Wow, that was way more cryptic than I meant it to be. Really, all I meant was “say goodbye to the Lohans because they’re all dropping the Lohan family name due to the fact that Michael Lohan is a horrible human being and no one, not even his family, wants to be associated with him anymore,” but that wasn’t nearly as pithy.
But anyway, remember when Michael Jr. changed his last name to Cameron? He apparently inspired his mother and sisters to leave the Lohan name behind as well. Dina and little Ali are going with Dina’s maiden name of Sullivan, but Lindsay’s going to do something a little different. Are you ready for it? Here’s our favorite girl’s new name:
That’s it. Just Lindsay. She doesn’t need a last name because the only people who call her by her full name anymore are judges and prosecutors, and she’s enough of a sweetheart to make arraignments a little more simple. Well, I’m sure that’s a reason, but here’s the reason that a “family friend” gave:
“So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list.”
That’s ingenious. I know that when I think of “the greatest people in showbiz,” Lindsay’s at the top of the list. I think it also works because of the rarity of her name – just like Oprah and Beyonce, not too many people name their kids Lindsay. Another great call by the clan formerly known as the Lohans.
I know, it’s disappointing, isn’t it? She was so close to making the right decision by taking the deal in her latest courtroom drama and serving a few months in jail, which would probably mean 19 days due to overcrowding, which would then mean that by summer at the very very latest, she could be back on the streets, doin’ it up the only way she knows how. But no:
“Ms. Lohan has maintained her innocence from the moment this case was filed and she has never wavered,” her attorney, Shawn Holley, said in a statement to E! News. “Though many advised her to follow the safe route by taking ‘the deal’, the truth is, Ms. Lohan is innocent; she has a strong defense; and we are confident that a jury will listen to the evidence fairly and acquit her.”
The preliminary hearing is on April 22nd, so mark your calendars for the 2011 Lindsay Lohan Court Extravaganza accordingly!
Sources close to Lindsay Lohan say the actress is finally realizing that leaving her fate in the hands of a jury may not be the best idea, and is considering the three-month plea deal she was offered, knowing that she would probably only serve 19 days of that sentence.
When originally offered the plea deal, Lindsay turned up her nose at it saying that she wasn’t going to cop to anything she didn’t do and would go to trial if she had to. Of course you can only imagine what kind of sentence Lindsay would get if her case was turned over to 12 random California residents.
My advice? Take the deal, Lindsay. 19 more days in jail is nothing compared to the drawn out drama of a trail. You can spend those 19 days reading scripts and picking a project to work on when you’re out of there. If you’re subjected to what could be a trial that takes weeks or months or years, you’ll be dragging around this drama with you for another half of a decade. Move on from this and in the future, don’t take any more free gifts. Earn everything yourself like a normal human being, it’ll be good for ya.