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Lindsay Lohan

7No One Will Ever Touch Adrien Brody Again

You guys’ll have to forgive me—see, this clip is a bit on the old side (it came out earlier in the month), but when I saw it, I couldn’t pass it up for a few reasons. One? Adrien Brody‘s in it. As I’m leaving Evil Beet, I figured it’d be good to leave just one more Adrien Brody post in your presence because a) he is my one true love, and b) no one’s ever going to write about him on EB ever again, since I was the only one who ever wrote about him to begin with. Here’s another reason I couldn’t pass it up: Lindsay Lohan is in it, and it’s so, so bad. Everything about this video is so, so awful and I don’t even know where to begin aside from curling up in the corner and squeaking “heartbreak” into my hands, which would be covering my ears and eyes. Both. At the same time. … You know, somehow.

The trailer is for a movie called ‘InAPPropriate Comedy’, and IMDB has this to say about it:

In this comedy film, a computer tablet full of the world’s most hilariously offensive apps breaks through the borders of political correctness, stirring up cultural anarchy.

So basically, it’s like ‘Borat’ with just more famous people in it. Ugh.

See what dating that straggly-haired trashbin gets you, Adrien? It gets you elbow-brushing with Lindsay Lohan. Aren’t you, like, so proud, Mr. Academy Award Winner?

January 25, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

13Michelle Williams Should Probably Punch Lindsay Lohan in Lindsay Lohan’s Stupid Face Right About Now

photo of lindsay lohan pictures
So, to preface all of this f-ckery, can I just remind you about how Lindsay Lohan always tried to make it seem like she was Heath Ledger’s one true love, and how she was just so genuinely devastated when he passed, which was five years ago yesterday? Because she did, even up until this past December, because that’s Lindsay: she can’t leave well enough alone, and whenever anyone’s getting any kind of publicity (even when they’re dead), she’s got to go ahead and insert herself in any way she can.

Sigh. Cue Lindsay. As I said, yesterday was the five-year anniversary of Heath Ledger’s death, and in memorial, Lindsay posted this on her Twitter page:

photo of lindsay lohan twitter heath ledger photos, pictures
First of all, if you were confused (like me), “Matty” is actually Heath and Michelle Williams’ daughter, Matilda, lovingly known as “Mattie,” and as far as I’m aware, it was Michelle who carried and birthed Matilda, and not Lindsay. OK? Do you see where I’m going with this? Because now you can see what Lindsay did here—this is a dick move. … No, this is actually a c-nt move, and as much as I hate that word, I’m willing to admit that it’s the word I whisper most forcefully when I’m really, really pissed off, and I feel like Lindsay Lohan and her unbelievable self-absorption justifies that anger.

Can I just go ahead and call Lindsay Lohan a scumbag? Can I? Because when my back’s against the wall and I have no more verbal ammunition, “scumbag” is the first thing that comes to mind, guys. And Lindsay Lohan is the epitome of “scumbag.”

January 23, 2013 at 6:30 am by Sarah

0Lindsay’s Real Excited to Be With Max from The Wanted, Huh?

photo of lindsay lohan max the wanted pictures
What the hell is this? Is this a victory dance or something? The old “I got a man!” strut? That what this is all about? Gang signs? Nose-picking? Peek-a-boo? I don’t get it.

Thing is, I thought Max was done with Lindsay. He did, after all, say a few weeks ago that there were no “babies on the horizon.” No, he really did. In an interview with E!, Max said this about Lindsay:

She was good to party with, but there’s definitely not going to be any babies on the horizon.

And a mere week after that (and kindly note the usage of the word “had,” also), Max allegedly talked to Yahoo!, where he called Lindsay nothing more than a groupie:

What’s the right word for her? A yeah, a groupie!

But apparently, all’s fair in love and war making people less famous than you take pictures in a hotel room to make it look like you’re humping on the regular. But hey—whatever works for you, right, girl?

January 22, 2013 at 11:30 am by Sarah

5We Were So Close to Seeing Lindsay on Dancing with the Stars

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan’s ego might be her downfall — because TMZ has learned, she just shut down a lucrative offer to do “Dancing with the Stars” … because she doesn’t want to do reality TV.

Sources close to Lindsay tell us, the actress was made several offers to join the DWTS cast this upcoming season — offers that maxed out at $550,000.

