Okay, okay. Uncle. I had no plans to watch or care about Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, which is currently slated to feature boring D-listers Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, Omarosa (from the original season of Apprentice), Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon (I don’t know who half those people are, but haven’t most of them done The Surreal Life already?), but now that Mr. Trump is talking about bringing on Britney, Paris and Lindsay, I’m paying attention.
“We’re negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it?” says Trump. “We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a [bleep]ing mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.”
Hey. I liked Chaotic. Watching stoned people is always funny.
He says that Paris Hilton “wants to be on, and we’re thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it.”
And as for Lindsay? “Another [bleep]ing mess. We haven’t asked her yet, but I’m going to call her this week. It would a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them.” Um … I think Lohan’s upcoming jail stint may conflict with the filming schedule.
Hilton’s new crisis rep, Mike Sitrick, said he hadn’t heard of any deal in progress, which is probably because Donald Trump is making all of this up in order to get us talking about his show, which no one is going to watch because, come on, people, VH1 already has the monopoly on D-list trainwreck voyeurism. But, Donald, you have my word: if you can get Britney Spears on this thing, I will watch it. I will write about. So make it happen, buddy.
August 20, 2007 at 10:41 am by Evil Beet
Oh, Lindsay! Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay!!! Thank GOD you’re back!!! OMG, Lindsay, I am soooo sorry if I’ve taken you for granted in the past. I can’t imagine how underappreciated you must have felt, but OMG, Lindsay, life in the gossip world sucks without you. I know I’ve given you shit in the past for leaving assorted rehabs to go on little errands to the gym or to Robertson or to lunch with friends, I know I acted like those were things you shouldn’t have been doing, but, oh, Lindsay, I was so wrong! Lindsay! We cannot survive without you. Please forgive my past indiscretions. Please, baby, don’t leave us like this again. I can’t take it, baby. Welcome back. I love you.
I feel a palpable sense of relief as the first pictures of Lindsay Lohan at the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah have surfaced. Everything has been so goddamn boring since she left.
Lindsay left the rehab center for a little while yesterday, to take a walk around town and hit up a tanning salon. Lindsay bought a $20 spray-on tan, in addition to several more $16 tans. And normally I’d be, like, “What the fuck do you need a tan for in rehab? Focus on getting better, dumbass,” but I’ve changed, Lindsay baby. I’m not going to be like that anymore. I’m so, so glad you’re out in front of the cameras. I support you in any rehab-leaving you want to do in the future. I need you, Lindsay. I need you like you need me, and let’s not play this hiding-in-rehab game anymore, my love. It’s childish and it’s hurtful and no one wins. You’re always safe in the arms of the cameras and the gossip columnists. It’s where you belong, Lindsay. It’s where you need to be. We all know it. Welcome back, my love. Let’s never be apart again.
August 15, 2007 at 10:10 am by Evil Beet
Well, she finally followed my advice and got the hell out of LA for rehab.
Lindsay Lohan is at the ultra-exclusive, ultra-secure, ultra-hardcore Cirque Lodge in Orem, Utah. According to TMZ, Lindsay’s been cooperative from the start. She lives with two roommates, and spends time during the day doing dishes, cleaning toilets, attending meetings and getting no special treatment.
Also, Lindsay reportedly went to an intense, medical detox facility in L.A. for eight days immediately following her arrest. Then she went off to Cirque.
So who knows? Now that she’s had a legal drink, maybe she’s ready to get healthy.
August 12, 2007 at 8:13 pm by Evil Beet
La Lohan’s former bodyguard of three years decided to speak out to In Touch magazine about Lindsay’s troubled childhood. “From a young age, she dealt with her father’s physical, emotional and drug abuses as well as her mother’s drinking.” He claims that her parents viewed Lindsay as their “cash cow,” and let her get away with anything to keep the money coming in.
When Lindsay was 16, says the bodyguard, her father flew into a rage while driving and “slammed on the brakes and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut. This was on the Long Island Expressway! I got in the middle of it and pulled him off.”
Meanwhile, Dina “let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working . . . [At her 16th birthday party] Lindsay drank whatever she wanted – I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes [without Dina's intervention].”
“Lindsay was the family cash cow – and she resented it,” he says. “They counted on her to pay their bills . . . I saw Lindsay exhausted, begging her mother for some time off.”
When Lindsay was 15, her folks allowed her to share a hotel room with her then-14-year-old boyfriend, Aaron Carter. “They knew Lindsay was sleeping in Aaron’s room. But they seemed happy she had chosen somebody who could benefit her singing career.”
The ex-bodyguard also claims Lindsay cried out for help for years by cutting herself and threatening suicide.
This is all well and good, but Lindsay’s 21 now, and she can make her own decisions. Yeah, it sounds like she didn’t have the best parents ever (we already knew that — when your father goes to jail for assaulting somebody with a shoe, there’s probably some dysfunction there), but lots of people don’t have the best parents ever, and they don’t end up with two DUIs in the span of a couple months. Time to get your act together, Lindsay.
August 9, 2007 at 9:08 am by Evil Beet
The consensus these days seems to be that Lindsay’s at the Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah. It’s a high-end rehab facility popular with celebs and the very rich. It only accommodates 16 patients at a time, so you better believe Lindsay skipped to the top of a long waiting list. According to Radar, the rehab comes complete with its own helicopter, and is nestled in the beautiful Rockies. But Radar also notes that, when it comes to drugs, nearby Park City may not be so different from LA:
While the facility may be in a secluded notch in the Utah mountains, far away from L.A. coke dealers, blow is readily available. Nearby Park City, since the 1970s, has had the reputation as a town that loves its snowâ€”winter and summer varietals. Suffice it to say, if Lohan got the itch, scoring wouldn’t be hard. Or as one town resident puts it: “She could have delivery at her door in less than 30 minutes, like Domino’s.”
We’ll see if the third time’s the charm for Miss Lohan.
August 7, 2007 at 1:48 pm by Evil Beet
It’s an age-old question, one that I’m sure has been posed countless times by her frustrated managers, lawyers, PR reps, directors, co-stars and hangers-on. Usually we can answer it by calling any one of the paparazzi agencies in the LA area. “She’s at home,” they’ll say, “we’re out front. Don’t expect her to be awake any time soon.” But these days the question is a little tougher to answer, since she’s been totally off the radar ever since her most recent DUI.
The New York Post is reporting Lindsay is at her mother’s home in Long Island, where she flew on Friday. “She’s doing well,” her mother told the paper.
Meanwhile, the folks at Entertainment Tonight say she’s hanging out at The Cirque Lodge, a popular celeb rehab destination in Sundance, Utah (that’s where Mary-Kate Olsen went to have her “anorexia” treated).
Either way, it appears she’s out of LA, which is probably a really good decision for Lindsay.