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Lindsay Lohan

1Lindsay Lohan’s Hearing: It’s Starting!

Will there be a plea deal?

Will Lindsay serve jail time?

Will she be picking up trash alongside PCH?

We’ll know soon!!!!

August 23, 2007 at 1:43 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

7Lindsay Lohan is Getting Off EASY

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Paris Hilton has got to be pissed.

Whereas Lindsay Lohan should have been looking at years in jail following her summer string of DUIs, the LA district attorney charged her with a seven misdemeanors, and no felonies.

She’s been charged with two counts of driving under the influence, driving with a blood-alcohol level above .08 percent and being under the influence of cocaine and one count of reckless driving.

Says a law enforcement source: “Prosecutors in this county see a lot of kids in crisis. There are lots of kids struggling with addiction. The first sign of trouble usually involves a car. We’re not going to throw every one of them in prison. It doesn’t make sense.”

It seemed to make perfect sense with Paris Hilton!

Why not Lindsay Lohan?

Is it because Paris didn’t immediately check into rehab?

Probably.

You should have gone to rehab, Paris!!! It would have been nicer than your jail stay!

August 23, 2007 at 11:35 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

3Lohan Family Bonding

Lindsay Lohan Grocery Shopping with Brother and Sister at Rehab

So Lindsay’s family — including her brother and sister — went to visit her at rehab. They went on a little grocery shopping trip. And what did she do?

She talked on her cell phone.

Way to recover, Linds.

August 22, 2007 at 11:26 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

2Lindsay Still Doin’ the Rehab Thing

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La Lohan was spotted enjoying nature with some rehab pals this week.

Her mom, dad and little sis flew out to Utah to spend time with the rehabbing starlet, too.

August 21, 2007 at 10:26 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

2Donald Trump Knows a Good Trainwreck When He Sees One

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Okay, okay. Uncle. I had no plans to watch or care about Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, which is currently slated to feature boring D-listers Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, Omarosa (from the original season of Apprentice), Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon (I don’t know who half those people are, but haven’t most of them done The Surreal Life already?), but now that Mr. Trump is talking about bringing on Britney, Paris and Lindsay, I’m paying attention.

“We’re negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it?” says Trump. “We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a [bleep]ing mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.”

Hey. I liked Chaotic. Watching stoned people is always funny.

He says that Paris Hilton “wants to be on, and we’re thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it.”

And as for Lindsay? “Another [bleep]ing mess. We haven’t asked her yet, but I’m going to call her this week. It would a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them.” Um … I think Lohan’s upcoming jail stint may conflict with the filming schedule.

Hilton’s new crisis rep, Mike Sitrick, said he hadn’t heard of any deal in progress, which is probably because Donald Trump is making all of this up in order to get us talking about his show, which no one is going to watch because, come on, people, VH1 already has the monopoly on D-list trainwreck voyeurism. But, Donald, you have my word: if you can get Britney Spears on this thing, I will watch it. I will write about. So make it happen, buddy.

August 20, 2007 at 10:41 am by Evil Beet

5LINDSAY!!!!! WE MISSED YOU!!!!!!

Lindsay Lohan at Tanning Salon outside Cirque Lodge Rehab in Utah

Oh, Lindsay! Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay!!! Thank GOD you’re back!!! OMG, Lindsay, I am soooo sorry if I’ve taken you for granted in the past. I can’t imagine how underappreciated you must have felt, but OMG, Lindsay, life in the gossip world sucks without you. I know I’ve given you shit in the past for leaving assorted rehabs to go on little errands to the gym or to Robertson or to lunch with friends, I know I acted like those were things you shouldn’t have been doing, but, oh, Lindsay, I was so wrong! Lindsay! We cannot survive without you. Please forgive my past indiscretions. Please, baby, don’t leave us like this again. I can’t take it, baby. Welcome back. I love you.

I feel a palpable sense of relief as the first pictures of Lindsay Lohan at the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah have surfaced. Everything has been so goddamn boring since she left.

Lindsay left the rehab center for a little while yesterday, to take a walk around town and hit up a tanning salon. Lindsay bought a $20 spray-on tan, in addition to several more $16 tans. And normally I’d be, like, “What the fuck do you need a tan for in rehab? Focus on getting better, dumbass,” but I’ve changed, Lindsay baby. I’m not going to be like that anymore. I’m so, so glad you’re out in front of the cameras. I support you in any rehab-leaving you want to do in the future. I need you, Lindsay. I need you like you need me, and let’s not play this hiding-in-rehab game anymore, my love. It’s childish and it’s hurtful and no one wins. You’re always safe in the arms of the cameras and the gossip columnists. It’s where you belong, Lindsay. It’s where you need to be. We all know it. Welcome back, my love. Let’s never be apart again.

August 15, 2007 at 10:10 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan