying to the cops charge.

    Where we last left off, Ms. Lohan wanted a plea deal and then didn’t accept it. Also, her lawyer sucks. The latest news is that Lohand That Rocks The Cradle (I know, I know, that doesn’t even make sense, I’m just trying to come up with new things to say about this girl) doesn’t want to accept house arrest even though that means she could face actual prison time instead. From TMZ:

    Multiple sources connected with the case tell TMZ … the Santa Monica City Attorney and the L.A. City Attorney have both softened their position from lockdown rehab to 90-DAY HOUSE ARREST.

    In fact, we’re told Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller, is telling prosecutors Lindsay will accept a certain amount of house arrest.  Right now Heller and the prosecutors are squabbling over how much house arrest.   But here’s the problem … sources connected with Lindsay are telling us LiLo is adamant — she will not accept ANY punishment.

    Bottom line — sources connected with the case tell us there’s a 75% chance the case will go to trial on March 18th.  If Lindsay rolls the dice and is convicted, she faces months of ACTUAL jail time.

    Can we really blame her for thinking she’s invincible, because any other person would still be in jail from her previous offenses. Of course she thinks that she’s not going to get jail time. At least not “real” jail time.

    Lohan, just take the house arrest. It’s not like you’re working anyway.

    Lohan Not Totally Insane; Rejects Sheen’s Mentor Offer

    lindsay lohan blonde yikes

    Lindsay Lohan did something smart for a change, so naturally it made news. As we reported, yesterday Charlie “Only In America Would I Still Have A Career” Sheen offered to be Lindsay “This Tran Wreck Don’t Stop For No One” Lohan’s mentor:

    From TMZ:

    “I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

    He adds, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

    In an amazing moment of clarity and brilliance, Ms. Lohan declined his offer. From TMZ again:

    Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her — and he’s done a lot — she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She’s saying she knows her life is “out of control,” but doesn’t think the precept, “It takes one to know one,” is the way to go.

    She says she’s grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in “Scary Movie 5.” Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time … but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.

    This is HILARIOUS. Emilio, it’s your turn!

    emilio estevez breakfast club gif

    Charlie Sheen Wants to Be Lindsay Lohan’s Mentor

    Christ almighty, what is it with Charlie Sheen‘s obsession with Lindsay Lohan? He’s been throwing cash her way for months now to help with unpaid taxes, shredded dresses and the like… and now he wants to mentor her. I just can’t.

    From TMZ:

    Charlie tells TMZ, “I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

    He adds, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

    Let’s get this straight. This crack-addicted womanizer who thinks “WINNING!” is a good catchphrase is going to teach another crackhead how to… what, smoke more crack? Talk completely bonkers nonsense in interviews so that people wonder if she’s gone off the deep end for good? I think she’s got that one covered, bro.

    The blind should never lead the blind, people. What’s so difficult to understand? Also, she’s half his age and clearly not in her right mind – what’s his interest in her? If he truly believes he’s in a position to save anyone else, then he really has lost the plot and should be institutionalized… maybe in a cell right next to hers?

    Lindsay Lohan Gets Told Off (Via Her Lawyer) At Court

    lindsay lohan pics

    Lindsay Lohan is all for personal appearances – except when it comes to her own court dates, of course.  She’s been seeking a plea deal in her drunk driving case in an attempt to stay out of jail, but she half-assed even that, and the judge was none too pleased about it.

    From TMZ:

    Lindsay Lohan has an incompetent lawyer representing her …. so says the judge in her criminal case.

    It was shocking but Judge Jim Dabney reamed Mark Heller, saying he was incompetent to practice law in California and said Lindsay either has to get another lawyer who knows what he’s doing or she has to come into court and waive her right to a competent California lawyer.

    The judge informed Mark Heller he screwed up the legal docs he filed by not following California law … and the motion to dismiss charges was DENIED. Heller tried to blame the previous lawyer, but his paperwork was so screwed up … his argument fell on deaf ears.

    The judge went on to say Heller doesn’t have a clue about criminal law, questioning his competence to handle the case. The California lawyer who’s sponsoring Heller to appear in Lindsay’s case didn’t show up today, and the judge made note of that … not that it would really matter, because the sponsor never practiced law a day in her life.

    Prosecutor Terry White made it clear … he’s ready for trial on March 18, where Lindsay will have to face the music in her lying-to-cops case.

    Because this Mark Heller bro seems as incompetent as his client, he made a statement to the press after exiting court, telling reporters that the judge totally wasn’t calling him incompetent, just saying that things are handled differently in California than they are in New York. Okay, keep telling yourself that.