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Lindsay Lohan

1Lindsay Lohan Joins the Elite Ranks of Those Who Spent Their 21st Birthday in Rehab

Lindsay Lohan Spends 21st Birthday, July 2, in Rehab at Promises in Malibu

Happy birthday, Linds. Choosing to stay at Promises is the best birthday present you could possibly give yourself. Although I suppose an iPhone is a close second.

July 2, 2007 at 11:22 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

12OMG LINDSAY LOHAN DOES COCAINE!!!!

Lindsay Lohan Cocaine in DUI Case

SHOCKER! The toxicology report from the night she drove her Mercedes off the street and into the sidewalk indicates she was at twice the California legal driving limit and showed traces of cocaine. Because Lindsay was under 21 at the time of the accident, the true California driving limit for her was zero.

But Lindsay, unlike Paris Hilton, has been open about her struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, and recently opted to stay in rehab for an extended period of time.

June 28, 2007 at 1:06 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

13Paris Hates Lindsay

Paris and Lindsay are Over

I know we’re not talking about it… but did anyone catch the cold shoulder LL got from our gal?

Larry King asked about Lohan and Paris said curtly “I know her.” Then, Larry King asked if Paris would visit a friend in rehab and Paris responded “I don’t have any friends in rehab.” Yikes. You hate to see friendships sour. Luckily Paris still has much love for B-Spears.

Lastly, the funniest comment of the night was Larry King’s outro: “Thanks for joining us Paris. Tomorrow night, former Secretary of State Colin Powell is on the show.” Frankly, I don’t know how Larry made that transition without killing one of his producers.

June 27, 2007 at 9:26 pm by Spiteful Lars

2Lindsay Lohan’s Dad (Well, At Least His Publicist) Can’t Spell Her Name

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Spells Her Name Wrong, Misspells As Lyndsay, in Statement

After battling ex-wife Dina Lohan in court to get visitation rights with his children, Michael Lohan issued the following statement:

“I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become. Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation.”
— Michael Lohan

For additional info or to speak with Michael contact the following:

Leslie Kellner Taylor
Big Machine Media
575 Lexington Ave.; 4th Floor
New York, NY 10022
Ph: [REDACTED]

This statement has everyone up in arms, because, of course, Lindsay’s name is not spelled “Lyndsay,” and, as her father, he should probably know this.

Look, I’m not about to throw my full support behind Michael “Shoe Assault” Lohan, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the misspelling is the fault of one Leslie Kellner Taylor, who was all too happy to sign her work.

June 27, 2007 at 8:34 am by Evil Beet

6Lindsay Lohan Would Prefer Not to Share Her Released-From-Captivity Week with Paris Hilton

Lindsay Lohan Will Stay in Rehab Longer Than a Month

At least I figure that’s the explanation for these rumors that Lindsay will be staying in rehab longer than originally planned. No one knows exactly when Paris will be released from the slammer, but it will probably be sometime early next week, and LiLo was supposed to leave Promises at the end of this week. But apparently she’s changed her plans.

“She is staying in Promises for longer than a month,” says a source close to Lindsay. “We don’t know how much longer because of her work schedule, but she is taking rehab very seriously this time and not messing around.”

Now, the humanitarian buried deep within my cold, evil heart wants to believe that this is true — that it has occurred to Lindsay that perhaps 28 days in rehab is not nearly long enough to untangle 20 years of fuck-upedness, and that experience would suggest that catapulting her back into the real world after such a short time period will inevitably result in her inability to stay sober, and that she really, truly wants to put her life in order this time around.

But, you know, my experience suggests otherwise.

I’ve gotta admit, though, with Paris in jail and Lindsay in rehab and Britney friendly with her family again, it’s been a really, really slow news week. Traffic’s been lagging. And, try as she might, Tara Reid just can’t hold down Camp Trainwreck by herself these days. This rehabilitation bullshit is costing me money, people. It’s not that I don’t want you to get sober, Lindsay, it’s just that I’d prefer it if you were sober while leaving Hyde in some manner of LA-tastic outfit with a D-list British model and calling Paris Hilton a cunt to X17. Is that really so unfair of me?

June 20, 2007 at 9:04 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

2Lindsay Lohan Gets Sued Yet Again

Lindsay Back in Rehab

We’ve always wondered, is this Lohan kid going to make it as an actress? The answer becomes more cloudy by the day, but one thing is for certain — the gal is great at getting sued. Check this noise out: Lohan Sued Again Over 2005 Car Crash.

Now that’s just sad. It’s the “again” that really chokes me up here. The really bad news is that this lawsuit isn’t for a measly $3624. Oh no, my friends, she’s looking at a bill of (drumroll please):

The lawsuit, which seeks at least $200,000 in damages, also named The Ivy restaurant as a defendant, claiming its staff gave Lohan alcoholic drinks even though she was under the legal drinking age.

Delightful! I don’t believe a third lawsuit can come out of this, but you never know. We’ll keep you informed either way.

June 15, 2007 at 1:06 pm by Spiteful Lars
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan