Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan: Definitely Sober, For Sure Not A Hot Mess

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

This is the second day in a row that Lindsay’s been photographed looking beyond trashed.  Girlfriend’s trial is going to go so good.

But for real, these are pictures of Lindsay outside a bar in New York last night.  And I don’t want to pass that much judgement because I’m tired of it, I just want to point out that we’ve all either been or seen That Girl hang out on the dirty ass sidewalk, taking a break because walking is just too hard. We’ve all been in the position where no matter how hard we try, standing up simply isn’t in the cards.  So Lindsay can claim sobriety all she wants, but when you have your face on the ground outside of a bar, that only says one thing, and in her case, that one thing is “probation violation.”

Sam Ronson Was Caught Hooking Up With a Chick That’s Not Lindsay

photo of samantha ronson kissing a new girl pictures

But I still can’t see why hanging out on the sidewalk, rolling around like you’re on a feather bed at a Los Angeles hotel is now the cool thing to do, according to record-spinning hipster DJs.

Samantha Ronson, who had supposedly reconciled with Lindsay Lohan over the past few months, was spotted making out with a much-hotter-than-Lindsay girl, whom she had spent hours of time with on a sidewalk in LA (I know, I still can’t get past the sidewalk thing – my knees are sore just thinking about it). The new friends were then photographed getting passionate in Sam’s car later the same day.

The girl is Tiffany Russo, a yoga instructor, and Lindsay not only claims to be ‘friends’ with the girl, but also left Sam’s house late Monday night with a teddy bear that says ‘I love you.’ (To Sam’s credit, Lindsay probably bought the damned stupid bear herself, because not only could I NOT see Ronson being apologetic for making out with a hot chick, I could ALSO not see her walking into CVS and buying that sappy-assed shit.)

Maybe this is one of the (myriad) reasons behind Lindsay’s current downward spiral. I mean, wouldn’t you be devastated as fuck too, if your lover chose to suck face with someone who DIDN’T look like a walking bag of infectious smashed ass?

I Have No Doubts That Lindsay is Still Totally Sober

new pictures of lindsay lohan strung out on drugs wasted photos

I mean, especially after seeing these photos. There’s no possible way that she COULDN’T be sober, looking like that. You just know that someone who’s gotten so many chances at freedom and starting their life over and over and over again would NEVER touch ANY remotely destructive stuff with a ten-foot pole, because disappointing yourself over and over and over again is just, like, not an option when it comes to being rehabilitated. Not to mention, some people’s pupils are just NATURALLY practically fucking non-existent.

Hah. Who are we kidding. Lindsay’s face is about to fall off from so much cocaine and all I can do is be mirthless about it. Ready? This is me, right here – being mirthless.

Grow the fuck up, Lindsay. Seriously.