Clubgoers at Las Vegas nightclub Enclave reported that a plastered Brooke Hogan showed up last night in what one guy described as “an utter state of hot drunkenness,” which is also now my knew favorite way to describe that phase of consciousness. At about two in the morning she hopped up on stage and stumbled all over herself to give an impromptu performance that included slurred lyrics and terrible, clumsy dancing, which is actually no different from any other Brooke Hogan performance.
So, she embarrassed herself– again, how is that any different from a normal Brooke Hogan musical performance– but she’s 21, so there wasn’t anything illegal about it. I just hope for the sake of her daddy that she’s not going to start down the Lohan expressway to nowhere. Judging from the premature aging in the picture above (Brooke is on the right) she’s been putting some things in her system on a regular basis that aren’t good for her.
That whole family should probably go to rehab together. Last week on the Joy Behar show, The Hulk talked about popping a few Xanax, staring at a bottle of booze with a gun in his hand, and contemplating suicide after his wife filed for divorce. He also commented that he could “understand” where O.J. Simpson was “coming from” and thought about “turning everything into a crime scene” and “slitting everybody’s throats.”
“I had a talk with her and I said, “I think everyone in America knows why I won’t accept Charlie.” But what people don’t know is that he’s a bad influence on her. She’s not staying as healthy as she should be. He’s 19, he can party his ass off. She’s 48. I said, “Mom, if you want to have a relationship with me you have to dump Charlie.” It’s not because of his age. If he were 5 years old and a good influence on her then that would better. But I’m just not happy with the situation because of their poor judgment — with what they do … I know there are things that could damage her health and make her get old really quick. I don’t want to see that happen. I’m trying to stick to the tough love thing. I’m just staying away until she wakes up. In order for me to keep my sanity, I have to love her from afar. We are totally different women. I’m straightlaced, don’t do drugs, stick to my regimen. It’s different there.”
I have a Hulk Hogan story. You won’t be impressed. He once bumped into my mother at O’Hare airport while he was eating a chili dog. The end.
A more impressive story? According to a new Rolling Stone article, Hulk Hogan totally relates to spousicide. It all started when Hulk’s wife Linda started doing “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior.” The demise of his marriage gave Hogan a whole new level of sympathy for O.J.: “I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody’s throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife … I totally understand OJ. I get it.”
I’ve been through a divorce and a few ugly break-ups but I’ve never wanted to open somebody’s neck over it. As a matter of fact, with the exception of Mischa Barton, I’ve never wanted anyone dead. And I don’t really even want Mischa dead…maimed or retired perhaps, but not dead.
Anyway, note to LAPD: If Linda Hogan ends up in a pool of blood and there is chili dog residue at the scene, you know who to call.