Ugh. I am, like, soooo late on the draw with this one. So a recap.
Lindsay Lohan’s Birkin was stolen at Heathrow airport, which was, like, recently the target of some manner of foiled terrorist plot, so it’s nice to see they’ve really driven security into high gear over there. Lindsay cried because if there’s anything that sucks worse than losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and your asthma inhaler, it’s losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and the rest of your cocaine. You’d cry, too.
Don’t panic yet, folks; the bag was recently found in a parking lot near Heathrow, after whoever stole it realized that it’s a lot harder to sell jewelry and a handbag on the black market when everyone in the nearest 19 countries knows you stole them from Lindsay Lohan this morning. But you know what tastes the same in every language? Yeah. Don’t count on getting that “inhaler” back, Linds.
Just another sickening battle in the war on privacy we call fame. Some enterprising young stalker has apparently captured a Lohan grocery receipt. How do we know it’s a Lohan grocery receipt?
Her name’s not on it anywhere. Okay, her name is on the bottom, but it’s not like that proves anything. I could get a Ralphs card as Lindsay Lohan, too. The list includes:
- Chaser (a popular hangover “cure”)
- 2 bottles of Nyquil
- 1 box Claritin tablets
- 1 box of Sudafed
- 1 box of Unisom
- 2 boxes green tea supplement
- 4 frozen dinners
- 3 bottles of wine
- 2 bags of Doritos
- Miracle Whip
- grated Parmesan cheese
- Philly Cream Cheese
- 2 jugs of cranberry juice
- Honey Nut Cheerios
- 12 pack of Diet Coke
- 3 packs of American Spirits
- Tums Smoothies
- 1 box of Magnum Trojans
So as best I can tell, your local meth lab threw a lovely Labor Day picnic.
I’m not yet convinced this receipt belongs to La Lohan. This could just as easily be a PR stunt by Trojan, AmSpirit or Chaser. I’m waiting for some proof.
Pictures of Harry and his beloved Pink Taco in Hawaii. I think, because these pics are so genuinely cute (and because anyone reppin’ Scottsdale is my homie), I’m going to try not to make fun of either of them today. We’ll see how that goes.