Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Another Famous Old Person Has a Lindsay Lohan Opinion

I wish people would leave this sort of work where it belongs, with the bloggers.

Jane Fonda, who is famous, as best I can recall, for workout tapes referenced by Sir Mix-a-Lot and doing something that upset some people during the Vietnam war (I was never much for history), has apparently turned recently to acting, costarring opposite La Lohan in the defining deep-South-blow-job film of our generation, Georgia Rule.

Access Hollywood, dutifully doing their part to stir up the buzz surrounding the film, asked Fonda what it was like working with Lindsay Lohan, and asked for her reaction to a studio exec’s accidentally public blasting of her behavior on the set.

“I think every once in a while, a very, very young person who is burning both ends of the candle needs to have somebody say, `You know, you’re going to pay the piper, you better slow down.’ So I think it was good,” she says. “She parties all the time…and you know, she’s young and she can get away with it. But, you know, it’s hard after a while to party very hard and work very hard. She learned that, I hope.”

Fonda also had some nice things to say. “I just want to take her in my arms and hold her until she becomes grown-up. She’s so young and she’s so alone out there in the world in terms of structure and, you know, people to nurture her. And she’s so talented.”

Odds and Ends: And Just When You Were Jonesing for a Dana Plato Update

Because if I can’t blog about the retarded shit celebs did today, the terrorists have already won.

  • David Spade and Heather Locklear are dunzo; her latest boy-toy is a Colorado realtor with a striking resemblance to Joe Simpson. But I adore her, so I’m setting down my bat and walking away from the soft ball.
  • Sean “Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy” Combs has to ditch the “Diddy” in Britain after a music producer there sues him over the name.
  • Dana Plato’s son files a wrongful death suit againt the Diff’rent Strokes star’s former fiance. Time to update that True Hollywood Story, E!
  • Black Eyed Peas singer Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson reluctantly admits to being on meth and Kids Incorporated. I’m pretty sure I know which one is more damaging to her image.
  • For those of you who were staying up nights wondering, Lindsay Lohan’s stolen-and-returned Birkin bag had nothing missing. Except, you know, probably the drugs.

"It’s Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, My Bag’s Fine"

Ugh. I am, like, soooo late on the draw with this one. So a recap.

Lindsay Lohan’s Birkin was stolen at Heathrow airport, which was, like, recently the target of some manner of foiled terrorist plot, so it’s nice to see they’ve really driven security into high gear over there. Lindsay cried because if there’s anything that sucks worse than losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and your asthma inhaler, it’s losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and the rest of your cocaine. You’d cry, too.

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Don’t panic yet, folks; the bag was recently found in a parking lot near Heathrow, after whoever stole it realized that it’s a lot harder to sell jewelry and a handbag on the black market when everyone in the nearest 19 countries knows you stole them from Lindsay Lohan this morning. But you know what tastes the same in every language? Yeah. Don’t count on getting that “inhaler” back, Linds.

Lindsay Lohan (Allegedly) Smokes Hippie Cigarettes, Huge Cocks

Just another sickening battle in the war on privacy we call fame. Some enterprising young stalker has apparently captured a Lohan grocery receipt. How do we know it’s a Lohan grocery receipt? Her name’s not on it anywhere. Okay, her name is on the bottom, but it’s not like that proves anything. I could get a Ralphs card as Lindsay Lohan, too. The list includes:

  • Chaser (a popular hangover “cure”)
  • 2 bottles of Nyquil
  • 1 box Claritin tablets
  • 1 box of Sudafed
  • 1 box of Unisom
  • Ginseng
  • 2 boxes green tea supplement

and also:

  • 4 frozen dinners
  • 3 bottles of wine
  • 2 bags of Doritos
  • Miracle Whip
  • grated Parmesan cheese
  • Philly Cream Cheese
  • 2 jugs of cranberry juice
  • Honey Nut Cheerios
  • 12 pack of Diet Coke
  • 3 packs of American Spirits
  • Tums Smoothies
  • 1 box of Magnum Trojans

So as best I can tell, your local meth lab threw a lovely Labor Day picnic.

I’m not yet convinced this receipt belongs to La Lohan. This could just as easily be a PR stunt by Trojan, AmSpirit or Chaser. I’m waiting for some proof.

Picking Up the Pieces: Pure Speculation in the Absence of Actual News Edition