So, like, I think what this blog needs today is more Lindsay Lohan stories.
No, I’m kidding. Sort of.
Since we’ve essentially become LohanWatch2007.com (does someone own that?) these past few days, I’d like to skip today’s Lohan story, and I would, I really would, if only it didn’t involve Ryan Seacrest. Make sense of this oddball Page Six item:
LINDSAY Lohan just can’t seem to stop partying – and, unluckily for her, word on the street is that someone may have recorded her revelry with a cellphone video camera. We can’t divulge what Lohan was allegedly caught doing, but if true, it won’t sit well with her younger fans. Apparently, all the naughtiness went down last week at a party at a private house in Beverly Hills that was also attended by her frenemy Paris Hilton, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos and Ryan Seacrest. At one point, the party was disrupted by a huge rat that ran into several rooms, causing revelers to scream, drop their drinks and run, until Niarchos kicked the rodent out onto a balcony. A rep for Lohan told Page Six, “I have not heard of this.”
Okay, forget Lindsay Lohan. I really don’t care if someone has video of her doing cocaine. Her whole life is basically video of her doing cocaine. I want to see Ryan “Idol Gives Back” Seacrest doing some fat ass lines while Paris Hilton sits on his lap giggling. You know what I hope? I hope Lindsay puts on a fake British accent and is all like, “You know, Paris, your singing is like bad karaoke. It’s like … cheap cruise ship hooker music,” and then I hope Ryan’s all like, “Oh, Simon, is it really that bad?” and then Lindsay — still all British — is all like, “Ryan, you know you just want to have sex with me. In the anus,” and then Ryan’s like “That’s so true, Simon, I want that gigantic cock of yours so that I can …” and then I hope Paris falls off his lap, passed out. I hope this is all on camera and I hope it hits the Internet soon.
May 3, 2007 at 8:25 am by Evil Beet
Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. Lindsay’s relationship with Ellen is nothing like her relationship with Samantha Ronson; it involves a lot less cunnilingus, I’d imagine.
That didn’t stop Ellen from basically giving her head anyway. Lohan did Ellen’s from-the-bed talk show on Wednesday, and she touched upon topics as far-reaching as the on-set drama of Georgia Rule (she’s sticking to that bronchial asthma story goddammit), Bill Cosby’s temper and her picks for American Idol.
In the second clip, Ellen pits her against the Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader kids, and LiLo gets to show off her impressive mastery of lunar properties, English grammar and hummingbirds. She gets total props from me for identifying an adverb without any prompting. Shit, I’ve worked with writers who can’t do that. Cocaine is an awesome study aid.
Second clip is after the jump.
May 2, 2007 at 10:01 pm by Evil Beet
You know in college when you are going through your photos of a night out with the girls? First you look rockin’ in your tube top and mini skirt. Then, as the evening winds down, you are downing red headed slut shots and snarfing up chicken tenders. You start to get that booze bloat and end up deleting a good amount of those post 2am photos. Sadly Lindsay Lohan can’t do that and she just looks beat here.
I don’t want to call her fat because she isn’t in any way. I will call her a bit of a drunken mess. I thought she went to rehab, what a waste of time and money. She just needs to put a sex tape out and be over with it. Homegirl is nuts and I think Hollyweird will be done with her soon.
Hayden Panettiere…watch out. You are all fresh faced now but after a few too many nights at Hyde and a secret drug problem this too could be you.
May 2, 2007 at 9:10 pm by EvilT
At Parc last night. Anyone know who this tiger is? I hate to admit it, but he’s pretty hot. I don’t normally go for the low-cut shirt look on guys, but he’s pulling this off. I guess if Paris Hilton is going to flit around with that Josh Henderson nobody, Lindsay has to find herself someone equally pretty and irrelevant to tote to nightclubs.
Photo credit: BuzzFoto
May 2, 2007 at 9:52 am by Evil Beet
Hide the women, children, and small furry mammals because this thing is about to get real. Real real. Somehow, against all odds, Lindsay Lohan is not yet 21. Forget the fact that she’s gone to rehab and been photographed around 7,000 times out getting hammered. The girl still has to celebrate being able to get into clubs. That’s right, it’s bday blast time for Lohan. And I have a feeling the invitations will have ??? on the part that shows when the party ends.
She told Ellen DeGeneres (according to People)
“I’m going to milk it because it’s a big birthday,” Lohan, who plans to mark the July milestone with a bash in â€“ where else? â€“ Las Vegas, says on Wednesday’s The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
“Milk it,” for those not in the know, means enough cocaine to fell a traveling circus. Have you seen those Sweet 16 deals MTV films? She’s going to make those look like bingo night down at St Jude. It’s going to be nasty. They will have to hose that place down when it’s all over.
I say we start working on tickets now Beet, I’ll bring a fifth of moonshine, you bring the good looks.
May 2, 2007 at 7:14 am by Spiteful Lars
There are 248 images from this event on WireImage right now. I swear to you that 239 of them are of Lindsay Lohan.
Pics of people other than Lindsay after the jump.