I just love weddings, have I mentioned that? It probably has to do with me being the most ridiculously romantic person I’ve ever met, but there’s just something about a couple of lovebirds declaring their devotion that just gets me, you know? And when a couple gets married even though everyone in the world knows it’s a hot mess with no real chance of working? That’s just a bonus.
With those things in mind, it should be obvious why I was so excited about LeAnn and Eddie‘s wedding. And despite the magnitude of my initial excitement, I’m even more excited to see the details of the wedding pour in this coming week. Here’s a little taste from Us Magazine – it’s the couple’s toasts and it’s delightful:
At 11:11 p.m., Cibrian made a toast. “Someone loves the fucking microphone and that’s me! We’ve both had much larger weddings before, about 100-150 people both, but we just wanted our closest of friends and family here with us tonight. The next one will be ever smaller though,” he joked. “We’ll just keep parring it down!” The crowd laughed had cheered, and Cibrian finished his toast, saying, “Seriously, you guys are here because you guys mean a lot to us.”
Rimes echoed Cibrian’s sentiments and told her guests, “I love you all.” She added: “Now let’s have some cake, bitches!”
I love drunk ass Eddie’s opening line – “somebody loves the fucking microphone!” – because it reminds me of all my frat boy friends that I love so dearly. It makes me feel like any minute someone will come through the door with a case of Natty Light and a couple of Mad Dogs and ask me if I want to smoke, and I do so love that nostalgia. I also love how Eddie sarcastically but probably accurately hints at future weddings. Finally, I love LeAnn’s declaration of “let’s have some cake, bitches,” because you know that poor girl hasn’t had cake in decades.
Oh, these crazy kids! Just a couple of weeks ago, Sarah claimed that there’s some trouble in paradise for Eddie and LeAnn, and even though I seriously doubt that Sarah’s wrong, these two went and got married anyway.
Here are some of the details:
Country star Rimes, 28, wore a Reem Acra gown as she and actor Cibrian, 37, exchanged personalized vows on Friday in front of about 40 guests, including Cibrian’s sons Mason, 7, and Jake, 4, from his previous marriage.
The couple had led friends and family to believe that they’d been invited to an engagement party, but surprised the guests by tying the knot at the intimate ceremony held at a private home in California.
A surprise wedding, can you believe it?! I couldn’t – I’d be so pissed if I were one of LeAnn’s 40 guests. I’d be like “girl, you’ve been making me watch you wither away for your creeper of a boyfriend, and now you’re telling me that there’s not even going to be a bachelorette party?!” And then I’d storm out and seriously question why I was ever friends with LeAnn Rimes.
So for quite awhile now, I’ve been saying that there’s some underlying issues going on between Eddie and LeAnn, and I think these pictures of the couple leaving Texas after the basketball game are further proof that there’s some major drama going down in their private lives.
Between LeAnn Tweeting relationship advice quips, and the dramatic weight loss that everyone around her is ignoring, I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that girlfriend is forcing her happy faces and trying to look relationship-successful in the public eye. Neither of these two people look particularly happy, and I think maybe they’ve bitten off more than they could chew (well, except for LeAnn – she doesn’t look like she’s been chewing much of anything at all).
How long ’til you think this whole thing just implodes?
So LeAnn Rimes sang the National Anthem at last night’s NCAA game in Houston, Texas, and her wardrobe choice (OK, OK – and her legs, too) did nothing to quash the rumors that she’s continuing her drastic weight-loss tour of 2011.
LeAnn’s been looking wicked thin as of late, and there are a few ideas going around as to why: 1) Boyfriend Eddie Cibrian supposedly likes ‘em scary-skinny, 2) LeAnn’s trying to look her ‘best’ for the couple’s upcoming wedding, or 3) LeAnn’s stressed out and worried that Eddie’s going to cheat on her ass, too.
First of all? LeAnn’s a beautiful woman on her own, and it totally burns me to consider the reality that two of those three options could very well be valid. Any woman – or man – who’d endanger their own health for the visual appreciation or approval of another person has got some definitive issues, and I mean that in a ‘wow I’m sad for her’ way. A lot of people thought that this relationship was doomed from the start, because it forged on an emotional high, and I have a feeling if either of these are the case, that LeAnn’s going to be the one to come crashing down. A lot of people would say, ‘You play with fire, you get burned,’ but I feel all broken up for girlfriend here. I think she’s going to have a rough time in store for her if the Cibrian douche is anything like people say he is, and no one’s going to convince me otherwise.
Do any of you follow LeAnn Rimes on Twitter? I do. Ever since she started blasting her current-boyfriend’s ex-wife and vice versa, I found it to be some pretty good entertainment for rainy days and days where I have no desire to get out of bed. That’s when I started following her, and I’ve found some pretty great gems of wisdom buried within all of the ‘I love Eddie Cibrian 4-ever’ and ‘Mrs. Eddie Cibrian (AKA the normal one)’ and ‘Eddie-Weddie + LeAnn = Tru Luv.’ Last night, LeAnn put up quite a doozy, and I thought it was totally shareable:
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
OK, first of all. ‘When that rarely happens.’ Anyone who claims that they ‘rarely’ argue is trying to cover up the fact that THEY ARGUE LOTS. Seriously. I’m not saying that anyone who says that is lying, because there are couples who rarely argue, but anyone who FEELS the need to announce that publicly has got some serious self-esteem issues and you KNOW this bitch just needs constant reassurance about her relationship with Squint ‘n Grin Ed.
Second? I don’t know if any of you guys are, or have been in, long-term relationships, but pulling the nudity card to get out of trouble, or distract your significant other from the reality of the situation just generally doesn’t WORK after the first year or so. I don’t care how hot your body is – if you failed to unload the dishwasher after dinner because you wanted to play online Jenga or whatever, no amount of nudity is going to distract me from BEING ANGRY. Or, you know, whatever.
Sorry, LeAnn, I generally think you’re alright, if not a bit flighty, self-centered, and naive, but come on. Let’s get with the program here and realize that if you keep exposing your teeny-tiny body to Eddie for every little thing, there’s a good chance that you’re going to come home one day to find him shacked up – in your bed – with another emaciated blonde woman who looks nothing like you. And then, girlfriend? If you start taking your clothes off in order to argue? Well, that might be a little weird.
Here’s a pretty good ‘before-and-after’ photo of LeAnn from the time that she said that she DIDN’T lose weight to the current time. I mean, the picture kind of speaks for itself – you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out: LeAnn Rimes lost weight. LeAnn Rimes actually lost a pretty FAIR AMOUNT of weight, and I’m not quite understanding her outcry over allegations that she’s LOST said weight.
I get that weight fluctuates – my God, I gained sixty pounds during pregnancy, took seventy-five off in the months after delivery, and put fifteen back on within a year. Weight happens, you know. But you can well bet that I didn’t deny gaining – or losing or gaining – that weight, especially when there were comparison photos in place to discredit my rantings. LeAnn claims that a regular breakfast for her consists of ‘poached eggs, whole wheat toast and Italian ham [with] fresh berries.’ Ham? What’s ham? Girl, if I even LOOK at ham, my legs turn INTO ham.
I get it: you lost weight, LeAnn. I’m glad you have something you consider ‘controversial’ to squawk about on your Twitter page these days, but come on. This just isn’t all that interesting. Just stay healthy.
And you know what? Despite prior claims that LeAnn was a homewrecker, and Eddie is still lurking in the closet somewhere, I’m happy for these two crazy assholes. HAPPY, do you hear? I don’t know if it’s from the excess alcohol over the holidays, or if that damned Mrs. Claus get-up finally won me over, but I’m rooting for these guys today, and I’m rooting for them hard.
LeAnn’s rep came forward last night and confirmed that boyfriend Eddie had popped the question over the holidays:
“Yes, they were engaged over the holidays and are very happy.”
And you know what? Despite the fact that both of them apparently have a fat lot of baggage from previous relationships (what with Cibrian being married to that shrew for so long and LeAnn getting married when she was fourteen or whatever), they do seem both super happy and in love.
The ring, of course, is a stunner – it’s a 5 carat oval diamond in a gold fleur-de-lis setting. Insiders say that the couple designed the ring together, so they both knew this day would come, it was just a matter of time. (What, you think this couple would keep anything from each other, EVER? Come on.) Check the honker of a ring out here: