5LeAnn Rimes is Skin and Bones

I want to know in what world LeAnn Rimes thinks she looks good. Moreover, I want to know in what world Eddie “I like ‘em lookin’ like a hypodermic needle” Cibrian can actually bone LeAnn without breaking her. Because girlfriend, frankly, is bordering horrifying-skinny. She was cute, athletic, toned, and sexy, and quickly moved to svelte, passed by slender, chilled out at waif-like for a minute, and is now taking up permanent residence at the L’Hôtel de EMACIATED.

Eat a goddamned sandwich, LeAnn, or better yet, a whole fucking Subway franchise. Then? Let’s work on your stage presence, OK girl?

June 6, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah

11Quotables: LeAnn Rimes Defends Her Body

“Those are called abs, not bones, love.  Thanks, but this is my body and I can promise you I’m a healthy girl.  Thanks for your concern, but no need to be.”

This was LeAnn Rimes’ response on Twitter after she posted the bikini pic above and some of her fans pointed out that she looks like she’s dying.  Now don’t we all just feel stupid?! She’s not bony, ok, she looks great and she’s the picture of health and how dare you imply otherwise.  In fact, we could all learn a few things from LeAnn.  So the next time you get on your high horse and think you can discern the difference between muscle and emaciation on a human body, you just check yourself before making such hurtful and stupid comments, ok?

May 31, 2011 at 9:30 am by Emily

3Oh Crap, LeAnn Rimes’ Arms Fell Off

No, they really didn’t, but until I put my glasses on this morning to get a closer look, it looked like girlfriend’s arms went on hiatus. THEY’RE SO SMALL. They sort of remind me of a little bird that fell out of my maple tree the other day. He fell a long way (he died soon thereafter) and his tiny spindly feet sort of looked like LeAnn Rimes’ arms.

And speaking of LeAnn, she’s actually doing a concert ten minutes down the road from me next month. It’s at a place called the Freeman Stage at Bayside. It’s a really, really small venue, guys. And at first, I heard the tickets were free, and I kind of laughed. But then I heard my ‘free ticket’ information was wrong, and that the tickets ACTUALLY range from 40 to 75 bucks a pop. Then I laughed even harder. I considered trying to get in (for free, of course) and trying to see if I could get close enough to talk to her and I realized, duh, of course I could. She’s going to attract a crowd of about a hundred people maybe. MAYBE. I just don’t feel like listening to her bellyaching about how hard it’s been to be the other woman and how amazing it is to be so emaciated svelte. I also wouldn’t be able to stand sitting through two hours of music knowing that Eddie Cibrian‘s pinched face was lurking somewhere backstage, perched on a darkened corner on a stool while sexting some random blonde he met earlier in the week.

Too much drama for me, guys.

May 18, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah

3LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian Gave Some Touching Toasts at Their Wedding

I just love weddings, have I mentioned that?  It probably has to do with me being the most ridiculously romantic person I’ve ever met, but there’s just something about a couple of lovebirds declaring their devotion that just gets me, you know? And when a couple gets married even though everyone in the world knows it’s a hot mess with no real chance of working? That’s just a bonus.

With those things in mind, it should be obvious why I was so excited about LeAnn and Eddie‘s wedding.  And despite the magnitude of my initial excitement, I’m even more excited to see the details of the wedding pour in this coming week. Here’s a little taste from Us Magazine – it’s the couple’s toasts and it’s delightful:

At 11:11 p.m., Cibrian made a toast. “Someone loves the fucking microphone and that’s me! We’ve both had much larger weddings before, about 100-150 people both, but we just wanted our closest of friends and family here with us tonight. The next one will be ever smaller though,” he joked. “We’ll just keep parring it down!” The crowd laughed had cheered, and Cibrian finished his toast, saying, “Seriously, you guys are here because you guys mean a lot to us.”

Rimes echoed Cibrian’s sentiments and told her guests, “I love you all.” She added: “Now let’s have some cake, bitches!”

I love drunk ass Eddie’s opening line – “somebody loves the fucking microphone!” – because it reminds me of all my frat boy friends that I love so dearly.  It makes me feel like any minute someone will come through the door with a case of Natty Light and a couple of Mad Dogs and ask me if I want to smoke, and I do so love that nostalgia.  I also love how Eddie sarcastically but probably accurately hints at future weddings. Finally, I love LeAnn’s declaration of “let’s have some cake, bitches,” because you know that poor girl hasn’t had cake in decades.

April 24, 2011 at 11:00 am by Emily

0LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian Got Married, Are Tricky Tricksters

Oh, these crazy kids! Just a couple of weeks ago, Sarah claimed that there’s some trouble in paradise for Eddie and LeAnn, and even though I seriously doubt that Sarah’s wrong, these two went and got married anyway.

Here are some of the details:

Country star Rimes, 28, wore a Reem Acra gown as she and actor Cibrian, 37, exchanged personalized vows on Friday in front of about 40 guests, including Cibrian’s sons Mason, 7, and Jake, 4, from his previous marriage.

The couple had led friends and family to believe that they’d been invited to an engagement party, but surprised the guests by tying the knot at the intimate ceremony held at a private home in California.

A surprise wedding, can you believe it?!  I couldn’t – I’d be so pissed if I were one of LeAnn’s 40 guests.  I’d be like “girl, you’ve been making me watch you wither away for your creeper of a boyfriend, and now you’re telling me that there’s not even going to be a bachelorette party?!”  And then I’d storm out and seriously question why I was ever friends with LeAnn Rimes.

April 23, 2011 at 9:00 am by Emily

1LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are Headed for Trouble I Think

So for quite awhile now, I’ve been saying that there’s some underlying issues going on between Eddie and LeAnn, and I think these pictures of the couple leaving Texas after the basketball game are further proof that there’s some major drama going down in their private lives.

Between LeAnn Tweeting relationship advice quips, and the dramatic weight loss that everyone around her is ignoring, I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that girlfriend is forcing her happy faces and trying to look relationship-successful in the public eye.  Neither of these two people look particularly happy, and I think maybe they’ve bitten off more than they could chew (well, except for LeAnn – she doesn’t look like she’s been chewing much of anything at all).

How long ’til you think this whole thing just implodes?

April 6, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah