Lindsay Lohan has to realize at some point that every time a penis goes into her vagina, it comes out a million dollars richer. Once your penis is in Lindsay Lohan, it’s like a golden penis. It is a penis worth its weight in gold. That penis orgasms gold dust. That is a gilded urethra. Lindsay Lohan’s vagital cavity is essentially a gold mine. I could go on. I have more.
But I’ll leave some for the other bloggers.
Just weeks after Riley Giles sold his story to News of the World, some dude Linds banged in Italy is selling her out, too.
“Lindsay was very, very good and surprisingly experienced. She wanted to do everything, every position. She was extremely flexible and adventurous … I was hurt and sad when I found out about the other guys. I think that’s the way things are with Lindsay. But she was very sweet and loving in bed. It was a good sex match.”
After meeting on a “hydrofoil” (What the hell is a hydrofoil? It sounds like something my hairdresser says I should try.), he says “I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I could come to the dinner afterwards. I was proud to accompany herâ€”then she invited me to a couple of clubs with her two friends. Despite her recent troubles she was downing alcoholâ€”vodka cranberry and vodka soda. All of a sudden, she pressed up close, looked me in the eyes and asked if she could kiss me. It was a strange role-reversal and it took me aback. But I came to my senses and kissed her. We did nothing but kiss in the club after that. She didn’t care who was watching. I never imagined in my wildest dreams we would end up in bed. We spent a long time talking, lying side by side on top of her bed. She told me about her problems with drugs and alcohol. She said she was trying to get over them and that she’d spent time in a rehab clinic but didn’t want to talk too much about that. She kept telling me she liked me because I was “a good boy”â€”I don’t smoke or take drugs. She said she was falling for me, she liked me. I liked her too. The thing that struck me most about her was her intelligenceâ€”I found her very lucid and bright … She adored kissing and never wanted to stopâ€”no matter what we were doing. We had safe sex, and afterwards she cuddled up to me and we went to sleep.”
At least she’s having safe sex! Now if only Lindsay could learn to keep NDAs on her bedstand with the condoms.
January 5, 2008 at 11:27 pm by Evil Beet
Leggings Lohan arrived at LAX at 2:30 am last night, after her flight was delayed on the runway due to bad weather conditions.
She better get her ass to an AA meeting today
Update: Lindsay’s dad met her at the airport. Hopefully his crazy, sober ass can be of some help here.
Image via WENN
January 5, 2008 at 12:12 pm by Evil Beet
Whatever she’s drinking, Lindsay Lohan seems as cool and centered as the freakin’ Dalai Lama compared to Britney’s recent antics.
In her first public appearance since she relapsed on New Years Eve, Lindsay was spotted shopping on the streets of Rome and drinking what may or may not be vodka (probably just water).
More Britney, please!
January 4, 2008 at 9:34 am by Evil Beet
It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for for ever so long … Lindsay Lohan is drinking again!
Her lawyer confirmed it:
“The good news was that Lindsay stopped herself that night, called her sponsor, and got herself immediately back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her ‘one day at a time’ with the entire world.”
So why am I not happy? I should be breaking out the champagne right now to celebrate this joyous occasion.
I guess a part of me was rooting for her crazy ass to stay sober and get healthy.
Lindsay, we have Britney now. We have Jamie-Lynn. We have Vanessa Hudgens. We’re okay. Take care of yourself, girl.
January 3, 2008 at 1:17 pm by Evil Beet
We’ve got some footage today of La Lohan on New Year’s Eve — which she spent in Capri — sipping on what appears to be a bottle of champagne.
I guess it could be Martinellis?
Oh, who am I kidding?
The publicist for the Capri Film Festival denies that Linds was misbehaving: “It is purely and unadulteratedly untrue that that young girl misbehaved inappropriately in any event associated with Capri Hollywood. She was a consummate professional … and couldn’t have been more of a pleasure to have there. There were bottles of waters, there were bottles of non-alcoholic beverages, but I was on that dance floor with her, so I can only tell you what my eyes saw.”
January 3, 2008 at 12:05 pm by Evil Beet
Lindsay Lohan accepts an award at the Capri Film Festival.