We talk a lot of shit about Lindsay Lohan around here, but this song, “Beautiful Life,” from her latest album, A Little More Personal, is honestly my favorite song to listen to when I’m really sad. It always cheers me up a little. So, as Slow News Week draws to its grinding, painful close, I thought I’d share it with you all.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgSgSS_Z7-M]
La Lohan set tongues a-wagging when she was photographed leaving The Ivy yesterday wearing a ninety-day sobriety chip given by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs. It seems unlikely that Lohan herself has actually been sober for ninety days, seeing as how we run a story at least once daily regarding just how drunk she was the night before. Lohan’s rep says the chip was a “tribute to a friend.”
Lohan’s ex-boyfriend, Harry Morton, is rumored to be sober, and I’m sure Lindsay had some exposure to twelve-step programs during her relationship with him. Such chips are also sometimes given as “hope chips,” to people with fewer than ninety days sober, to encourage them to reach that goal. At least we now know that Lindsay has heard of AA. You have to start somewhere.
The title of this post is an actual lyric on this truly heinous CD by Ali Lohan.Click here to get a sample of one of her hot holiday tracks.
Looking on Amazon.com, this CD is selling for the bargain basement price of $10. With that $10 you get to hear such classics as.
1. Christmas Day
2. I Like Christmas
3. Winter Wonderland
4. Christmas Magic
5. Jingle Bells
6. Groove of Christmas
7. Lohan Holiday – Ali Lohan, Lindsay Lohan
8. Deck the Halls
9. Silent Night – Ali Lohan, Dina Lohan
10. Santa’s Reindeer Ride – Amy Grant, Ali Lohan
11. We Wish You a Merry Christmas – Ali Lohan, Dina Lohan
12. I Like Christmas [Remix][*]
“I Like Christmas”- creative Ali. “Groove of Christmas”-a little frightening. “Lohan Holiday”- WTF? Are we are going to hear about Lindsay and her baby sister getting wasted at the Chateau Marmont before trying to score some killer weed, then finding out their mom is too hungover and forgot to buy them the right Louis Vuitton bag for Christmas? Though I have to say the track that frightens me the most is “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” with a cameo by Dina Lohan. Classic.
A great stocking stuffer for the holidays.
Whitney Houston makes her first public appearance, newly sober and split from Bobby Brown, looking great. Let the comeback begin! [Celebrity Smack]
Michael Jackson moonwalks back onto our national radar, announcing plans to marry his children’s nanny and make a rare public appearance at the World Music Awards in London. Everybody stay very quiet. Maybe he’ll just go away. [Hollyscoop and Hollywood Backwash]
X17 has footage of Lindsay Lohan less than an hour before she was spotted screaming and crying in her vehicle after all-night partying. She leaves Paris Hilton’s house with a pizza box covering her face, walks into her car (like, literally — she runs right into it, with the pizza box obstructing her vision), then drives off. When the paparazzi are asking if you’re okay to drive, maybe you should ask yourself the same question, Linds. [X17]
Live television is so much fun! Isn’t that right, SNL? [Defamer]
It’s cute when photogs decide they’re going to stop bloggers from using their photos. [HGW]
It’s been a rough weekend for Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Late last week, Richie checked into a treatment facility to determine “why she’s not been putting on any weight.” We in the gossip blogging community are proud to announce that we quickly helped her doctors solve that little mystery, because Richie was out and about on Saturday night, partying with Lohan.
Whatever Richie was ingesting that night (we’ve ruled out food) didn’t sit well with her, because she passed out at Hollywood club Hyde around 2 am on Sunday. The club manager wanted to call an ambulance, but Richie’s friends insisted they would take her to a hospital themselves, carrying the celebutante out the back door.
Lohan didn’t fare much better. She was spotted sitting in her car at 6:45 Sunday morning, convinced that the paparazzi tailing her were trying to hit her car. She seemed “out of it” and looked as though she’d been crying. My guess is she wasn’t driving to an early-morning mass after a good night’s sleep.
All this comes as News of the World releases an exclusive interview with Lohan, in which she talks about her battle with anorexia and bulimia. She discusses a night in 2004, where she feared for her life at the house of then-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. “I felt so sick,” she said. “I lay down on the bed and started getting these shooting pains. I was screaming, throwing things, because the pains were so intense in my head.” Regarding ex-boyfriend Harry Morton: “I have only been in love once and that was with Wilmer.” Ouch.
Joking aside, I hope Nicole and Lindsay become willing to take the actions they need to get healthy again. Come on, girls! Look at Courtney Love. You can still do strange, obnoxious, publicity-generating things — and we’ll still make fun of you — just do them sober.
In today’s episode of the Anna Nicole is Functionally Retarded Show, we learn that Anna previously tried to convince a wealthy paramour, G. Ben Thompson, that he was the father of her newborn girl. The only hitch in the plan? Thompson had a vasectomy years earlier. Has anybody explained to this woman that there are magical science machines that can determine definitively who a child’s father is? [Fametastic]
Isaiah Washington was supposed to appear on Ellen Wednesday to clear up the allegations that he’s a violent, homophobic jackass, but he canceled at the last minute, citing a change in production schedule. Grey’s less controversial star Katherine Heigl was sent in to diffuse the situation instead. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Not to be outdone by TMZ’s scoop on his birth certificate, X17′s crew hid in the bushes outside the Spears-Federline household for an unspecified amount of time, and now they have video of Jayden James Federline. [CelebSlam]
Entourage creator Doug Ellin has a similarly styled show about Wall Street types in the works. Because i-bankers really are like the movie stars of the east coast, just a little more self-centered and detached from reality. [BankersBall]
Not only has Lindsay Lohan heard of Dick Van Dyke, she also doesn’t think he did a very good job with that whole Mary Poppins project. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]
Pay attention, because I will probably never write these words again, but Paris Hilton actually looks really good in French Vogue. [Teddy and Moo]
Lest you think I have any shame, here are pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal’s man loaf. Don’t worry, he’s wearing pants. He just should have also worn underwear. [A Socialite's Life]
Ever want to know more about the music you hear on television and movies? Drake Lelane’s blog covers the soundtrack of your life (because, if you’re like me, television and movies are your life). Check out what you heard on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy. [thus spake drake]
So in the true spirit of The Evil Beet, I have decided every Friday to make fun of a celebrity’s fashion choices. I understand that Rachel Zoe will be to blame for most of these fashion blunders but don’t you girls own a mirror? Do you actually think you look good and people on the internet aren’t going to make fun of you?
To kick this off I have chosen Lindsay Lohan. I know…its a little old to make fun of her fuglyness but seriously it is just too fun. She used to be so cute, albeit a little misguided, but now its like Forever 21 has thrown up all over her. Sad that with all those designer clothes you just can’t seem to “make it work.” (I’m already missing Tim Gunn, but I digress).
Lindsay, ankle boots and knee socks and both a bath idea. Together they are just wrong…so wrong. This is not going to help your Oscar or husband hunting campaign. You kind of look like Elvira and I don’t think that was what you were going for.
Lets try for some winter white or pastels honey. Thanks, Love EvilT