Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Levi Johnston

Levi Johnston and His New Wife or Whatever Threw Down on New Year’s Eve

photo of sunny and levi johnston pictures
From Radar Online:

Bristol Palin’s baby daddy, 22, and Sunny Oglesby, 20, reportedly came to blows after she downed some drinks and started physically attacking him.

“Sunny went completely insane … She had two martinis and then she just snapped, ranting and raving about Levi not thinking she was pretty enough. … She started biting, kicking and slapping him. Then she grabbed a knife and tried to stab him! Thank God Sunny’s mother and brother pulled it away from her as Levi ran off in terror. Finally, Levi’s father Keith was able to restrain her, but what Sunny really needed was a strait-jacket.”

Oh well isn’t this a nice, classy, down-home get together. Because yes, it is.

Let’s break it down for a second—the above photo, the one of Sunny and Levi. That one. It comes from Levi Johnston’s Facebook fan page (I know, OK? I know), and there are also other photos in various albums depicting what the Johnston/Oglesby home life is like, and let it be said that it includes a lot of guns. And a small child. And a small child around a lot of guns. I didn’t post those photos for obvious reasons, but the albums are public, so if you have a Facebook, you can check them out here.

In short? Even though the story’s original source was the National Enquirer, I believe it. In fact? I believe more and more of what the Enquirer‘s been publishing as the days go by. Unbelievable.

Levi Johnston Got Married, Too!

A photo of Levi Johnston

This is a disgrace, you guys, and for the record, I’m really disappointed in all of us. Yeah, a lot of things have happened this week already. And yeah, we’ve been focusing on other weddings for the past little bit. But in all the hubbub, we’ve neglected to congratulate Levi Johnston, baby daddy of Bristol Palin and member of the elite Douchebags of Alaska club, on his very own wedding.

Here’s a photo from the event, which took place on Sunday:

A photo of Levi Johnston

That’s Levi, his new wife, bless her heart, and their daughter, little Breeze Beretta. Levi’s other kid, Tripp Palin, wasn’t in attendance because even though Levi wanted him to be the ring bearer, Bristol was a big ol’ party pooper and refused to let Levi have custody for the weekend.

Oh, and just in case you couldn’t tell by the picture, Levi was wearing a camouflage vest and bow tie. You know, natch.

Levi Johnston Hates That His Kid is a Homophobe

photo of bristol palin tripp and levi johnston pictures
According to sources at TMZ, Levi’s gotten wind of just how bad a parent his ex-fiancee Bristol Palin is, and he’s hopping mad. But how mad is he? Well, he’s mad enough to drop posing in man-panties and impregnating other women and naming his offspring after a gun for five whole minutes, and he’s allegedly filing for primary custody of his and Bristol’s only son, Tripp.

If the case goes to family services, God only knows what kind of field day they’ll end up having. Bristol herself has admitted (ON REALITY TELEVISION) that she’s doing a horrible job parenting her son, and the idea of a child being raised via a reality TV series probably throws up all sorts of red flags as it were. In either case, things don’t look so good.

My opinion, however, is that neither of these idiots could parent a child to save their lives (let alone run their own lives as responsible “adults”), and that neither of these idiots should have the ability to procreate any more. What you’ve got here is two overgrown children who both figuratively and literally—respectively—live in their parents’ basements and who are playing tug-of-war over the only thing that’s really going to continue giving them any fame: the poor, exploited child who’s nothing more than a parrot for hateful speech and actions. Way to go, guys. You win at life.

But who knows. I’m not going to even say that Levi has the kid’s best interests at heart here, because honestly, this could all just be another elaborate plan hatched by Levi in order to get people talking about him once again. Maybe he doesn’t even care that his son says “faggot” or whatever and curse like a sailor. It’s probably that, you know?

God. These people kill me.