Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Rob Schneider as Lindsay Lohan on Jay Leno Last Night

I think Rob was originally scheduled to do the show to promote his film, We Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. But when Lindsay Lohan ditched her spot on the show in exchange for a jail cell, everyone decided it would be much better for ratings if he showed up dressed in drag and pretended to be Lindsay. The end result was pretty funny.

I stuck Jay’s opening monologue (the part that deals with Lindsay) at the end of the clip, for anyone interested.

More Lindsay Updates

1) We had the wrong assistant — it wasn’t Jenni Muro, it was Lindsay’s other assistant who she was chasing in her car. We still don’t have a name for this girl.

2) Lindsay faces up to six years in jail for this morning’s antics.

3) Lindsay will not appear on Jay Leno tonight. Instead, Rob Schneider will appear — in drag, pretending to be Lindsey. Cute.

Looks Like Lindsay’s Going to Betty Ford in Palm Springs

Lindsay Lohan Checking into Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs, California

Word on the street is that helicopters and photogs have descended on the Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs — this is probably the latest stop on Lindsay’s disastrous Tour of Addiction.

Her earlier facility, Promises, is refusing to comment on the current situation.

A friend of mine was actually fired from Promises after talking to reporters during Britney’s stay there — and she didn’t even talk about Britney! They called with some questions about the regime there, and she answered those questions, and she was fired for that! So it’s no surprise to me that everyone there is staying tight-lipped about this.

Lindsay Lohan’s Personal Assistant Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Jenni Muro, Lindsay’s Assistant, Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, quit her job with Lindsay just hours before the starlet was arrested for DUI.

She called her mom to come pick her up (probably in Venice), and that’s the car Lindsay was chasing (in Santa Monica) when she was arrested.

Lindsay mentioned Jenni in one of her drunken emails late last year, stating that “[a]nyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask.” (Remember that email? In the happy days, back when she was just batshit crazy and not constantly incarcerated?)

So here’s my question: was this assistant’s decision to quit related to Lindsay’s relapse? Something tells me yes.

Lohan’s Lawyer Issues a Statement

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“Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care.”

Lindsay!!!

Please please please get better.