Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

“The Canyons” Bombs At The Box Office Like Whoa

lindsay lohan the canyons film still

Lindsay Lohan‘s latest cinematic dud is The Canyons. While it’s getting a lot of hype, it’s not getting a lot of audience. Its debut at New York City’s IFC Center raked in a sad $15,200. BUT one also needs to consider that at the same time, the film was available to rent on iTunes. Apparently it’s doing much better on that, but no numbers have been released. It’s also available to watch on demand on the incredibly evil Time Warner, and other cable providers.

It’s still pretty low numbers, especially considering how much people have been talking about it. But as always, it’s all about denial, denial, denial. Sundance Selects/IFC Films president Jonathan Sehring said, “[W]e believe that the film will do most of its business in the digital realm” (LA Times.) Right. Let’s hope it makes at least its budget, which was only $160,000.

Variety gave the film and Lohan a positive review, though I don’t know why they felt the need to call out Lohan’s “puffy face.”

Lindsay Lohan Can’t Even LOOK At Alcohol

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Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been out of rehab for even a week but she’s already booked and shot a gig on Chelsea Lately and has everyone talking about her latest film. Apparently she is very focused on her career and is taking her recovery seriously. She won’t even look at alcohol. Here’s what TMZ is saying:

Lindsay vows to stay clear of the hard stuff and not just in her home.  We’re told she will make demands that hotel rooms, dressing rooms … even mama Dina‘s home is alcohol free when she’s present.  Good luck on that third one. [LOL and :( because it's so true.]

Fact is … so far so good.  Lindsay checked in to the Bev Hills Hotel this week and ordered the staff to remove alcohol from her room prior to her arrival.

Lindsay says she’ll travel with a sober coach for at least the next week, to make sure she doesn’t succumb to temptation.  Ditto when she guest hosted “Chelsea Lately” … she insisted her dressing room be stocked ONLY with non-alcoholic drinks.

This sounds like me after I have a crazy night. I can’t even look at booze without feeling ill. Let me tell you something, no more sangria for this girl. What’s YOUR “nope, never again” alcohol?

Oh and congrats to Lohan.

Lohan Is Out Of Rehab!

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Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab, so let the games begin, I guess. But not for Lohan, she’s gotta get to work. The rest of us can catch her movie and sit on the sidelines and question her fashion choices, because Jesus, what is up with this socks and ankle boots combo? From the knees up her outfit says Woodstock and from the knees down it says Mrs. Doubtfire. But congratulations, Lindsay, for completing your court-ordered rehab. From here she is on her way to something called a sober coach to spend “three or four days in a lower level sober living facility” (TMZ via Daily Mail.) I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds like a good idea. As of now, it seems like Lohan is sticking with her plan of moving home or staying in NYC, neither of which are very good options. Best of luck to you, Mrs. Lohan. Jesus loves you more than you will know. Or at least kinda likes you.


Lindsay Lohan Got A Job!

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Going to rehab was the best career move Lindsay Lohan could make, even if it was court ordered and not her choice. Since she’s been in rehab she’s landed more gigs than when she was actively seeking work. Oprah is giving her $2 million for a reality show and an interview. And now, Lohan is set to guest host Chelsea Handler‘s Chelsea Lately. From Deadline:

E! Entertainment announced today that Lohan will take over as guest host for Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately on August 5. No word on who will be joining Lohan on the late -comedy talk show’s roundtable or who she’ll be interviewing, but E! claims it will be an “all-star event.”

I’m sure Lohan will make time to promote her film during her hosting gig. And by “all-star event” I’m guessing they mean James Deen and maybe Charlie Sheen. She gets out of rehab tomorrow (my, how time flies!) so hopefully they’ll figure it out by then.

Who keeps giving her chances? How is this happening? Do you think she deserves these opportunities?

Behold: The Only Positive Review For Lindsay Lohan’s New Movie

lindsay lohan the canyons

Lindsay Lohan‘s newest beautiful disaster of a film, The Canyons, is finally out. It is not getting good reviews, so far. And let’s be real, the slew of bad reviews will likely continue. But there is one positive review for…sort of. It’s from Variety. Film critic Scott Foundas compliments director Paul Schrader. As for Lohan, he described her performance as,

like Marlon Brando’s in “Last Tango in Paris,” [it] comes across as some uncanny conflagration of drama and autobiography. Lohan may not go as deep or as far as Brando, but with her puffy skin, gaudy hoop earrings and thick eye makeup, there’s a little-girl-lost quality to the onetime Disney teen princess that’s very affecting. Whenever she’s onscreen, she projects a sense of just barely holding on to that precarious slide area in the shadow of the Hollywood sign.

I guess there’s a good word in there? Lohan and her puffy face praised the review on twitter, tweeting from rehab,

“Wow…humbled and feeling so much gratitude …” – #teamlohan

Alright, “Team Lohan.” Don’t stop believing.

lindsay lohan the canyons

Let’s Pray This One Isn’t True: Lindsay Lohan Looking For Sperm Donors

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Lindsay Lohan just got a pretty sweet $2 million dollar deal from Oprah so maybe she’s riding high on that and isn’t thinking clearly, because she’s (allegedly) looking for sperm donors because she wants a baby — like, now. Apparently she thinks having a baby will force her to turn her life around. NEVER HAVE CHILDREN FOR THIS REASON. BABIES SHOULD NOT BE BORN INTO THE WORLD WITH JOBS TO DO. YOU GOTTA FIGURE YOUR OWN SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU HAVE KIDS. THEY DON’T NEED YOUR SHIT.

From National Enquirer:

“Lindsay’s approached several male friends and asked them to be sperm donors,” said My Lohan Spy.

“She thinks having a baby will keep her on the straight and narrow! She has it in her head that she’s totally clean, and wants a baby because she feels it’s the one thing that would keep her grounded. She’s talked about having a baby before, which we all thought was ridiculous, and we still can’t believe she’s thinking about it now – but she’s actively trying to recruit sperm-daddies!

“One guy Lindsay contacted told her, ‘You’re joking, right?’ When she told him she wasn’t, he turned her down flat, saying, ‘You’re still in rehab! Why don’t you wait and see if you can take care of yourself before you think about bringing a kid into the world.’”

A+ response from that guy. Who wants to bet it was one of her former assistants or James Deen? Who else would it be, she doesn’t really have any friends anymore. Oh God, or Charlie Sheen.

Oprah Thinks Lindsay Lohan Is Worth $2 Million

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Oprah and her boring/guilty pleasure network, OWN, signed Lindsay Lohan for her own reality show (or “docuseries” to use their word) and an exclusive interview to air in 2014. According to The Daily News, Lohan didn’t exactly jump at the chance to work with Oprah — unless the money was good. Negotiations took “4 months” and ended with, “A deal that may have netted the “Mean Girls” actress $2 million.” Oh come on, now. COME ON.

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For $1,495,000 you can buy this lovely 3 bedroom home in Beverly Hills(ish). And with the money left over, you can buy a 2013 R8 Spyder Audi convertible. Throw Gaby Hoffmann some of that cash!

Be honest: are you going to watch? Love that one of our readers pointed out that 2014 is a long time from now in Lindsay time, so who knows what could happen by then. She might wind up in jail.

Oh and who wants to bet that Dina Lohan went on Dr. Phil for $300 and a bottle of Smirnoff?