But Lindsay — who still owes hundreds of thousands in back taxes — shut them down, telling friends she’d never consider doing reality TV … she wants to stick to films.

But there’s one problem — after “The Canyons” fiasco, she’s basically made herself unhireable. And as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers.

A rep for DWTS tells us, “We don’t comment on casting.”

Well, my day’s already ruined.

Besides this decision being dumb on Lindsay‘s part – when you’re as broke as she is, doing some ballroom dancing on national television certainly isn’t the worst gig you could get – it’s also kind of dumb on Dancing with the Stars‘ part. Sure, they would get tons of new viewers (me, for instance), but would it be worth it? Would all her meth misadventures, coupled with the very real possibility that she could go to jail real soon, be worth the extra viewers? I guess it depends on what you think is better, money or sanity.

January 22, 2013 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

5Lindsay Isn’t Interested in A Plea Deal Because She’s Innocent

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

I mean, of course. None of us really thought that Lindsay actually lied to police then punched someone in the head, right? It just doesn’t sound like her. Not that talented, hard working girl we all know and love.

And since Lindsay is so obviously innocent, she’s planning on rejecting that plea deal that’s going to be offered to her. She could go to rehab and avoid jail time, but innocent people don’t go to rehab or jail. Innocent people go to Disneyland. Yay, Disneyland!

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care that the prosecutor in her car crash case is willing to let her skate without spending a day in jail … because she won’t plea bargain a case in which she says she’s innocent.

TMZ broke the story … attorney Shawn Holley was on her way to court Monday to negotiate a deal in Lindsay’s lying-to-cops car crash case when she got her walking papers.  Law enforcement sources tell us … the prosecutor was willing to let Lindsay plead no contest and agree to six months of lockdown rehab — NO JAIL.

Presumably, the offer is still on the table but we’re told Lindsay could not be less interested. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong and will not plead to a crime she says she didn’t commit.

FYI — our law enforcement sources tell us … prosecutors have her dead to rights, because she told cops she was a passenger in the Porsche when there’s overwhelming evidence she was the driver.

So get this … if the case goes to trial and Lindsay is found guilty, she faces 19 months in jail. On top of that, the lying-to-cops case has triggered a probation violation in her jewelry heist case and she could get ANOTHER 245 days for that.

It’s like someone is daring Lindsay to screw up her life. Like she has someone in her life who goes “hey, Lindz, I bet you can’t get into more trouble,” and that’s when Lindsay throws a punch at some fortune teller. And then they were like “ok, but you absolutely cannot top yourself this time,” and that’s when she chose to refuse the plea deal. I don’t know, it’s like she doesn’t even get how dumb she’s being. And that is so scary.

January 20, 2013 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

4We’re Not Going to See The Canyons for A Good Long While

It’s ok, you can cry if you need to. I’ll wait.

Ok? Now that you’re a little more stable, we can actually talk about this. See, Lindsay Lohan‘s brand new movie, The Canyons, is pretty highly anticipated, but for all the wrong reasons. People want to see how bad she’s going to be. Because she’s going to be really, really bad.

This was posted on The Canyon‘s Facebook page from the director of the film:

After the NYT Mag piece, many have asked when the film will be shown. It’s going to be a few months. The intense reactions to Liz and Dick and the Times Mag article have made us realize that there will be an immediate blowback once The Canyons is publically screened–for good and ill. That’s the nature of anything involving Lindsay (plus BEE and JD, who also elicit visceral reactions). Therefore, when the film is shown it should also be available VOD and limited theatrical. That way the curious can see the film for themselves. I am told it takes 3-4 months to organize a proper VOD release. After Sundance we’ll screen the film for multi-platform distributors and set the process in motion. In a way it’s good we’re not at Sundance. We weren’t prepared, we weren’t organized. Films enter festivals to heighten their profile. The Canyons doesn’t need to do that. We need to organize multi-platform distribution. This is not a dodge, it’s common sense. The film is very good. I have no qualms about that. Paul S.

We all read the Times story, right? If you haven’t, go do that, and you’ll realize why it made everyone want more information on this movie. This delay will also make sense to you. That piece was rough.

Also, I love how they made it into a good thing that the movie got turned down for a showing at Sundance. Because who would want that, right? Only losers. Stupid losers.

January 19, 2013 at 2:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan