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Lindsay Lohan

5We Were So Close to Seeing Lindsay on Dancing with the Stars

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan’s ego might be her downfall — because TMZ has learned, she just shut down a lucrative offer to do “Dancing with the Stars” … because she doesn’t want to do reality TV.

Sources close to Lindsay tell us, the actress was made several offers to join the DWTS cast this upcoming season — offers that maxed out at $550,000.

But Lindsay — who still owes hundreds of thousands in back taxes — shut them down, telling friends she’d never consider doing reality TV … she wants to stick to films.

But there’s one problem — after “The Canyons” fiasco, she’s basically made herself unhireable. And as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers.

A rep for DWTS tells us, “We don’t comment on casting.”

Well, my day’s already ruined.

Besides this decision being dumb on Lindsay‘s part – when you’re as broke as she is, doing some ballroom dancing on national television certainly isn’t the worst gig you could get – it’s also kind of dumb on Dancing with the Stars‘ part. Sure, they would get tons of new viewers (me, for instance), but would it be worth it? Would all her meth misadventures, coupled with the very real possibility that she could go to jail real soon, be worth the extra viewers? I guess it depends on what you think is better, money or sanity.

January 22, 2013 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

5Lindsay Isn’t Interested in A Plea Deal Because She’s Innocent

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

I mean, of course. None of us really thought that Lindsay actually lied to police then punched someone in the head, right? It just doesn’t sound like her. Not that talented, hard working girl we all know and love.

And since Lindsay is so obviously innocent, she’s planning on rejecting that plea deal that’s going to be offered to her. She could go to rehab and avoid jail time, but innocent people don’t go to rehab or jail. Innocent people go to Disneyland. Yay, Disneyland!

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care that the prosecutor in her car crash case is willing to let her skate without spending a day in jail … because she won’t plea bargain a case in which she says she’s innocent.

TMZ broke the story … attorney Shawn Holley was on her way to court Monday to negotiate a deal in Lindsay’s lying-to-cops car crash case when she got her walking papers.  Law enforcement sources tell us … the prosecutor was willing to let Lindsay plead no contest and agree to six months of lockdown rehab — NO JAIL.

Presumably, the offer is still on the table but we’re told Lindsay could not be less interested. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong and will not plead to a crime she says she didn’t commit.

FYI — our law enforcement sources tell us … prosecutors have her dead to rights, because she told cops she was a passenger in the Porsche when there’s overwhelming evidence she was the driver.

So get this … if the case goes to trial and Lindsay is found guilty, she faces 19 months in jail. On top of that, the lying-to-cops case has triggered a probation violation in her jewelry heist case and she could get ANOTHER 245 days for that.

It’s like someone is daring Lindsay to screw up her life. Like she has someone in her life who goes “hey, Lindz, I bet you can’t get into more trouble,” and that’s when Lindsay throws a punch at some fortune teller. And then they were like “ok, but you absolutely cannot top yourself this time,” and that’s when she chose to refuse the plea deal. I don’t know, it’s like she doesn’t even get how dumb she’s being. And that is so scary.

January 20, 2013 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

4We’re Not Going to See The Canyons for A Good Long While

It’s ok, you can cry if you need to. I’ll wait.

Ok? Now that you’re a little more stable, we can actually talk about this. See, Lindsay Lohan‘s brand new movie, The Canyons, is pretty highly anticipated, but for all the wrong reasons. People want to see how bad she’s going to be. Because she’s going to be really, really bad.

This was posted on The Canyon‘s Facebook page from the director of the film:

After the NYT Mag piece, many have asked when the film will be shown. It’s going to be a few months. The intense reactions to Liz and Dick and the Times Mag article have made us realize that there will be an immediate blowback once The Canyons is publically screened–for good and ill. That’s the nature of anything involving Lindsay (plus BEE and JD, who also elicit visceral reactions). Therefore, when the film is shown it should also be available VOD and limited theatrical. That way the curious can see the film for themselves. I am told it takes 3-4 months to organize a proper VOD release. After Sundance we’ll screen the film for multi-platform distributors and set the process in motion. In a way it’s good we’re not at Sundance. We weren’t prepared, we weren’t organized. Films enter festivals to heighten their profile. The Canyons doesn’t need to do that. We need to organize multi-platform distribution. This is not a dodge, it’s common sense. The film is very good. I have no qualms about that. Paul S.

We all read the Times story, right? If you haven’t, go do that, and you’ll realize why it made everyone want more information on this movie. This delay will also make sense to you. That piece was rough.

Also, I love how they made it into a good thing that the movie got turned down for a showing at Sundance. Because who would want that, right? Only losers. Stupid losers.

January 19, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

12James Deen Was Really, Really Nice to Lindsay Lohan

photo of lindsay lohan and james deen on the set of the canyons pictures
So James Deen, AKA the porn star that Lindsay Lohan starred alongside in ‘The Canyons’, did this interview with The Daily Beast, whether in an effort to dispel the Lindsay Lohan is a Menace rumors that were perpetuated by the New York Times writeup, or because I don’t know, he had nothing better to do. I’m going to guess it was the second thing, because last I checked, Lindsay Lohan is a Menace.

Here’s what James had to say about the salacious NYT writeup that painted Lindsay Lohan a bitchy, difficult boozehound with no regard for human life:

I actually just ran into the writer [Stephen Rodrick], and he fully agreed with my description. I describe it as, “Accurate events reflected in the mirror and then retold for dramatic effect.” There’s a portion in it where he says I’m lonely because I didn’t have any friends visit me on set. But I just feel it’s unprofessional to invite your friends to “the office.” If I’m working at McDonald’s, I don’t invite my friends over to watch me flip burgers. But that’s a good example of the entire article. It’s an accurate depiction of the events that occurred, but told in a way to make the story more compelling.

What James actually thinks about Lindsay herself:

I thought the whole experience was really fantastic. Right now, there’s audio circulating on TMZ of her cursing me out on set. That came out the day after the Times article came out painting her as unprofessional, and I think [the audio] was released by her camp to try and make her look good. Two hours before that, I told her I was doing this film for my own self-gratification—as something exciting and new—and I think she took it the wrong way, as an affront to her profession and as I was just there to hang out. But that whole situation was defused by her taking a time-out and me talking to her and explaining what I meant.

Lindsay saying she’s always “getting bruised and hit all the time” and I’m like what?:

The scene was a fight scene between me and Lindsay, and the crew wanted it to be faked for insurance purposes, but Lindsay wanted it to be real and to feel the pain. She said, “No, it’s fine! I get bruised and hit all the time!” So I was going half-speed during rehearsals, but Lindsay likes to go all-out, so Paul was just acting it out, and she was like, “Cool! Now I can feel it and act it out.”

Hm. How is this guy—this guy who gets paid for porking low-budget chicks; this guy who’s lesser than Lindsay Lohan in a movie—so well-spoken? And so, dare I say it … likable? Can someone shed some light on this for me?

January 18, 2013 at 11:30 am by Sarah

6Lindsay Lohan Probably Isn’t A Prostitute, Maybe

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

I just don’t know what to think, you guys. This is hard. Is Lindsay a prostitute? Is she not a prostitute? She’s so misunderstood. Just like her dad.

Because here’s what happened: there was this new story all about how Lindsay is getting paid to go on dates with rich dudes. Or, ok, obviously the story wasn’t new, but this quote from Michael Lohan was:

“She is getting paid to date rich men. Dina is pimping her out – it’s disgusting!”

But just shut your stupid mouths, because he never, ever said that, ok? Not ever. Not in a million years. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is NOT banging rich dudes for money … despite reports she’s a highly paid escort — so says her father.

Michael Lohan is quoted in the reports in question, saying Lindsay is “getting paid to date rich men.” According to the reports, these dates last for several days and the men shower her with lavish gifts like jewelry.

One alleged client is the third in line for the throne of Brunei, who allegedly paid Lindsay $100,000 to celebrate New Year’s with him in London.

But Michael insists he was misquoted — telling TMZ, “By absolutely NO MEANS did I ever make such a statement … EVER!”

He adds, “Sure, Lindsay and [other celebs] make personal appearances and get paid for it! Sure, she and they get paid to go to birthday parties and other occasions! But for sex? Are you kidding me? I would never say that because she would NEVER do that and it NEVER happened!”

Oh, because Lindsay’s dad would be the first person she’d tell about it. Please. I don’t think that Lindsay would call herself a prostitute, but I don’t doubt that she’s making these “personal appearances,” and that sometimes the personal appearances take the form of dates, and sometimes, natch, dates lead to sex. How else does she ever have any money?

January 17, 2013 at 4:30 am by Emily

12Lindsay Lohan Needs an Academy Award Now

Those lips. Those extensions. Those grubby little dwarf hands. It can’t possibly get any better than this (no, I’m serious—have you even watched this clip? Because it’s probably as good as it gets, which is why it’s being released right now, guys).

I mean, honestly. What kind of face even is this?:

photo of lindsay lohan the canyons stills pictures
I can tell you what it’s supposed to be, having a little bit of a theater background myself—it’s *supposed* to be a “Oh my God, I’m so relieved that I was able to catch this half-empty plastic water bottle before it clattered to the floor, thus waking up the scary dude that I just woke up next to,” and not “Holy f-ck, guys, I’ve got a JOB! I’ve got A JOB! I’ve got a JOB and I can BARELY keep the self-satisfied little smirk off my face even when I’m supposed to be ‘acting’!” It’s like she’s not even focused, but that’s hardly surprising, considering the fact that she’s so drug-addled by … Oh wait. No, my bad. Now that I think of it, it’s actually totally surprising, because I’ve heard that drugs like cocaine and Adderall are supposed to make you super-focused and intent on what you’re doing. So, OK. Surprises are here, I guess. Surprises for days.

Here. Here’s another still. She’s supposed to be “frightened” here, and possibly “threatened,” too. But this is the face you get:

photo of lindsay lohan the canyons scared pictures
This one here says, “Still excited! Still squeeing! Still mentally shopping for new teeth!”

Also. Who the hell jumps out of bed that angry? Who the hell jumps out of bed that angry? Come on. This whole project is just completely unbelievable, and if this James Deen character is as bad in porn as he is in film, then well. I know that I won’t be wasting my time Googling “James Deen penis” anytime soon.

January 16, 2013 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan