Her getup, however, is actually pretty cute. Of course, there are a few things I’d tweak, or hey, even get rid of altogether. Here we go!:
—That cross necklace. Don’t get me wrong; religious jewelry is OK in my book. But when Lindsay Lohan wears it, I feel a hot flush climbing the skin of my neck and into my face like I’m going to burst into flame. Oh wait, no—Lindsay, not me. Plus, it just screams “Madonna!” and “I love the nineties, Courtney Love, wanna go watch The Craft and eat some SunChips??”
—The red nail polish. I think the last thing Lindsay needs to be doing with those grubby little talons of hers is draw any more attention to them. No good.
—Whatever that bag is (and I’m sure it probably costs more than I make in three months), it’s ugly. I don’t care if it is the byproduct of two of the hottest designers known to man and then sneezed on by platinum unicorns—it’s ugly as hell.
—The shoes, but only because I hate ankle booties. They might be perfectly OK as core piece of another ensemble, but this dress? Their stump-legged influence only ruins the effect of the rest of the outfit, which might otherwise be considered “lovely.”
—The pinprick pupils. They’re just scary, alright? They’re scary.
January 9, 2013 at 9:30 am by Sarah
From the New York Daily News:
“Michael beat the hell out of me,” Dina said, of the 1986 incident memorialized in a family snapshot of the young mother holding her baby girl — Lindsay — while sporting a huge purple bruise under her right eye.
“When Lindsay saw the photo, she was furious,” said Dina. “She said, ‘Tell the world! Talk about it!’ ”
According to Dina, Lindsay was affected by all that she saw as a child — and she’s not to blame for her faltering career or oddball antics.
“She saw a lot of crazy stuff. I want the world to know the root of her problems…”
“Lindsay saw all the beatings and all the abuse. She said, ‘Stay, mommy, don’t leave,’ ” said Dina.
Recently, Dina said, her adult daughter expressed regret for those words.
“She said, ‘I’m so sorry for making you stay.’ But I didn’t stay for Lindsay — I wanted all my kids to be happy … Like many victims of domestic violence and rape, I was embarrassed and afraid. I was very young … I thought I could keep fixing him,” Dina said. She said she came forward now to “set the record straight. I need to make the world aware that Lindsay is messed up because her father is messed up.”
Michael said he believes Dina is seeking cover from criticism of her own parenting decisions.
“She’s bringing this up now because she’s drinking and partying with Lindsay. And she keeps robbing Lindsay,” he said, claiming that his actress daughter is his ex-wife’s main source of income. “She is the devil.”
You know, I believe it. All of it, actually. I believe that Dina is the devil, because duh, Dina is definitely the devil. But I also believe that Michael Lohan might be the devil, too, because any man who’d kick a woman in the ladybits is definitely a bit on the devilish side, as well. Lindsay Lohan? Definitely the devil. Anyone who can drink that much and not die has just got to be the devil.
The top photo is courtesy of our friends at E! Online, and they’ve actually got a whole flipping gallery of Dina Lohan modeling her bruised face. Good thing she sat on those physical abuse incidents all those years only to release the photos almost three decades later. You should probably check them out—they’re here—because in the photos, you can really see where Lindsay got her looks. Eek.
January 8, 2013 at 7:30 am by Sarah
On Saturday, I told you guys that Lindsay had a court date this morning, you know, for that time she punched a psychic. She had to be down at the courthouse in New York today, or there would be a warrant out for her arrest.
Well, it’s today. The hearing happened. Lindsay is still in London. She’s not in trouble at all. What is this girl even made of?
Really though, she just got super lucky. This morning, prosecutors announced that they were still investigating, which means that the hearing has been delayed. Which means that Lindsay is fine. Which is bullshit.
In other Lohan news, Dina just gave an interview in which she claims that “Lindsay saw her dad abuse me—that’s why she’s so screwed up.” Which could very well be true, or at least a big part of it, but it really just grosses me out when her parents blame each other for Lindsay’s problems. It’s like that’s the greatest insult they can throw at each other, “you screwed up our cash cow.” It’s unsettling.
January 7, 2013 at 10:30 am by Emily
If one thing can be said about Lindsay Lohan, it’s that she always, always makes very good decisions. Oh, wait, that’s not it. No, if one thing can be said about Lindsay, it’s that she’s the very picture of responsibility. Dang it, that’s wrong too. Ok, one more time: if one thing can be said about Lindsay, it’s that she always, no matter what, is the hottest mess on the block. Yeah, I think that one’s it.
Here’s the story this time, all right? Lindsay is still in London, probably still getting paid to “party.” She went out with a few friends last night, and she stayed out until 5:00 AM, because that’s what responsible people do. And while that little fact wouldn’t usually be that noteworthy, it is this time. Because this girl has to show up in court in New York on Monday. And if she doesn’t, boom, she gets a warrant out for her arrest.
So what do you think is going to happen here? Is she going to make it in time? Is she going to ignore her court date and figure she can whine her way out of her warrant? Is she going to buy a beaten up old bus and try to drive it all the way across the ocean floor of the Atlantic to make it to court on time? I don’t know, it’s Lindsay. Anything can happen.
January 5, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Emily
From the NY Post:
Now we know why Lindsay Lohan broke her promise to stay in for a quiet New Year’s Eve and instead — with her mom in tow — went partying in London. Cold hard cash.
She collected at least $100,000 to celebrate with Brunei’s Haji Abdul Azim. Known worldwide as Prince Azim, he throws some of the wildest, most lavish bashes ever, topped off with gift bags stuffed with expensive party favors like iPads and jewelry dripping with diamonds.
Lohan, who claimed to be planning a dinner at home on Monday night, had the party on her schedule for a while, says an insider.
“Prince Azim not only flew her out; he put her up in a beautiful suite in the Dorchester for the weekend and following the party. Her mom, Dina, is also in London with her at the hotel and attended the party,” says the source.
Azim, son of Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei, is third in line to throne of the small, Southeast Asian nation.
The insider tells us the 30-year-old, celebrity-obsessed prince also paid Lionel Ritchie a whopping $250,000 to come sing for him and Pamela Anderson, a favorite, to come show herself off for $75,000 at the crazy bash, which he holds annually in the 10,300-square-foot ballroom at the five-star Dorchester in Mayfair. Azim’s sister, the gorgeous Princess Fadzilah, also buddied up to Lohan at the party.
“He rents the ballroom and does this for his amusement,” says our source. “He rents the ballroom and pays stars to show up. Lindsay went because she’s that desperate for a paycheck.”
In June, Azim threw himself a massive 30th birthday bash at the Dorchester. That time, he flew in his celeb flavors of the month, including Mariah Carey, Chace Crawford, Raquel Welch, Marisa Tomei and Dionne Warwick, who performed a few songs. In 2009, the billionaire prince’s holiday gathering was proclaimed party of the year by the British press.
Lohan’s father, Michael, told Confidenti@l that he didn’t think his daughter’s appearance for money was a good idea: “Now she’s getting paid for dates?”
100k a pop to just show up at events and pretend like you’re still relevant? Gosh, sign me up.
Ha! And you thought your job was easy/awesome/ridiculous/dumb/depressing.
January 4, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Now look at this:
That’s one of the very first photos of Lindsay taken in 2013. TMZ posted it, along with the headline “Shocking New Year’s Transformation,” but I don’t know. It looks like she got a decent amount of needles stuck into her face to tighten and smooth and creep or whatever, but I wouldn’t really call this “shocking.” Let her lay low for a few weeks and then come out with a Michael Jackson nose, Courtney Stodden boobs, and a Nicole Kidman forehead, then we’ll talk.
How does she look though? Honestly.