Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Words Escape Me

What’s it been, like four hours without Lohan news? Thankfully our wait is over, we can all breathe easy now that our girl has bruises on her thighs. Wait, back up, let me explain.

Page Six is reporting:

LINDSAY Lohan is suffering for her art – that is, suffering bruises from dancing on a stripper’s pole to prepare for her role as a topless dancer in her new movie, “I Know Who Killed Me.”

Want more? They evidently have an email she sent to her friends where she wrote:

“They’re all whores, they’re all whores (strippers) . . . xcept for some obviously!” Lohan wrote in the note, “So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we’re talkin’ like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.”

The one thing I want to know here is what jerk-off friend turned this email over to page six?

It’s Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, I’ve Got Seven Days

We heard it from some jackass in a meeting.* We heard it from her mother. We heard it from her publicist. Now we’re hearing it from Lindsay Lohan herself:

“I just left an AA meeting,” she told People magazine. “I haven’t had a drink in seven days. Or anything.”

“I’ve been going to AA for a year by the way,” she added. “I’m not even legal to, so why would I? I don’t drink when I go to clubs. [Ed: Yeah, right] I drink with my friends at home, but there’s no need to. I feel better not drinking. It’s more fun. I have Red Bull.”

When asked why she was attending meetings, Lindsay said “I was like, `I don’t want to be written about at these clubs with these people. I work, I act, I have a living. That’s what I do every day. I work every single day.”

I’m actually not going to be snarky about this, because we bitch and moan about what drunken assholes these celebs are all the time, so now that one of them is taking steps to address the underlying issues, I’m not going to bitch and moan about it. Rock on, Linds, and keep coming back.

* For the record, I’ve decided that the “eyewitness” who saw Lohan in an AA meeting in Los Angeles was probably her publicist, trying to rehab her reputation. If Page Six ran a story every time they got a report that an A- or B-list celeb showed up at an AA meeting, they wouldn’t have column space to print anything else. And I don’t think they’re such huge assholes that they’d take it upon themselves to sacrifice her anonymity. The U.S. media is typically pretty responsible about that sort of thing.

Cleaning up the Weekend

After almost days of searching, the paparazzi catch Nicole Richie and Joel Madden together. Take that, Hilary Duff. Now you’re left all alone with your hyper-successful, talent-driven career and your consistently positive media image. They sure showed you. [X17]

Paris. Miami. Stavros. [Hollyscoop]

With Paris Hilton safely on another coast, Lindsay Lohan appears to have put together several days of sobriety. Rock on. [Page Six]

Ellen Pompeo thinks she would look really good if she could just manage to put on five or ten more pounds. I think Ellen Pompeo would look really good with a black eye and a few broken ribs. [A Socialite's Life]

Pics of the Jolie-Pitts, sans Shiloh, in NYC. [Mollygood]

Beyonce’s not the only one pissed that Jennifer Hudson got the role of Effie in Dreamgirls. But at least Fantasia Barrino will cop to it. [Snarky Gossip]

Fashion Victim of the Week

Lindsay, you made it too easy for me this week. I really thought I would go outside the box and find some D list celebrity to make fun of but then I saw this. Nobody should wear a jumpsuit unless they are fixing your toilet. I don’t care if this jumpsuit cost $2,500. Linsday has been looking really bloated these days and wearing a shapeless jumpsuit really doesn’t help to quell the rumors that she is plumping up. I miss Linsday when she had red hair and wore jeans and t-shirts. No matter how hard she tries, she is no fashionista.

Lindsay Lohan: Corrected


From our friends at GoFugYourself….this is too wonderful for words. Someone actually grammatically corrects Lindsay’s incoherent email about Al Gore and Aliens or whatever. I love how she thinks that she is famous enough that politicians will really care that people badmouth her in the press. I hope she knows that all of her “bad publicity” is the only reason why she is famous. It isn’t for her stellar acting chops. Honestly hon, since “Mean Girls” it has just been downhill.

Girl is a nutcase. To see how smart Lindsay is, click here.

SIGN THE LOHANIFESTO

Step up! Be a man! If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

Lindsay Lohan needs you to join her cause. She is definitely against something, and she is definitely willing to fight for it, and she definitely NEEDS AND WANTS YOUR HELP. The exact nature of this cause is inconclusive right now, but who cares? Al Gore and the Clinton Administration have already lent it their full support. Come on board!

SIGN THE LOHANIFESTO!

Pols Won’t Touch LiLo with a 10-Foot Pole

So after reading the drunk-ass email LiLo sent out last night, I was thinking, “Did anyone think to ask Al Gore for comment?”

YES!

I LOVE TMZ!

Genius, genius, genius!

They contacted his rep for comment.

“I can confirm for you that Mr. Gore has only met Ms. Lohan once, very briefly, at the GQ Men of the Year dinner last week. There were hundreds of other guests.”

And just because they rock that much, they contacted Barack Obama’s rep. Obama was not even mentioned in Lohan’s email, but he’ll be running against Hillary Clinton, who was. TMZ asked him if he had any advice as to whether Hillary should help Lindsay out.

“I don’t think we have any comment on that,” said an aide. TMZ continued to press the issue. “We’re going to take a pass,” insisted the aide.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Soooo amazing.